I wasn’t sure if it was a good thing that my ankle was wrapped so tightly it was numb, but I supposed it was better than it potentially twisting under the pressure of an injury. Today was my audition for the solo that I’d been focused on since the beginning of the semester, and although this was much more than just your regular audition, my heart felt strangely steady in my chest.
My fingers opened and closed, and I bent my neck to the left and right, trying to warm myself up. I began clearing my head, closing my eyes to block out the curtain in front of me. I’d practiced all week, going over my audition and making sure I could maneuver in the way I needed to without truly hurting myself.
The good thing about Theo and me was that we were both cut from the same cloth. Determination and drive fueled us—although within different parts of our life. We both understood each other, and he hadn’t been anything but supportive, which was a breath of fresh air. He left me to practice alone but was always quick to ask me how it went and if he could help with my stretching. I didn’t focus on what we were, but I did realize how easy it was to forget about Chad. I’d hardly noticed him lurking in the background and flaunting girls in front of me while I worked, which was something he’d made note of in the unanswered texts I had received from him.
He was still laying low when it came to our parents, though. My mother hadn’t said a single peep about Chad. The only thing she’d called me about was the repairs at the apartment, and she’d briefly asked how my classes were.
That was the thing about my mother. She was equal parts selfish and selfless. Her priorities weren’t always straight, but she truly did want the best for me. I’d never doubted her longing that I’d have a better life than she did. It was why she had pushed me into dance and we worked so hard to get the partial scholarship. She saw an opportunity for me to succeed in ways she never did and pushed me toward it.
“You ready?” Taytum came up behind me and lightly massaged my shoulders. I glanced down at my pale-purple leo, smoothing out the sheer skirt, making sure it was tied properly around my waist. Taytum made sure my bun was pinned tightly without a single stray hair out of place.
“I am,” I answered. For the first time all semester, I felt good. Confident. And that most definitely had something to do with the support I had versus the degradement I was used to.
“You have a fan club in the stands.”
I spun around on my deft feet. “Excuse me? What?”
We both rushed over to the curtain where most of the other dancers were spectating from. “Back row.”
“I’m gonna kill him,” I whispered, trying to fight the smile that was creeping along my face.
“Oh, please.” Taytum’s shoulder bumped into mine. “You love it.”
I did. I watched as Theo leaned back to say something to Aasher, who sat beside him proudly, along with most of the hockey team. There were guys sitting in the seats that I didn’t recognize but knew they were there because of him.
“They have a game in five hours. Shouldn’t they be, like, resting?” I asked, shutting out Theo’s wide smile as Ford leaned forward and said something to him. The curtain closed, and I nibbled on my lip as Taytum eyed me suspiciously.
“You have stuff to tell me.” She raised an eyebrow and began walking over to her partner, Jaylyn. They were paired together for a duo, just as I was with Adam. But my solo was the important one because not everyone had the chance to score it, and it came with monetary benefits. It was an honor to even be considered, but honor didn’t give me what I needed. “But first, get out there and kill it. We can talk after.”
I nodded because, in all honesty, this dance kind of determined a lot of what I had to tell. If I didn’t come out on top of this audition, I wasn’t sure what my next steps were, and although I didn’t want to face it, it might be the end of the fantasy world that I was allowing myself to live in with Theo.
I sighed and shook my hands out once more as I heard the growing applause from the judges, one of them being my professor, and focused on the end goal. Get out there, clear your head, and dance your heart out. Because suddenly, there was a lot more at stake.
I kept my head down as the stage grew dark. I wiggled my toes in my ballet slippers, and although it was only a few seconds before the spotlights turned on and the music started, I replayed my entire youth and every lesson I’d learned thus far.
For most of my life, I’d danced for someone other than myself. I proved my worth and skill to my dance teachers, to the other dance moms who abhorred me because of my family situation, and most of all, to my mother. I’d even admit that I danced for a father I never knew and a boyfriend who was as disapproving as they came. But it wasn’t until this moment that I decided to dance for myself.
I didn’t need anyone’s approval. The second I took a step away from Chad—even if it was he who forced it, making me fight with fire to survive as the girl I strove to be—was the second I realized that there was more to life than pleasing others. I no longer wanted to prove something to Chad, or my mother, or a father that was an absence I felt every time my mother and I struggled. I wasn’t trying to be the best so I could feel a sense of achievement by gaining their approval. Instead, I was dancing for the taste of freedom that I felt while looking at Theo. I was dancing for a purpose. I was dancing for me so I could get what I wanted.
Being selfless didn’t mean you couldn’t be selfish too. It didn’t mean you were self-obsessed or inconsiderate. It just meant that you valued yourself, and I hated to admit that it took a big, hunky jock to prove it to me. I wanted to see the value in myself that he seemed to see.
Theo’s face was the first thing I saw when the piano started, and it sent a shower of warmth against my skin. Before I even started dancing, he smiled proudly, and just like that, I was off.
The music took me, and I was leaping and softly spinning across the floor with a deep-rooted passion, and by the time the chorus came, I felt nothing but love and support. I knew even before the end of the song that I had danced my very best, and it was because, for the first time in my life, I felt grounded and safe. I snuck another glance at Theo as I geared up for my final leap, the hardest one thus far, and allowed him to guide me with energy I couldn’t match elsewhere. But at the very last second, I halted. I snagged another pair of eyes in the back, staring me down like I was about to be ruined.
Chad stood with his shoulders straight and his taut chin tipped in my direction. I quickly tore my eyes away in order to save myself, but my resolve slipped. It may have only been a split second, but I heard the rip in my focus, and before I took off for my jeté, there was a knock to my confidence, and I rushed it.
Chad threw me off. It was probably his plan all along. He wasn’t dense. He was smart, and he probably realized that I was more into Theo than he thought. He felt the pressure of losing me, and he was right to feel that way.
Chad had lost me, and it wasn’t until mid-leap that I realized I might just lose Theo.
