At Sea
“Leah!” Her name ripped from my throat, the sound almost inhuman, animalistic, as she fell. She’d gone limp before impact, the angle working in her favor as she slid to the bottom, but she wasn’t moving.
Just like he hadn’t.
I used the ramp as a slide, barely noticing the friction burns on my calves.
Skidding to a stop next to her, I gathered her limp body into my arms and pressed the side of her face to my heart, stroking her other cheek with my hand. She was cold, clammy, but her chest rose and fell, her pulse strong.
She was also unconscious.
I’d seen enough falls to know she hadn’t hurt her neck, and she still had her helmet on, so why wouldn’t she wake up?
“Is she okay?” Brooke asked next to me, her voice shaking.
“I don’t know,” I answered, my thumb stroking her cheekbone, then down her nose, over her lips. “Leah. Eleanor. You have to wake up. Show me those eyes, come on, baby.”
“Oh God. If she’s not okay… I’m so sorry, Pax,” Brooke babbled.
“Why won’t she wake up?” Panic like I’d never known tore through me. I’d fallen while mountain climbing, dangled over a sheer cliff face, snowboarded from a helicopter, but I’d never been this scared in my life. I unsnapped her helmet, in case the strap was putting pressure somewhere, and leaned down, pressing my forehead to hers. “Leah, please. Please.”
She gasped, the sound of air rushing past her lips breathing life into me, and I nearly crumbled with relief. “Leah?”
I pulled back enough to see her eyes flutter open, the whiskey color vague instead of bright, but she was here. “I’ve got you. You’re okay.”
“I’m not dead,” she whispered.
“No.” I shook my head, unable to stop the smile of relief from spreading across my face. “You’re not dead. You’re okay. I have you.”
“Paxton?” she asked, her voice soft, weak.
“Yeah?” I couldn’t stop my fingers from tracing the soft lines of her face, more than aware of how bad it could have been.
“I don’t do heights.”
I pulled her tight against me, tucking her into my neck, my shakes of laughter bordering on hysterical—bordering on uncontrolled.
“I’m so glad you woke up.” I was always in control, it was how I survived, how I thrived and excelled, but this girl—this woman—had the power to shred that control if I wasn’t careful.
“I heard you calling me.”
Then I lost it.
…
I jumped to my feet when Penna walked into their living room. “How is she?”
“Ready to sleep,” she answered, slumping onto the couch next to Brooke. “Doc gave her something to help her sleep, but she doesn’t have any major damage. Well, physically, at least. He said it was a panic attack.”
I don’t do heights.
“I’m so sorry,” Brooke said, her voice small.
“It wasn’t your fault,” I said to her. She’d already been through so much this last year. “I saw the angle; Colin’s bike would have hit her. It was a snap decision, and no one blames you.”
“She knows you were trying to help her,” Penna assured her, putting her arm around Brooke’s shoulder.
“Some help. Should I go apologize?”
“If you want to. She’s pretty out of it, but it might make you feel better.”
Brooke nodded slowly and stood. “Yeah. That sounds good. I’ll see you guys tomorrow?”
“Absolutely,” I said, forcing a smile. Brooke said her good-byes and headed back to Leah’s room as Landon came in through the sliding door.
“Bobby said he’d kill the footage. It won’t go in the documentary.” He took Brooke’s vacated seat.
“Do you trust him?” Penna asked.
“I don’t think we have much of a choice,” I answered, pacing the length of the area rug. “She won’t want it in there, but she signed a release, so we don’t have much recourse if he chooses to.”
Landon shook his head. “Sometimes I wonder what the fuck we were thinking, letting them film our entire lives this year.”
“We were thinking that this was the only way to give Nick a future where he could stand on his own. If we can’t pull this off, then it was all for nothing. You guys know what this means to him. It’s all he has,” I said.
“I wish we could tell people that,” Penna added softly.
“Yeah, well, we can’t,” Landon said. “So this is what we’re stuck with.”
The silence that descended was thick with memories and regret, yet hollow, knowing we were missing him, that he, of all people, should be on this trip.
“When she fell…” I said softly.
“Flashbacks?” Penna asked.
I nodded. I’d never flown across a half-pipe faster in my life.
“Me, too,” Landon said, rubbing his hands over his face. “She’s going to be okay?”
“Yeah,” Penna answered.
“She’s still awake,” Brooke said as she came back in. “Not sure for how long, though, so if you want to see her, you’d better be quick. I’ll catch you guys tomorrow.” She waved before walking out through the back door.
“Go on,” Penna urged me.
My hands itched, nearly tingling with the need to put my arms around Leah, to feel her breathing. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”
“You like her,” Landon said, as if it could be that simple.
“I like her,” I admitted, wishing that saying it would somehow free me.
“Fuck,” he muttered. “Pax, I love you, but you destroy just about every girl you touch. I know it’s not intentional, but it happens, and this girl…”
“I know,” I said louder than I’d intended. “But as much as I love you guys, I’m not asking your permission.”
“Well, I’d give it,” Penna said, curling her legs under her. “She’s a great girl, and exactly what you need.”
“Sure, but for how long?” Landon argued. “Until he gets bored with her and then he’s lost his tutor? Then what do we do? Find another one who isn’t already booked and is willing to sign all the media releases and the NDA?”
A couple of years ago, Landon would have agreed with Penna, championed a new relationship. But this new jaded version of my best friend was what I was stuck with—what I’d created.
“This isn’t up for debate,” I snapped. “And besides, I said I like her, I didn’t say I was going to act on it.”
“Well, if it was up for a vote, Leah has mine,” Penna said. “We’re a family, and we always have been, but I think we all know that there’s more to life outside the Renegades.”
Landon looked from her to me and then sighed. “Right. Okay. Just…be careful.”
After what happened today, how could I not be? “Penna, you ran the background check when I chose her, right?”
“I know what you’re about to ask, and it’s not for me to tell.” Her eyes took that fierce glint I knew meant she wasn’t budging.
“So something did happen to her?” I asked. “Is that why she’s so scared of heights?”
She crossed her arms and glared. “Ask her yourself.”
“You’re supposed to be on my side here.”
She thrust her fist into the air. “Team Leah.”
“Nice.” I gathered up every ounce of self-control I had and walked down the hall, gently knocking on Leah’s door.
“Come in,” she said, her voice groggy.
I opened the door and saw her curled on her side, her mass of brown hair wrapped around her shoulder. “Hey.”
“Hi.” Her smile was unbelievably beautiful, and incredibly drug-induced.
The bed sagged under my weight as I sat next to her. “How are you feeling?”
“Sleepy.”
I tucked her hair behind her ear, lingering only long enough to feel the silken strands slip through my fingers. “Then you should sleep.”
Her forehead puckered. “Sometimes I have nightmares.”
“About what happened?” I asked, blatantly fishing.
She nodded.
“Do you want to tell me about them?”
“No. I don’t want to think about it.”
“Okay. Maybe someday?” Someday when she wasn’t drugged, when she knew what she was telling me, when she was ready to open up to me.
“Maybe.” She took my hand and put it on her cheek, then turned and placed a kiss on the palm.
I felt it in my soul.
“What was that for?” I asked, wishing for so many things that I had no right to.
“Because I wanted to.”
My thumb stroked over her cheek, unable to stay motionless against her skin. I loved how soft she was. Her curves, her eyes, her kindness. In my world everything was hard—the stunts, the bodies, even the women—but the only sharp parts of Leah were those that I loved best, her brain and her mouth.
“I was so scared,” she mumbled, her eyes half closing. “I looked down and…I shut down. I’m sorry I was so weak.”
“No, no. That’s not weakness. Don’t think that.”
“It wasn’t all bad. I woke up with you holding me. I knew you’d come.” Her trust made me feel invincible while simultaneously scaring the shit out of me.
“Of course I came,” I whispered. “I damn near flew to get there.”
She forced her eyes open, her blinks becoming longer and longer. “No one came that night.”
Every muscle in my body locked. “Leah…”
“I waited, but no one came. All night. Then the next day. No one came.” She leaned deeper into my palm.
“I’m here,” I promised.
“I don’t want to be scared anymore, Pax. Will you help me? You’re never scared.” Her eyes closed. How much of this would she remember in the morning?
“Yeah, Firecracker. We’ll get you past it.” We would. No matter what she needed, I could do it. It was the least I could do after I was the one who dared her onto the half-pipe in the first place. Yet another person my ego injured.
Her breathing evened out, and I let myself run my hand over her hair before standing to leave. I had the door open when she called my name.
“Pax?”
“Leah?”
“Class is at ten a.m. tomorrow,” she slurred. “If you’re late, I’m telling everyone that tattoo on your neck was a gift from your current boyfriend.”
“Got it.” I laughed as I shut her bedroom door.
I went to every single class until we docked in Barcelona three days later.
