THE FOLLOWING DAY, I go back to school.
I try to keep to myself and not talk to anyone except Naomi and Lucy. I can’t take any jabs at my person while I’m still trying to push that gloomy cloud away.
It’s clingy, you know.
Like super glue, it won’t go the fuck away no matter how much I shake it off. It has less to do with my state of mind and more with how the fuck I’m supposed to carry on with my life after what I uncovered.
That doesn’t mean I cower away from the snide remarks or the envious looks I keep getting from everyone around campus. Apparently, the locker room incident has been circulating around that shady Instagram account, blackwood-black-book. The fact that I disappeared two days afterward is one more reason for everyone to roast me, talk behind my back, and whisper at my face.
Blackwood College is full of fucking hypocrites. But then again, Old Reina gave them all the reasons to put her on a high pedestal. What she didn’t know is that no matter how high you rise, one day you’ll fall. The higher the position, the louder the crash.
Naomi, Lucy, and I go into the gym for practice. We have to try our routine a few more times before the game on Friday.
Lucy has been joking about some show, and my heart warms at how she tries to cheer me up and distract me from the venomous tongues following me everywhere.
As soon as we’re inside, Bree stops mid-sentence in her conversation with Prescott. Both of them watch me with mouths agape.
“Captain?” she squeaks. “What are you doing here?”
Everyone else pauses mid-workout, watching us closely.
I sigh. “What does it look like I’m doing, Bree? I’m here for practice.”
“Uh—no,” she snaps. “You’re the talk of everyone on campus, and not in a good way. The squad doesn’t need that type of attention.”
My gaze strays to the others. The boys lower their heads, some of them kicking imaginary rocks. The girls remain frozen, as if they’d rather not be here.
“She’s still the captain,” Naomi snaps back.
“A captain wouldn’t bring that type of attention.” Bree points a finger at Naomi. “And you of all people need to shut your trap. You don’t practice like us. You don’t diet like us. You shouldn’t even be with us.”
Naomi lunges in her direction, but I place a hand on her arm, stopping her in her tracks.
“You’re not the one who decides who deserves to be on the squad.” I cross my arms over my chest and square my shoulders. “Are you, Bree?”
“Maybe I should be.”
A few gasps sound from the other girls.
Prescott’s eyes widen as he grabs her by the arm. “Bree.”
She shakes him off and strides in my direction so we’re standing toe to toe. “You don’t deserve to be captain, Rei. Admit it.”
Although I don’t see the change, I feel it. My face must be becoming void of all emotions. My heartbeat slows down as if I’m not feeling anymore. My nails dig into the flesh of my arms as I glare down at Bree. When I speak, my tone is flat and non-negotiable. “Know your place before I put you back in it.”
“I’m not scared of you anymore, Reina.” She laughs, the squeaky sound bouncing off the walls. “Who would want to follow a captain who’s constantly attacked and becoming the laughing stock on campus? Not me.”
“Take a hike then,” I say.
“How about you do that?” She points a finger at my shoulder. “We’re removing you from the captain position.”
I stare at the girls. “Who’s removing me from the captain position?”
Almost everyone bows their heads.
“Don’t be scared.” Bree faces them. “Everyone who wants to remove Reina Ellis from the captain, raise your hand.”
“Yes, raise your hand.” My voice is still neutral. “But before you do, know this. Bree never cared about the squad or winning state. She already has a contract lined up for a dance institute and she wants the captain position to add it to her resume, not to help you achieve your dreams. Bree will keep calling you fat pigs even if you die of hunger. She’ll always put the prettiest girls in the back because they threaten her. She’ll always dye her hair the same color as mine and try to dress like me and act like me and steal my things, but guess what, Bree.” I glare down at her flushed cheeks, my tone turning slow and stone-cold. “You’ll never be me.”
Her face nearly becomes crimson. “You fuck—”
“Watch your fucking mouth when you’re talking to your captain,” I cut her off.
Naomi told me about Bree’s contract as soon as she decided she’d be allies with me. I knew my former best friend would pull this shit one day, and I wasn’t going to leave the squad at her mercy.
Cheerleading might not be my goal in life, but this is my final year and I’ll finish it with a hurrah. I’ll make their dreams come true before I step down willingly.
No one will force me to leave like Bree is trying to.
“Go ahead.” I face the squad. “Vote. Anyone want me out?”
No one raises their hand.
“You promised.” Bree shrieks, but no one is giving her their attention. “Prescott!”
He just averts his gaze to the other boys.
“It’s settled then.” I release my nails from my flesh. “As I said, take a fucking hike, Bree.”
Her groan is nearly animalistic as she pushes past me toward the locker room.
“That’s what happens when you use others as stepping stones, Bee!” Naomi shouts after her.
Everyone else continues watching me as if I’ll kick them out like I just did Bree.
“Go on.” I motion around. “Continue what you were doing. Winning state doesn’t happen by standing around.”
“Yes, Captain!” Like a hive of bees, everyone returns to warming up or practicing throws. Naomi and Lucy grin at me before joining the rest.
“Prescott,” I call as he heads over to the boys.
He winces before turning around and facing me. I point at a secluded corner, and he joins me without so much as one word of protest. Once we’re out of earshot, I watch him closely. His shoulders are drooping underneath the male cheerleading uniform and he’s averting his gaze.
Prescott is the male co-captain, and if I’m going to make things work, I need to see eye to eye with him while still keeping my authority.
He hasn’t hidden the fact that he’s on Bree’s side since I returned, and I need to see the end of that.
“What did I do to you before?” I don’t beat around the bush.
“C-Captain?” He seems taken aback, as if he didn’t expect that question.
“I obviously hurt you in some way.”
He hesitates.
“Tell me, Prescott.” I soften my tone. “If we’re going to lead this team, we have to make our relationship work. Help me out here.”
He swallows. “This…this is the first time you’ve ever asked me to help you.”
“It won’t be the last. A captain needs trusted leaders. Now, tell me.”
“It was nothing, really.”
“Let me be the judge of that.”
He interlinks his fingers then releases them. “Last year, you said you’d hook me up with Lucy then, well, you told me I don’t deserve her and to fuck off. You threatened that if I approached Lucy in any way, you’d cause problems for my parents—they work for your dad’s company.”
I pause. For some reason, I don’t think I would’ve made that threat without anything to back it up. Perhaps I cared for Lucy and I thought Prescott really didn’t deserve her.
As much as I loathe Old Reina, she had reasons for acting the way she did. She wasn’t stupid.
She was just emotionless—on the surface. No idea how she coped with things inside.
Maybe that’s why I lost my memories and came back with this new version of me—a version that has made more peace with her emotions and shows them on the outside.
“What happened between when I promised you and when I told you to forget it?”
He lifts a shoulder. “Nothing.”
“Think carefully. Something must’ve happened.”
“I guess you caught me fooling around with a sophomore—but it was just a kiss and we were drunk and she looked so much like Lucy. Fuck. You think it was because of that?”
If I thought Prescott wasn’t serious about Lucy, I would’ve definitely offed him. “Could be. Were you also close to Bree?”
“A little. I mean, you were best friends with her.”
Or maybe I pretended to be best friends with her for other reasons.
Old Reina had an interesting brain. It’ll take me some time to get into it, but I’ll eventually figure out her thought process.
“Are you going to be on my side or do I have to treat you as an enemy?” I ask him.
“I want what’s best for the squad.”
“Wonderful. And Prescott?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you have a girlfriend?”
He lowers his eyes. “No.”
“If I deem you worthy and if Lucy agrees, I’ll lift the ban.”
His expression lights up as he stares between me and Lucy, who’s struggling to have Naomi hold her up. “Is this another game?”
“No games.” I pat his shoulder. “Don’t disappoint me.”
After practice, I shower and walk out with Lucy and Naomi. They keep following me around. Even though they’re not voicing it, I know they won’t leave me alone for fear I’ll be attacked again.
If I didn’t know who attacked me, I might be scared as well. I might look over my shoulder and search for those green eyes that were eating away at my soul.
Now, I have a different type of plan, one they don’t need to know about. If they did, they’d tell me not to do it.
Since I woke up at the hospital, I haven’t been as sure about anything as I am about this.
My phone vibrates. My lips pull into a smile as the name pops up in my notifications.
Cloud003: Any gloomy clouds today?
My heart flutters with tiny bursts of happiness. He remembers. I don’t know why I feel so touched that he does.
Reina-Ellis: I’m trying to get rid of it.
Cloud003: How’s that working for you?
Reina-Ellis: Not so well.
Cloud003: I’m sure you’ll make it. You’re a fighter.
I bite my lower lip.
A fighter.
Why does that single word fill me with so much energy? It buzzes under my skin, demanding I shout it.
I’m a fighter. A survivor.
Reina-Ellis: How do you know that?
Cloud003: I just do.
I smile.
Cloud003: After all, you’re my slut, remember?
And he had to ruin it.
Jerk.
I type that word and send it over. He replies with a winking emoji. For some reason, it feels so intimate, like maybe he’s winked at me that way in real life. Maybe our connection was more than sex after all.
Despite Reina’s snobbish attitude, she reached out to him and asked to meet him, and I know for certain Old Reina didn’t put herself out there without a reason.
Did I know it was Jason back then? Honestly, with Reina’s level of secretive conniving, it could have gone either way.
“Aren’t you coming?” Lucy motions at her MINI Cooper.
“I have to meet Alex.” I cock my head toward a taxi. “I already called my ride.”
“Text us if you can hang out later.” Naomi opens the passenger door.
“I will.” I wave at them, keeping a smile plastered on my face until they disappear from view.
I lied.
I’m not meeting with Alex, but I had to say that so they wouldn’t question me.
If they knew where I’m going, they would either stop me or insist they come along. It will only work if I go there alone like I did before.
If I want to recover my memories, I need to go back to where it all started.
I slide into the back seat and tell the driver, “Blackwood Forest.”
