Willow and I spend thirty or so minutes together in my bedroom, taking a moment to breathe. We don’t have sex, though I’d be willing. We lie in each other’s arms, our thoughts crossing until they become unbearable.
When she finds herself restless, she asks, “Can we go back to the guesthouse?”
“If that’s what you want.”
She climbs off the bed and makes her way to the closet. She takes down comfortable black pants and a T-shirt with the words Blackwater Bitch on it.
“Let me guess.” I gesture to the shirt. “Juniper picked that out.”
Willow laughs, nodding. “Definitely. It’s nice knowing there are graphic shirts around. My wardrobe at home is, like, 99% graphic tees and biker shorts.” She takes my hand after I’ve put my clothes back on and leads the way out the door.
We pad down the stairs and past the kitchen, walking out the back door. When we’re at the guesthouse, I give the door a knock, and Rowan answers. His eyes are tired, but there’s a cup of tea in his hand.
“Caz, brother. Thought you’d be sleeping,” Rowan says, letting us in.
“Not tonight.”
I shift my gaze to Juniper who is slumped over the counter, hardly awake.
“Where’s Killian?” I ask.
“He took off for Vanora, said he was getting a head start.” Juniper yawns.
“Oh. Well, why don’t you two go and get some rest? I’ll cover the rest of the night,” I offer.
“You sure?” asks Rowan.
“Positive.”
“Don’t have to tell me twice.” Juniper is the first one out. “See you in the morning.”
Rowan trails behind her, capping my shoulder. “Stay vigilant, brother.”
When they’re gone, Willow makes herself comfortable on the sofa but focuses on the bed Warren lies on. He’s not alone. Danica is there as well, spooning him from behind. She snores loudly, and Willow’s eyes get bigger as she switches her gaze to me.
Loud, I hear her think, and I smile as she taps the spot next to her. I withdraw my gun, setting it on the table then sitting next to Willow.
“I’m curious about something,” I whisper.
“What?” she asks, resting her head on my shoulder.
“When Warren comes to, and he remembers everything…do you think he’ll want to stay here, or go back to Earth?”
Willow is quiet a moment, and the guesthouse goes still, minus the crickets chirping and frogs croaking outdoors. “I’m not sure.”
“Do you want to go back?” I ask softly, and she picks her head up.
“I want to be wherever you are.”
“So, let’s settle this right now.” I straighten on the couch, and she gives me all her attention. “Would you rather go back to Earth and return to the life you once had, or will you stay in Vakeeli with me? And I want an honest answer, Willow. No beating around the bush. I want to know what you want.”
She considers my question, holding my eyes a split second before lowering her gaze. “I think…there are things I need to settle on Earth before staying here.”
“Like what?”
“My job with Lou Ann. I’d have to tell her that I quit.”
“Okay. That’s an easy fix.”
“But there’s Faye. I love her, and she’s my best friend. I’d want to keep seeing her, or at least visiting her.”
“I’ll try to find a way for you to be able to do that.”
She nods, dropping her chin again. I lift it with my fingers, forcing her eyes on mine. “Tell me what’s really on your mind.”
“It’s just that Vakeeli brings out the worst in people. It’s clear this is a violent, dangerous place. What if I want kids one day?”
That causes me to pause. Children? I hadn’t thought about it before, but if we are to be together, that eventually would happen, right? I throw up my mind’s wall, hoping she doesn’t hear how terrified that idea makes me.
“I’d protect you…and our child, if that time ever comes,” I say.
“I know…but sometimes the thought of it scares me. I just…I can’t help feeling like I belong here somehow.” She huffs a laugh. “I’m beating around the bush.”
I chuckle. “You are.”
“I’m just saying, I want to be with you, but I’m scared. You’ve worked so hard for everything you have in Blackwater. I’d hate to be the reason it all gets ruined.”
“But none of it matters if I don’t have you.” I collect her hands in mine. “I don’t care about these material things, Willow. I don’t care about the castle, or being monarch, the fucking rubies or any of it. None of it will ever be enough to fill the void I have when I’m without you.”
Her eyes glisten as she holds my gaze.
“I want you, no matter where we are or what we do,” I continue. “I can work something out so that you and any children in the future are never harmed. I’ll beg the Regals if I must, ask them to protect you all from dangers. I’ll drop to my knees before them and give them all of me if it means you’re safe and happy. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to protect you, Willow. Yes, I know Vakeeli is a wicked place, but I won’t let the ugliness of it infect your golden heart. My child, whoever they may be, will never face the horrors I did. They will never be threatened. Never. Not while I live and breathe.”
A tear slips down her cheek. “You promise?”
“I promise you this now and forever, Willow Woman. Oi, look at me.” I press my fingers to her chin. “Now and forever. Do you understand?”
“I do.” She closes her arms around me, hugging me tight, and I sigh, leaning back and letting her rest against my body. I hold the side of her head, planting a kiss on her forehead. “I love you. I only ever want you to be happy.”
“I love you too. And I want the same for you,” she mumbles into my chest. “I’ll stay. I’ll be here with you.”
“You sure?”
“I am.” She yawns. “But promise you’ll find me a way to visit Faye—something that isn’t a one-way chant.”
“I promise you.”
She sighs, and it doesn’t take long for her to fall asleep. The side of her face nestles into my body, her breaths soft as they spill on my skin. I hold her close as I replay the conversation over again in my head.
She has every right to be afraid. Hell, I’m afraid at the mere mention of children. I suppose I should tell her that I never planned on having them. I didn’t want any of my own, and to continue the Blackwater monarch lineage, I’d have adopted a child and taught them everything. They wouldn’t be mine, but they’d be a good leader thanks to me, and that would be enough.
There’s something frightening about bringing my own child into this world, though. A person derived from my loins. I never wanted it because I know how dark my heart is, but with Willow, so much has changed.
What will she do when she realizes I’m not fit enough to be a father, and that, despite us being mates, I’m not worthy of such an intimate title?
I look down at her with an aching chest. I want to make her so happy. I want to be the man who gives her everything. But how can I be the man who gives it all to her, while also being the one who could cause her demise?
