Rafaele started working on getting Papà out the day I returned, and a week or so later, Papà arrives at the house.
Mamma, Cleo, and I are waiting for him in the foyer, his core crew gathered around us.
When he walks through the front door, everyone acts like he’s some kind of a hero. There’s cheering and clapping. Someone pops open a bottle of champagne.
Papà laughs, triumphant. Even the Feds couldn’t keep Stefano Garzolo locked up. He is a legend. Weakened but undefeated. I hear the words “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” repeated over and over again.
When he comes to me, my muscles tense up on their own accord. It must be a new automatic response I’ve developed to him after what happened. He takes my stiff body into his arms and presses a kiss to my cheek. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Vince watching us, his lips a tight line.
“Gemma, my darling. I’m glad you’re here,” he says with a genuine smile. I guess he’s elected to move on from all the trouble I’ve caused now that everything’s fallen into place.
Has he also decided to forget the fact that the last time we saw each other, he tried to kick my ribs in? Before I muster up a response, he’s being corralled away by his men into the living room where a lavish feast has been laid out.
My back straightens. I wasn’t exactly expecting an apology, but this feels like a slap in the face.
I don’t want to ever speak with Papà again after I’m married. I wonder if Rafaele will allow that. Probably not, but maybe he’ll at least agree to never leave me alone in a room with Papà.
My shoulders slump. The fact that I’m days away from negotiating these kinds of things with Rafaele hadn’t hit me until now. We’re getting married in four days.
Cleo comes to stand by my side and crosses her arms over her chest. “Look at him.” She jerks her chin in Papà’s direction. “It’s like he just came back with a gold medal from the Olympics.”
The rest of our extended family arrives over the next few hours. The house starts to feel tight and loud, the level of conversation rising to deafening by the time everyone’s had a few glasses of wine.
I’m not drinking. My stomach hasn’t been feeling okay since this morning.
Tiredness pulls at me, but I force myself to hang around in anticipation of Rafaele’s arrival. I only saw him briefly the day I returned. He came by the house to verify for himself that I was back. He asked me only one thing—if there was anything I wanted to tell him.
I said yes. Then I asked him not to blame Ras for anything. I said it was all my fault, that I was so sorry. I said I was back now and couldn’t wait to get married.
He studied me for a long moment, nodded, and left. I don’t know if he bought it, but according to Vince, no one in New York is concerned with Ras at this point. Word of Rafaele’s succession leaked in the days after I returned, and now everyone knows it’s happening. That’s the only thing anyone seems to be talking about these days.
I press my back against the wall for support and try to engage in conversation with my aunts, but I can’t focus on a single word.
My head hurts.
I just want to be back in Ras’s arms. I’m certain that if I could do that, I’d feel better immediately. Instead, I’m surrounded by my family, but I’ve never felt so alone.
These pangs of longing should get better with time. At least that’s what I tell myself. So far, they haven’t gotten any better though. Every time one of them comes on, it feels like someone’s battering their fists against my heart.
Nona comes up to me, snapping me back to the present. “Cara mia.” She leans in and presses a kiss to both of my cheeks. “You must have been so worried about your father. Thank goodness, he’s back. You know what they say, when it rains, it pours. This family’s been through so much lately.”
I nod stiffly. Nona doesn’t know I left. No one in the family does except for Mamma, Cleo, Vince, and a few of Papà’s men, but they’ve been instructed to keep their mouths shut.
“I know, Nona. Hopefully, we’re on the other side of it now.”
“At least we have your wedding to look forward to. I can hardly believe it’s happening next week.”
A wave of nausea hits me.
Nona sees my expression fall and frowns. “Are you all right? You look pale.”
“I’m a bit tired.”
“Maybe you should go lie down. There’s a nasty bug going around.”
Is it possible I’m getting sick? It’s the last thing I need right now. I’m barely functioning as is.
I glance around. I thought Rafaele would be here, but he’s either really late or he’s not coming, and I’m not even sure why I’m waiting up for him. Appearances, I guess. He’s impossible to read, and I’m being careful not to do anything that might rub him the wrong way. I can’t give him any reason to doubt the story I told him.
“You’re right,” I say, squeezing Nona’s hand. “I’m going to get some rest.”
She gives me a kind smile. “Go, amore. I’ll let Pietra know.”
I trudge upstairs to my room and lie down on my bed.
Where could I have picked up a virus? Maybe Pilates, since that’s the only place I’ve been allowed to go when I want to leave the house. Even for that, I have Mamma as my escort.
There’s a dull throb at the back of my head, and my stomach just won’t settle. I go over everything I ate in the past twenty-four hours. Salad with canned tuna, some Greek yogurt, a veggie omelet… I doubt it could be any of those things. Sometimes, I get a bit of a headache on the first day of my period, but this isn’t the right week for it.
Hold on.
My eyes spring open. When was the last time I had my period?
I roll off the bed and hurry to check the calendar on the desk. A quick scan tells me I should have gotten my period last week, the day after I returned.
There’s a sinking sensation in my gut. I’m about a week late. I’m never late. I’ve always been as regular as a damn clock.
There’s a knock on the door. “Gem?”
It’s Cleo. “Come in,” I call out, my pulse loud in my ears.
She walks in, her face lined with concern. “Nona said you aren’t feeling well. I wanted to check in on you.”
“Close the door and sit down.”
“Is everything okay?”
“No. I’m nauseous. And I just realized I’m late.”
Her forehead wrinkles with confusion. “Late?” When the realization hits her, her eyes widen. “Your period? Wait, what? Have you—”
“Yes. With Ras.” I can feel a wave of panic creeping up my spine. I climb off the bed, unable to sit still. “Cleo, the night Rafaele killed Ludovico, Ras and I…” I swallow. “We had sex. Unprotected. I took the morning-after pill. It was around the time I was ovulating.”
Cleo’s shaking her head. “If you took the pill, you should be fine, right?”
I should be. I mean, I took it hours after we did it and those things work well, don’t they?
I blink, trying to recall the events of that morning and when I do, my stomach plummets all the way to my feet. “Oh God. Cleo, I threw up.”
Right after Papà hit me. It was less than an hour after I took the pill, and that might not have been enough time for it to fully digest.
“I might be pregnant,” I mutter as panic explodes inside my chest. “I need to take a test.”
Shit, shit, shit. I should stay calm down, at least until I know for sure what’s happening, but that’s easier said than done.
“How do I get one?” I ask Cleo. “I can’t leave the house unescorted, especially not to a pharmacy. Mamma will just say I should tell my driver to get me what I need.” I perch on the edge of the windowsill, my stomach clenching with anxiety. “I have no idea what to do.”
“Okay, take a deep breath,” Cleo says, squeezing my hands. “I’ll get you a test.”
“How?”
“Don’t worry about it.” She presses a kiss to my cheek and gets up. “I’ve got it, okay? I’ll be back in five minutes.”
I’m so agitated, all I can do is nod and watch as she hurries out of my room.
As soon as she’s gone, the weight of my situation presses down on me. I can hardly breathe.
My throat tightens. My hands find the windowsill and curl over its edge. It’s March, but winter’s grip hasn’t let up a single inch. Flakes of snow dance through the air in slow motion before settling on the driveway. If Ras were here, he’d no doubt be complaining about how damn cold it is.
I stare at the snow for a long time. Long enough for Cleo to return. She’s wearing a hoodie over her outfit, and she takes a box out of the center pocket. “I went through the maids’ cubbies. You know Melody’s always having pregnancy scares, so I thought she might have one of these.”
“Thank you,” I say numbly as I open the box and read the instructions.
My hands shake.
It seems simple enough. Just pee on a stick and wait. What they don’t say is that the three-minute wait is excruciating.
I sit on the bed biting my nails while Cleo’s silent beside me. When the timer on Cleo’s phone goes off, we both jump up.
“Do you want me to check it?” she asks when I don’t immediately dash to the bathroom.
I swallow. “No. I’ll do it.”
My legs are weak as I make my way to the bathroom. My heart is pounding so loudly in my chest that it feels like it might burst. I try to take deep breaths, but they come out shaky and uneven. I close the bathroom door behind me and stare down at the stick lying by the sink.
Two lines.
Two fucking lines.
“Gem?” Cleo appears in the doorway.
I don’t trust myself to speak, so I just hold up the test.
There’s a long pause before she responds. “Shit.”
I brush past her and collapse in a chair across from my bed.
Pregnant. The word echoes in my mind, refusing to be silenced. How could I have been so careless?
I know how. That day was pure chaos. I didn’t even think of the morning-after pill when Ras picked me up off my father’s office floor.
But now I have to think about it.
I’m fucking pregnant.
“This is a disaster,” I say numbly. Rafaele won’t marry me while I’m pregnant with another man’s baby. If I tell our parents, I’m sure they’ll make me get rid of it.
I feel sick just thinking of doing that. Not because of my moral beliefs, but because this is our baby. A part of Ras inside of me. My hand presses over my flat belly, thinking of how he’d react if he knew.
I think he’d be happy.
An ache fills my chest. I need him so badly right now. He’d know what to do.
Cleo paces the room. “Telling Mamma or Papà is out of the question. We know how they’ll react.”
No, we can’t tell them. I’m not going to let them take this baby from me.
So I have to run, but on my own this time.
Run where?
I have to find Ras. But first I have to get to Europe, and my odds aren’t good. How can I get away from Rafaele and Papà on my own? I can’t just run away without a plan. But I have to do something. I can’t stay here.
An aggravated groan escapes me.
“What am I going to do?” I murmur. “Rafaele and Papà need me. They’ll force me to get rid of it.”
“Rafaele wouldn’t do that,” Cleo says. “You know how traditional his family is.”
“Don’t be naïve. In our world, they only respect the traditions that serve them. Rafaele won’t raise another man’s baby.”
I could pretend the baby is his. The timing wouldn’t be that far off since the wedding is next week.
The moment the thought passes through my head, I know I can’t do it. I can’t keep Ras’s child from him like that.
“I don’t know what to do.” My vision blurs. “I never should have left him. You’re right, Cleo. I should have been brave and stayed. He loved me, and I broke his heart because I was so damn scared that one day, he’d regret sacrificing so much for me. I was so insecure and so worried about the future that I completely missed what was right in front of me. He and I could have had a family together. We would have been happy. Instead, I fucked everything up.”
Cleo wraps her palm over my shoulder and peers into my eyes. “Is that what you want? Do you want to be with Ras?”
“Yes. More than anything.” The lies I told him right before I left press into my brain. I’d have to beg him to forgive me and hope it’s not too late.
“Are you willing to fight for it?”
Her words cut through the haze of my thoughts, and I nod without hesitation. I’m willing to fight for Ras, for our baby, for a life together. But how?
“I’ll do whatever it takes,” I say, my voice firm.
Cleo nods. “Gem, I’ll take your place.”
I stare at her, not understanding. “What do you mean?”
“I’ll marry Rafaele.”
My eyes widen. “You can’t,” I sputter. “You hate him. You said you’d rather die than marry him.”
“I can do this. I want to do this for you.” There’s a spark of determination in her gaze. “You’re pregnant with Ras’s kid, for fuck’s sake. I know this doesn’t feel like a good thing at the moment, but it is. Just think about it, Gem. You’re going to have a little baby boy or girl.”
A tiny burst of excitement travels through my bloodstream.
“I’m going to be an aunt, and I’m already feeling protective,” Cleo continues. “All Rafaele wants is to marry into the family to secure his succession, right? What does it matter if he marries me or you? It’s a business transaction for him. As long as the outcome is the same, why would he care which daughter he’s marrying?”
My mind struggles to process the enormity of what she’s suggesting. It’s a crazy idea. There’s no way it would work. “But you’re not a virgin.”
“I am,” she says with a small smirk.
I shake my head. “What are you talking about? Everyone knows about the pizza boy.”
“Danny and I didn’t have sex. I was trying to, but he just kept talking, and so I started taking off my clothes to speed things up. I don’t think he’d ever seen a naked woman before, because he turned all red and told me to get under the covers. I pulled him onto the bed with me, and that’s when Papà walked in. I just said we had sex to piss Papà off.”
I can’t believe what I’m hearing. “You lied about it? Cleo, they killed that boy!”
She shakes her head. “They didn’t kill him. His dad’s a cop. I made sure to mention that before they dragged him away.”
My thoughts race with all of this new information. “Rafaele will never believe this story.”
Cleo waves a dismissive hand. “He can get a doctor to check, I don’t care. But he already knows.”
“What?”
“When they picked me up in Ibiza, I was drunk, and I blabbed.” She sits down on the bed and crosses her legs. “Rafaele was lecturing me about walking around on my own. Said it wasn’t safe. I told him I wouldn’t mind getting picked up by a Spanish guy—they’re hot. I said maybe then I’d finally get laid. They wouldn’t waste my time like Danny did. I beat myself up for days afterwards for saying that to Rafaele. You should have seen how he looked at me when he realized what I meant.”
“How?” I ask, my voice a stunned whisper.
“Like I’d just delivered myself to him on a platter. I gave him my secret. I thought he’d threaten to use it against me, but he hasn’t so far. He knows I’m a virgin.”
“So you think he’ll go for this?”
“I think it’s our best bet for getting you out of this mess.”
A flicker of hope appears inside my chest. What if this could really work? If Rafaele agrees to marry Cleo instead of me, I’ll be off the hook.
My instinct is still to say no, because how can I ask my own sister to make a sacrifice like this for me? But I’ve recently learned that my instincts aren’t always right. Sometimes, they’re flat out wrong.
She wants to do this. I can see it in her eyes. Why not accept her help?
“Cleo…” I sit down beside her, unsure of what to do.
“Look, Papà is going to marry me off anyway,” she says. “What difference does it make if it’s Rafaele or someone else? It’s all the same to me. At least this way, I get to help you. I wish I could have helped you all those years when you dealt with Papà’s abuse on your own.” Her eyes glisten. “We can’t change the past, but we can influence our future.”
She waits, watching me as I make this decision. The biggest decision of my life.
It’s so hard to admit that I can’t solve this problem on my own. It’s even harder to accept that to solve it, I’ll need to complicate the lives of others. It feels selfish and uncomfortable. I’ve gotten so good at minimizing my own needs to make everyone else’s lives easier.
But I can’t do that anymore, can I?
I can’t keep putting myself last and pretending like my sacrifices are fulfilling enough for me.
Not if I ever want to have a chance at real happiness.
Taking a deep breath, I make up my mind.
“Okay. Let’s do it.”
Cleo smiles and pulls me into her arms. “It’ll all work out. I promise.”
I hope she’s right. With Rafaele no longer a problem, all I have to worry about is Papà preventing me from going to Ras.
But can he? I’ll beg Rafaele and Vince for help if I have to. I’ll fight tooth and nail to get to wherever Ras is. I won’t let my parents stop me, because for once, I know exactly what I want and need, and I’m not letting anyone stop me from getting it.
