He would have danced on my shattered heart if he could have. It was the difference in us when we broke up. I saw his hate, and he saw what I painted on my face as apathy. I still masked my pain and love for him very well.
And maybe these six months would help me overcome it. If he wasn’t going to fall in love all over again, I wouldn’t either. We’d learn from each other here. We’d grow. We’d move forward, and then we’d move on. Leaving the past behind once and for all was necessary to a person’s survival.
“Well, I guess you decided to walk straight into me instead. So, please, just fuck me, Dex.”
His jaw worked a few times before he ground out, “You’re on top of me. You’re doing this first. Nice and slow.”
I rolled my eyes and shoved him down. My hands were on his clothed chest. I immediately started working at the buttons. “I want this off.”
He brushed my hands away quickly, like he wanted to keep the shirt between us or like he had something to hide. Then, his hands were back at my hips, telling me, “Heartbreaker, forget about my shirt. Can you move on me?”
I bit my lip but kept my gaze on the buttons, focusing on that task instead of the big one. “I’ll move when I’m ready.”
He didn’t confirm or deny whether that was okay. Instead, his fingers massaged my hips like he was trying to soothe me. I went back to working on his shirt and undid the last button. I pulled it apart just so I could stare at his chest.
Intricate tattoos weaved all around it. Yet, I didn’t take much time to look them over before I anchored myself on his pecs and said, “Maybe we should flip over?”
He didn’t say a thing until I finally glanced up at him. He had a sheen of sweat on his brow, and I could see how his neck was tight and coiled, like he was bracing for impact. “Kee, you’re going to move your ass up and down on my cock. You. Not me. I don’t have the control right now.”
I saw that his pupils were dilated, the green of his eyes burning bright. Even if we’d been apart for years, my body knew immediately that this man wasn’t going to move until I did. So, I took a deep breath and arched my back slowly to lift my pussy from his cock. Centimeter by centimeter, I felt all of him. The ball of his piercing rubbed against my tight walls before I brought myself back down on his cock again.
He hissed and then swore, but I was too lost in how the pain morphed to pleasure, how his hand immediately went to my clit to start rolling it again, how he massaged my ass like he was working me and molding me to take him again. And again.
I moved up, down, up, down, again and again. And every time, my breath hitched, my body quivered, my blood pumped adrenaline and need through my veins. Pain mixed with pleasure was like a drug of some sort. My nipples tightened, my pussy clenched, my body ached for just a little more.
I rocked onto him harder. One of his hands slid up my stomach to my breast and pinched the nipple, worked it like he worked my clit. My pussy wept around his cock because of it, and I whimpered and moaned for him.
“Starting to feel like you like it, Kee. Does it feel good having me inside you?”
I hissed out, “Yes.” I couldn’t have said no even if I should have. “We needed this. We needed to see how the other felt after all these years.”
He hummed like he might agree but didn’t say the words. “You know I’m stretching you, baby. I’m stretching you so only I fit you just right. This pussy is mine. You understand?”
I didn’t answer right away, and he pinched my clit and my nipple hard. I gasped but my hips were working on their own now, grinding my pussy around his cock like I enjoyed how he wanted to dominate me in the bedroom.
“Look how you like fucking me, Kee. Might as well say you’ll do it for six months, huh? I’ll let you come then.”
My eyes cut to him fast and there was a twinkle in them. “Dex, what the hell?” I wiggled on him but the pressure on my clit let up. He was teasing me, and I hadn’t even known.
“Just say you like it, Kee. Tell me how my cock feels in you.”
I felt the blush rising to my cheeks. His cock jerked in me, and I knew he was getting more turned on.
“Fuck, your tits even turn pink when you blush, heartbreaker.”
“Dex, please,” I whimpered out because I wanted to hit the high more than anything at this point.
“How does my cock feel, Kee?”
“It feels so good,” I whispered, and he rolled my clit hard. “Jesus, it feels so amazing when you do that.”
“Yeah, I know, heartbreaker. You want to come?”
I nodded over and over, and he took over then. He was gentle when he moved his hands to my hips and lifted me up and down, but it was to a perfect rhythm, and he rolled his hips to exactly the right spot. I felt his cock everywhere, in every place that I needed, as I brought my face down to take his mouth in mine. He kissed me soft as he fucked me slow. He didn’t fuck me like he hated me, but instead treated me like glass, like he wanted to be gentlemanly with my first time.
When I pulled back to look at him, he ran his hand over my clit again and twisted it in rhythm with our movements as he whispered, “Come, Kee. Come for your fiancé.”
His words shouldn’t have pushed me over the edge, but they did. I screamed his name again and again as I unraveled on top of him.
He smoothed his hand down my back and let me shudder out each aftershock. I felt him drawing on my back as if to soothe me. His body was still so tight and rigid under mine. I finally looked up. “Dex?” I asked wiggling against him. His dick was still rock solid. “You didn’t get off yet.”
“Right.” His jaw worked. “You want to shower?”
“No,” I said slowly and pushed myself up with the little strength I had left. “I want more. I want…” I bit my lip.
“Kee.” He said my name in warning.
“I want you to get off too.”
He started to lift me off him, but I bared down and he grumbled, “Shit. Kee, I only have so much restraint.”
“I’m asking you to not have restraint,” I said. “This is an agreement between us. We’re getting each other out of our systems, right?”
He finally took a hand from my hip to rub his jaw and shut his eyes in frustration. “I don’t fuck nicely, heartbreaker. You need to get off me.”
“Seriously? What if I don’t want nice now?” I murmured. “What if I want more? Because I do. I want more, Dex. I want you like before in the kitchen.”
“Jesus, Kee.” He combed a hand through his hair and shook his head one time, then two. “You realize what you’re asking for? I’m not the boy I was. I’m not considerate or soft anymore.”
“You never were truly any of those things, Dex.” I rolled my eyes, and then I leaned in and tried to seduce him by biting at his ear. “Fuck me like you hate me, if you really do. Please.”
He growled, and I knew I’d triggered the bomb within him. “I can’t take it anymore,” he ground out before he gripped my hips much harder than before and flipped us over.
He pulled out and hovered over me, his shirt still hanging from his sides, his forearms on either side of my face. I was cocooned by him, enveloped, swallowed up by everything he was in that moment as he stared at me with an intense gaze. “I want to hate you, you know that? And then I want to feel nothing for you. I’m still furious with you, Kee. I still want to hate you with every fucking bone in my body for how you left. How you came back, too, and fucked with my head.”
I chewed at my cheek. “What are you going to do about it?”
“Remember you asked for this.” He said it softly as he ran a finger along my cheek, and then he teased my clit with his piercing.
“Please. Please. Please,” I said, moving my hips to get him closer.
And then he grunted, his hand going up to my neck where he gripped me. “Remember when you can’t walk tomorrow, it’s because you fucking begged for it.” And then he squeezed my neck with force as he thrust into me.
I couldn’t even gasp because his grip was too tight, but the sensation was overwhelming. My pussy was ready for him. I was ready. I wanted it—the punishment, the pain, the other side of being good. I wanted it all, and he pounded it into me.
His cock was huge, inches upon inches of solid, thick muscle, and he speared me like he wanted to brand me, wanted me to be stretched exactly for him, and I was. Still, I wanted more. “Harder, Dex. Let me feel it all.”
“Jesus. You were never a good girl, Kee. Doesn’t the world know that about their precious Keelani Hale? You were always a fucking bad girl,” he ground out as he slowed down to let my pussy stroke him. “Look at how you take my cock, legs spread like you’ve done this a million times. You were made to be fucked by me. We should have told the world that from the very beginning. This pussy was always mine. Always will be.”
He squeezed my neck harder as he fucked me faster and faster. His head fell to the side of mine as he pumped in and out, and I felt him panting rapidly. I watched as his muscles bulged and tightened, the veins on his neck popping out and swiveling like all his emotions were fighting to come out any way they could. There was so much between us. Pain, pleasure. Hate, love. Hell, heaven. We chased that heaven as he fucked me, both of us close now to getting off.
“You’re on the pill?” he said, and I nodded, clawing at his back, wanting to feel him empty in me as much as he wanted to.
His other hand went to my clit and pinched it as he thrust the deepest I’d felt him go. As he did, he let go of my throat, and I gasped in oxygen, gasped in pleasure, gasped in the euphoria of an orgasm that was out of this world.
Every color flashed before my eyes, every feeling pumped through my veins, every thought flew through my mind and then flew out. I felt everything and nothing but pleasure at the same time. Dex’s body tensed above me, and I felt the low growl deep in my bones as his cum shot into me.
I pulled him close, feeling his heart beating rapidly with mine, in sync and harmony together. The feeling was overwhelming but also calming, like I could stay that way forever.
But then he got off of me, moving away fast like I could burn him, like I was poison in his sheets.
He was mostly clothed as he stood over me, his cock softening but still looking thick and formidable in the dim lighting. I saw the piercing glinting in the moonlight, and my mouth watered at how attractive he was.
He sighed before he tucked himself in and grumbled, “Don’t look at me that way unless you want to fuck again.”
“Where are you going?” I hated that I asked the question.
He buttoned up his shirt and then murmured, “Stay there.”
He disappeared into the bathroom and came back with a damp white cloth. He told me to lie back and tapped my inner thigh. “Spread your legs, Keelani.”
He wasn’t calling me by my nickname now, and even though it’d been one given in pain, I was tied to it for some reason. My heart felt a stab of pain that he’d resorted back to Keelani. So I closed my legs and tried to swing them off the bed to get up. “I can clean myself up.”
His other hand shot out to grip my arm. “Lie down. Now.”
I turned to glare at him. “This was a fuck-you-and-leave-you situation, Dex. Let’s not make it more than that.”
“It was until I fucked you and figured out that I was taking your virginity.”
“I don’t need special treatment because of it! I’ve been wanting to get rid of it—”
“Why me?” He threw up his hands.
“Because I still trust you!”
“Well, you shouldn’t,” he ground out and then commanded, “Now lie down.”
I crossed my arms and threw myself onto the bed. “You’re infuriating. Why even do this?”
“Because I’m not having regrets once these six months are over, Keelani. You might, but I won’t.” He dragged the warm cloth up my thigh, and I bit my lip at the sensation. Then he smoothed it softly over the middle of me and I whimpered. “You’re going to be sore for a few days. Don’t walk around much. I’ll cater in food for you if need be. And—”
“I have rehearsals starting on Monday, Dex.” I reminded him. “In a month, I need to be ready to perform multiple nights a week. Tomorrow, I’ll have to do mic checks and—”
“Tomorrow you’re off,” he interrupted and then hummed. “So, it’ll be the perfect time to move all your things here.”
“I’m not moving in with you.” His only response to that was to brush his hand softly over my pussy with the cloth, like he cared, but he rubbed a thumb over my clit too and I hissed, “Dex!”
It was the first time I saw a genuine smile whip across his face in years. His eyes sparkled, his dimples showed, and then he bit the corner of his lip like he didn’t want me to see happiness at all between us. “Just reminding you who’s in charge. You’re moving in.”
“I’m not. I’m going to go home after…” I waved down. “Are you done? I’ll clean up and leave—” He didn’t let me finish. He stood and scooped me up fast after he threw down the washcloth. “What the hell, Dex!”
“You’ll stay in the guest room.” He glanced back at the sheets, and I did too. I saw blood where I’d laid, evidence of what we’d done together bright red against the white sheets and shut my eyes in embarrassment.
“I’ll replace those,” I whispered out.
“Kee, look at me.” He was walking now, cradling me like a baby on the way to his spare room, and there was no way for me to fight him, so I gave in and peeked open an eye. “Those sheets are now a prized possession of mine. They have your innocence all over them. I might even frame them.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. At least let me take them home and wash—”
“I’ll take care of it.”
“You don’t have to take care of it. I can do it myself,” I told him.
“You could, but you’re my fiancée now.” He frowned like he wasn’t sure of our status all of a sudden but he still said the label with conviction. “You won’t take care of anything.”
I knew my stomach shouldn’t have erupted with butterflies, but it did anyway. The problem with what I’d just done was that I didn’t know if it was going to ruin me to have him be my first. I had now etched him into my memories, the man who not only stole my heart but now my virginity.
I did know, though, that it would probably ruin me if he wasn’t my last.
