A couple of weeks later, post the kiss that I can’t stop thinking about, I go over to Scarlett’s house with the girls to hang by the pool and catch up.
“It’s been two weeks,” I say. “He’s definitely avoiding me.”
“Leo’s barely been home either. I don’t think he’s avoiding you.”
The guys have started meeting up at the arena to skate and workout together, so I know it’s not all about me, but even when he is home, I barely get a grunt out of him. He doesn’t sit in the living room and watch TV or ask me to hang out. He fills his few hours at home working on one house project or another.
“Tell me again, why you two can’t be a real couple?” Piper asks. “I love him for you. You two are cute together. He’s all tough and quiet, and you’re vibrant and fun. I think it could work.”
“I’m rarely the sane one, okay, but I feel like I owe it to him to make the right decision for us. I got him into this mess and I don’t want it to get worse. I owe him too much.”
Kissing him again was everything I thought I wanted until it happened. Knowing what he’s been through and how he’s made so much of himself, I don’t want to drag him down. I respect him too much for that.
“No.” Dakota shakes her head and lifts her sunglasses to rest on the top of her head. “You can’t take the decision out of his hands and claim it’s for his own benefit.”
I usually appreciate Dakota’s bluntness, but today, I scowl at her. “He doesn’t see how bad this could be.”
“I think Dakota’s right,” Scarlett says, glancing quickly at her. “Declan’s a smart guy. Maybe he jumped in without thinking it through, but he’s had plenty of time now to consider all possible outcomes. He wants you, and he doesn’t care if it makes it messier.”
He might not, but I do. “I’m living in his house, writing about how happy and in love we are. If it goes south—”
“Stop focusing on the negative,” Piper says, cutting me off. “What about if it goes right?”
“You’ve all lost your minds,” I say, but her words fill me with more hope than I’d like to admit. Is it possible we could make some sort of relationship work amidst all this?
“Are you still hung up on Sam at all?” Scarlett asks softly.
“Definitely not.” I’ve barely thought of him since the honeymoon. I feel some guilt for how it all ended, but I think he probably made the right decision. “I like Declan, but I don’t think it’s a great idea for us to start something right now.”
“Has he dated anyone since Crissy?” Dakota asks, pulling her shades down and lying back on the lounge chair.
“Who’s Crissy?” Piper asks.
They all look at me.
“I have no idea.”
Dakota hesitates, then says, “She was an intern a couple summers back.”
“I’ve never heard anyone mention her.” Scarlett sits up. “They dated?”
“I figured one of you had the details.” She lets out a breath before continuing, “All I know is that she is the reason that they put a ‘no dating players’ rule into the handbook for interns. They hooked up or dated, not sure on the specifics, while she was interning one summer. Then, something must have happened because she posted a photo of them together in bed on the team page with the caption, CHEATER. It was a whole thing.”
Piper lets out a little gasp. “Wait. Really? Declan?”
Dakota nods.
“Actually, you know, something Leo said makes sense now. I asked him if Declan had dated much, you know, getting the basic background check since this one decided to marry him.” She points to me.
“What did he say?” I ask.
“That he didn’t really know of many women Declan had dated, but that he tended to go after the wrong kind of girls. He must have meant her. What kind of person do you have to be to post something like that?”
“Maybe he really cheated on her?” Piper suggests.
A knot forms in my stomach. Not because I think he cheated. I’m still stuck on the idea that he goes after the wrong kind of girls because, isn’t that what I am?
I’m still mulling over this new information about Declan when I get back to the house. I slide open the back door and the air conditioning sends goosebumps over my skin. My bikini is still a touch damp from my last dip in the pool.
My steps falter when I spot Declan in the kitchen. His hair is wet, like he just got out of the shower, and he’s only wearing a pair of black workout shorts, leaving his broad chest and amazing arms in full view.
“Hey, I didn’t think you were back yet.”
His stare lowers to my boobs and my nipples harden at the brief look in his dark gaze.
“Short workout today.” He looks away from me and turns to grab a Gatorade from the fridge.
“I was at Scarlett’s,” I say. “Pool day.”
He nods, but still won’t look at me.
“All right, well, I’m going to change and probably work for a couple of hours.”
“Sounds good.” He takes his Gatorade and heads upstairs.
I wait a minute before going up after him and shutting myself in my room. I can hear him in the room next door, moving furniture from the sounds of it. He’s been working on it all week, stripping the wallpaper and painting. Between that and getting the new vanity in the hall bathroom, plus hockey, I don’t know when he manages to rest. The house is coming along nicely, though.
Sitting on the bed, I wonder how we’re going to get through the next year. I’ve made him a prisoner in his own house. Hockey season starts soon, so maybe him being gone more will be good? Except the thought of him being gone all the time just makes me sad.
A knock at the door catches me off guard, and I’m not sure if I’m just hearing things. I wait for the sound again. This time, it’s followed by Declan’s deep voice, “Jade?”
I stand quickly and pull the door open.
“Hey.” He shuffles uncomfortably. He’s put on a T-shirt, since our encounter downstairs, and that seems like a damn shame. “Can I show you something?”
“Yeah,” I say a little too eagerly.
He steps back and motions for me to go in front of him.
I brush past him and then pause, looking over my shoulder. “Where am I going?”
“Right.” He points to the room next door to mine and I walk in without a lot of thought to what we’re doing. I’m just glad he’s speaking to me.
It smells like fresh paint and my gaze automatically goes to the walls, which are a light yellow. It’s the first non-gray room in the entire house. A desk is set up in front of the window and there’s a bookcase along one entire wall.
“It looks great, but I thought you already had an office.” It’s also not at all like the style of his downstairs office. This is lighter and brighter. I’m having a hard time imagining his hockey jerseys and awards in here.
“I do. This one is yours.”
I spin around to look at him. “Mine?”
Nodding, his gaze scans the room. “I thought you could use this as an office when you work from home, or it’ll give you another room to hide from me.”
“I’m not hiding from you.”
He meets my gaze. “It’s all right. I’ve been avoiding you too. It’s easier.”
“And lonelier,” I admit.
I walk to the desk and let my fingers run along the smooth surface. The window looks out into the backyard. It’s perfect.
“Thank you. I don’t know how to repay you for all the nice things you’ve done for me.”
“You don’t need to repay me. I like doing things that make you smile.”
“Why?” The question is out before I can take it back.
“You know why.” He takes two steps closer. “I like you. I admire so many things about you. And I know that you want to keep things between us purely platonic. I’ll respect that, but we’re not going to keep tallies on every nice thing we do for each other.”
He takes another step. “I’d win. I plan on doing a lot of nice things for you over the next year.”
I swallow thickly. “It isn’t that I don’t like you.”
His dark eyes blaze into mine, with an intensity that has me leaning against the desk for support. “I’m just not the kind of woman you’re looking for. At least not now. My life is a mess.”
“I know exactly what kind of woman you are, Jade.” With one more step, he’s so close I can feel his warmth and smell the faintest hint of his body wash. “You’re determined and stubborn, guarded and independent.”
I’m not sounding that impressive, but he’s right about all of it.
“You’re also incredibly kind and generous, empathetic, loyal, and beautiful—inside and out. The most beautiful woman I’ve ever known.”
I can’t speak, can barely breathe. When he moves away from me, my entire body protests the distance.
“I’m going out for a run. If there’s anything else you want or need for the room, let me know.”
And then he’s gone, leaving me all alone again.
