We were half an hour from Cousins when Jeremiah called and said, “Conrad’s been staying in Cousins.”
My whole body went stiff. We were at a stoplight, and Jeremiah’s car was in front of mine. “Since when?”
“Since last week. He just stayed after the whole thing at the restaurant. He came back once to get his stuff, but I think he’s gonna spend the summer out here.”
“Oh,” I said. “Do you think he’ll mind that I’m staying there?”
I could hear Jere hesitate. “No, I don’t think he’ll mind. I just wish I could be there too. If it wasn’t for that stupid internship, I could be. Maybe I should just quit.”
“You can’t. Your dad will kill you.”
“Yeah, I know.” I heard him hesitate again, and then he said, “I don’t feel right about the way we left things with your mom. Maybe you should go back home, Bells.”
“It won’t work. We’ll just fight again.” The light turned green. “You know, I actually think this could be for the best. It’ll give us both space.”
“If you say so,” Jeremiah said, but I could tell he didn’t completely agree.
“Let’s talk more when we get to the house,” I said, and we hung up.
This news that Conrad was in Cousins left me feeling uneasy. Maybe staying at the summer house wasn’t the answer.
But then, when I pulled into the empty driveway, I felt such incredible relief to be back. Home, I was back home.
The house looked the same, tall and gray and white. It made me feel the same. Like I was right where I belonged. Like I could breathe again.
I was sitting in Jeremiah’s lap on a lounge chair when we heard a car pull up. It was Conrad, getting out of the car with a bag of groceries. He looked taken aback to see us sitting there on the deck. I stood up and waved.
Jeremiah stretched his hands behind his head and leaned back onto his chair. “Hey, Con.”
“What’s up,” he said, walking over to us. “What are you guys doing here?”
Conrad set down the grocery bag and took a seat next to Jeremiah’s, and I just sort of hovered above them.
“Wedding stuff,” Jeremiah said vaguely.
“Wedding stuff,” Conrad repeated. “So you guys are really doing it?”
“Hell yeah we are.” Jeremiah pulled me back onto his lap. “Right, wifey?”
“Don’t call me wifey,” I said, wrinkling my nose. “Gross.”
Conrad ignored me. “Does that mean Laurel’s changed her mind?” he asked Jere.
“Not yet, but she will,” Jeremiah said, and I didn’t correct him.
I sat perched there for about twenty more seconds before I twisted out of his arms and stood up again. “I’m starving,” I said, leaning down and poking around Conrad’s grocery bag. “Did you buy anything good?”
Conrad gave me his bemused half smile. “No Cheetos or frozen pizza for you in here. Sorry. I got stuff for dinner, though. I’ll cook something for us.”
He got up, took the grocery bag, and went into the house.
For dinner, Conrad made a tomato, basil, and avocado salad, and he grilled chicken breasts. We ate outside on the deck.
With a mouth full of chicken, Jeremiah said, “Wow, I’m impressed. Since when do you cook?”
“Since I’ve been living on my own. This is pretty much all I eat. Chicken. Every day.” Conrad pushed the salad bowl toward me, not looking up. “Did you get enough?”
“Yeah. Thanks, Conrad. This is all really good.”
“Really good,” Jeremiah echoed.
Conrad only shrugged, but the tips of his ears turned pink, and I knew he was pleased.
I poked Jeremiah in the arm with my fork. “You could learn a thing or two.”
He poked me back. “So could you.” He took a big bite of salad before announcing, “Belly’s gonna stay here until the wedding. Is that cool with you, Con?”
I could tell Conrad was surprised, because he didn’t answer right away.
“I won’t be in your way,” I assured him. “I’ll just be doing wedding stuff.”
“It’s fine. I don’t care,” he said.
I looked down at my plate. “Thanks,” I said. So I’d been worried about nothing. Conrad didn’t care if I was there or not. It wasn’t like we would have to hang out with each other. He would do his own thing the way he always did, I would be busy planning the wedding, and Jeremiah would drive up every Friday to help. It would be fine.
After we finished eating dinner, Jeremiah suggested we all go get ice cream for dessert. Conrad declined, saying he would clean up. I said, “The cook shouldn’t have to clean up,” but he said he didn’t mind.
Jere and I went into town, just the two of us. I got a scoop of cookies and cream and a scoop of cookie dough with sprinkles, in a waffle cone. Jeremiah got rainbow sherbet.
“Are you feeling better?” he asked me as we walked around the boardwalk. “About what happened with your mom?”
“Not really,” I said. “I’d rather just not think about it anymore today.”
Jeremiah nodded. “Whatever you want.”
I changed the subject. “Did you figure out how many people you want to invite?” I asked.
“Yup.” He started to tick names off on his fingers. “Josh, Redbird, Gabe, Alex, Sanchez, Peterson—”
“You can’t invite everyone in your fraternity.”
“They’re my brothers,” he said, looking wounded.
“I thought we said we were keeping it really small.”
“So I’ll just invite a few of them, then. Okay?”
“Okay. We still have to figure out food,” I said, licking my way around the cone so it wouldn’t drip.
“We could always get Con to grill some chicken,” Jeremiah said with a laugh.
“He’s going to be your best man. He can’t be sweating over the grill.”
“I was kidding.”
“Did you ask him yet? To be your best man?”
“Not yet. I will, though.” He leaned down and took a bite of my ice cream. He got some on his upper lip, like a milk mustache.
I bit the insides of my cheeks to keep from smiling.
“What’s so funny?”
“Nothing.”
When we got back to the house, Conrad was watching TV in the living room. When we sat down on the couch, he got up. “I’m gonna hit the sack,” he said, stretching his arms over his head.
“It’s, like, ten o’clock. Watch a movie with us,” Jeremiah said.
“Nah, I’m gonna get up early tomorrow and surf. Wanna join me?”
Jeremiah glanced at me before saying, “Yeah, sounds good.”
“I thought we were gonna work on the guest list in the morning,” I said.
“I’ll come back before you’re even awake. Don’t worry.” To Conrad, he said, “Knock on my door when you’re up.”
Conrad hesitated. “I don’t want to wake up Belly.”
I could feel myself blush. “I don’t mind,” I said.
Since Jeremiah and I had become boyfriend and girlfriend, we’d only been at the summer house together once. That time, I slept in his room with him. We watched TV until he fell asleep, because he liked to sleep with the television on in the background. I couldn’t fall asleep like that, so I waited until he did and then I turned it off. It felt kind of strange, sleeping in his bed when mine was just down the hall.
At college we slept in the same bed all the time, and that felt normal. But here at the summer house I just wanted to sleep in my own room, in my own bed. It was familiar to me. It made me feel like a little girl still on vacation with her whole family. My paper-thin sheets with the faded yellow rosebuds, my cherry wood dresser and vanity. I used to have two white twin beds, but Susannah got rid of them and put in what she’d called a “big girl bed.” I loved that bed.
Conrad went upstairs, and I waited until I heard his bedroom door shut before I said, “Maybe I’ll sleep in my room tonight.”
“Why?” Jeremiah asked. “I promise I’ll be quiet when I get up.”
Carefully, I asked, “Aren’t the bride and groom supposed to sleep in different beds before the wedding?”
“Yeah, but that’s the night before the wedding. Not every night before the wedding.” He looked hurt for a second, and then he said in his joking way, “Come on, you know I won’t touch you.”
Even though I knew he was only kidding, it still stung a little.
“It’s not that. Sleeping in my own room makes me feel… normal. It’s—it’s different than at school. At school, sleeping with you next to me feels normal. But here I like remembering what it used to feel like.” I searched his face to see if any of the hurt was still there. “Does that make sense at all?”
“I guess.” Jeremiah looked unconvinced, and I started to wish I’d never brought it up.
I scooted closer to him, putting my feet in his lap. “You’ll have me next to you every night for the rest of our lives.”
“Yeah, I guess that’ll be plenty,” he said.
“Hey!” I said, kicking out my leg.
Jeremiah just smiled and put a pillow over my feet. Then he changed the channel and we watched TV without saying anything more about it. When it was time to go to bed, he went to his room, and I went to mine.
I slept better than I had in weeks.
