“I’ve been dying to get you alone before Caleb comes over tomorrow, but Jax kept saying you were busy. Does anyone tell you that you work a lot?” Vera clutches onto her cane as we stroll through a small park in the heart of London. When I asked earlier if she wanted me to call the car after walking through multiple shops, she brushed me off and claimed she wanted to take a walk.
After Vera stumbles again, I steer us toward a bench. “Do you mind if we sit? My shoes are killing me.”
She offers me a knowing smile. “Oh yeah, those sandals look beyond uncomfortable.”
I laugh as we sit under a tree. “You don’t let people off easy, do you?”
“Where’s the fun in that? And to be fair, I’ve heard a thing or two about you, which tells me you’re the same way.”
“I guess it takes one to know one.”
“Indeed. Anyone who can manage my son for months on end definitely deserves a Nobel Peace Prize. Tell me, why did you sign up for the job to help him?”
I keep my eyes focused on a family playing tag on the grassy quad across from us. “I needed the kind of money they were offering.”
“To help your grandma, right? Jax mentioned to us that she is sick.”
I nod my head up and down.
“Ah, that’s such a sweet gesture of you. And a sacrifice too for someone as young as yourself.”
“She was always there for me while I grew up. I owe everything to her, so the least I can do is make sure she’s well taken care of.” I don’t realize my mistake until it’s too late.
“What about your parents? Do they live in Europe?” She speaks soothingly.
I swallow back the lump in my throat as I turn my head away from her. “No. My parents passed away when I was younger.”
“Oh, dear. I’m so sorry to hear that. Jax never told me.” Her shaky hand clutches onto mine in a motherly way.
“He doesn’t know. It’s not a fact I share with many people.”
“I appreciate you trusting me, especially when pain has a way of making us retreat into ourselves.”
We sit and people watch for a few minutes. I don’t know what to say, and Vera’s silence tells me she might not either.
Vera laughs to herself. “You know, my parents are total arseholes. To be honest, my whole family is a rotten bunch.”
I turn my head toward her. “What happened?”
“They threatened to cut me off from the family once I started dating Jax’s father. At first, they thought I was rebelling, choosing to date a Black man from a poor family. My mum’s British and my dad’s Swedish, as if that can justify their mentality. Once things became more serious with me and Zack, they couldn’t handle their daughter not dating a white man. It went against everything their racist hearts believed in.”
“Really? So, what did you do?”
“I told my sisters to keep in touch with me before telling my parents to rot in hell.”
“No.” I cover my mouth.
“With my middle fingers in the air, too, I should add.” She winks at me.
A giggle explodes out of me. “You’re iconic.”
“Like vintage Chanel, darling.”
“How do you keep this positive? Tell me your secret.”
“Rather than what? Wallow in my diagnosis and hate my life?”
“Whoa, I didn’t mean it that way. Please don’t take offense.” I lift my hands in submission.
“I know, I’m only teasing you.” She knocks her shoulder into mine. “I’ve always been this way. Mind over matter is my way of life. I can’t change the cards I’ve been dealt, but I can change the way I approach my hand.”
Okay, Jax’s mom used a poker reference. She instantly gains cool points in my eyes. “That’s admirable.”
“I wish parts of me rubbed off on my son.” Vera’s lips press together in a thin line. “He’s changed along with my lifestyle, and it breaks my heart. I keep extra positive for him because I don’t think he could handle it any other way.”
“I don’t think he could either.” Based on the way Jax handles everything with his mom now, I can’t imagine what it would be like for him if she revealed how much she suffers privately.
“He’s such a fragile person, despite the front he puts on. That boy is all marshmallow fluff on the inside no matter what the media says about him. But he’s changed for the better over the past few weeks. He’s less agitated when I call him, and of course we all know he’s not getting into much trouble this season—if any. Thanks to you, I reckon.”
I smile at her. “It’s my job.”
She shakes her head from side to side. “It’s more than that. A job makes it sound much less significant than it is.”
My eyebrows raise. “What do you mean by that?”
“It was destiny for you to work with him. People are put into our lives for special reasons, and I think you need to explore that.”
I keep quiet as I think of what she said.
Vera’s shaky hands clasp together. “All I want is for my son to be happy. Truly, deeply happy. More than what he feels when he races. I want him to heal and grow, and you are part of that equation.”
What does someone say to that? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Vera moves onto another subject, saving me from my reeling mind. We spend an hour in the park talking about anything and everything.
At some point, we end up both crying as I share my story from start to now. She’s the first person outside of Abuela and Elías who knows my history. Vera has this calming mother’s sense about her that I didn’t realize I was desperately wanting, however temporary.
Vera pulls me in for a hug once we stand up from the bench. “Thank you for being brave and sharing a part of your life with me. When I heard about everything you were doing for Jax, I expected you to be strong, but you’re so much more. Thank you for being everything my son needs. For someone who lost so much at a young age, you truly have lots to give to the world.”
After my day with Vera, Jax’s dad planned his version of a family dinner. He barbecues with Jax standing by his side, both of them chatting while Vera and I sit at a table near the pool, sipping wine together. It’s nothing I’d expect from a family with enough money to have their own staff working all hours of the day.
“I could use some more wine. Do you want another glass?” Vera points at my empty glass.
“Sure. But I can get it.” I rise from my seat, but Vera places a trembling hand on my shoulder.
“Nonsense. You’re our guest. It will only take me a moment.” She uses her cane to get out of her chair. Jax’s dad offers to help, but she tells him to bug off.
Jax strides toward me and leans against the glass table. “Surviving the whole day with my mum?”
“More like thriving. She’s incredible.” I crane my neck and smile at him.
He grins back at me, his eyes lighting up in a way I’ve come to enjoy. “Good response. I’m kind of surprised you’re relaxed about all of this since a normal girl would be afraid of meeting a guy’s parents.”
I scoff, pretending I wasn’t scared meeting Zack and Vera for the first time. “That only applies to meeting the parents of a guy you like.”
AKA Jax, but it’s not like I need to confess this information to him.
Jax rubs the spot near his heart. “Here I was thinking you liked me. You’re wounding me.”
“Well—”
Glass shatters in the distance. Zack rushes inside the house with Jax and me on his heels. Another sound of glass exploding pushes us toward the bar area. Vera stares at the ground, her flushed cheeks stained from fresh tears. The sweet smell of wine hangs in the air.
“Shit, sweetheart, are you hurt?” Glass crunches under Zack’s sneakers as he goes to grab Vera.
“No. What a fucking mess! Just another day of me screwing up a fun time for everyone. I don’t know why the bloody hell you stay with me,” she snaps.
Zack lifts Vera and places her on a barstool on the opposite side of the mess. “Because I couldn’t imagine a day without you.”
“Cut the shit. This is hell for everyone.” Vera’s eyes darken, a stark contrast to the warmth they usually reflect.
Shock ripples through me at her sudden change of mood. Is this what the medical journals meant when they described mood changes with Huntington’s Disease?
“No. It’s a rough moment during a good day. That’s different.” Zack pats her thigh.
I shift my attention toward Jax. His eyes match the frown on his face as Zack assesses Vera for any injuries.
“Shit, you were cut. Let me go grab the first aid kit.” Zack rushes off after checking out the gash on Vera’s foot.
“What happened, Mum?” Jax walks up to her and grabs onto her trembling hand.
“What do you think? Put two and two together.”
Jax looks over at me with a pained expression I feel deep within my own chest. I open my mouth to offer reassurance but shut it again once he shakes his head.
Jax faces his mom again. “Accidents happen. It’s just a wine bottle.”
“The only accident is me thinking I could live a normal life. Instead, I cause messes and annoy everyone around me.”
Jax sucks in a breath. “Mum, this isn’t you.”
“This is me. That’s the worst part.” Her eyes water.
My heart clenches at her vulnerability. Jax and Vera don’t need an outsider looking in on their tense moment. I step away from them, slowly inching back until I’m in a separate hallway.
I turn, running into a hard body. Zack’s hands wrap around my arms to steady me. A single tear runs down his face. The silent pain these two men experience daily fills me with despair.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
“Please ignore what happened. Vera has mood swings from time to time. She’s not proud of them so I’m asking you to pretend you didn’t see her break down like this.”
“Of course. Is there anything I can do to help?”
He swallows and nods. “Will you please check on the food? I’m sure it’s burnt by now and the last thing we need is a fire.”
I agree, and Zack walks back toward the bar. My footsteps echo through the empty halls. Mindlessly, I keep an eye on the food on the grill while working through my thoughts.
In my research of Vera’s disease, a lot of doctors talked about mood swings and irritability. And there’s one thing reading about it, but it’s a whole other experience seeing it with my own eyes. No wonder Jax has anxiety and stress about his mom. If I were in his position, I doubt I’d be any better off, feeling helpless to her deterioration.
The click of the grill shutting off surprises me. I turn to find Jax’s eyes looking down at me. He doesn’t hide the pain in his gaze as he takes a few deep breaths. Without second-guessing myself, I wrap my arms around his waist and give him a squeeze. “I’m sorry about your mom. God, I’m so freaking sorry you have to experience that and pretend everything is okay. No one in your family deserves this, most of all your mom.”
His arms copy mine, holding me closer to his body and resting his chin against my head. “I wish she wasn’t sick.”
“Me too.”
“I wish she didn’t have these mood swings. Not because it bothers me, but more because it breaks her heart. She hates herself afterward for the things she says. I know it’s not her, but I still take her words personally sometimes.”
“No one would blame you for feeling that way. Does this happen often?” I move to step out of Jax’s embrace, but his arms tighten around me.
“Enough times that they recently changed her medicine. It’s the only part of her disease she can’t hide with a smile. When she gets in that headspace, it’s a battle with herself.”
“How do you feel about it?”
“I feel like donating every single euro I’ve made to finding a cure.”
“Do you think doctors will find it?”
“Probably not in my mother’s lifetime.”
I hope, if Jax has the same disease, a cure would be discovered before any symptoms kick in. I mentally hit myself for thinking the very thought in the first place.
Jax releases me from the hug, giving me room to take a few breaths of fresh air.
My hands have a mind of their own, pressing against his cheeks and forcing him to look at me. “You can always talk to me. I’m here to help you.”
“What happens when you have to go away at the end of the season?”
“What happens if I want to stay?”
