This trip has been full of amazing, unforgettable memories. It’s also been full of awkward moments. Like yesterday, when I woke up in the middle of the night with a pounding headache and brief memories of Declan pulling me off a bar top earlier that afternoon.
And like right now, as the restaurant host gushes over us, asking how our honeymoon is going, while he leads us to a small table outside with a breathtaking view of the ocean.
I’ve lost track of how many times we’ve been asked if we’re on our honeymoon. I mean, we are, but being reminded of it ten times a day is giving me an ulcer.
I flash the host what I hope is a smile, and not a grimace, as I take my seat. Declan thanks him and grins out at the water. “This is nice.”
It’s more than nice. This is the top recommendation for a romantic dinner off the resort. The pictures from my research didn’t do it justice. The lighting is low and, like everything else this week, super romantic. Our server fawns over us, too, referring to me and Declan as ‘the happy couple’ and even winking at Declan as he asks if we’ve been getting any sleep. Cringe. I stare hard at the menu as he takes our drink order and tells us the specials.
I’m thankful when he’s gone, but the tension doesn’t go with him.
“What looks good?” Declan asks, looking at his own menu.
It takes me too long to answer. I’m staring at the hint of tan chest peeking out of his V-neck and the way his shirt sleeves hug his biceps. Declan’s brown eyes finally peer at me over his menu and I flush.
“Excuse me,” I say, standing and motioning my head toward the restroom. Once inside, I check to make sure I’m alone and then pull out my phone.
“Freaking finally.” Scarlett answers on the second ring. “I was ready to book a flight and come check on you.”
“I wish you had,” I say. “I’m losing my mind over here. He’s all tan and sexy and he keeps looking at me with those eyes!”
I sent her the bullet points the day we got here: Arrived safely, saw the ocean, and oh, by the way, I had sex with my husband and his big, pierced dick.
She didn’t see that one coming either.
My best friend laughs freely and loudly. “You’re still thinking about him naked then?”
I sigh. “Yes. He’s so hot. He even looks hot when he sleeps.” An image of him this morning, bare chested, lying on his back, hair ruffled, flickers through my mind.
“Maybe you should just keep banging him then.”
“Oh yeah, that’s a great idea.” I roll my eyes, not that she can see it. “And since when did you become Team Declan? You didn’t even want me to go through with this.”
“But you did.” She laughs. “You married him, so I guess you might as well enjoy yourself.”
“We’re going to be living together for a year. Sex makes things awkward. Hence my current state.”
“Hence? Oh man, you are stressed if you’re pulling out the big words.”
Looking in the mirror, I adjust the straps of my dress and push up my cleavage. Oh yeah, I wore my sexiest dress tonight. It seemed only fair since he constantly looks like sex on a stick. Except, he seems way less affected than I am. He checks me out when he thinks I’m not looking, but true to our friendship pact he hasn’t so much as let his hand graze mine since that first day in the ocean.
Also, he ordered garlic knots. Nobody orders garlic knots if they expect to be going to pound town later.
“Maybe I should just pretend to be sick or tell him something came up for work and spend the rest of the trip in the hotel room.”
“No.” Scarlett’s voice takes on a hard edge. “You will absolutely not do that, young lady. You have been dreaming of this trip since the second you proposed to yourself.”
A small laugh escapes at her phrasing because, yes, that’s exactly what happened. Aaaand look how great that turned out.
“Enjoy the eye candy that is your new husband and sleep with him again or don’t, but you absolutely need to do all the things you wanted when you booked that trip. I know it’s probably hard being there when you planned it for you and Sam, but screw him.”
“It’s a little weird,” I agree. I don’t miss being with him as much as I thought I would, but it’s still an adjustment not talking to him every day.
“He’s missing out. He doesn’t even know how lucky he was to be with you. You’re amazing, you’re on a freaking island, have fun!”
I squeeze my eyes closed and nod as she speaks. She’s right. I’ve been dreaming of this for almost a year, and now I’m here, and not fully appreciating it, because I’m too distracted by the chaos of this new relationship and how to navigate it.
When the truth is, I have no idea how we’re going to get through it, and I could spend every second of this trip trying to figure it out and still not know. We’re in unchartered territory. I should be writing a book on how to survive a year pretending to be married to a guy I barely know but had the hottest sex of my life with.
Can we really go back to a time when we’re not picturing the other one naked and establish a friendship to make the next year bearable?
“Thank you. I love you.”
“Love you too,” Scarlett pipes back in a cheery tone. “I gotta go. Text me later and let me know how dinner goes.”
After we hang up, I take a cleansing breath and vow to have fun and get to know my new husband, while trying not to ogle him. There are still so many things I don’t know about him. I’m going to focus on that. Maybe he has some deep secrets that will make him less attractive.
When I get back to our table, Declan has ordered two rum and Cokes.
“Thanks.” I take a sip and then push it away and grab my water instead. Alcohol probably won’t make this easier. “How was paddleboarding today?”
“Good,” he says, nodding.
Okay, this is going to be harder than I thought. Declan is succinct in his answers, something I already knew, and understand. I don’t open up to people that easily either.
“Have you gone before?” I ask.
“Paddleboarding?”
“I’ve never been,” I share, in hopes it encourages him to say more.
“Yeah. A couple of times. It’s fun. You should try it tomorrow.”
“Maybe. If there’s time. I booked an excursion for our last day. Dune buggies. It sounded fun.”
His face lights up with his smile. “Really? I looked at a pamphlet for that today. It looks awesome.”
“You’ll come then?”
“Of course,” he says, like he’s up for anything I want. And I guess he has been. Some of my tension releases at that reminder.
“Is there anything else you want to do on our last day?”
He thinks for a moment. “Dune buggies and paddleboarding.”
“Determined to watch me make an ass of myself, huh?”
“Something tells me you’ll master paddleboarding like you do everything else.”
I hardly master everything, but I take the compliment and let the words warm my insides.
“Have you ever been here before with a girl?”
“No.” He takes a drink and then leans back in his chair. “I’ve only been to St. Lucia once and that was with Jack and a buddy that got traded after my first year with the Wildcats.”
“But you’ve gone on beach vacations with girls before?”
“Sure,” he says, holding my gaze. “What exactly are you trying to discern about me?”
The question doesn’t come with any irritation or hostility, but he seems to understand that I’m trying to learn what kind of a guy he is.
I decide to just ask the thing I really want to know. “How are you still single?”
He lets out a rough, hearty laugh.
“I’m serious. I know you said you don’t have time and it isn’t in the cards for you, but why?” I meant to get to this topic gently, ease into it. Instead, I dove right in, but I’m just so curious. Some morbid part of me wants to know all his deepest secrets, in hopes that he’s as messed up as I am. He feels like a kindred spirit, like he’s experienced things his teammates haven’t.
“I guess what it really comes down to is I haven’t made it a priority. Being a hockey player was my dream for so long. I’ve seen guys let their personal lives derail all their hard work in a blink of an eye.”
He’s right, of course. When Scarlett and Leo first started dating, the media around a player dating the coach’s daughter impacted his game. But it’s what Declan doesn’t say that makes me understand him better. Hockey is his dream, and when you’ve worked that hard for something you’ve wanted so long and you finally achieve it, there are two choices—let up or cling to it with everything you have. Declan holds tight to it, like it’s the only thing worth living for.
“What was your childhood like?”
His expression tightens immediately, and I know I’ve found a delicate topic. I guess I should have assumed that when he said he didn’t have family.
“It was…not always great, but it could have been a hell of a lot worse.”
“I get that.” I won’t push on this one. I don’t want to share my pain, so I’ll respect his. “And here we are on this beautiful island. All week it’s felt surreal.”
“Like you won the lottery and don’t really belong?” he asks with a hint of a smile.
“Exactly. Which, I kind of did. I never could have afforded this kind of honeymoon on my own.”
“Money doesn’t change that feeling,” he says.
Our food comes, halting the conversation. I consider his words during dinner, though. After we get back to the resort, Declan tips his head to the lobby bar. “Wanna grab another drink?”
I do want to spend more time with him, but I’m not really getting anywhere on discovering his deep, dark secrets and getting drunk together seems like a potentially bad idea for our friendship. I shake my head. “I think I’m going to call it a night.”
I can’t be sure, but I think disappointment crosses his face. Though he covers it with a smile. “Okay. Night, Jade.”
“Night.”
The next morning, I wake up with a fresh burst of excitement. It’s our last full day here and I want to make the most of it. I get up and head to the shower, while Declan is still sleeping. I didn’t hear him come in last night, but I laid awake for hours, thinking about our conversation at dinner and everything else I’ve learned about him.
It may take me the entire year of marriage to fully understand my husband. He has a white knight complex, always swooping in to save the day, but he’s guarded in a way that makes it difficult to spot because he pulls back with no desire for thanks or recognition for his help. What does helping people give him if not love and respect?
When I get out of the shower, he’s sitting up in bed with his feet hanging off the edge. He runs a hand through his messy, dark hair.
“Morning,” I say, averting my gaze.
“Hey.” His deep voice sets off a swarm of butterflies in my stomach.
“The bus to take us to the excursion leaves at nine.”
“All right.” He stands. White boxer briefs are the only stitch of clothing covering him. His chest and arms never seem to get less impressive, no matter how many times I stare at them. I can’t bring myself to look lower, but a peripheral glance is enough to make my body tingle. The only good thing about leaving this island will be that I won’t have to wake up every morning assaulted with images of Declan half-naked. Unless he walks around his house like this. In which case, I am seriously screwed. And not in the fun way.
