The Madison campus is nice. Really nice. I never had aspirations to go to college, but even I can admit this place would have been cool.
We get a tour from a college senior named Maddie who is so bubbly and enthusiastic I’m afraid she’s going to scare off Ev, but my sister matches her excitement as we see dorms and class buildings. I barely recognize her, but it’s good to see her like this. It’s the third campus we’ve seen this week, and the one she seems the most in to.
At the end of the tour, she and Maddie follow each other on Instagram, and then Everly and I head off to explore on our own.
“Do you want to grab something to eat?” she asks.
“Nah. Unless you do.”
She stops on the sidewalk in front of me. “What is up with you? You barely said a word the entire tour.”
“Nothing. I’m good.” I point to the bookstore up ahead. “Let’s stop in there.”
“You just passed up food. Something is clearly wrong.”
Chuckling, I hold open the door for Everly to walk in ahead of me. “I’m all right, just sick of cafeterias and fast food.”
What I wouldn’t give for some of Piper’s pasta right now.
As if her mind is on her too, Everly asks, “How come Piper didn’t come with us?”
“She had to work.”
“Did you even ask her to come?”
I hold the door open for Everly to walk in ahead of me. “No, because she has to work. She can’t just take off every time one of us needs something from her.”
She crosses her arms over her chest. “You broke up with her, didn’t you? Or she broke up with you.”
“What? No. Where is all this coming from?”
“Things have been so weird lately. I can feel it. You guys both seem so serious and stressed. You don’t laugh or go out anywhere together. Did you have a fight or something?”
“No, nothing like that. We’re both just busy, Ev.”
She nods. We circle around the large bookstore. She picks out a T-shirt and I grab an extra one for Piper. She hasn’t mentioned coming to Madison for grad school again, but when I get back, I’m going to tell her I think she should go.
When I was eighteen, I knew that she deserved more, and I couldn’t give it to her, so I walked away. Four years later, and I still want to give her more than I seem capable of right now. I want to be able to give her so much more than the stolen moments between everything else.
I pay for our stuff, and we step back outside. “Is there anything else you want to see?”
“No.”
“You’re sure?”
“I’m sure. I like it. It’s a great campus.” She says all that in a way that doesn’t convince me she’s decided to come here.
“It’s not too far away. You could still visit on weekends and holidays.”
She whirls around and faces me. “Is it because of me? Did Piper decide dealing with me was too much? Is that why you’re pushing me to come to Madison, too?”
“She didn’t come because I didn’t ask her. That’s it. Okay?” I squeeze her shoulder. “And I thought you were excited about Madison. You were saying how awesome the city is and all that.”
“It is.” She glances around. “And this campus is beautiful, but I was sort of thinking I’d like to stay closer to you.”
I’m quiet as I wrap my brain around that.
“I will move out or live in the dorms. You won’t have to worry about me.”
“I’m always going to worry about you,” I say. “Especially if you’re living in a dorm. Which school are you thinking about?”
“I think I’d like to stay local and go to Whittaker. Grace is going there, and I like seeing you more often.”
“Why didn’t you say something sooner? I just dragged you around for the past few days to places you weren’t even interested in.”
“It isn’t often I get to go on a road trip with you, and I thought maybe if I saw some other campuses, I could convince myself to go somewhere else so that you and Piper could work things out.”
“Piper and I are fine.”
“Then why isn’t she here?” Ev pushes with a whine.
“Because…” I run a hand through my hair. “You and I have a lot going on and I don’t want to dump more on her. Piper has her own stuff going on, and she needs room to do that without us getting in the way. I don’t want her to feel like she has to be with us all the time. She’s looking after you and dating me. It complicates things a little. She needs a break. She’s not that much older than you.”
“She’s the same age as you.”
“Yeah, but as much as she likes you, Ev, she’s not your sister. It’s different.”
“I don’t think Piper looks at it like that,” she says. “She never makes me feel like she doesn’t want me around or like I’m a burden.”
“That doesn’t mean she doesn’t feel it. It just means she’s responsible and a decent fucking human.” I’m pretty sure that’s what good parenting looks like. Something Everly and I don’t know a lot about.
“Oh.” Everly’s brows tug together like she hadn’t thought about it like that.
Now I feel like a jerk because of course Piper adores Everly. I just don’t want her to expect more than Piper might be willing to give after the whole nanny-thing is done. We haven’t talked about it. It’s a conversation I’m not sure how to navigate. When Piper and I first started talking again, I still thought there was a chance Everly would go back home. I didn’t see this as a long-term thing. But now, I know she needs me to be the steady in her life. Not until she graduates, but always. And that’s a lot to ask of the woman I’m dating.
“Piper is the best,” I tell her. “I love how well you two get along, and that won’t change when she’s no longer keeping an eye on you, but let’s not abuse how giving and awesome she is because I’d like to keep her.”
I get the smallest smile. “Does this mean you’re not breaking up with her then?”
“What?” The sentence makes my brain hurt. “Of course, I’m not breaking up with her. Why would you think that?”
“You’ve been pushing her away all week. Every time she asks to come along, you tell her no. Like with driving or when you took me to Grace’s the other night. Or how you didn’t invite her to come with us. She looked really sad when we were leaving.”
I think back over it, trying to see it with fresh eyes. “I was trying to give her time off.”
“From spending time with her boyfriend? If it were reversed, would you want to have time off?”
My jaw drops, and I suddenly feel like a giant asshole.
“Just realizing you screwed up?” Ev asks with a smirk.
Well, fuck.
“See?” She shoves a pointy finger in the middle of my chest. “You need me around as much as I need you.”
“Ain’t that the truth.” I wrap an arm around her shoulders. “Come on, let’s go home.”
