“You son of a bitch!”
I shot up on the couch, instantly awake. The blanket still covered my face and I hastily pulled it off my head, looking around for the direction of a man’s yell.
The children were awake and Captain was sitting up on his haunches. He let out a little woof, but he calmed the moment Silas placed an arm around him.
“What’s going on?” Lily asked, wiping sleepy eyes.
“I don’t know.” I looked toward the stairs that led to the main floor.
Cam yawned. “What time is it?”
“Late,” I said. “Or early. Do you guys think you can go back to sleep?”
Silas shook his head and I noticed he was dragging his hand across his cheeks.
Tears.
Had he cried silent tears too?
“You fucking prick!” came another shout.
I jumped up from the couch and headed for the stairs. The kids trailed after me. “Er—you guys should really wait down here.”
“Captain has to go to the bathroom,” Silas said, looking at the dog.
“And I’m scared of the yelling,” Lily said.
“I’m gonna get your Mom,” I told her. “Silas? You want to come with me and let out your dog?”
He nodded and stayed close on my heels—close enough that I almost tripped up the stairs. The door to the main floor was cracked and I pushed it open, sticking my head out into the hallway…and heard the unmistakable sound of a fist hitting flesh.
“Run out back with Captain,” I told Silas. “And then find Darcy and tell her about Lily. Will you do that for me?”
He nodded, trying to look around me toward the living room where the fistfight was clearly taking place.
“Go on,” I urged him.
Silas looked like he wanted to argue, but then Captain pawed at his leg.
“Come on,” he told the dog, and the two of them headed to the backyard. As soon as they were out of sight, I dashed toward the living room and came to a complete stop.
My jaw dropped open.
Colt was on top of Zip, pummeling him into the ground. From what I could tell, Zip wasn’t even fighting back. My gaze darted to the kitchen to see Joni gripping the counter, her face pale.
Her eyes met mine.
Understanding dawned on me.
“Should I stop them?” I asked.
She shook her head. “This is how they do things.”
“I don’t care that this is how they do things. Colt’s injured.”
“I know.” She sighed.
“How did he find out?”
“He caught us.”
I blinked. “Like in the throes of it?”
“God, no! Can you imagine? He caught us kissing.”
“Where?” I demanded. “I thought you were trying to be all discreet.”
“We were. But I—look at him. I can barely keep my hands off him.”
I looked back at the two grown men who were on the floor. I hadn’t planned to say anything, but then I noticed the splotch of red seeping through Colt’s T-shirt from his side wound.
“Enough!” I barked.
Colt stopped pummeling Zip for one moment to look at me over his shoulder. His eyes were dark with irrational rage.
“This is between us,” Colt rasped.
I pitched my voice soft but firm. “You’re bleeding. It has to stop. Now.”
He glanced down at himself. “Tore my stitches.”
“Fantastic,” I muttered. “Do you think you can possibly wait to beat Zip up until after you heal?”
Colt climbed off Zip, whose head was lolling back. He appeared to be in danger of passing out and I grimaced, thinking about how hard Colt had been hitting him.
When Colt move away from Zip, Joni rushed to his side, squatting down next to him and cradling his head in her lap. One eye was already swollen and I knew it would be black and blue by tomorrow.
Colt watched his sister tend to Zip and with a labored sigh, he stalked back to our room. The door slammed shut.
I glanced between Joni and Zip.
“What does this mean?” I asked.
“I claimed her as my Old Lady,” Zip slurred through a swollen mouth. No doubt he had a few loose teeth. “Took my punishment from her brother. It’s over now. He won’t interfere from here on out.”
Joni stroked his hair and looked down at him. “You sure you want me for your Old Lady?”
He smiled up at her. “Yeah, babe. No other woman is worth getting my ass beat for.”
She gently kissed the end of his nose and let out a feminine sigh.
“My nose is not what needs kissing,” Zip stated.
I turned and left them alone in the living room, not needing to witness Joni tending to Zip. As I was making my way back to the bedroom, I saw Silas standing in the hallway with Captain by his side and Darcy closing the door of Gray’s clubhouse room.
“Silas told me the kids are awake?” she asked with a questioning look.
I rubbed the back of my neck. “Colt and Zip had an altercation.”
She raised her eyebrows.
“Joni.”
“Ah. So that finally happened?”
“You knew?” I asked with a surprised smile.
She grinned. “Not a lot gets past me.” Darcy set her hand on Silas’s shoulder. “Should we get you guys back to bed?”
Silas nodded and hastily brushed his too long hair off his forehead. “Will you come back and sleep downstairs with us, Mia?” Silas asked, his eyes wide with trust.
“Colt isn’t feeling well,” I said. “I need to make sure he’s okay. And then I promise I’ll tuck you in. Is that all right?”
“That’s all right,” he said.
Before I knew what was happening, Silas lurched forward to wrap his arms around my middle, giving me a hug.
I looked at Darcy who stared at me with a slight smile.
I embraced Silas tightly and then dropped a kiss to his forehead.
“I’ll be downstairs in just a minute,” Darcy said. “There’s ice cream in the freezer down there. You guys need a bowl before you go back to sleep.”
Silas’s face brightened and with the promise of ice cream, he ran down the stairs, Captain at his heels. When Darcy was sure he was gone, she said to me, “Being a mom comes pretty naturally to you.”
“How do you balance it?” I asked her. “Wife and mother? I feel guilty as hell for wanting to tend to Colt when Silas is clearly the more fragile one.”
“Practice. You’ll make mistakes along the way, but you get better at the juggling act.” She peered at me. “Just don’t forget to take time for yourself.” She embraced me quickly and then went downstairs.
I could hear the rowdiness of the kids who’d been awakened in the middle of the night—and now Darcy was going to give them sugar. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea, but these weren’t normal circumstances.
I thought about Shelly, my heart heavy. She would’ve loved all this. The crazy, the fighting, the laughing children, these people who loved hard and fast.
I didn’t know how I was going to get through any of it without her. We were supposed to be there for each other, through marriage and kids. Now, she’d never be able to offer me advice with a margarita, tell me I was doing a bang up job or tell me when I was failing and help me pick up the pieces like a true friend would.
The world was a darker place without Shelly in it—my world was darker without Shelly in it.
Mark and I had barely spoken at the funeral, a quick greeting, and an even quicker goodbye. But he’d given me something that had belonged to Shelly, her favorite piece of jewelry. It was a gold plated necklace with a heart shaped charm. It was worthless, and it had turned her skin green, but she’d won it at the county fair when we were in high school and kept it all these years. She’d worn it every day until the chain had broken, but she’d kept it anyway because she was sentimental.
“It’s good luck. It’s going to bring me my true love,” she had said with a twinkle in her eyes.
We’d giggled and fantasized about what our true loves would look like. We were teenage girls who were bound together by loss and grief, who found solace in friendship because we were soul sisters.
“Love you, girl,” I whispered.
Colt was sitting on the closed toilet, grimacing as he tried to bandage his side.
“Need some help there, tiger?” I asked leaning against the doorframe.
“Would you think less of me if I said yes?”
I pushed away from the doorjamb and came to his side. “Let me see what you did to yourself.”
He reluctantly pulled the bandage away from his wound. It was angry and red, and reminded me that he’d been in a hospital bed not that long ago.
“Oh, that looks like shit,” I told him. “Let me wash it and bandage it.”
“Did you know?” he asked.
His question stopped me in my tracks. “Yeah. I knew.”
“You knew and didn’t tell me. Why?”
“Because Joni is my friend and I kept her confidence.” I looked him in the eyes. “Are you mad at me for that?”
“For loyalty?” He shook his head. “No.”
“You really didn’t know anything was going on between them?”
He rubbed a thumb across his stubble. “I knew something was going on between them. I didn’t know it was serious, but I knew.”
“You pretended like you didn’t.” I bent down to his side with a warm, wet washcloth and gently cleaned his wound.
He gritted in pain but didn’t make a peep. “I thought they were just fucking around.”
“You sound disappointed to find out that it’s more than that between them.” I set the cloth aside and blew on his skin before slathering on antibacterial cream and concealing it with a sticky bandage and tape.
“I wasn’t happy with either scenario. Fucking around meant that one of them would lose interest and then they’d go about their business. But making her an Old Lady? That’s serious shit. And that fucker went behind my back and defiled my little sister.”
I was pretty sure Joni had defiled Zip first, but I wisely didn’t voice that thought.
“What was he supposed to do?” I asked instead. “Come to you and tell you he wanted to screw your sister? And Joni didn’t want to tell you until she knew there was something to tell.”
“I’ve got no beef with my sister. But Zip and I—”
“You beat him into a pulp. That’s not enough?”
“He went behind my back,” Colt said again.
“I get it. You feel betrayed. But this isn’t about you.”
“You’re right.” He slowly stood up. “This is about the Blue Angels and brotherhood.”
“Did he fight back?” I pressed. “Did Zip defend himself? Or did he know he did wrong and he was willing to let you knock a few teeth loose so you didn’t lose face?”
“I’m pissed as hell at him,” Colt growled.
“But you still trust him, right? He made an honest woman out of your sister. Whatever was going on between them under your nose or behind your back, the end result is good. They’re together, they’re committed, and Zip doesn’t want any bad blood between you two.”
“I need a fucking pain killer,” he muttered.
“I’ll get you one.”
I helped him into bed and then grabbed him a pill and a glass of water.
“Why are you awake?” he asked, settling back against the pillows.
I took the cup of water and set it on the bedside table. “You woke me up.”
“You weren’t sleeping here. So how did you hear me?”
“I was in the basement with Silas. Your voice carries, you know.”
He grinned. It was lazy and sleepy. “After a fight I usually like a good fuck. All the adrenaline. But damn, I’m just wiped out.”
“Yeah, it’s called healing from a bullet wound.” I leaned over and brushed my lips against his. His hand came up to grasp the back of my head.
“What if you get on top?”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” I pulled back, but Colt’s grip on my wrist stopped me.
His eyes were dark, hazy with pain meds and lust. “You need a good fuck too, Mia.”
“Why?”
“To remember that you’re still alive.”
I swallowed. “I’m not—I’m not ready, Colt.”
“All right, darlin’.” His eyes were drifting closed. “Just sleep next to me. That’s enough for tonight.”
“What the fuck happened to you?” Boxer asked the next morning when Zip came into the kitchen.
“Colt,” Zip said. “For Joni.”
Brothers sat on the couch and recliners, some held up the walls, eating breakfast. Colt hadn’t yet made an appearance—it was slow moving for him. All eyes turned to Zip, waiting for him to explain.
“Joni’s my Old Lady now.”
“When the fuck did this happen?” Reap asked in surprise.
“Last night, I guess.” Zip shrugged. He ambled to the coffee maker to pour himself a cup.
The bedroom door opened and a moment later, Colt appeared.
Tension filled the room.
Colt glared at Zip but said nothing.
“You hungry?” I asked Colt.
“I could eat,” he admitted.
I fixed him a plate of scrambled eggs and bacon that Darcy had made in bulk with Rachel’s help. The kids were currently outside, playing in the sunshine with Captain. The girls were out there with them, but I hadn’t yet seen Joni.
“Fuck, boys,” Boxer said, glancing out the window. “Looks like we’ve got trouble.”
I frowned in confusion. No one was reaching for a pistol, so I knew it wasn’t Iron Horsemen trouble.
A few minutes later, there was a knock on the front door of the clubhouse.
Boxer opened the door. “Sheriff Valenti, to what do we owe the pleasure of your visit?”
Ice chilled my veins as I saw the sheriff standing with his deputy and another officer, and three squad cars parked at the front of the clubhouse.
“We have warrants for arrest. For discharging firearms in a public space and within city limits.” He read off the legal names of Acid, Zip, Boxer, Reap, and Colt.
Torque and Gray stood by, their gazes alert as we watched the other Blue Angels get cuffed and shuffled to the squad cars.
Colt’s gaze met mine, but then slid to Gray who nodded. I tried to step forward, wanting to go to Colt, wanting to say something to him, but Gray’s hand on my arm stopped me. It wouldn’t be prudent to say anything in front of the Sheriff. Colt and I were committed, but we weren’t yet married.
And just like that, they were gone.
It wasn’t until I heard the squad cars peel out of the gravel lot before I was steady enough to ask, “What the hell just happened? I thought Sheriff Valenti was on our payroll.”
“He is. But the Iron Horsemen went above the Sheriff and paid off the mayor,” Gray stated. “That’s the only reason our boys are in cuffs.”
“How do you know that?” I demanded.
“Not our first rodeo,” Gray replied.
“What do we do now?” I asked, trying to stem the flow of panic. I’d just watched Colt being carted off to jail. Was this the first time of many to come? I didn’t want to think about it.
“We call Vance, the club lawyer,” Torque said.
“And we get Knight and his boys back here,” Gray said. “Because most of our club is in lockup and we don’t have the manpower to defend our shit if the Iron Horsemen show up.”
“Guess it’s a good thing you and I didn’t go to the park that day,” Torque said with a grimace. “Otherwise we’d be locked up too.”
Gray scratched his beard. “Gotta get the women and children to the cabins.”
“Cabins?” I asked. “What cabins?”
“Colt didn’t tell you about the cabins?” Gray’s eyes pinned me, his brow furrowed.
I shook my head.
Gray and Torque exchanged another look.
“The club has cabins in the Kisatchie National Forest in Louisiana. About six hours from here. So if shit ever hit the fan…”
“This is shit hitting the fan, isn’t it?” I asked.
Gray nodded.
“We get all the women and kids and we send them to the cabins,” Torque said. “Gray and I will stay here. Get Knight and his boys back. Call Vance. Get shit sorted as fast as possible.”
“Need to call Flynn, too,” Gray added. “Let him know what’s going down.”
My mind was in overdrive. What would happen to the club with most of the boys locked up? At that moment it seemed like the Iron Horsemen were going to take over Waco, regardless of whether or not Sanchez and his men came to our aid. I didn’t like the idea of Colt behind bars. And I especially didn’t like him injured and behind bars.
“How long will it take to get Colt and the others out?” I asked. Fear ran deep. “How do you know Dev doesn’t have guys waiting for Colt and the boys in jail?”
“We don’t know, but those boys can handle themselves,” Gray said. “They have to now. It’s gonna at least be a few days before we can get them out.”
“A few days,” I murmured. “We need to act and we need to do it fast.”
Torque frowned. “You’re not part of we. You’re part of the women and children.”
“I’m not leaving town,” I protested. “All this shit started because of me. Dev made this personal. And now he’s got my man behind bars so he can wreak havoc? Pick us off one by one? I don’t fucking think so.”
“We can’t involve you in club business, Mia,” Gray said. “Even though I enjoy your spunk, we don’t put women into the line of fire.”
“Have people forgotten that I took a shot at Dev in the park? I’m made of stronger stuff.”
“Darlin’,” Torque began. “I don’t want to be a dick, but I’m gonna be a dick. You might have shot at him, but you didn’t get him.”
“No one else got him either,” I muttered under my breath.
“Safest place for you is with the others,” Gray said, clearly not having heard me.
“Fine,” I said. “I’ll go with them.”
“I’ll call the lawyer,” Torque said.
“I’ll call Knight,” Gray added. “Mia, get Darcy. Tell her everyone is going to the cabins and to get people ready.”
“Sure, I just need to use the restroom real fast. Then I’ll head out back and talk to her.”
Gray didn’t say anything since he was already pulling out his phone. Torque did the same.
I went into our bedroom, struggling to keep my shit together, praying Colt had left his cell phone on the nightstand.
Bingo.
I picked up the burner and scrolled through the numbers, finding the one I wanted. He answered on the first ring.
“It’s Mia. I need your help.”
“I don’t want to go to Louisiana,” Silas complained as he buckled himself into the back seat of Darcy’s Range Rover. Captain was nestled between him and Lily, who sat behind the driver’s seat. Cam was riding shotgun.
“It’ll be fun.” I forced a smile. “You get to be outside and sleep on a bunk bed. I bet if you ask nicely, Cam will let you have the top bunk.”
“But then how will Captain get up there?” Silas inquired.
“You’re a smart kid.” I grinned. “Maybe the bottom bunk is better.”
“Why aren’t you coming?”
“Because I have to run some errands,” I lied. “Trust me. You won’t even notice I’m gone.”
“Why isn’t Colt coming?” His voice sounded panicky and not at all like normal kid panicky.
“Hey,” I said softly. “Look at me.”
He reluctantly turned his gaze to mine.
“When you get back from your fun trip, do you want to pick out a paint color for your room?”
“Really?”
I nodded. “Yeah. We’ll paint it whatever color you want. I promise.” I bent down and hugged him. “You’re stuck with us, kid. Don’t think of leaving us.”
He let out a nervous laugh, but I could tell it was laced with fear.
I pulled back, scratched Captain behind his ears, and then shut the car door. I went to help Darcy who was still loading the back of the Range Rover with sleeping bags, food, and clothes.
“Thanks for looking out for him,” I said.
“No problem.” She peered at me. “You sure you know what you’re doing?”
“No.”
She smiled slightly. “The boys are gonna be pissed when they find out you didn’t get in my car.”
“They will thank me when all this is over and our boys are out in the world again.”
“Promise me you’ll tell me everything that goes down?”
“I’m not supposed to talk club business,” I said with a wide smile.
“So you’ll tell me and the girls at our next girls’ night?”
I hugged her. “Can’t wait.”
“Be safe.” She embraced me back hard and then let go. “And if you can, keep my husband out of trouble.”
I held my tongue, not divulging that I had plans to use her husband and his skills. I knew what I had in mind would work, but I didn’t know if I’d be able to convince Gray and Torque to help me.
I went to Joni and Rachel to say my farewells. Allison was already gone, having said goodbye to Torque earlier. She’d taken her younger sister and gotten out of Waco fast. Joni looked pale and shaken up, despite Rachel attempting to crack jokes. Even she looked worried.
“It’ll be okay,” I told Joni, my voice soft.
“How can you be sure?” she demanded.
“Because I won’t let anything happen to any of them,” I vowed.
Maybe it didn’t mean a lot coming from me, the woman who had brought wreck and ruin with her to the club and nearly destroyed their way of life, but the Blue Angels were family now and I would be damned before I let anything happen to them.
I was the daughter of an MC president. I was related to the O’Banions as well as the Capones. My bloodlines did not lie and I was born for this life.
By choosing Colt, I accepted it.
I squeezed her hand and then stood back so she could get in the passenger seat.
I waved to them as they drove out of the gate to Louisiana.
To safety.
I sat at a large wooden table in between Torque and Gray.
The other seats were occupied by Flynn and Ramsey, Knight and Bishop, Sanchez’s man Franco, and the Jackal club president, Pike. We were in a private room at The Rex in Dallas; Flynn had graciously offered to host the assembly. It was fairly neutral ground for all concerned.
“Why is a woman sitting in on our meeting?” Pike asked, his glare directed at me.
It didn’t make me balk or sweat, or sit up any straighter. Gray had warned me about what I was getting into. Men still governed the criminal underworld and it didn’t matter that I was Colt’s Old Lady.
But I wasn’t speaking for Colt.
“She sits with us,” Torque said in solidarity.
He wasn’t any happier about having me in the room. His jaw had dropped open when he’d realized I hadn’t gotten into Darcy’s car. I was a wrench in his plans and Colt would pummel his ass if anything happened to me. No one wanted me involved in any of this, but we were a united front.
I caught Knight’s eye. He’d never say it aloud because he wasn’t a Waco Blue Angel, but he was a warrior, a savage, and I was his daughter. His look said it all; he was proud of me.
I still hadn’t processed that he was my father. There hadn’t been time to process much of anything, really. Not even Cheese and Shelly’s deaths. Not even the fact that I’d taken a child out of his home and decided he was going to be my family. Add in Colt’s arrest and I realized most women would be sitting at home under the covers, broken and terrified.
But I wasn’t most women.
If I’d learned anything from Grammie’s death, it was that the world continued to rotate, and it was your choice if you wanted to move forward and live your life or let your past destroy you.
“Who’s orchestrating this discussion?” Franco asked, his Spanish accent thick and sultry.
Everyone spoke at once, all trying to talk over each other. I was in a room stuffed with criminal alpha males, all with different stakes in the outcome of a cartel and biker drug war.
Franco spoke for Sanchez who wanted his product distributed through Waco and then through the Heartland of the country up to Idaho. Knight wanted to lay the foundation to be part of the distribution for the northern territory and see to it that the Blue Angels of Coeur D’Alene were the only source to buy from. Flynn’s bottles of scotch were being used to hide the product for international shipments. Pike and the Jackals weren’t allies of the Blue Angels, but they hated the Iron Horsemen, too.
The enemy of my enemy is my friend.
I let everyone talk until finally they all fell silent—no one took the lead because there was no lead, just a common goal.
“May I say something?” I asked, treading lightly, not wanting to piss off Pike any more than he already was.
Franco didn’t appear interested in what I had to say and I could tell that he, like Pike, was merely tolerating my presence.
Flynn nodded for me to continue.
I took a deep breath. “We’ve got to get the Iron Horsemen off the streets and destroy the Garcia cartel’s stranglehold on our territories. That is our singular objective. I’m sure you can all agree on that.”
After several nods of agreement, I went on, “I know for a fact that Dev has some weird personal vendetta against me.” I swallowed. “He thinks I’m involved in what Richie did and that I know where the shipment is. I wasn’t involved and really did know nothing, but that’s changed now. I know where the shipment is kept. We need to set a trap for him, and I’ll be the perfect bait.”
No one spoke for the first few seconds after I closed my mouth. Then Knight jumped in, protesting vocally, followed by Gray and Torque. Both Flynn and Ramsey tried to speak over them. The only two people who didn’t object were Franco and Pike.
Shocker.
I wasn’t going to fight to be heard, and when the room finally quieted down again after the commotion, I took a chance and spoke out for the second time. “Dev is desperate to find the shipment Richie stole before the cartel kills him. He crossed the line when he opened fire on women and children at a public park. It was a fucking charity event to raise money for an elementary school. Two people are dead, ten are injured. Decorum be damned. He’s out of control and not playing by the rules anymore. We can’t sit idly by and wait for his clock to run out with the Garcia cartel and for them to kill him. How many of us will die between now and then?”
“We are not using you as bait, lass,” Ramsey voiced. “That’s not how we do things.”
“I’m also not supposed to be at this table,” I pointed out. “And why is that? Because I’m a woman? I’m not trying to change the way you gentlemen do things. Frankly, I don’t want to be involved. But Dev has been after me for weeks. Why shouldn’t we use his own desire for me against him?”
“Have you ever had a gun put to your head?” Pike asked.
I frowned. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“Do you panic? Or do you keep your cool under stress? How would you react if a gun was put to your temple and there was a real chance that you’d die? You could actually die, you know? With this plan that’s not even a real plan. It’s an idea.”
Pike didn’t like me sitting at the table, but he was being honest and levelheaded. He wasn’t saying anything that the others were disagreeing with, either.
“Barrett would approve of this,” Ramsey said, his voice low, his comment directed at Flynn.
“Of course she would,” Flynn stated. “Because my wife likes to be in the thick of shite.”
“And if she were in town, she’d be at this meeting,” Ramsey added.
“Aye. What’s your point, Ramsey?”
“My point is,” Ramsey paused, “Dev would never see a woman coming to take him down. Men never do.”
The black cloud of Dev had been hovering over my head for far too long. He’d taken my sense of security, curtailed my independence, killed my best friend, and wounded the love of my life.
I’d never be able to look over my shoulder as long as the Iron Horsemen president was breathing. He was wreaking havoc, destroying a city and tearing apart families, all in the name of violence, greed, and power.
Dev wanted the product Richie stole from him.
And he would have it.
Night had fallen. I listened to the sound of cicadas beating their wings in the otherwise quiet evening. I slapped at my skin, trying to kill a buzzing mosquito.
Looking up at the stars, I thought of Colt and the boys who were currently in a jail cell. I thought of the rough, thin blankets they had to sleep with and the men who might try to shank them in the night, or strangle them with their bare hands. It was a fight for life for them.
No one did well locked up, but I knew it was worse for Colt and his brothers. They rode on motorcycles so they could feel the wind on their cheeks, breathe in the fresh air as their bikes ate up miles of road and they believed in their souls that authority figures had no right to rule over sovereign men.
Lawless brothers penned in by laws.
The back door opened and my solitude was interrupted, but I didn’t mind. I hadn’t liked the direction of my thoughts, knowing any moment they’d slip from gentle musings to downright melancholic.
Knight pulled up a lawn chair and sat down beside me. I glanced at him, noting his exhaustion. Tension lined his mouth.
I silently handed him the bottle of Jack. He took it and drank.
“You don’t bother with cups?” he asked with a wry glint in his eyes.
“Just another dish to wash.”
He handed the bottle back to me. I’d never been the type of girl just to drink liquor straight from the bottle, but things changed.
I changed.
“He’s not going to be happy when he hears what’s about to go down—with you involved,” Knight said, his tone deceptively mild.
“Yeah, I don’t envy Gray being the one to tell him tomorrow.”
I’d wanted to visit Colt myself, but Gray and Torque quickly nixed the idea. Saying it would be worse for Colt, who didn’t want me to ever see him confined like a caged animal.
Oddly enough, I hadn’t pushed against the edict. My mind wandered through a weird state of limbo. It bounced around from past, to present, to future. To outcomes. To a time when we were all together, and this shit with Dev was a vision in the rearview mirror.
“I have no right,” he said softly, “to tell you what you can or can’t do. I have no right to tell you I wish you weren’t involved in any of this. I have no right to tell you that I think you should’ve taken Silas and run like hell of out Waco.”
I slowly turned my head to look at him. “But if you did have the right? Why would you tell me to run? This is my home. My family.” I paused. “My legacy.”
“This is also your life we’re talking about.” He leaned over and placed his elbows on his knees, his gaze dark, questioning.
“Say whatever you want to say,” I commanded. “Even if you don’t think you should.”
“I just met you, Mia. I just found out I have a kid. You don’t need a dad. You’re an adult. You grew up fine without me.” He swallowed like something painful was lodged in his throat. “But I am your father. And my job is to protect you. I can’t—I don’t know what’s going to happen with you being involved with all this shit, but it’s got me thinking the worst.”
I paused. “That I won’t live.”
He nodded his head in agreement. “If you die, it’ll break them. It’ll break us. Colt. Silas. Me.”
“Don’t put any of that on yourself. It’s not your choice.” My tone wasn’t forceful or even angry. It was flat, cool, like river water over pebbles.
He ran a hand across his face and then held out his other for the bottle, which I gave him.
“This is my shit to clean up,” I told him. “For Cheese. For Shelly. But most of all, for me. Dev will keep taking people from me unless I stop him. It’s more than that, though. I need to see it. With my own two eyes. I need to know he’s been put down and he can’t hurt me anymore. I can’t—I haven’t been able to grieve Shelly the way I need to. It’s like,”—I looked away from him to stare once again at the night sky—“there’s a wall and she’s behind it. There’s no door, no handle. She’s blocked off, and I can’t get to her to grieve until I do this.”
“You think being part of Dev’s death is the dynamite that will blast that wall down?”
I nodded. “I can do this. I have to do this. Or I’ll never find a way to be at peace with her death. Does that make me crazy? Does that sound insane?”
“No. It doesn’t sound insane,” he said softly. “But I’ve got news for you. You never really get over the pain of losing someone—you just figure out a way to live around it.”
I paused a moment. “Are you talking about my mother?”
“Maybe. But Scarlett didn’t die. I let her go. It’s different than what you’re going through.”
I nodded, getting lost in thought again.
“Do you want to be left alone?” he asked.
“Yeah. I do.”
“I’ll leave you to it, then.” He stood and walked toward the back door.
His hand was on the knob when I called out, “Dad …”
Knight turned slowly. “Yeah?”
“You’re never too old to need a father.” I lifted the bottle to my lips and drank deeply. Knight waited another moment and then with a creak of the screen door, disappeared.
