“You’re a virgin?” My eyes widen as I ask for the hundredth time. “Really?”
“Lay off, would you?”
“No, I need details – all of them.”
“Details? Really, Green? Besides, you’re kind of distracting.”
I glimpse down at myself and realise that after he carried me to bed, he stripped me as I continued to ask him about the bomb he dropped earlier.
I’m currently kneeling between his legs as he throws his shirt behind his back and kicks his trousers and boxer briefs away. We’re both stark naked like when we used to take baths together as toddlers.
It’s different now, though, and it has something to do with his semi-hard cock that I can’t stop staring at.
The only reason I break eye contact is because of the dark look in his eyes. So many promises lurk in there, taunting, luring. My skull tingles in anticipation and my thighs unwillingly clench.
It’s strange how I’ve stopped thinking about my body in front of him, or rather, how he sees me. It’s because of the way he looks at me, I swear; it’s so full of heat and want, there’s no room for those nasty doubts.
A part of me wants to dive into his arms and never resurface, but my curiosity needs answers first.
Wrapping the sheet around me, I lean over so my entire front is glued to his. The thin cloth is the only barrier between us. “Better?”
The groan that leaves his throat is so manly and raw. “You’re killing me, Green.”
“I’ll stop if you tell me.”
“Maybe after round two.”
“No.” My fingers splay on his chest and I run the tips of them over his nipple. It’s hard like the rest of him.
“For starters, stop doing that or I’m coming all over your sorry excuse of a sheet.”
I still my hand but don’t remove it. “So it is like the articles say, male nipples are also sensitive.”
“What type of articles have you been reading?” His tone is amused.
“You know, stuff.”
“What type of stuff?”
I blush. “Sex stuff.”
“Sex stuff, huh?”
“That’s how I keep myself knowledgeable. Happy now?”
He chuckles, and I can’t stay mad or pouting when he does that. It’s like a happy song. My own happy song that only I know its lyrics.
“I’m actually not surprised.”
“You’re not?” I ask suspiciously.
“You were always a curious little kitten.” He taps my nose. “Why would you be different about sex?”
“You remember that?”
“I told you. I remember everything about you.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Try me.”
I narrow my eyes. “When did I have my first tooth removed?”
“First grade.”
“When did I decide pistachio is my favourite flavour?”
“During pre-school’s summer.”
“What’s my favourite animal?”
“Tigers, but you settle for cats because you can pet them and raise them.”
“Then why don’t I have one?”
“Because you were traumatised after Luna’s death. You still miss her and don’t want to have your heart broken again.”
My chin trembles, but I continue asking. “What’s my second favourite colour?”
“You don’t have one, because all other colours aside from green suck.”
God. He does remember. “When did I have my first kiss?”
“Sloppy smooches or real ones?”
“All.”
“It was with me when we were ten and I kissed you on the mouth, not the cheek.” He pauses, jaw tightening. “As for the real ones, I don’t know.”
“Ronan’s party, with a certain drunk arsehole who kissed the daylights out of me, then told me I was disgusting.”
“You know I didn’t mean it. It was my defence mechanism, remember?”
“It still hurt.”
“Green…”
I lift a shoulder. “I won’t lie to you, Xan. I won’t say it’s all fine now. Bottling emotions is what led me to where I am today, so I’m trying not to let the pain settle on the inside.”
“I’m cool with that.” He clutches my hand that’s resting on his chest. “I’ll cooperate. Hit me with your pain.”
“I just did. I’m not as cruel as you.”
“Ouch. I deserve that.”
“Let’s agree you deserve more, but I’ll never hurt you, Xan.”
“You did.” He sighs, the sound loud and deep. “You just didn’t know it. The hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life was to pretend I hated you when I never did.”
“Never?”
“Not at all. Not even close,” he repeats my words from earlier, but his tone is dead serious. “I’ll do my best to make it up to you in any way I can.”
“How about you tell me why you were a virgin.”
He releases another breath, this one resigned. “You never give up, do you?”
“Nope.” When he doesn’t budge, I poke him. “The other time, Ronan was bragging about how he was the first to lose his virginity and Aiden was last. I thought you were somewhere in between.” And I might’ve felt sick to my stomach at the time.
“You think I would tell Ronan I was a virgin? He’d shun me then drug me and bring me a hooker.”
Yup. That’s so Ronan. “If you had those risks, why didn’t you just go with the flow?”
“I told you, I’ve always wanted you.”
“But you could’ve still had sex.” Even as I say the words, I can’t help the bitter taste exploding at the back of my throat.
All the times I’ve seen him with other girls trickle in. Those pulses of pain and the tightening of my chest nearly return as well.
I hated it when he was with others.
And I hated myself for it, too.
He lifts a shoulder. “I never wanted anyone but you.”
My lips part. “Then why did you parade Veronica and Summer and everyone else around? You went to rooms with them.”
“But I did nothing with them except having them watch porn with me. If they were two girls, I watched them go down on each other. They didn’t say a word about it, because they cared more about the fantasy and being with me. They cared about the image, not me.”
“So you did it for the image, too?”
“No. I did it to push you so you’d never want me like I fucking wanted you.” A faint smile breaks on his lips. “I was that sick.”
“No, not sick, flawed.”
“Flawed, huh?”
“Yeah, so flawed it’s a bit sick.”
“Just a bit?”
“Yeah, just a bit. Because the truth is, I’m the sick one.”
He raises an eyebrow. “Go on. You can’t leave me in suspense here.”
I hide my face in his rock-hard chest and speak against it, “I always dreamt about you coming from my window to take my virginity.”
No answer.
Did I ruin it? Damn it, I need to learn how to stop oversharing. We’re just getting back together. He doesn’t need a one-way ticket into my brain.
I peek up at him and pause at the expression on his face. He’s watching me with eyes so intense, it’s like he’s about to devour me whole and leave nothing in his wake.
“I’ll do that next time,” he says in a hoarse voice.
“No, that’s not –”
“I love your mind, Green. It’s so similar to mine.”
I bite the corner of my lip. “Really?”
“Oh, absolutely.” He runs his fingers through my hair. “Does that mean you fantasised about being mine?”
“Maybe.”
“Maybe isn’t good enough. Try harder.”
I reach up and run my fingertips over his lips. “Maybe I wanted to come here, too. Maybe I watched you relaxing half-naked by the pool.”
“Someone is a stalker.”
“Shut up. You’re also a stalker. Both Ronan and Cole told me you watch me.”
“Snitching bastards.”
“Just admit it.”
“I have a better idea.”
My brow furrows. “What?”
“Did you know that the whole time you’ve been lying like this, you’ve been torturing me, Green?”
My cheeks redden, but I don’t attempt to move, not that I can.
“Or are you doing it on purpose?”
“I’m not.”
“Remove that sheet.”
“W-why?”
“Remember what I told you the other time? When I order, you…” he trails off, waiting for me.
My breathing catches and I take a few seconds to regulate it before I slowly peel the sheet off me. It glides against my hard nipples, creating tormenting friction.
“Now, place both your hands on my shoulders and lift yourself.”
The way he orders me gets me into a high alert mode. It’s a want so deep, I can barely contain it inside my body.
I want to scream it from the top of the roofs and shout it at the stars.
Even though my body trembles, I do as told, clutching his shoulder and staying suspended atop of him.
He strokes his cock and when I’m momentarily transfixed by the movement, I ignore my shaking limbs.
“Now, come down.”
“Xan…”
“Do. It.” His non-negotiable tone springs me to action and I slowly, too slowly lower myself onto his hard dick.
We groan together as his cock stretches me. My thighs shake the more I take him in.
“You feel so fucking good.”
I stop, breathing harshly and trying to fit him in.
“Go all the way, Green.”
“But you’re so big.”
“You said you liked being hurt.”
I nibble on my lower lip. “I do.”
“But you like it better when I do it?”
My eyes widen. How can he read me so fast?
I don’t have to say anything, though. He grabs me by the hips and brings me down in one merciless go. His balls slap against my arse with the force of it. I cry out, then squeal when he flips me so I’m lying underneath him.
Unlike earlier, I don’t have to tell him to go harder. He thrusts into me with the urgency of a desperate man.
Of someone who has nothing before him or after him.
The harder he pounds into me, the tighter I hold on to him.
I’m sore and it hurts slightly, but that’s the last thought on my mind right now.
Xander isn’t the only one who’s desperate. I am, too.
I’ve waited for him for so long, it almost feels unreal now, like maybe I’ll wake up and all of this will be a dream.
If it is a dream, then I have no interest in waking up.
I can be trapped here for eternity, thank you very much.
“You’re so beautiful, Green.” His eyes hold mine captive as his cock owns me. “You’ve been driving me fucking insane.”
I don’t know if it’s his words or his rhythm, but I come undone in a minute. The record time would be embarrassing if I had the clarity of mind to care about that.
Xander’s name is the only thing on my lips as I reach that peak, that place of freedom. There’s no fog here, no pain. Just a pure high.
“Say it again,” he grunts.
“What?”
“My name.”
“Xan.” I brush my lips against his. “I missed you, Xan.”
He groans as his back turns rigid and he joins me over the edge.
Xander brings my bandaged wrist to his mouth and kisses it so tenderly, it actually hurts.
Not physically, but emotionally. The fact that he sees it, that he saw it even when I refused to see it myself, makes me want to hide.
But I don’t hide, not from him.
He’s been the only one I could never hide from.
“I missed you, too, Green.”
