I don’t even know what to think after going to the Cave of Stars. That experience—which truly doesn’t feel like the proper word—was something beautiful and otherworldly, and it never would’ve happened on Earth…at least not with a vibrator like that. A toy made from stars. How…interesting. I wonder what else those stars can do.
I can’t lie, my entire stay in Kessel has me thinking about a life in Vakeeli. Perhaps if I stay, it wouldn’t be so bad. After we take out Decius and free Caz’s family, we could consider it a possibility. But…what happens when more threats arise? When the love we have transforms to something much deeper? When thoughts of marriage and happily-ever-after’s are seared into my brain? It’s all I can think about, and I have my mind’s wall up because I don’t want him to hear any of it.
Though we left the cave together, Caz’s arm draped over my shoulder, still smelling of salt, stars, and sex, I sense his unease. Even more so now that we’re in a free bungalow Hassha offered us and have changed into comfortable clothing. Through the wide skylight above, the moon burns bright in the clear, indigo sky, the stars acting as backup dancers as they glimmer.
Caz lies with me on the bed, and my head is on his chest. I listen to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat, feel his soft breaths falling on my skin. He has his wall up too. He’s been quiet since we showered and lay down.
“What are you thinking about?” I ask after a while.
He continues staring up at the open ceiling, rubbing circles on my shoulder blade with the pad of one of his fingers.
“My family,” he says after some time.
“Oh.”
A stretch of silence falls on us.
“I’m getting this odd feeling about them. Like something isn’t right. We’ve been in Kessel for nearly two days, and I’m sure Decius has sensed it, regardless of Hassha’s protection.”
“How would he?”
“We’re all linked through this Tether Selah created.” I look up, and his face has warped with a mixture of aggravation and sadness. “I just hope nothing has happened, is all. If something does, I’ll blame myself.”
“We can’t blame ourselves for what Decius does, or for any of this Tether nonsense.” I sit up on one elbow, catching his eyes. “But when it’s time, I’m going with you to Blackwater.”
He frowns. “No, you’re not.”
“Yes, I am.”
“We can argue about this until your pretty face is blue, Willow. You’re not going.”
I roll my eyes. “How will you stop me?”
“I’ll find a way.”
“And what if I find a way out of your way?”
“Then…I’ll circle around to another solution. You must forget I’m a monarch. I’m constantly thinking ahead.” He sits up fully and places a hand on the scar on the center of my chest. “This is why you should stay.” His finger grazes the vertical scar. “I don’t need you getting any more of these.”
I grab his hand, squeezing it. “I’ll carry all the scars if it means we’re together.”
His lips twitch and his eyes incline, landing on mine. “What’s something you really want in life, Willow?”
I hesitate a bit. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, when you picture your life and think of what fulfills you, what does that picture entail?”
I twist my lips, allowing his words marinate. Was my wall up? Did he hear me thinking about a life in Vakeeli before? No, I’m positive it was up. “Well, now that I’ve met you, I want you in the picture.”
His lips quirk to smile.
“But I guess that picture includes a group of people I love too. People I can be with, who I trust, and who I know will never leave my side, no matter what. I want to nurture and protect the ones I love. I want to live a healthier life too, not drown myself in liquor and weed all the time because I’m so sad.” I huff a sarcastic laugh as he continues a smile. “And believe it or not, I’ve never really been great at anything. Some people are born to be athletes, artists, or writers. Some become models, or dancers, or inherit big corporations. Some even become monarchs, or kings and queens,” I add, and that makes him smile wider. “But for me, I didn’t get any of that. I just exist, you know? But I’m okay with that, so long as I can exist in a place where I belong and where I matter. As long as I can take care of the people I love, talk to them, cook for them, dance with them…that is what will fulfill me. I’m okay being me and being the kind of person who’s ready to put a smile on another person’s face. And maybe that’s my purpose, you know? Being myself. I don’t believe all of us are born and destined to do greater things. I think some of us are just here to exist, and to make the world a better place than we left it when it’s time for us to go.”
A soothing silence wraps around us, floating through the bungalow, and Caz is so quiet I think I’ve said something wrong. Perhaps I went too deep for him—or maybe all that I’ve said is dumb and doesn’t make any sense.
“Anyway, I know it sounds stupid, but—”
“No.” He cups my cheek, eyes glistening. He’s revealing that beautiful smile I love, his teeth bright in the moonlight. So boyish. So handsome and vulnerable. “It’s not stupid. Not at all. It’s the most honest thing I’ve ever heard anyone say. You don’t want to be anyone but yourself, and I love that about you. I love it more than you realize.” He kisses the tip of my nose. “You’re a treasure, Willow. Truly.”
I can’t help my smile as he brings our foreheads together. I want to bask in this moment, let it continue forever. Us beneath the moon and stars, surrounded by a beautiful ocean, on the center of a large, comfortable bed that has already conformed to the shape of our bodies. I want this so much…but of course what I want never lasts.
And in a matter of seconds, a foghorn sounds and Caz’s smile collapses. A sinking feeling drops into our stomachs like a block of lead, and he jerks away, rushing toward the window to peer out of it.
I climb off the bed with him and gasp when I spot women running out of their bungalows with weapons and zooming past in a blur. I look in the direction they’re running and spot a boat floating toward the shore.
My chest tightens when I realize the boat is on fire.
