I change out of my dinner outfit into a pair of sweats and a T-shirt and creep downstairs to meet Ras by the side door.
He’s already there. For a second, I don’t recognize him. I’ve never seen him this dressed down. He’s wearing a black zip-up hoodie and joggers, and the loose fit of the clothes make him look even bigger than he does in a suit.
It’s been days since we were last alone. My stomach does an inexplicable flip when his gaze lands on me.
I brush past him and put in the code to turn off the alarm.
“What is it, Gemma?”
“Shh. Let’s talk outside.”
We slip through the door and go around the house.
The light in my parents’ bedroom is off, but I wince when the car makes a single beep as Ras unlocks it. If Papà sees us right now, we’ll be screwed.
Somehow, that thought doesn’t carry its usual weight.
Tonight has lowered my give-a-fuck meter to zero.
We get on the road.
“Where do you want to go?” Ras asks.
“Someplace I can get something to eat.” My appetite disappeared at dinner, but now my stomach feels empty, and it’s one of the few problems in my life that can be easily fixed.
“I drove past a twenty-four-hour diner the other day,” Ras says as he navigates us through the neighborhood.
“Let’s go there.”
“All right.”
I roll down the window and take a deep breath. There’s a hint of pine in the crisp winter air.
We pick up speed, and the wind turns cold against my skin. It takes the edge off the unpleasant energy that’s coursing through my body, but barely.
I glance over at the man sitting beside me.
Ras must have felt this way before. Helpless, confused, betrayed. He’s got nearly a decade on me, and he hasn’t lived an easy life. Maybe he can give me some advice.
“Did your old don ever lie to you?”
“Sal?”
“Yeah.”
His lips curl into a wry smile. “I used to wonder if he’d ever told us the truth.”
Us. Him and Damiano. They’ve always been partners. Always watched each other’s backs.
I don’t have anyone like that anymore. Not since Vale left.
“Did it ever make you mad that you couldn’t do anything about it?”
He adjusts his grip on the wheel, rings flashing on his long, thick fingers. “Sure.”
“How did you let that anger go?”
Ras’s curious gaze coasts over to me. I can tell he wants to ask about what happened tonight, but I don’t think he wants to rush me. “Hit the bag. That usually does the trick. You want to land a few punches?”
“No, I’m good.” There are people I want to hit, but none of them are Ras.
“Any physical activity works,” he adds as an afterthought.
He probably means running or hiking, but that’s not where my mind goes. It goes to skin moving over skin, his hand molding to my breast, his lips pressed to the spot behind my ear.
I drag my palms down my thighs and look out the window.
We get to the diner. The parking lot is empty save for an old truck. Only one half of the sign above the door is lit, but it’s enough to make out the name. Jack’s Spot.
We’re greeted by a young waitress with pink streaks in her blond hair. She takes us to a table in the far corner and hands out two laminated menus.
I order a peach milkshake and a burger. If Mamma saw me now, she’d have a heart attack.
Ras gets a burger and fries.
“How old were you when you got made?” I ask when the waitress walks away.
He folds his arms over his chest. “Twenty-three. Dem was my sponsor.”
“Did you get a speech about what it meant to join the family?”
“Sure. No way around it.
“What did they say to you?”
He shrugs. “The usual. The clan is my one true family, above my parents, my friends, my future wife and kids. As long as I stay loyal, I’ll be taken care of. If there’s a problem, I bring it to the don, and he’ll fix it for me. And if I die, I die with the peace of knowing that the people I love would be all right.” He shakes his head. “I never bought a word of it at the time.”
Surprise unfolds inside my chest. “What?”
“They were empty words. Sal was the man who murdered Dem’s father, and instead of taking care of Dem, he did everything he could to make him fail. It was Dem’s ingenuity, street smarts, and sheer persistence that got him to where he was. Plus, I didn’t need Sal to take care of me. Dem had already done that for years. I swore my loyalty to the clan, but to me, the clan was and is Dem. I would raze them all to the ground if he asked.”
I blink. “When I got that speech, it made a very different impact.”
He arches a brow. “Don’t tell me your Papà brought you to an initiation.”
“Of course not. I got a version of it from Mamma when I was around ten. She told me that our family should always be my top priority. That if I serve it well, it will serve me. I’ll never have to carry my problems on my own shoulders. The family will share the weight and do everything to help me. And the people outside of it would never have my best interests at heart. Going against the family would be going against myself, even if it didn’t seem like it at the time.”
Ras tilts his head. “What did you think of that?”
“She made me feel like I was born into something very special and rare. Like I was lucky to have the life I was given. She said most people get a far worse deal. They have to navigate the world on their own. Not us. We have a community behind us that will always make sure everyone is all right. And we have Papà. As head of the family, he would move mountains to keep us safe. I thought everything he does is for us.”
Emotion swells inside my gut. I drag my palms over my cheeks and wrap them around the sides of my neck. “I bought every word. It’s only tonight that I realized what an idiot I’ve been. After what Papà did to Vale, I started to question his judgment, but I told myself that anyone can make a mistake. Everyone has flaws. But I see it so clearly now. It’s all bullshit. The only person Papà cares about is himself.”
The waitress comes with our order.
“Want to tell me what happened?” Ras asks in a low voice once she leaves us.
I grab my milkshake and suck on the straw. Papà told us the information is confidential, but for once, I don’t feel like I owe him anything.
Ras waits as I slurp my milkshake. The patient look on his face brings me right back to Ibiza, when he took care of me like he did.
Breathe, Gemma.
Screw this. I can’t keep all this inside of me. I need to talk to someone about the catastrophe that’s masquerading as my life.
I squash a napkin inside my fist.
“Papà’s making Rafaele his successor once he retires instead of my brother, Vince.”
Ras furrows his brows. “What?” He sounds as taken aback as I’d expect him to.
“I know.”
He drags a palm over his mouth and leans over the table. “Your father told you this? Tonight?”
“At dinner.”
Ras shakes his head. “He must have a very good reason for doing something like that.”
I nod. “He does. Rafaele is his get-out-of-jail-free card. Papà’s being investigated by the Feds.”
Ras’s eyes widen. “Fuck.”
“Yeah. Rafaele’s going to gain control of our family all so that Papà can stay out of jail. Did you know our grandpa did seven years leading up to his death? Plenty of my uncles have done time too. But Papà isn’t interested in all that. He said he’ll remain our don for another five years before Rafaele takes over. I imagine he’ll have a cushy retirement afterward. He must be happy how everything is working out for him.”
I take a bite out of my burger. How did I fail to see the extent of his selfishness? I’m the daughter he beats, and it took me longer than any of my siblings to finally acknowledge the kind of person he is. “I’m such an idiot. This is all my fault.”
“How so?” Ras asks carefully.
“You were right when you said I should have asked more questions. Now, I’m complicit in helping Papà force Vince out. It’s my fault—”
“Have you always done this?” Ras interrupts.
I glance at him. “Done what?”
“Take on responsibility for problems that you didn’t create and that you can’t possibly be responsible for solving?”
Something unpleasant runs through me. “I may have contributed to this one. If I hadn’t agreed to this marriage as soon as Papà put pressure on me, he’d have had to come up with another plan. Maybe I could have changed his mind.”
Ras’s gaze fills with pity. “Peaches, have you ever managed to change his mind about anything?”
No.
Papà has never listened to me. At least not when it truly mattered.
Ras sighs. My silence is answer enough. “What do you want to do about all of this?” he asks.
I finish my burger and chase it with the rest of my milkshake. “I really don’t know,” I admit sullenly.
Could I call Vale and ask her to get me out? Probably. With Ras here, he might be able to get Cleo and I to Europe and hide us away. But then what? How long could we stay hidden before Papà’s men, and probably Rafaele’s men came after us? They’d fight over us. Men would likely die.
I refuse to have blood on my hands. No, this isn’t a time to act rashly. “I need to talk to my brother,” I say. “Papà is lying about Vince being fine with this. I’m sure of it. I’ll do whatever I can to support him. For now, I’m still getting married in a few weeks.”
Tears well up in my eyes. Everything is so messed up.
Ras slaps a bill on the table and stands up. “Come on.”
We leave the diner and get into the car. I’m so tired. I stop trying to hold back the tears and let them flow down my cheeks.
“Take me home,” I mumble, letting my body sink into the leather seat.
“No.”
I flick my blurry gaze at Ras. All of his attention is on me. “What do you mean ‘no’?”
“You don’t need to be alone right now.” He takes a handkerchief out of his pocket and leans over to gently dab it under my eyes. “I can stay with you.”
Something tender and raw squeezes inside my chest. Ras has done a lot for me in the past few weeks. More than anyone else, including my family. Suddenly, I know with absolute certainty that if I asked him to spend all night in this car with me, he’d do it.
A sob rattles my lungs. I’ve always been scared of being alone, and I hadn’t realized just how alone I’ve been since Vale left. If Cleo were here right now, she’d try to be supportive, but she’d tell me to stop crying because seeing me cry always makes her sad. And I’d do it. I’d bottle up my feelings for her sake.
Ras is different. He’s watching me, his presence attentive and steady. He’s giving me space to cry and freak out and feel scared.
And I am scared.
But something else is building beneath that fear, something heated by his gaze.
I sniff and wipe my cheeks with the back of my hand. “You were right back in Ibiza. I was angry. Angry that the only way my family can be safe is if I marry Rafaele. But I was also resigned to it. Maybe I’ll never be as beautiful as Vale, or as courageous as Cleo, but at least I am selfless. Doing things in service of my family gives me value. It garners me praise. A long time ago, I got into the habit of doing exactly what Papà expects of me.”
The diner’s sign flickers. Through the tinted window of the car, I watch the lone waitress stroll past the empty tables before disappearing in the back.
When I turn to Ras, our eyes lock.
A slow heat travels through my veins.
My feelings for Ras go against everything I’ve been taught is right. They’re selfish to the very bone.
But they’re real. I want him. I’ve tried to fight it, but the insistent need won’t leave. It hums beneath my skin whenever he’s around.
Why not listen to it? Why not listen to myself for once? Can I even make out what that little voice inside my head is saying? It’s all the way at the back, in the corner, silenced and pushed aside.
I grasp at it, pulling it to the forefront of my mind. “Maybe it’s time I stop doing what Papà wants me to do and do what I want for a change,” I whisper.
His face is shrouded in shadows, and I can’t read him, but I think he can sense my intention. His body grows still.
Time moves in slow motion as I lift my palm and press it to Ras’s bearded cheek.
He’s so damn warm.
My thumb drops to his bottom lip, and I pull on it slightly.
He lets me, his eyes turning coal black. “What do you want, Peaches?” he murmurs.
“I want to pretend. I want to be someone else,” I whisper.
“Who?”
“Someone who’s not engaged.”
Ras takes my left hand and slowly pulls off the emerald ring.
He drops it in the middle console with a clank. “Done.”
I swallow. “I want to be a normal twenty-year-old.”
“What do normal twenty-year-olds do?”
“At midnight, in cars with handsome, dangerous men? I’m not sure.”
His lips twitch, and he drags a thumb over my wrist. “I have a few ideas.”
My heart pounds against my ribcage. “Show me.”
His eyes flash, and he lets go of my wrist and slides his seat back. “Come here.” His voice is low and seductive, dragging over the place between my legs.
I reach for him. He wraps his palms around my waist and effortlessly deposits me onto his lap.
My thigh presses against something hard.
I reach behind his head, undo his hair, and watch it tumble down to frame his face. When I push my fingers into his locks, he slides his palms under the hem of my T-shirt and stops just below the underside of my breasts.
His touch leaves me impossibly hot.
“Higher,” I urge, tugging on his hair.
He smirks and takes his sweet ass time as he inches his hands to palm my breasts.
My teeth dig into my bottom lip. When he curls his fingers over the top of my bra and tweaks a nipple, I can’t help but whine.
I’m aroused, my mind turning hazy, and the words are coming easier now. “After the department store…I started having dreams.”
He leans in, pressing his lips to my throat. “Yeah? What happens in them?”
“You kiss my neck, just like that. I love how your beard drags against my skin. It makes me crazy in the dream. You touch me over my clothes, but it’s not enough. I wake up all hot and bothered.”
He drops one hand, his fingers curling over the waistband of my sweats and brushing against the edge of my underwear. “That must be uncomfortable.”
“It is. I…ache. But when I try to get rid of it, I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“The first time it happened, I spent half an hour trying to…make myself come.”
He makes a strangled sound. “Oh fuck.”
“But I couldn’t do it. I’ve never done it before without a vibrator. I guess I don’t know how.”
One hand cups my nape, and Ras sits up straighter, bringing our faces within an inch of each other. His ragged breath hits my cheeks.
“It’s okay, baby. I’ll show you how.”
He kisses me.
This time, I’m not frozen. I don’t fight it.
This time, it feels right. Too damn right.
His tongue slips inside my mouth. I wrap my arms around his broad shoulders and plaster myself to his front. His erection presses to the apex of my thighs. The sudden pressure against my clit is enough to make me jump, but he presses me back down onto him and groans.
“Fuck, you even taste like peaches,” he mutters between kisses, his big hands roaming over my body.
I start to grind on his erection, the ache between my legs back on full force. He notices, and we’re suddenly moving. It takes me a moment to realize he’s lowering the back of his seat.
He cups my ass, kneading it for a moment. Then he fists the fabric of my sweats and makes a frustrated huff, like he finds them offensive. “Get these off. Lie down on me.”
I do. Somehow, we manage to get my pants off in an impressive display of teamwork.
“What about the thong—”
Ras rips it off me.
‘Sit up,’ he commands and helps me get into an upright position while I’m straddling his waist.
He lifts my shirt over my head and tosses it away before moving to unclasp my bra. He drags the straps down my arms, his gaze flashing with hunger when he sees my bare breasts.
Embarrassment fans through me. I’m completely naked, while he’s fully dressed, but when I raise one palm to cover myself, he takes it and pins it to my side.
‘No,’ he rasps. ‘Let me get my fill. You’re so fucking beautiful.”
He caresses my skin, memorizing every dip and curve. He slides his rough hands up my bare thighs and then spreads my pussy lips open.
I suck in a harsh breath. There’s a steady hum beneath my flesh.
His fingers find my center, and he groans. “Peaches, you’re soaked. Let me get a taste.”
The heat spreading across my skin ratchets up at that.
“Wh-what?”
His gaze is molten. “Not the time to be shy. Come up here and sit on my face.”
While I consider his invitation, he pinches my nipples and rolls his hips, creating delicious friction against my clit. “You want me to beg for that pussy? I want it now, Gemma. Right. Fucking. Now.”
I flush all over.
He drops his palms to squeeze my ass and then pushes me up his body, getting me where he wants me in no time.
“Lower,” he growls as I hover above him.
My breathing is ragged. “What if you can’t breathe?”
“That’s the idea.” He grips my upper thighs and tugs me down in one fell swoop.
His tongue drags over my slit, and my eyes roll to the back of my head. The pleasure is like nothing I’ve ever made myself feel before.
He fucks me with his tongue, taking turns between that and sucking on my clit.
Suddenly, that orgasm doesn’t seem all that out of reach.
“Shit,” I pant.
I slap my palm against the window. “Keep doing that.”
He makes a satisfied noise and squeezes my thighs harder.
It doesn’t take him long to work me into a state where all rational thoughts are gone.
My fingers are buried in his hair. I’m grinding on his face, forgetting all about my earlier fears of suffocation, and he slaps my ass, encouraging me to keep going.
I moan, my butt cheek stinging deliciously from the impact. Somehow, it only heightens the pleasure.
He slides one hand lower and pushes a thick finger inside of me while he circles my clit with his tongue.
It’s that novel intrusion that sends the wave building inside of me crashing.
I gasp through the orgasm, my body undulating above him. “Ras… Oh God.”
He keeps lapping at my pussy, gentler now, his eyes trained on me as I shiver and spasm.
When I finally stop moving, he gives me one more long, thorough lick, and then he drags me down his body.
His face lines up with mine, and he pulls me down for a kiss, forcing me to taste myself on his lips.
I feel myself falling deeper into this fantasy. One where there’s just me and him, and the rest of the world doesn’t matter.
He breaks the kiss, his eyes dark pools of lust as he stares at me.
“What other ideas do you have?” I whisper, sliding my hand between us and cupping him over the fabric of his sweatpants.
He shivers as I drag my hand up and down.
Not that I have any experience, but he seems…large. A shiver runs through me. What would it feel like to have him deep inside of me?
Something shifts in his expression, like he’s wondering the very same thing.
“My other ideas—” he swallows thickly, “—would all end with you being thoroughly ruined for your marriage.”
My pussy clenches even as reality starts to creep back in.
I’m still engaged to Rafaele. I’m still getting married. Until I talk to Vince, I’m not in any position to make other plans.
I don’t know if I should be looking for an exit route. I’m not even sure one exists.
That means Ras and I can’t cross that line.
The fantasy comes crashing down.
Ras stiffens as I sit up.
I disentangle myself from him and awkwardly slide back onto my seat. We’ve made the windows of the car all foggy.
Ras lifts up his seat and wipes the window to his left with his palm while I pull on my clothes.
We sit there in silence for another minute before he gives me a long, searching look and then turns on the car.
