“Mum?”
My voice is incredulous, even to my own ears. The woman I thought I would never see in this lifetime stands in front of me.
Her hair is straight and blonde and falls to her shoulders, just as I remember. She’s wearing one of the elegant dresses fit for the upper class, and she still has a brooch over her clothes.
If I didn’t know we’d separated more than twelve years ago, I would’ve thought we saw each other yesterday.
Her face has that familiar permanent small smile and her blue almond-shaped eyes have no wrinkles surrounding them.
“How have you been, kids?” She stares between me and Kim as if this is an everyday occurrence, as if she went out for a stroll and just returned.
“You’ve grown up so much, Kim.” She smiles. “Thankfully, you don’t look like your snake of a mother.”
What the fuck?
First, my mum is here.
Second, did I mention my mum is here?
“Can I talk to Xander?” she asks Kim, whose eyes remain wide, as if she’s witnessing a ghost’s appearance and probably thinking about ghostbuster options.
Same for me.
“Uh…” She shakes her head, then squeezes my hand. “I’ll be…home if you need me.”
I don’t even have the right state of mind to nod or do anything. I’m still staring at my mum and trying to figure out if I had enough alcohol to end up with another ‘dream’.
Soft lips seal against my cheek and it’s enough to pull me out of my trance. I glance down at Kim and she smiles in the warmest, most considerate way any human would.
Her smile says words she doesn’t have to utter out loud.
I’m here for you. I’ll always be here for you.
I smile back, showing her the dimples she loves so much. “Go ahead, Green.”
She nods, chances one last glance at Mum, then slowly heads to her house.
The only two who remain are me and the woman who brought me into this world.
The woman who left because Dad was too much.
“Should we go inside?” She motions at our house – mine and Dad’s, not hers. Because she left it without a look back.
I don’t say anything as I stride through the door, knowing she’ll follow. The sound of her heels echoes in the empty hall.
Ahmed greets us at the entrance and stops upon seeing her.
“Hello, Ahmed. How have you been?” She smiles at him with a warmth that she used to give me.
A warmth that’s a little bit sad, a little bit forced, a little bit fake.
And I used to gobble it all down because it came from her, my mother.
“Hello.” He turns into his completely professional stance. “Can I get you anything, Xander?”
A bottle of vodka would be grand, thank you very much.
“Nothing,” I breathe out.
“A glass of wine for me,” Mum says.
“I’m afraid we have no wine.” He nods and disappears around the corner. I have no doubt that he’ll call Dad and inform him about our unexpected guest.
Before Dad comes home, Mum and I need to talk.
Shoving a hand in my pocket, I turn around and face her. She’s sitting on the sofa, both legs tucked to her side like a refined lady.
Mum was never a refined lady. She was a waitress prior to knowing Dad – and Calvin.
Dad brought her to the upper-middle-class side of the tracks and after that, she cut all contact with her extended family and switched social classes.
Her gaze sweeps over me. “You’ve become a man.”
“No thanks to you,” I say without even thinking about the words. But I guess that’s all I ever wanted to say since that day she abandoned me in the middle of the street and never looked back.
“Xander, listen to me.”
I lean against the counter and fold my arms. “I’m all ears. Let’s hear what brought you back after ghosting for twelve years. Spoiler alert, the address didn’t change.”
She thins her lips. “I see you’ve become fluent in sarcasm.”
“What can I say? Growing up with no mother made me fluent in many things. Like lying, drinking, fighting. You name it.”
“I won’t have you stand there and blame your life choices on me. You have Lewis and his money.”
Is she for real? Is there a way I can reach into my eyes and somehow blind them so I don’t see her face?
For twelve whole years, I’ve wondered what it would be like to see her again. If maybe she’d return and fill the hole Dad was never able to.
Hope is a dangerous thing; it makes you believe in things that might never exist.
I believed in Samantha Knight, and that hope is now dimming to nothing at the first conversation.
She’s not here to save me.
“Why are you here, Samantha?”
“I’m your mum and you’ll address me as such.”
“Nope. You kind of, sort of, stopped being my mum the moment you abandoned me in the streets while I was crying and calling your name.”
She stands up and I expect her to come at me or something, to try to prove her biological status, but she heads straight to the drinking cabinet Lewis always keeps at the corner of the room. She curses when she finds nothing, her fingers shaking.
“Remember that drinking problem I have?” I tilt my head to the side. “Dad banned alcohol from the house because of it.”
“He’s such an expert at throwing away good liquor.” She rubs her neck and her fingers tremble.
I reach into the side cupboard and retrieve a small bottle I keep there, then throw it her way. “I see where I got that problem from.”
She clutches the bottle and opens it with over-eager fingers. “Vodka, seriously? Don’t you have any wine?”
“Everyone picks his poison of choice, I guess.”
“Whatever.” The moment I see her gulping the liquid like she’s been in a desert, a sense of disgust hits me.
It’s so hard, I physically clutch the counter for balance.
I look like that. Just like her.
Now that I think about it, she always walked around with a cup of wine in her hand. She even mixed it with my redberry juice once, and that was my first sip of alcohol. I finished it all and was acting weird. That’s how Dad found out about it and they had a huge fight.
Then he took me to the doctor and I might have had my stomach cleaned.
Maybe that’s why Dad has been an extra dick about the drinking since the beginning of this year.
“Are you even sorry?” I ask.
She wipes the side of her mouth, but doesn’t give back the small bottle. “Sorry? For what?”
The fact she’s asking is enough to say she’s not, but I speak anyway, “That you left your only son behind with a man who isn’t even his biological father.”
“You know,” she murmurs.
“Yup, kind of figured about all the cross-breeding.”
“Just so you know, I don’t appreciate sarcasm.”
“Just so you know, I don’t fucking care.”
She shakes her head. “I didn’t leave you with a stranger. Lewis considered you his son from the very get-go. Besides, he and Calvin came to an understanding a long time ago to supervise on their biological children from afar. Why do you think Calvin picked you up sometimes and Lewis picked Kim up at others? Or when the four of you had fathers’ days out in the park and all that rubbish? They had it all planned.”
I figured Dad and Calvin were exchanging information behind the scenes, but I never thought they were this much in tune about how everything was playing out.
“Did the arrangement bother you?” I ask. “Is that it?”
“I didn’t care.”
“Of course you didn’t. That’s why you left.”
She says nothing, and her silence is more painful than her words. I thought I was immune to pain about now. Turns out, I was fucking wrong.
“And why did you come back?”
She sits on the sofa again and takes another drink of my vodka, more gracefully this time since she doesn’t have an itch to satiate.
“Whatever happens, you’re my son, Xander.”
“Bullshit.”
“What did you just say?”
“You heard me.”
“Listen here, Xan, as your mother, I demand respect.”
“Bullshit,” a stronger male voice says from behind me.
Dad.
That was faster than I thought. He probably was in Silver’s father’s house nearby.
He places his briefcase on the table and strides inside to stand beside me. “You heard him.”
“Lewis.” She smiles. “I’ve been waiting for you.”
“I told you not to ever come here.”
“Wait.” I stare between them. “You meet? Are you like tea parties’ mates? I thought she was in fucking Brazil or something.”
“Can you leave us alone?” Samantha’s hand trembles around the bottle’s lid.
“Fuck no,” I say.
“Just go.” Lewis motions behind him.
“I can’t believe this.” I stare at her. “You’re here for him, not me?”
She taps the lid of the bottle, keeps her posture, but says nothing.
I scoff as I exit the room, but not the scene. I hide behind the corner and do something I used to when I was a kid – eavesdrop on my parents’ fights, hoping they’d end soon.
When they didn’t, I went to Kim because she was the only one who weaned down the chaos. She still is.
“What the fuck are you doing here, Samantha?” Lewis yanks on his tie.
“You’re not answering my calls.”
“That’s because I don’t want to. Take a hint.”
“You don’t get to ignore me, Lewis.”
“Watch me.” He stands by the table, towering over her. “I told you last year that would be the last fucking time you’re getting money from me.”
“Mike’s business went bankrupt again. We need help.”
“You won’t be getting it from me. Last I checked, I’m not your husband’s sponsor.”
Wait a fucking second. She remarried and Lewis has been giving her money all this time?
What in the actual fuck?
“You better well be.” She stands up, clutching the bottle in a death grip. “Otherwise, the press will know about your illegitimate daughter. How do you think your campaign will go, huh? The mighty politician Lewis Knight has an illegitimate daughter and is raising another bastard child as his own. I can see it as the headlines. And remember, I have the DNA tests to prove it.”
“You thought I was giving you the money because I’m scared of you? What a mess have you become to think that way? I only funded your loser husband’s companies because you’re the woman who gave birth to my son and I don’t want to see you hit rock bottom, but if you threaten my children in any way, I’ll bury you and Michael so deep, no one will be able to find you.”
“We’ll see who’ll be able to bury the other one first.” Her face reddens. “Either I find the money in my bank account or you can kiss your peaceful children’s lives goodbye.”
She heads to the door.
“Samantha,” he calls after her.
When she turns around, a hopeful expression covers her features. “Changed your mind?”
“Don’t you ever show your fucking face here again. Keep your alcoholic influence away from my son.”
The door closes behind Samantha with a loud clink. Lewis breathes harshly and runs a hand through his hair as he sits down and retrieves his phone.
He places a call to Sebastian Queens to tell him he won’t be making it to the rest of the meeting, then to his secretary to let her know there could be changes to the plan, and finally to Calvin to inform him about Samantha’s visit.
As soon as he finishes that call, I come out of my hiding spot, placing both hands in my jeans’ pocket. “Why didn’t you tell me she’d remarried? Why did you tell me she was in Brazil?”
He lets the phone drop beside him and stares at me. “I should’ve known you’d eavesdrop. I’d prefer it if you’d never heard that.”
“You mean the part about my mum being a gold digger?”
“That part, too.”
“What else did you hide from me? Because hiding things seems to be your modus operandi around me.”
“Doesn’t matter.”
“It matters to me.” My voice rises. “This is my life; I have the right to know what’s happening in it. I’m not a kid anymore and you don’t get to make the decisions on my behalf.”
“Fine.” He sighs. “Samantha had an affair with her current husband for the last year of our marriage. I asked her to stay for your sake, but she didn’t want to. She said this life wasn’t as she expected it to be and it was suffocating her. She hated being a mom and this whole lifestyle. She also became neglectful of you and your safety. When she decided to leave, I didn’t stop her.”
My fist curls in my pocket. “Why haven’t you told me any of that? Why did you let me hate you all these years?”
“For that exact same reason. You already blamed me, so I didn’t want you to hate your other parent, too.”
“Well, don’t expect any applause, Dad.” I turn to leave.
“Xander.” His stern voice stops me in my tracks.
“What?”
“You said you’re not a kid. So don’t act like one.”
I face him fully. “What do you mean?”
“The drinking needs to stop. Don’t make me use force, because I’ll do it.”
I release a long breath. “How about you think about a solution to her threat? If this goes to the press, it’ll fuck Kim up. People will start thinking of us as siblings and that’s off the table.”
“How about you?”
“What about me?”
“You said it’ll screw Kim’s life, but it’ll also screw yours.”
I lift a shoulder. “I can manage.”
“It’s okay if you can’t. You have me for that.”
“I don’t need you,” I mutter.
“I know. I’m just putting it out there in case you do.” He rises to his feet and places a hand on my shoulder. “You are my son, no matter what DNA tests say.”
I wiggle him away. “Sappy doesn’t suit you.”
“I figured as much.” He chuckles, the sound rare and I know it shouldn’t be taken for granted. Lewis Knight doesn’t laugh, at least not genuinely. He doesn’t stand there and offer his hand without expecting something in return.
For the first time in forever, I stare at him through a different lens.
He’s my dad.
While I respect Calvin, Lewis is my dad.
All biological ties be damned.
With that thought, I ask him something I would never ask of other people.
Kim is right, I’m too proud to ask for things. Help, for instance, or a brake to put on my life that’s spiralling out of control.
“Can you stop her?”
“I’ll do everything in my might,” he tells me.
“What if you can’t?”
“Worst-case scenario, we all have to leave the country.”
“Calvin, too?”
“Especially Calvin. He works for the diplomatic circuit and that’s even more scrutinised than politics. No scandals are allowed.”
“Shit.”
“I know, but we have to think about the worst-case scenario. I can always give her money, but she will never stop. Besides, I won’t deal with someone who threatens you.”
“Thanks…I guess.”
“No sarcasm this time?” He smiles.
“Don’t get used to it.”
He squeezes my shoulder. “I need you to focus on you now. Think about that program.”
“Fuck.”
“Fuck indeed, young man. This situation will not go on.”
And the dick Lewis is back. Good to see you again, Dad.
“Kim is worried about you,” he says.
I lift a brow. “Since when are you and Kim pen pals?”
“I told her the other day to tell me if she needs anything. I found her pacing in front of her house earlier and once she saw me, she ran to me and said these exact words, ‘You said to tell you if I need anything, and I do. Whatever you have to give me, give it to Xan. He needs help as much as I do; he’s just too proud to admit it. So don’t give up on him. One day he’ll look back and thank you for it and I will, too.’”
