When he broke.
18 March 2017.
I never deserved Andro.
He is too good for me or I can say I am too bad for him.
I admit we have a connection very few can have.
A connection which soothes my anxious heart with just a mere touch of his fingers.
But this connection is good for me and a downfall for him.
His mother and his friends have made it clear to him.
They can predict his downfall with me at his side.
But he cannot.
He is too adamant and independent to let others control his life.
He wants me and he has made this clear to everyone today.
He proposed to me today.
We haven’t even dated but again he was not the kind of man who dated.
He never thinks what others think and does what he wishes to do.
He said he wanted me to be his if I permitted.
My answer…
Well why wouldn’t I permit.
I would be a fool if I rejected his offer.
Being his wife I can live the life of a queen.
He will lay everything at my feet.
What else could a person desire.
Love.
Yes people do get married for love ..I agree.
But I don’t know what love is.
Never experienced nor felt before…I was an amateur in that department.
He said he loves me.
And I am sure he does but I couldn’t return him his love when I don’t know what it is.
So I lied to him…
I lied to make him happy….to see that smile on his face.
I lied that I also loved him.
And that’s how he placed a beautiful diamond ring on my finger and captured my lips with claps of people in the background and drops of rain from above.
I must admit today was like a dream come true…
Like a story tale where the princess finds her Prince charming and they live happily ever after.
But the only difference was that I was a pauper not a princess and a happily ever after was next to impossible.
Especially since he came.
Yes Neil came back.
And he has made it clear that he will ruin my life.
He blocked my path in the market few days back and his face was enough to bring back an anxiety attack.
He held me while I had the attack…but his grip was no where like Andro’s.
He was intentionally bruising my waist with his harsh grip.
I was wrangling in his grip but he was too strong.
His words made me freeze.
‘Never expected a bi*** like you to get a jackpot… Alessandro Romano huh….not at all bad….hope he loves you enough to give you what I want you to ask from him…’
He demanded cash…dollars…to keep his mouth shut.
Or he will tell Andro who I actually was.
I know I shouldn’t be afraid because I never lied to Andro but I never told him the truth either.
I never told him that I was an orphan…I never told him that I lived in that part of the city where prostitutes and sluts lived…I never told him that his Sapphire Brown was a dark piece of coal and not a rare Sapphire.
Neil made it clear what all he can do…he told me clear enough that once he tells Andro his fake story Andro will not even want to see my face.
And I believed him…
I know I should trust Andro
I should not doubt his love for me.
But what if he believes Neil…
What if he considers me a slut…a gold digger….fake….
No I couldn’t take the risk of making Andro doubt me.
Andro was too precious to me…I can’t afford to loose him without loosing myself.
So I agreed to Neil…
I agreed to keep his mouth shut with thousands of dollars.
I agreed and I felt like I was actually committing a blunder.
Which I did commit.
21st April, 2017.
Numb…
That’s what I feel right now….
I can’t feel my feet or my arms…
I am here standing outside Andro’s door…
Hoping he will open up the door.
It’s been two hours and the rain has soaked me completely.
But he is not coming back..
He hates me and I can’t help but hate myself.
Those pictures were true but each had a story behind.
Especially the one in which I shared a bed with that bas**** Neil.
How stupid I was to drink the vine he offered me…I shouldn’t have trusted him.
He had it all planned and he played me and Andro well.
I still can’t believe how real it looked….I truly looked like a slut….
A prostitute that slept with different men to get some dollars in her pockets.
I can’t blame Andro..
Him believing those pictures was normal when even I doubted myself on seeing them.
He was the worst hit in this game of money and deceit and it was evident from the look on his face when he asked that wasn’t his love enough?
I wanted to tell him …to this whole world …to everyone…that no Andro your love was more than I could ever get…but I didn’t wanted to loose it.
I didn’t wanted to loose him and that was why I gave Neil that bag filled with money.
But see where I was now…I didn’t get the only thing I wanted…
His love and instead his hate was personified for me.
He hates me more than anyone now and that’s how I Sapphire Brown was again back to a nobody …that no one cared about.
An imaginary being with a wasteful existence.
Neil came …yes he did came back to see my condition.
To see that I was completely ruined or not.
And he did made sure that there was nothing left of me.
He left me bloody on the side of the street near the sewage.
I will survive. I know….even after few broken ribs and twisted ankle I will.
I accepted the pain he gave me… because I somehow knew I deserved it and much more.
I deserved all of it for hurting a pure soul like Andro’s.
For breaking his trust so that he never trusts anyone again.
For making him love me when I never deserved it.
The pain felt like my punishment but this was just the starting.
I knew a lot was coming and I was not ready to accept it.
24 th April 2017
Neil came to my place everyday.
My anxiety attacks doubled in a span of 2 days and Neil’s smirking face was a reason for it.
He became the devil in my life…the devil who lived on my soul…
A sadist who enjoyed giving me bruises when I was at my lowest.
No one saved me….no one stopped this beast…but who did I expected to.
Still I protected my purity and one day when he decided to take it…I had enough…
I committed a murder that day…yes I murdered my soul that day for a beast like him.
I didn’t cared if he was alive or no…I didn’t cared to take him to a hospital…I left him bleeding on my carpet floor.
I gave him as many bruises as he gave me….I kicked him as many times he kicked me…and finally when he pleaded for his life did my soul found content.
He survived that day…I know but my soul didn’t survive …it was killed and now I knew I could survive in this world.
15 June2017
Money……
A piece of paper that can buy this world with a flick of finger.
But it couldn’t buy my Andro back for me.
Then what use was it for me.
So I decided to return it.
I was to be given a share of his property as per the contract we signed before the marriage…we didn’t get married but I managed to get these papers signed before it.
My earlier greedy self wanted to make sure that I enjoyed my life with enough money.
And this contract made me win the case.
Andro trusted me and I backstabbed him .He felt betrayed when he came to know how I got these papers signed from him without him knowing.
This was the final straw…
His hatred had no return and all his doubts turned stone.
He believed that I did betray him.
I got a lot of dollars…enough to sustain my entire lifetime surrounded with diamonds.
But now I didn’t long for it.
I longed for him
I longed for something which I could never have again.
I could not directly give him back his money…
It will make him doubt if I was actually what he thought or no.
So I indirectly send him all his money back without him knowing.
An unknown Ms Smith used to send thousands of dollars into his charity account and she was none other than me.
At least by doing so….by hating me…he will be able to move on
His hate for me will give him strength and I couldn’t take that strength back.
It was the only was of keeping him sane without me.
But little did I knew that I will go insane without him.
As he finished reading the last line on the page the book fell from his hands on the bed and his hands moved to grab his hair and hold his head.
His eyes closed down as he imagined her pains without him.
She couldn’t even spend a day without him controlling her anxiety attack.
How could she have survived years without him.
Neil Wilson…how that bastard ruined his and her life.
How dare he touched what was his..
How dare he bruised the skin which was to be kissed by him.
He dialled a number and ordered to know everything thing about this man .
Suddenly a different kind of worry entered his mind…
Why hasn’t she returned in 2 days…
Was she alright…
Where was she now…?
Could something have happened to her…
He could no longer wait to touch her…to see her….to beg for forgiveness if he had to.
She was innocent….his Saph was too innocent for this world and he couldn’t protect her.
Damn he wasn’t there when she needed him…
He slammed his fist on the mirror and his reflection cracked to pieced.
His hand was covered with blood but he was not satisfied.
He again slammed it on the broken pieces.
Sometimes pain kills pain and that was what he was trying to do.
His phone blinked with a message.
Neil Wilson’s data
He needed his answers and no one could give them better than him.
Colouring the pages of the diary with his blood …he grabbed it and made his way towards his car as the clock strikes midnight.
Neil I am coming
Generally I believe in Karma and leave everything on it.
But when you decided to mess with my Saph I myself become Karma.
She was lost
It was dark everywhere
She moved her hands afraid but couldn’t find anything to hold on.
She screams for help but gets silence.
She screams for release but gets pulled deeper instead.
She feels something crawling on her….
Everywhere it starts tickling…
It is painful…
She moves but couldn’t find anything on her skin..
The sensation travels to her back and up to her neck..
She feels suffocated…
She screams but no voice comes from her lips .
Voices start screaming at her…
Some are laughing at her helpless state…
Some call her name’s…slut…bitch…gold digger…cheap….. unworthy…. backstabbed….
Then suddenly they all start screaming at her
Die! Die ! Kill yourself!! You deserve to die!!
The voices start coming closer…she tries to move back but she can’t….she can feel but can’t move.
The voices keep increasing…she tries to scream but no use..
She feels something wet on her face…soon realises them to be her tears.
But then she hears his voice….
His velvety voice that silences all other voices
‘You are much more to me than you will ever know Saph…you are my everything……I love you’
‘A….n…d…ro… ‘
She manages to say with very difficulty…her breathing becoming heavy and her throat turning dry.
‘…I …am….so…r..ry…..An..dro..’
‘You were a mistake!! I don’t no how I fell in love with a who** like you!! Get lost!! You are dead for me……!’
‘No…n..o….An..dro…’
‘My Saph died the day she betrayed me…’
With this she found herself falling…falling from the darkness into the unknown…with no one to hold her hand …no one to save her from drowning in her own emotions..
She was lost…alone and she felt like finally it was the end.
End of all her struggles…all her dreams and all her regrets.
End of Sapphire Brown
End of a mistake that could not be erased
And could only be torn and thrown out like it was originally not there.
End of her sanity with her body lying on a hospital bed with tears flowing down her cheeks…screams dying down after all futile attempts for help and eyes closed down fighting their own battle unknown to the world.
Unknown to him.
I tried Andro…
I tried….
But your Saph has lost…
Lost the battle with herself…
They say mind is your strongest muscle..
Learn to control it or it will control you…
Today I lost my battle…
Now he controls me…
He controls me like your Saph never existed…
He controls me like he wishes to.
But he is right…
Your Saph was too weak to control it…too weak to fight this world without you at her side.
So she surrendered…
Surrendered to keep herself alive…
Just like your own muscles start eating your own fat when they don’t find food.
Similarly I allowed my mind to control me when I couldn’t find love.
