My second marriage proposal is followed by some of the longest days of my life.
I don’t leave my room.
I don’t allow anyone except for Sophia and Vale inside it either.
My sister-in-law somehow knows exactly what I need. She doesn’t force conversation or share information I have no interest in knowing.
Which includes everything to do with Giorgio.
We don’t speak his name. We don’t even allude to his existence.
But erasing him from our conversations is much easier that ridding him from my mind.
I do my best not to think about him, but it’s a difficult task. How is it possible to destroy something that we build over the course of weeks in a matter of days?
He wanted me, then he didn’t, then he did again. And Dem just let him toy with me like that?
What do they all think of me? That I’m just some game piece they can move around the board at will? A few months ago, I may have let them get away with it, but not now.
Not after what I lived through.
I don’t feel numb anymore.
That terrifying emptiness inside my chest after Imogen’s death? It’s all filled in. Somehow, I’ve managed to pack it full of conviction and a desire to focus on the future.
I’ve healed. And I’ve sure as hell earned the right to decide my own fate.
Why do neither of them understand that?
This is day three since the incident in the courtyard. No, day four. I can’t be sure. I’m curled up in an armchair with a book, although I haven’t processed a single word I’ve read in the past fifteen minutes. Vale sits across from me, flipping through a magazine.
When I have to go back a page for the tenth time, I decide I’m just not in the mood to read.
“Has Dem done this to you too?” I ask.
Vale lifts her eyes off her magazine and arches a questioning brow.
“Made decisions for you,” I explain.
She huffs a laugh. “He tries. He rarely succeeds.”
“I guess I’ve always let him get away with it.”
“He’ll learn. In fact, I think you’re well on your way to ensuring that he does.”
Flipping through my book, I blow out a breath. “I’m just so annoyed with him. I thought I finally had a chance to help him by accepting the proposal, and it feels like he threw it back in my face. It couldn’t have been all that important if he was so willing to call it off.”
Vale folds her hands in her lap and gives me a gentle look. “It was important, Mari. But at the end of the day, your happiness is more important to him.”
“Happiness? What does that have to do with anything? I’m sure I’d make it work with Matteo,” I mutter even as my stomach clenches uncomfortably at the thought.
“I think Dem didn’t want to risk tearing you away from someone who—” She clamps her mouth shut. “Someone who might be important to you.”
“What were you about to say?”
“Nothing.”
“Vale. What were you about to say?”
“I thought we agreed not to mention him.”
I slam the book shut and toss it onto the coffee table. “It’s been three days, and he’s still living here. I can’t pretend he doesn’t exist forever. Tell me.”
Vale drags her teeth over her bottom lip, as if carefully considering her next words. “It’s not my place to say, but I know you won’t drop it, so… The night everything happened, Giorgio told Dem he loves you.”
Something tight and painful appears inside my chest. I don’t want to believe it, because if I do and it turns out to be false… “Dem must have misheard him.”
When Vale doesn’t say anything, my eyes start to burn, and I whip my head around to hide my tears.
I said I wouldn’t cry over him, but I already broke that promise. I cried when I left Dem and Giorgio on that patio and ran inside the house, my heart utterly broken. The way he took me against the wall—desperate and wild with grief—told me everything I needed to know. He wanted me, but not bad enough.
Not bad enough to choose me over his revenge.
When I talked to Dem next, he told me I was wrong. He detailed the new agreement they’d made. He explained how Giorgio was willing to walk away from Sal if it meant he had a chance with me. But Dem said that at the end of the day, the choice is mine.
I said no.
I understand now why some people actually prefer arranged marriages where feelings don’t play a part. A marriage that’s more of a business transaction than anything else is a much simpler endeavor than a union founded on love.
I don’t know much about love, but given my recent experiences, it seems like a pretty shaky foundation for something that’s supposed to last a lifetime. Giorgio walked away from me once. How do I know he won’t do it again? How can I marry someone I don’t trust?
“If he loved me, he wouldn’t have treated me like he did.”
Vale sighs. “Love is complicated. I mean, your brother tied me up in the basement and—” She coughs. “Well, no need to get into the details, but needless to say, it wasn’t the kind of thing you’d expect at the beginning of a typical courtship.”
“How did you move past it?”
“I… Well, it took me a while. When I watched you two interact and saw how much he loves you, I understood why he got so upset when he thought I may have been involved in your kidnapping. He didn’t trust me. I didn’t trust him either. But even after all that, we both felt a connection we couldn’t ignore. So we opened up to each other and rebuilt that trust.” She lifts her feet up to the edge of the chair and wraps her arms around her knees. “Do you feel a connection to Giorgio?”
Picking at my nails, I struggle with my answer. I want to say no, but then I’d be lying. Whatever I felt the first time I saw him is still there underneath the layers of hurt, rejection, and heartbreak. “Yeah. We spent a lot of time together when we were in his castello.”
Vale gives me a sad smile. “Do you want to tell me about what happened there?”
I fold my lips over my teeth. Sigh.
And then I do. I tell her everything.
When I’m done, Vale hands me a tissue and takes one for herself, dabbing it under her eyes. “Wow. That’s a lot, Mari. A whirlwind. It sounds like he tried really hard not to succumb to his feelings for you.”
I blow my nose and toss the tissue into the trashcan. “He did.”
“Why do you think that is?”
“He told me it was because he couldn’t risk breaking Dem’s trust. Otherwise, he’d never get Dem to agree to give him Sal.” I huff out a breath. “He said other things too.”
“Like what?” Vale asks.
“I think he never felt like he was a worthy match for me. He was sure Dem would never allow us to be together, that he’d want to marry me off to someone with a more powerful name.”
Vale tsks at that. “Your brother is not marrying you off to anyone against your will, of that you can be sure. He’d never do that to you, and if he lost his mind and tried, I promise you I’d set him straight.”
I give Vale a grateful look and reach over to squeeze her hand. The marriage Vale’s parents forced her into was a living nightmare, and I know she wouldn’t let anyone put me in a situation like that.
She squeezes back. “Well, I guess Giorgio’s changed his mind, huh?”
“Looks like it.”
“Based on what you told me about him, I think he’s been very afraid.”
My brows shoot up. “Giorgio? Afraid?”
“Yes. I think it was easier for him to push you away than to embrace the strong feelings he has for you and risk not being able to keep you because of things outside of his control. Do you see how that would really hurt him?”
I gnaw on my lip. Giorgio is a control freak, that much I know. “So this was his way to stay in control of the situation?”
She nods. “And when he found out you were going to get married to someone else, and that he was on the brink of losing you, he finally realized that he couldn’t live with that outcome. He took a leap into the unknown. Look at what’s happened since he went after you. Dem found out about you two, Giorgio lost his chance to kill Sal, and he messed everything up even more with you. He unleashed chaos on his life. He must be feeling extremely uncomfortable right now.”
“As he should,” I grumble, but her words settle over my skin like a cool breeze.
She’s right. Giorgio put everything on the line to keep me. It might be the first time in his life that he’s done anything like it.
“He’s been leaving you letters,” Vale says carefully.
This snaps me out of my thoughts. “Where?”
“Just outside the door.”
“How many?”
“One each day. I wasn’t sure if I should give them to you, since you said you didn’t want to talk about him.”
“Have you read them?”
She frowns. “Of course not. They’re yours. I can give them to you if you want to read them.” After a moment, she adds, “Or we can burn them in the fireplace.”
I scoff and glance at the unlit hearth.
Would it hurt to take a peek at just one of them?
“I’ll take them.”
Vale nods and lifts out of the armchair. “Let me grab them from my room.”
When she opens the door, Sophia trots in and curls into a ball at my feet. I bend down to scratch her behind the ear. Weird. She has a bow wrapped around her neck. And is that a new collar?
She used to have a black leather one, but this one is red, and there’s a tag in the shape of a heart. My heart picks up speed when I read the inscription.
“Sophia De Rossi. If found, contact her owner, Martina De Rossi.”
My eyes pop wide. Giorgio’s giving Sophia to me?
I slide down to the ground beside her and reread the inscription a few times to make sure I’m not imagining it.
When the words stay the same, I wrap my arms around Sophia and peck her on her furry head. A traitorous butterfly flutters inside my belly before I will it to get on its way. This is a nice gesture, but Giorgio isn’t going to be able to gift his way to forgiveness.
“If he changes his mind about this, I won’t be giving you back,” I tell Sophia.
She twists her neck and gives my nose a lick.
“I’ll take good care of you,” I promise her. “You won’t even remember him after I give you the royal treatment for a few months.”
Vale returns with the letters and places them on the bed.
I point at the bow on Sophia’s neck. “Did you know about this?”
Her lips quirk up before she gets them under control. “I may have overheard something. I’m going to go check in with Dem. He wanted to talk to me. Are you two going to be okay here?”
“Yeah, of course.”
“I’ll come back with dinner,” she says and shuts the door behind her.
One of Sophia’s new toys—a mouse plushie—peeks out from beneath the armchair. I grab it and toss it across the room. It’s her new favorite game. As expected, she perks up and runs to bring it back to me.
I rest my head against the edge of the armchair and throw the toy a few more times.
The next time I do it, Sophie ignores the toy and comes to sniff the letters lying on the edge of the bed.
She knocks them to my lap and sits down beside me, giving me an expectant look.
“Hey, you can’t play both sides. You’re on my team now, girl.”
When my words have no apparent effect, I let out a sign and glance down at the small stack of letters. They’re bound by a black rubber band. My name peeks out from beneath it, written in Giorgio’s handwriting.
It seems silly to just keep staring at them. Now that I have them, I know my curiosity won’t let me leave them unopened. I take off the rubber band and open the envelope with the oldest date.
I haven’t seen much of Giorgio’s handwriting besides stumbling onto a few notes written in the margins of various tomes in his library. The script is elegant and has an unexpected flare.
Dear Martina,
I can’t remember if I’ve even said I’m sorry. I am. I’m so fucking sorry. If we were having a conversation in person, I imagine you would ask me what I’m sorry for. The list of my wrongs is long, and writing them down will be painful, but it has to be done. I’ll write them one day at a time.
I’m sorry I didn’t give you the comfort you needed after Polo’s attack. In truth, it was far easier for me to lose myself in fantasies of vengeance instead of being there for you. When you called me from the castello and told me what had happened, I learned the meaning of fear for the very first time. Knowing that you were in danger while I was hundreds of kilometers away and unable to physically help you was excruciating. I couldn’t take a proper breath until I caught my first glimpse of you here, safe with your brother and sister-in-law, and when I did, I think some part of me rebelled at the thought of ever going through something like that again.
I told myself I was doing the right thing by pushing you away. The world will be a better place without Sal Gallo in it. But of course, Sal will be gone one way or another, and I understand now that I don’t need to be the one to do it. Killing him won’t fix my problems. No, I have to do something far more difficult to accomplish that. I have to look at the man I am and face the demons that have caused me to make so many mistakes when it comes to you.
Giorgio
I reread the letter twice before I carefully fold it and slide it back in the envelope. My heart is racing. I’m sweating. I get off the floor and wring my hands, unsure of what to do with myself.
That felt…honest.
Scarily so.
Giorgio’s not good at talking through his emotions, but apparently, he’s more than capable of explaining himself in writing.
The thought of his terror at knowing what was happening to me and being too far away to help softens me. Of course I knew he was worried. I heard it in his voice over the phone, but terror is an altogether different emotion. It’s reserved for mere humans like myself, not someone like…
Ah, yes. I guess beneath that handsome face, fine suit, and facade of permanent control, he’s made of the same stuff I am.
The stuff that makes us human.
And humans do stupid things when they’re terrified. I know that better than most.
I eye the two other letters on the floor, equal parts curious and apprehensive. What else will he apologize for? How else will he soften the hurt?
Puffing out my cheeks, I blow out a breath and decide to wait before I read the next one. I don’t think I can handle another one right now.
I take a bath, and when I come out, Vale is back in my room. She’s sitting on the edge of the bed.
She flicks her gaze up to me from her phone, and I immediately know something’s happened.
I hurry to her. “What is it?”
Her eyes are wide and worried. “They all just left. Dem, Ras, Giorgio.”
My stomach falls. They left without saying goodbye.
“They—”
“They’ve gone to finish Sal.”
Oh God. What if something happens? Dem will be well defended, but what about Giorgio?
Blood stalls inside my veins, turning my body icy cold. The idea of never seeing Giorgio again hits me like a truck, and it’s unbearable.
He has to return.
I sink down on the bed beside Vale and bury my face in my palms.
