The morning after I walked out on Jade, Ash finds me in the kitchen under his sink.
“Do I even want to know what you’re doing?” he asks, shuffling past me.
I finish tightening the nut under the sink and slide out of the small space. “I fixed the water pressure. It was like a fire hose.”
“I could have done that,” he says.
“It’s been like that for as long as you’ve lived here.”
He pulls a Gatorade from the fridge and leans against the counter. “Could have, but never would have.”
“Now you don’t have to.” I test the faucet and then wash my hands and dry them on a towel. “Give me five to change and then I’ll be ready for a workout.”
“Dude, chill. It’s Saturday.”
“We work out on Saturdays sometimes.”
“That’s really what you want to do today?” His expression is filled with a kind sort of pity. The guys spent most of last night sitting with me, trying to get me to talk to them or brainstorm ideas to fix things with Jade. They mean well, but I don’t want to talk to them about how I’m feeling, and this isn’t about a grand gesture. I want her to want me in the ordinary moments. So, I’m staying busy.
“Yeah, it’s really what I want to do.” Lie. I want to go home, but since I can’t do that, I have to keep moving.
Because Rick called me this morning when he went to deliver the tub, I know Jade is still there. Or was. Is she waiting for me to come home or is she packing up and just hasn’t left yet? Not knowing is torture.
The front door opens, and a second later, Jack appears. When he sees me, one side of his mouth lifts in a grin and he nods to Ash. “I told you he’d still be here this morning.”
He holds out a hand. Ash frowns then turns and pulls a bottle of Macallan from the cabinet and gives it to Jack.
“Thanks.” Our captain smiles big.
“Wait,” I say, when I figure out what’s happening. “You bet on how long I would be here?”
“More like how long until you went back to Jade,” Ash clarifies. “I had you pegged for less than eight hours.”
“My friends are assholes,” I mutter. The truth is, I haven’t gone back yet because I’m a coward. I don’t want to know if she signed the divorce papers and is making plans for a future that doesn’t involve me. Not yet. I need a little more time to live in the uncertainty.
“Ah, cheer up,” Jack says. “I gave you until at least tonight. I figured anyone could hold out one night, but two?” He shakes his head dismissively. “Want a drink?”
“It’s not even noon.”
“Like you have anything better to do,” he quips back.
With a grin on his face, Ash watches us banter. “We were just talking about getting in a workout. You in?”
Jack looks like he wants to do anything but that, yet he nods his head. “Sure. Why not?”
Tyler and Leo have joined us by the time we’re ready. Ash has a pretty sweet home gym in his garage. He blasts the music, and we fall into a rotation of cleans, deadlifts, and pull ups, followed by sprints between Ash and Jack’s houses. The burn of my muscles helps, but it doesn’t completely alleviate the desire to run across the street to see if Jade is still there.
I can’t quite see the spot she usually parks in from Ash’s driveway. I pause for a moment and stare hard at the house. Is she in there hoping I’ll walk through the door or is she long gone?
Walking out on her nearly killed me. I know she’s used to people running and I hate that I fed into her deepest fears, but I don’t know what else to say to her. I want to give her everything she needs, but I guess I was hoping that all she really needed was me. In the same way, Jade is exactly everything I want and need. The details don’t matter as long as I have her.
It’s the worst feeling to realize she might never feel the same about me. I can’t live with that. She deserves to feel this way about someone, even if it isn’t me.
I don’t know how long we work out. The guys all seem to be waiting for me to call it. That’s not likely. I want to go back into Ash’s living room so tired and weak, it isn’t possible for me to leave.
Everly is the distraction that finally stops us. She and Grace pull into the driveway in front of the garage. As soon as I see Everly’s face, I turn and glare at Ty. “You told Ev?”
He looks slightly embarrassed as he says, “I thought you might want someone to talk to.”
“He has us,” Ash says.
“Someone who knows what girls are thinking,” Ty says, then looks at Leo. “And someone more impartial than Scarlett and Piper.”
“Big Sato,” Ev says, stepping out of her car and closing the door.
“Hey, Little Sharpie.”
She walks through the garage, Grace on her heels, and comes straight to me.
“How are you?” she asks, hugging me quick, then pulling back and searching my face. “Never mind. I know the answer to that. I’m sorry.”
“Thanks.” I don’t want sympathy. That means they all think it’s really over and I haven’t quite accepted that yet.
“Anyone hungry?” Ash asks.
We go inside and while the guys and Grace linger in the kitchen, Everly and I go into the living room.
“How’s school?” I ask her.
“Good.” I get a genuine smile out of her. “I’m a straight A student. Proud?”
“Always,” I say. “Having any fun?”
“Yes.” She laughs lightly. “Grace and I are going to tailgate this afternoon before the football game.”
“Be careful.”
Her laugh gets louder.
“Just when I think you’re cool, you break into big brother mode.”
“Can’t help it. I remember being an eighteen-year-old boy.”
“I know they’re all trash.”
That makes me chuckle. “Good. They are. But still, be careful. Text one of us if you need anything.”
“I’ll be fine. Don’t worry so much.” She bumps her shoulder against mine. “Want to talk about Jade?”
“Not really,” I admit.
“All right. Let’s talk about you then.”
I shake my head at her, but Ev isn’t that easily discouraged.
“Okay, let’s start small. How long are you planning on crashing on Ash’s couch and not showering?” She sniffs my shoulder and makes a face of disgust.
“I don’t stink.” I drop my face to my chest. “Okay, fine, I do, but it’s only because we just worked out. I showered this morning.”
“Maybe you should go to your house and shower now.” She sits forward like she’s going to get up.
“No. Not yet.”
She sinks back into the seat next to me. “What are you waiting for?”
“I’m not sure.”
“If you don’t want to see her, then maybe you should text her.”
“And say what?”
“I don’t know. Doesn’t matter. Most of the joy of receiving a text from someone you like is just seeing their name light up the screen.”
I pause a second to imagine what it’d be like to see Jade’s name flashing on my screen right now. My chest tightens.
“I can’t go home or text her until…” I trail off. “Until I can live with the consequence of her decision. Whatever it is.”
“You’re a good guy, Declan,” she says. “And Jade is great. I’m rooting for you two.”
“Thanks, Little Sharpie.” I wrap an arm around her neck and bring her in for a quick hug.
When we break apart, she stares toward the kitchen. “I better go. You’re sure you’re good?”
“I’m fine.” I tip my head. “Get out of here and go have fun.”
I walk with her to join the rest of the group.
“Ready?” Everly asks Grace.
“Yeah.”
The girls say their goodbyes and start for the door. Ash pulls a beer from the fridge and offers it to me.
I shake my head. “No, thanks, but is it cool if I use your shower again?”
“Don’t even need to ask,” Ash says, still staring after Grace.
“Thanks.” I slap him on the shoulder. “Could you be a little less obvious?”
“Huh?” He glances at me. “What do you mean?”
“Nothing, man.” I fight a smile.
Upstairs in the guest bathroom, I strip down and step into the shower. There’s some girly smelling body wash from when Everly lived here. I open the bottle and squirt some in my palm. Jade started using mine since she moved in and I love that. It’s like I’m with her all day long. Another pang of sadness slams into me. Fuck. Is every little thing going to remind me of her until the end of time?
I’m shampooing my hair when I think I hear my phone ringing. I pause and stick my head out of the shower. My heart leaps when the ringtone plays again. I jump out of the shower, wet and sudsy.
Nobody calls me, and the ones that might are all here. All but one.
I wrestle the device from my sweats pocket, while soap streams down my face and into my eyes. It stings. Fuck does it sting. I let out a scream as I widen my blurring eyes. Jade. Holy shit, it’s really Jade.
Panic has me frozen for a split second. What if she’s calling to tell me it’s over? I guess at least I’d get to hear her voice one last time.
I swipe to answer and reach for a towel. “Hello?”
“Declan.” My name comes on a sob that has a whole new kind of fear screaming through my veins. Something’s not right and I have a bad feeling it has nothing to do with me. “C-can you come to the house?”
“What’s wrong?” I ask, already pulling my sweats on, skipping the boxers because it’ll take too much time. I grab my shirt and bolt for the door.
“I…” She sniffles and takes a second to compose herself. I don’t know why. I’d take her snot-nosed, red-eyed over any other girl in the world.
“I—” she starts again, her voice quieter, “I need you.”
