As great as being in the office is, I sure do love working from home.
I’ve spent the last week writing from my bed, taking meetings while dressed in pajama pants, and doing laundry in the middle of the day. It truly is the dream.
I’m in the middle of a (blessedly cameras-off) Zoom meeting with Nikki where we’re plotting out the continuation of Doing It for Daddy when something occurs to me.
“Hey, where has Daniel been?” I ask her offhandedly. “I haven’t seen him in the morning meeting all week.”
It’s not out of the norm for him to miss a few of our morning meetings. He’s often on calls with authors and other publishing houses, negotiating deals, before the rest of us even check our email in the morning. I didn’t think twice about it until now, Monday morning, after a week of him being absent. I haven’t even seen him active on Slack now that I think about it.
Not that it really matters. He and I spend the hours after work on the phone and send random texts all day. I still haven’t come clean about our burgeoning relationship to Carly, even though I know she’s overheard me talking to him. She hasn’t pushed me to give her details either.
“You didn’t hear?” Nikki says. Her tone implies she’s about to spill the juiciest gossip of her life. “Rumor is he quit to take another job. And he didn’t give any heads-up, so the bosses aren’t happy about it. I’m sure they’ll bring it up in the big all-staff meeting on Wednesday, but it’s been pretty hush-hush so far.”
My stomach drops to my knees. “Are you—are you for real?”
Nikki cackles delightedly. “Hell yeah, babe! We’re fucking free. No more Daniel Santiago making our lives miserable.”
I force myself to swallow back the bile creeping into my throat. “This is the best thing I’ve ever heard.”
“I figured you’d love it. Anyway, what do we think about adding a love triangle to this? Maybe a new daddy. Someone to rival…”
Nikki keeps talking, but I can’t do anything more than murmur in agreement at her suggestions. I don’t care what happens in this stupid story. Not after what I’ve just learned.
Hands shaking, I snatch my phone off the bed beside me and type a message to Daniel.
You quit???? I text him. And you didn’t think to tell me????
My heart races as I wait for him to reply, but as the minutes tick by and Nikki asks if I’m still there, I get nothing back. I have to lie and tell her my internet is being shitty, that I missed half the stuff she just said. I keep waiting for his response as she repeats herself, but it doesn’t come. Finally, I force myself to tune in, but my head is still reeling.
Daniel quit without saying a word to me.
He’s gone.
Despite my numerous phone calls and desperate voice notes, I don’t get a reply until the workday is nearly over. And the response isn’t an explanation. No, it’s a question: When are you in the city again?
Unlike him, I respond immediately. Are you KIDDING ME, Daniel??? THAT’S what you have to say to me right now? Then I follow up with Look, I’m supposed to be there again on Wednesday, but I can come sooner.
I spend an agonizing thirty minutes pacing my bedroom before my phone buzzes again.
Come sooner, his message reads. Tonight.
I’m on the Amtrak website, changing my ticket before I can think twice. The next few trains are sold out, so I settle for the nine-fifteen. It’s just after five now. I’ve got four hours to stew and stress before I even board.
You wanna tell me why you did this without saying anything??? I text with my left hand as my right scrolls down to click Purchase Ticket.
I will when you get here, he says. See you soon.
I keep myself confined to my room for as long as I can stand, but at seven, I can’t take it anymore.
I burst out, dragging my suitcase behind me, not even sure what I packed. There’s a chance all I have in there are old gym shorts, an eye cream, and sixteen pairs of socks, but I don’t care. I just need to see Daniel.
Carly’s sitting on the couch with her feet kicked up on the coffee table and her phone in hand as she scrolls through social media. Our favorite sitcom plays quietly on the TV. She looks up, probably ready to invite me to join her, but she cuts short and frowns when she sees me clutching my purse in one hand and the handle of my suitcase in the other.
“I—I have to go back to New York,” I stammer.
I hoped she was in her room so I could just text her on the Uber ride to the train station, but clearly, I have no such luck. Still, I can’t let this conversation go on for long; I’m already feeling fragile—any more pressure, no matter how slight, might fully break me.
Her frown deepens as she sets her phone to the side. “I thought you weren’t going up until Wednesday for that big company meeting.”
“It got moved up to tomorrow,” I lie, hustling toward the front door, “so I’m leaving tonight instead. See you la—”
“When will you be back?”
God, what is this, the Spanish Inquisition? Because I certainly didn’t expect it. “I don’t know,” I say, unable to tamp down on my irritation, a dead giveaway that I’m hiding something.
She squints at me, rising from the couch. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I lie once again. “Everything’s fine.”
But Carly sees through me. “No, it’s not. Come here, sit down.” She approaches slowly, as if I’m a wild animal she’s worried might attack. “Honey, what’s going on?”
“It’s nothing, I swear.” I set my purse on the table by the door and grab my jacket. My hands are shaking. “Just my company being a pain in the ass. You know how it is.”
“I do,” she says softly, taking the jacket from me. “But this isn’t that.” She hangs it back up and scrutinizes me.
I’m frozen in place, called out and on the verge of cracking straight down the middle.
“Tell me what’s up,” she urges. She takes my hands and guides me to the couch. “No more secrets.”
I follow along like a small child, swallowing hard and ready to deny. “I don’t have any—”
“Selene Haddad,” she warns as she eases herself to the cushions and tugs me along with her. But there’s a hint of an understanding smile on her lips. “You’ve been keeping a lot from me lately. It’s time to come clean. Whatever’s going on is making you a nervous wreck. So come on. Spill it.”
I’ve hidden all of this for so long, and it’s about to come out, but I don’t even know where to start.
After a few long beats, I finally manage to admit, “I’ve been…seeing someone.”
“I know,” Carly says gently. “You’ve done a pretty terrible job of hiding it, but I didn’t want to spook you by asking questions. I know how you are. Like a horse ready to bolt at any second.”
“You’ve known me for too long,” I grumble. She knows everything about me, but maybe that’s a good thing. She knows all about my ex, my romantic hang-ups, my determination to keep my distance from men. She understands better than anyone.
“Keep going,” she prods. “You’ve been seeing someone and…”
“And I…” I drop my chin, unable to look her in the eyes. “People are going to think I’m crazy because of who it is.”
“Crazy? Why would anyone think that?”
“Because it’s…Daniel.” I force myself to take a breath before I pass out. Finally, I drag my gaze to her. “Daniel Santiago.”
And there it is, the grand reveal. That I’m dating the man I’ve very vocally claimed to hate for so long. Everyone is going to think I’m a liar, that I’ve been deceiving them for years, just going along with the general dislike for him in order to fit in.
Carly is frowning. Her brows are drawn together in confusion, and my heart aches at the sight. I know she loves me and will never be as harsh as my runaway imagination believes, but I’m more concerned about facing her disappointment.
“Your coworker?” she clarifies. There’s no judgment in her voice, just uncertainty. “The one I’ve had to talk you out of murdering several times?”
I wince. The reminder is a perfect example of how difficult it’s going to be to convince people that things between Daniel and me have changed. “That’s him.”
And then the words flood out. The whole story leaves me in a rush before I can even stop to think about what I’m saying. Every moment of it, every feeling. Every doubt and fear and desire escapes my lips. Everything but what I learned today.
“Oh, honey.” She squeezes my hands tightly, the confusion on her face shifting into gentle understanding. “You’ve been holding on to this all by yourself?”
“Yeah,” I say. My voice cracks on the word, and my eyes sting. “I didn’t want anyone to judge me. Or tell me I was making a mistake. Or say I told you so if it went bad.”
“Did it go bad?” she coaxes, running her thumbs over my knuckles. “Is that what this is about?”
“No,” I choke out. “No. But he did something without telling me.”
“What did he do?”
The first tear rolls down my cheek, easing the floodgates open. “He quit. He left Naiad last week.”
The unknowns of it all hit me straight in the chest. He didn’t tell me any of this. He left me in the dark, and I was the last person to know. How could I not realize that the man I’ve fallen in love with no longer worked at the place that brought us together?
And honestly? I don’t want him to leave Naiad, not yet, even if it will make it easier to be in a relationship. He’s just given me the greatest gift—the first of my books published in paperback—and now he’s gone? Just…done? Work has tied us together for so long; what are we going to be like without it?
“Oh, wow,” Carly exhales, drawing me out of my thoughts. She worries her full lower lip between her teeth. “That is big. But…it’s a good thing, right?”
“I mean, yeah.” It is, despite how up in the air everything feels right now. “Naiad doesn’t allow employees to be in relationships with each other. We were planning to hide it for as long as we could…”
“But he changed things up and left the company instead,” she fills in for me, and I’m so glad I have this wonderful girl in my life who can finish my sentences. “And you’re upset that he kept this from you. That he did it without consulting you first.”
“I am.” I sniffle, rubbing at my eyes, as if that will stop the tears. But they still drip down my face. “The fact that he quit is—It’s not about that.”
“I get it.” She hauls me against her chest and tucks my head under her chin. “You need to talk to him.”
“He should have already talked to me,” I mumble against the soft cotton of her shirt. “He won’t even tell me anything over the phone.”
“I’m sure he has his reasons.”
I jut my lower lip out in a pout. “Whose side are you on here?”
She laughs, her chest vibrating under my cheek. “I’m on yours, obviously. But I’m trying to keep you from breaking your own heart.” She presses an apology kiss to my hair. “If I ever meet him, believe me, I’ll punch him in the gut for doing things this way.”
That manages to drag a garbled laugh out of me.
“But I’m guessing he did this for you—for your relationship. So you wouldn’t have to worry about hiding.”
My eyes well with tears again. I’m so overwhelmed, so happy and confused and angry, that I can’t process it all. “I hate him,” I sob, clinging to my best friend.
“I know,” she soothes, though there’s a hint of laughter there. “You hate him so much that you love him.”
My answer comes out as a sad cross between a whine and a hiccup. “Exactly.”
She holds me for a little while longer, waiting out my tears and my mumbled insults and my threats to kick his ass when I see him. Eventually, she helps me sit up and wipes my face. Though her eyes are filled with sympathy, she scrunches her nose at what she sees. I’m sure I look an absolute fucking wreck after that breakdown.
“Let’s go get you cleaned up.” She gives me a nudge. “Then we’ll get your behind on a train to go see your man. Okay?”
“Okay.” I rise onto shaky legs. But as she pulls me toward my bedroom, I stop short. “What if I’m wrong?” I whisper. “What if—”
“You’re not,” she says firmly. This time, she makes sure I can’t avoid her gaze. “He wouldn’t have done this if he wasn’t all in with you. You know that, don’t you?”
She’s right. Even if my insecurities are trying to tell me otherwise.
I just need to hear it from him too.
