Truth is, I’m not looking for Hassha.
I don’t need a status update. It’s simply the women here. They’re extremely hands on, and I’m starting to feel the pain from touch again. I was hoping that wouldn’t return, but it has, and I felt it with Minka and Maia. Those girls, as kind as they are, are very handsy. I’d love to spend more time with them, truly, but I can only handle so much before the touch begins to burn and I become irritable. The last thing I want is for them to witness my irritation.
I leave the village, taking a winding footpath that leads to an overwater bridge. Vines hang from the bridge, wrapped around the thick rope and between the gaps of the planks.
Beyond the bridge is a russet mountain with a wide mouth that leads into a dark cave. A woman stands in front of the cave, a spear in hand, white paint on her olive face, and a single braid resting on her shoulder. She’s much taller than I am, with thick, muscular arms and legs. It’s her job to watch the cave, make sure the prisoner doesn’t escape and that no one enters. I only know because I found this cave last night, shortly after Willow had fallen asleep. I know she doesn’t want me killing Garrett, but everything inside me tells me to do it. That man doesn’t deserve her mercy, and he definitely doesn’t deserve mine.
“Is he awake yet?” I ask, approaching the guard. Her name is Lilith.
“He is, but our grace has ordered that I not let you in,” Lilith replies.
I narrow my eyes at her. “Why not?”
“Because she knows your intentions. You want to kill him, but our queen has not given you the order. She has told me to not let you in.”
“What?” I snap. “Why would she do that?”
“Caspian.” I look over my shoulder. Hassha walks toward us in a linen brown dress and her hair braided into a halo with the gold crown on top of her head.
“Hassha, please give me an explanation,” I demand. “I have every right to end that man’s life. You know what he did to Willow.”
She gestures to Lilith, who nods her head and enters the cave. When she emerges, she’s clutching Garrett by the arm and dragging him with her. He looks nothing like he did before, full of arrogance and anger. Instead, he appears afraid and weak, and like he might cry. The bloody wimp.
“Follow me, Caspian.” Hassha turns away before I can protest.
Annoyed, I follow her across the bridge. Lilith trails behind with Garrett until Hassha stops in the center of the forest. Birds caw, and strips of sunlight filter through the leaves, highlighting her skin.
Lilith walks around me, dumping Garrett onto the ground between us. He lands with an oomph and slowly sits up.
“What is it you’re most afraid of, Caspian?” Hassha asks.
“I’m not afraid of anything,” I counter.
“Losing your mate,” she retorts, and I press my lips. “And spiders,” she adds.
I avoid a sigh. I really wish she’d stay out of my head.
“I know how angry you are at this man, and I know how badly you want to murder him. But while you are on my island, I will not allow reckless bloodshed. This is not Blackwater. Do you understand?”
I swallow to rid my throat of dryness. “Yes.”
“Now, I sense that Willow would rather us return this man to Earth so that he can go on about his life, but I refuse to do that. He’s seen parts of Kessel that no man should ever see, and if he was a vessel of Decius before, he could become one again. I’ve asked him if he has family on Earth, and he has informed me that he doesn’t. I’ve searched his mind inside and out, and the sad truth is that, other than Willow, no one will care that he’s missing.”
“What are you getting at?” I grumble, resisting the urge to punch the hell out of Garrett right here, right now.
Hassha gestures to Garrett as he draws his knees to his chest. “What I’m saying is you have a choice right now to turn him into whatever you want.”
“What do you mean?”
“What I mean is if you want him to become a spider, I can turn him into one.”
“What? How would that even help me, Hassha?”
“If you feel the urge to step on this spider and crush it beneath your boot, I will not stop you,” she continues. “And perhaps it will help you overcome your fear of them.”
I stare into her eyes as they flicker to silver.
“No—seriously! No!” Garrett tries standing, but Lilith shoves him back to the ground then points her spear in his face. “I don’t know what’s going on, but this is fucked up! You can’t kill me! I don’t deserve to die!”
“Is it true that you were laying your hands on Willow? Abusing her?” Hassha asks, lowering her flaming silver gaze to him.
“I—I didn’t do anything! She—she made me do those things!”
His response makes my blood boil. Fuck turning him into a spider. I’d take way more pleasure in ripping him limb from limb as the piece of shit he is right now.
Hassha points her gaze to me. “Well, Caspian?” When I say nothing, she sighs. “It’s this, or he rots in that cave forever, because I won’t let him go. I’ll let him decay, and during his final breaths, he’ll know he’s dying because he laid hands on a woman.”
My breaths come out ragged. I’m so full of rage as I stare down at him. All I need is one minute to destroy him. But it’s not an option, and I realize that when I finally step away and shake my head. Willow would be angry with me, disappointed even. She’d be hurt if I did anything to him without consulting her first.
“It shouldn’t be my choice,” I finally say.
Hassha tilts her head. “No?”
“It should be Willow’s.”
Her lips curl to a smile. “I like that answer.”
Hassha nods at Lilith, and Lilith snatches Garrett up. “Let’s go.” She drags him away, heading toward the bridge again and disappearing beneath the curve. I let out a frustrated sigh, clenching my jaw so hard I swear my teeth will crack.
Hassha places a hand on my shoulder, and to my surprise, her touch doesn’t burn. It hardly feels like it’s there at all. When I meet her eyes, they’ve softened, as well as the anger brewing inside me.
“Vengeance should never be hasty. You of all people should know this,” she says, voice low. “I saw your memories about your mother, and what your father did to her.”
I clench a fist at the sheer reminder of my mother and the mistake I made that got her killed.
“Her death was not your fault.”
I close my eyes, breathing harder, faster.
“Caspian, look at me.”
I wait for my breathing to slow before finding her eyes.
“Your mother’s death was not your fault. Do not let the hurt from your past and your blind rage rush you into doing something you’ll regret later. You were wise to think about Willow first.”
“He deserves to die, Hassha!”
“Sure, but the pain he inflicted was never yours. It was hers. Don’t go behind her back making decisions for her. Let her choose what should be done so that she’s at peace with it.” She removes her hand, and I’m not sure why a sadness falls over me. Hassha is tampering with my emotions. She’s putting logical reasoning into my brain, regardless of how badly I want to soak in my anger.
I’m saddened, not because I don’t get the chance to kill Garrett, but because my love for Willow is so much stronger than I realized, and she means so damn much to me.
Hassha is right. I can’t kill him. It’s not what Willow wants, no matter how badly he treated her, and that tears me in two because her heart is good. It’s so good, and I don’t deserve the love she pours from it. She could have ordered me to end that man the same night I captured him and stuffed him in the trunk of her car, but she didn’t. Even in fear, she displayed nothing but compassion for that worthless fucker. I truly don’t deserve someone like her.
“Come now, Caspian.” Hassha’s voice snaps me out of my thoughts. “Your mate is awake, thriving, and her heart yearns for you. Let’s get back to her.”
