“Oh, shit.”
I don’t mean to say it out loud. I was looking at the puppy. Why didn’t I just stay looking at the puppy?
Russ doesn’t say anything as we stare at each other. The easy, friendly smile from last night gone, replaced with something cooler, more guarded. My brain is scrambling for something to say, something that says, “Hey, I know we’ve seen each other naked and we thought we wouldn’t see each other again, but now we’re in the same group, so let’s not think about it again? Cool? Cool.”
I have thought about it though, even when I didn’t want to. My mouth starts to open, to say what, I don’t know, but slams shut before I have the opportunity to embarrass myself when he turns to face the rest of our group without uttering a word.
The silence stings.
And the irony isn’t lost on me, since I have ignored several one-night stands while passing by them on campus, but I’m not sure I’d even truly be my father’s daughter if my biggest talent wasn’t hypocrisy.
There’s nothing nasty about Russ’s reaction; I’m not sure there’s anything nasty about the guy who whispered how beautiful I am into the dark or folded the clothes he peeled off me into a tidy pile. I’m just surprised, I suppose, since he was so sweet last night.
I let the uncomfortable feelings linger, unwilling to push them away or attempt to soothe my growing unease. This is what you get for seeking comfort from strangers, Aurora.
Lesson learned.
“Hi everyone. My name is Jenna, or as I’m more commonly known, Fish’s mom. I’m the Brown Bears senior this summer, which means, as well as my responsibilities as one of the camp directors, I oversee your plans, make sure everyone is happy and healthy and help you navigate any tricky stuff that might come up with your campers . . .”
Taking a spot beside me, Emilia links her pinky with mine, her signal of solidarity and what-the-fuck rolled into one because of the currently brooding hockey player standing to our right. I’m trying to concentrate on Jenna’s introduction, but Russ keeps drawing my focus by the fact he won’t even look in my direction.
“. . . I’m going to give you all a tour of the main grounds. I recommend you all fill up your water bottles before we head out. When we’re done, we’ll have dinner together then the rest of the evening is yours to enjoy before the hard work starts tomorrow.”
Everyone heads to the water machines. When they’re all gone, Jenna’s professional smile slips into her real one and she lunges at me, pulling me into an oxygen-stealing hug. “I’ve missed you so much!”
“Can’t breathe, Jen.”
She releases me, taking my face in her hands instead. “I want to cry. I feel like my baby has come home; you’re so grown up now.”
My words catch in my throat and the overwhelming urge to sob floods me. Jenna was my counselor when I was a camper and as I aged up, so did she. She swore it was a coincidence, but I liked to tell myself it was because she wanted to hang out with me and, as a kid who just wanted to be wanted, it was bliss.
It was like I could breathe again when we drove down the dirt road earlier, like I was finally where I’m supposed to be.
Jenna was eighteen when we first met, but unlike my actual big sister, Jenna was the one I’d always needed. She was the tooth fairy when I lost my first tooth here, my savior when I got my first period and my shoulder to cry on when I had my first kiss with Todd Anson and a day later he was kissing Polly Becker by the volleyball court.
“I spoke to you two days ago and it hasn’t been that long since we had a sleepover,” I laugh, freeing myself from her grip and taking the spot beside her. “When did you become so needy?”
“Yes, but it’s been three summers since you were here. Three summers too long.” I love her being needy, she knows I love it, but she plays along all the same. “Sorry, it’s the puppies. They’re making me maternal. Now I’m going to have to look at tall, muscular guys carrying them around all summer.” She sighs as she nods toward where Russ and the others are playing with the trio of golden retrievers. “It looks like Fish has picked her victim for the summer. She has good taste.”
If Russ can feel our eyes on him, he doesn’t look up. I shouldn’t be staring at him, but he looks as good, if not better than he did last night. I turn so my back is to him. “About him . . .”
Jenna’s eyes narrow like she’s trying to see into my brain and she might have achieved it because her face sinks into disgust. “You’ve been here two hours! Aurora, please tell me you haven’t managed to break cardinal rule number one already?”
“What? No! Of course not. What do you take me for?”
“Thank goodness. I can’t be your boss if you’re going to break the rules.”
“I haven’t!”
She mutters something that sounds a lot like “phew” and puts her hands on her hips. “Good.”
“It was last night.”
“Rory!” Jenna hisses, dragging a hand down her face. “Do not make me regret accepting your application by messing around all summer. You promised me you’d work hard. You strutting around here like you owned the place was cute when you were a sassy nine-year old, but if you’re going to be in charge of campers I need to know your head is in the game, not in some basketball? Football? players bed.”
“He actually plays hockey . . .”
“I’m glad you’re diversifying your roster, but I really mean it, Ror. You promised me an entire summer. No throwing in the towel because you’re bored of camp life. I need you to show up for the kids, not show up for some random guy.”
“Have some faith in me, Jen. Jesus. I didn’t know he was going to be here! Funnily enough, he didn’t ask me about my summer plans when he was pounding me into his bed,” I say, folding my arms across my chest.
“Firstly, I never want to hear about your sex life again,” she groans, scrunching her face in repulsion. “And secondly, I do have faith in you, Rory. I’m your biggest supporter, but I also know you. Let’s not make both of our lives harder, please. Focus all your energy into the kids.”
“I know, Jenna,” I drawl. “Like I said, didn’t know he was going to be here.”
She looks around me quickly, then back at my face. “When you woke up this morning did neither of you say ‘got to go, have to go to Honey Acres?’ or ‘thanks for the sex but gotta get to camp?’”
“No, of course not. I left last night while he hid from me in the bathroom and when he saw me a couple of minutes ago, he pretended he didn’t know me. Like real adults.”
“Oh, to be in college again.”
I move to stand beside her, looking at my group mates chatting around the water machine. There are two guys with Russ, both good looking and, if I’m hearing correctly, they’re talking about basketball. Something that under normal circumstances would pique my interest. “Besides, I’m not even interested in Russ, the other two guys are cuter.” Lie. “You don’t need to worry.” Big fat lie.
“No funny business with any of them . . . no, don’t give me that look, Aurora. I mean it. You don’t get a free pass because I love you and you think the rules don’t apply to you. You told me you want to find yourself this summer.”
“Because I do.”
Jenna might be five inches smaller than me, but even at five foot two, she still manages to move me a couple of inches to the left when she bashes her shoulder into me. “Well, if you have sex with someone on campgrounds, the only place you’re going to find yourself is buried in the woods when I murder you.”
“You’re not going to murder me. I’m not interested in him and he’s clearly not interested in me.” I retake my place and wrap my arms around her, resting my head on hers. Something I started doing when I overtook her in height, which I know annoys her. “Tell me you love me again.”
She huffs, a sound I’ve missed during our time apart. Jenna becoming exasperated by me doesn’t quite have the same effect on a videocall. “This feels like a HR complaint waiting to happen.”
“Tell me,” I tease, dragging out the “me” until she attempts to elbow me, her short black bob tickling against my face in the struggle. “Please, please, please.”
“I love you, Aurora Roberts. Welcome home. Now get off me, I have a tour to conduct.”
“My feet feel like they’re going to fall off.”
I shoot Emilia a disbelieving look. “You’re a ballerina. Your feet have been through worse.”
“Being a ballerina has not stopped my sandals from shredding my feet because I was wearing the wrong shoes on a freaking hike.”
“Typical city girl,” I tease. “Should have read more small-town romances to prepare yourself for the country.”
The short-and-sweet sandal-appropriate camp tour Jenna was planning to give was hijacked by Cooper, the senior in charge of the Hedgehog counselors, who I suspect has a soft spot for her and asked to combine tours. That’s sweet and all, but thanks to Cooper and his enthusiasm, our tour took two hours longer than everyone else’s and I feel like I’ve seen every blade of grass at Honey Acres.
The long walk gave us the chance to talk to the other counselors, except Russ, who kept himself up front, talking to Xander, the same guy he was with earlier.
“Yes, that’s where I went wrong. Not enough small-town romances.” She wiggles her toes in the sand that borders the shore of the lake, commonly referred to as the beach, where we’ve commandeered two deck chairs to people watch. “I’m going to sit on the dock and dip my feet in the water, do you want to come or guard the seats?”
“I’ll stay here.” Our seats have the perfect spot to people watch and it’s fun seeing who is drawn to each other and make predictions on who will get close. It was funny listening to Orla talk earlier about how fraternization is prohibited, knowing nobody is going to listen to it. When I was a camper here, we would all speculate who was secretly kissing after hours. Then annoy the hell out of our counselors to tell us the adult gossip.
My favorite thing to do now I’m a counselor myself is to watch the dogs inspect everyone, occasionally sitting down to be petted, before moving on. I love dogs, which is exactly why I’m watching one of the puppies sleep on Russ as he laughs and chats with Maya from our group, while Fish and the other puppy sleep at his feet.
“Anyone sitting here?”
Looking behind me, I find Clay, the third guy in our group standing barefoot in the sand, holding two beers. “Not right now, but she’ll be back soon.” I point in the direction of Emilia, chatting with someone on the dock. “Take a seat.”
Sitting beside me, he holds out one of the beer bottles. “Beer?”
Although Orla does her best to enforce the no drinking rule, short of inspecting everyone’s bag when they arrive, there isn’t a way for her to stop people sneaking it in for training week. I assume she knows, but is less strict as there are no children around currently. What she does take very seriously is campers sneaking in alcohol, which I found out the hard way when I was fifteen. “No, thanks. I’m, uh, I’m trying not to break all the rules on day one.” Or massively piss off Jenna.
Clay shrugs as he puts the spare beer in the drink holder. “We never get caught. I’ve been here before. But you’re right, we have plenty of time to break the rules.”
He launches into a tale about being a counselor and I’m struggling to follow along. Not because I’m not smart enough, just because it’s really, really boring. By the time he’s moved on to talking about playing basketball at Berkeley (or was it USC?), he’s totally lost me.
It’s not his fault that my mind is elsewhere and I’m sure he’s not used to women zoning out when he’s trying to talk to them. He’s attractive by conventional standards: tall, sharp jaw, nice eyes and smile. Not a huge fan of the amount of gel he uses to slick back his hair, but mainly because there’s so much, I’m concerned there’s going to be a pollution incident if he jumps into the lake. And I could do without the way his eyes drop to my chest when I’m talking, but he’s not the worst guy who’s ever tried to befriend me.
Normally I’d take the attention he’s showing me and run with it, but I find his confidence off putting and his proclivity for bragging hard to listen to. I hook up with one quiet guy and suddenly I don’t like confident basketball players? The matrix is glitching.
My eyes wander across the beach and the dogs look super comfortable as Maya brushes something from Russ’s shoulder, smiling at him sweetly. The puppy on his lap doesn’t even stir when he shuffles in his seat and rubs the back of his neck with his palm.
“I will have that beer actually,” I say, interrupting Clay telling me how much he can bench.
“Oh, sweet. Here . . .”
At least it’s still a bit cold. “Thanks. Nice chatting with you.”
I don’t hear if he responds as I stand and rush over toward Emilia on the dock. Her eyebrows pinch together as she sees me approach. “What happened to our seats?” She spots the beer in my hand. “And becoming a changed woman?”
She accepts it from me, taking a sip as I take the seat beside her, dipping my feet into the water. “I’m starting tomorrow. Too many things to be irritated about today to overhaul my life.”
“He’s just shy, Ror,” Emilia says carefully, handing me back my beer.
I turn to look at her, confused. “Clay is not shy. Shy people don’t talk to your breasts.”
Her eyes roll. “You know who I’m talking about. The one you keep looking at.”
Looking over my shoulder back toward the beach, Russ is still talking to Maya and Xander has joined them. “I’m looking at the dogs,” I argue. “But, if you’re talking about Russ . . . well, he’s not too shy to talk to other people, is he?”
“Just go over and talk to him.”
“And let him ignore me with an audience? No thanks.”
“Maya is homesick, he’s probably just trying to make her feel better.”
“I know, I chatted with her while you were on the phone to Poppy. She lives near the Fenrir UK base but a few of her friends from home are here too. Look, it’s not important, he can talk to whoever he wants, I’m not trying to be that person. It just sort of sucks that I seem to be the only person he doesn’t want to talk to, y’know? I’m beginning to think maybe I got played and he’s not as nice as he seems.”
“You didn’t. But if you did, who cares? You hooked up, you’ll move on like you always do.” Emilia wraps her arm around my shoulder and pulls me closer, resting her head against mine as I swallow a glug of the now warm beer. “If you make me listen to you complain about a man all summer, I will tell your mom you’re moving back home.”
“I won’t. I told you, from tomorrow I’m going to be a new woman.”
