A soft shove pulls me from what could have been a pretty decent sleep. I have to blink profusely to make out Gracie’s anxious figure through the dark room as she leans over me from her side of the bed, panic clear in her tightened features.
‘What time is it?’ I croak. The sleep in my voice is heavy.
‘Three in the morning,’ she answers and softly pushes the hair off of my damp forehead. ‘Braden called, baby.’
I shoot into a sitting position and reach over to turn on the lamp beside me. As soon as the dull light washes over her, I see my phone clenched tightly in her fist.
‘What happened?’ I rush, throwing my legs over the side of the bed. ‘And how did we sleep until three?’
‘Your brother showed up.’ She avoids eye contact and ignores my second question. ‘With Allen.’
Fuck no. I’m slipping clothes on before she can throw the covers off of her naked body.
‘Please tell me you’re not planning on doing what I think you are,’ she sighs. There’s a silent plea in her glassy eyes. I’m not sure if it’s fear or sleep that’s creating such a shine over her baby blues, but I don’t have time to find out. I hold out my hand in front of her, eyeing my cell phone.
‘I will not stand by and let River of all people drag our mom back into Allen’s infected claws, Gracie. I can’t do that.’
Pushing herself up, she reluctantly hands me my phone. ‘At least let me come with you,’ she pleads out loud this time with a quiver in her voice that makes my heart pound painfully against my chest.
‘No.’ I shake my head. ‘Just stay here and go back to sleep. I’ll be back before you wake up again.’
‘You can’t be serious,’ she scoffs while throwing up a hand. ‘You think I’ll be able to go back to bed after this?’
‘I’m dead serious, Gray. You’re safer here. Away from them.’ Away from me, I want to say.
Her face drops and she looks down at the bare toes poking out from under the blankets. Stop making me feel guilty, beautiful.
‘Okay,’ she mumbles, nodding once.
‘Hey, look at me.’ I take a step towards her and place a finger under her chin, lifting it up. ‘I promise that as soon as I get back we’ll lay in bed and watch your cheesy vampire show all day. Sound good?’
Gracie’s eyes light up when they move to mine. Her lips spread in a small smile and she nods in reluctant agreement. ‘No backing out halfway through an episode this time.’
I let out a low chuckle before pulling her in for a deep kiss. ‘I’ll be back soon.’
She grabs hold of my hand and spins me around, pulling me back to her. Lifting herself onto her knees, she places a hand behind my neck and pulls me down so she can place her lips on mine again. The passion behind the kiss makes it hard for me to back away, which I think must have been her plan. I run a hand over her messy bed head while rubbing my thumb along her cheek.
‘Be safe,’ she breathes out as she pulls away, hesitant to let me go.
‘Always.’ It’s the heaviest promise that I’ve ever made, but one I have every intention of keeping.
‘I love you.’
I ignore the twinge in my gut that urges me to run back into bed with her and press my lips to her cheek instead. ’I love you.’ I drag my eyes off of her and push myself to get dressed and walk away, not stopping until I reach my truck.
Braden opens the door for me before I even make it up the front steps. ‘Hey.’
I clench my fists at my sides knowing that my nails will leave pink crescent moons in my palms. I nod subtly and walk past him. River’s voice slashes at my spine, bringing a flash of red through my vision as I stalk down the familiar hallway.
I hear Brooks growl, ‘You need to leave. Now.’
Braden walks quietly behind me, keeping quiet to avoid pissing me off even more than I already am. As if that’s a possibility. She was supposed to be safe here. But nowhere will ever be safe for her as long as that sack of human filth is walking around. I stop inches away from the living room archway and lean back against the wall. Braden’s shoulder knocks against mine as he follows suit, his face pulled into a tight scowl.
‘When did they get here?’ I keep my voice low.
‘Twenty minutes ago. River showed up first claiming that he needed to talk to her. We wouldn’t have let him in if we knew he brought Allen.’
‘I know.’ I nod. ‘Do they have anything on them?’ It might sound like a stupid question, but I wouldn’t put it past Allen to turn this into a dirty fight in order to get mom back in his grasp.
‘Not that I saw.’
‘Okay. Let me go first. If things go bad, beat them over the head with a fucking frying pan for all I care. Just get my mom out of here.’
Braden’s body shakes with a silent, humourless laugh before he nods and places a hand on my shoulder. I push away from the wall and walk through the arch.
‘Now, I really hope you didn’t plan a family get-together without your favourite son.’ I almost let a contorted laugh slip past my lips when River turns to me. An expensive, tailored suit clings to his built body like a second skin. I guess he has steroids to thank for that. A guy who sniffs as much snow as he does shouldn’t be thicker than a tree branch. His pupils are blown and I know that he’s high.
‘You wore a suit? What are you, a mafia leader or something?’ I snort and tilt my head when Allen tries to take a step towards me. River shoves him back with his arm.
‘Ah, perfect. The entire family’s here, Mom.’ River scowls at me before turning to Mom and watching her expectantly as her eyes dart between her two sons. Two men who couldn’t be more different if they tried. When she doesn’t speak he turns back to me, deciding to hit a nerve he knows will provoke a reaction from me. “Where’s that tight piece of ass you had with you last time? Gracie, right?”
My nostrils flare and anger licks my spine like a tongue swirling an ice cream cone. The thumping in my ears is deafening as my blood bubbles. I make out the pompous, stomach wringing smirk resting on River’s lips through the thick red mist painting my vision and stalk towards him, my lip curled back. My knuckles ache from how tightly my fists are clenched, biceps hard and rigid as I force them to stay by my sides.
“Oh,” he sighs, shoulders shrugging. Amusement dances in his dark eyes as he watches my face turn red. Our chests are only a few feet apart. “She left you, didn’t she? Went to find a real man to fuck her the way you couldn’t. Huh, maybe she’s at my door, waiting for my co—”
An animalistic snarl escapes me as I pull my arm back and swing. My knuckles burn and pain surges up my arm when I hit his mouth. River fumbles back, cursing under his breath before he’s spitting a bloodied tooth at my feet.
He reaches up and wipes at his mouth. The urge to snort becomes nearly overwhelming when he runs his tongue over the bare gum where his front tooth used to be.
He clicks his tongue. “Well, now look what you’ve done.”
“Don’t talk about her. You don’t deserve so much as to say her name,” I growl, my fist still curled at my side as if it’s waiting for another order. I almost give one before I hear Mom speak from behind me.
‘Tyler.’
I spin around instantly and narrow my eyes on Mom’s hunched figure. She struggles to speak and Brooks places a hand on her shoulder. My brows raise as confusion washes over me for a fleeting second before Allen opens his vile mouth.
‘There’s no need for anymore bloodshed. We’re just here to get your mom back, ain’t that right, Riv?’
Scoffing, I tighten my sights on my brother. ‘You’ve got to be kidding, me. You can’t seriously think that she’s safe with him? Are you fucking blind? He hits her! She needs help!’ I yell, turning to look back at Mom. ‘Tell him, Mom. Tell him how I found you laying on the bathroom floor bleeding and blown out your mind!’
My eyes pour into hers. They’re begging her to say something, to finally stand up for herself. To stand up for me. But she stays quiet, dropping her eyes to the floor and letting her tears splatter against the floor in unbearably loud silence. My throat closes, making me choke on the thin air around me as a heavy, unbearable weight pulverizes my chest. This can’t be how her life is supposed to go. This isn’t right. I need her. For the first fucking time in my life, I really need her. She’s supposed to want to go to my wedding and change my kid’s shitty diapers. I finally have a damn reason to think of my future with a feeling other than disgust and hatred. And she doesn’t want to see it. She doesn’t fucking care. She’s supposed to want me. For once in her life, she’s supposed to choose me, the one who’s always been there to take care of her. But again, she’s choosing the wrong people. The only difference this time is that I won’t be there to fix her mistakes. Not anymore.
‘Mom, please,’ I plead. Brooks looks at me with defeat in his eyes and drops my mom’s arm to give her the chance to choose. A pained, unfamiliar noise escapes me when she moves to stand beside Allen. I can feel my heart shattering again as I watch her choose them over me for the last time.
‘If that’s all, then you need to get the fuck out of my house.’ Brooks’s tone is brutally rough and distant as he moves towards me and paces a heavy hand on my shoulder. I want to shrug him off but I can’t find the strength in me to do so. I just stand in place, numb.
‘Gladly.’ River grins, ever-so-proud of himself, regardless of the hole in his smile. I drop my eyes, not being able to watch any longer when I see Allen pull Mom into his slimy grip and drag her with him.
‘Tyler,’ she chokes. I feel a light pressure on my arm. I fight hard to keep my gaze locked on my shoes and push out a shaky breath when her hand drops to her side again. Allen spits something at me before leaving, but I can’t make out the words as my mind goes blank. Brooks tries to rub my shoulder and talk to me but I block him out too and let my body slide down the wall behind me. I place my elbows on my knees and drop my head in my hands before the tears fall.
‘Fuck!’ I hear Braden shout and the familiar sound of a punch meeting drywall. The noise reminds me that he’s still here.
‘Go to their apartment and tell Gracie what happened. I need to talk to Tyler alone.’ It’s Brook’s that speaks now, I’m pretty sure.
‘You sure? I can stay, dad.’
‘Go.’ The door slams shut a second later.
‘Tyler.’ A hand rubs my back.
‘It’s just me. It’s Brooks. Can you look at me?’
I pull my head up and turn to him. My vision is so blurred with tears that I can only vaguely make out the large shape of a man.
‘You need to breathe, Tyler. In for three, out for three.’
I nod. In for three, out for three. My head clears but I continue to struggle to focus on my breathing.
‘That’s it,’ he encourages while handing me a dry tissue. My face is dry a few seconds later and I crumple the wet tissue in my fist.
‘I really need to talk to you about something. It’s important.’
‘Now?’ My brows furrow. I swallow nervously.
He just nods and watches me with a deep intensity that worms its way into my gut and yanks, making me curl into myself.
‘About what?’ I croak and cringe when I realize that I sound as mangled as I feel.
‘Did your mom ever talk to you about your father? Your birth father?’
‘No. She never brought it up. I assumed she didn’t know who it was.’ I’ve come to peace with that.
He nods again, slower this time.
‘Brooks? Why are you asking about him?’
‘There’s something that you should know, but I need you to promise me you won’t react until I finish speaking.’
I nearly spew chunks all over his living room. The silence is deafening, so much so that I fight the urge to place my hands over my ears and squeeze my eyes shut so hard a deep ache pulses behind them.
‘Do you know him or something? Don’t fucking lie to me, Brooks.’
He swallows so harshly his Adam’s apple nearly bursts through his throat. He nods so subtly that I would have missed it had I not been staring so hard at him.
‘Tell me what you know,’ I demand. There’s a silent dare in my tone that makes it clear I won’t tolerate being lied to. Not right now.
‘I need you to know that I didn’t know,’ he pleads, voice wavering. ‘Not until a few hours ago.’
I move my hands to my bent knees and squeeze so hard my fingertips turn white and the bones beneath them whimper. ‘Spit it out.’
His mouth opens only to close again before a proper sentence can be spoken. The silence is strangling me with no type of restraint as I stare at him, my eyes full of a deep-rooted emotion that I can’t quite pinpoint.
‘Before I met my ex-wife, your mom and I . . . we dated for a while.’ He nearly chokes on the words and a familiar coldness forms in his eyes. ‘I had no idea that Nora was your mom until the night that you called me for help. When I saw her in that state I thought it was God’s cruel way of punishing me for something that I’ve done in the past. As if losing her all those years ago wasn’t punishment enough.’
‘I’m confused,’ I mumble. Brooks dated my mom? I’m surprised, yeah, but I don’t get why it matters. Does he know my father? Did he meet him back then?
‘I loved her,’ he coughs like he’s choking. ‘Your mom. I loved her more than I’ve ever loved another woman. But back then I was just a stupid kid. I didn’t know how to be there the way that I should have been. She was still upset about River’s dad leaving, and I knew I wasn’t ready to raise that shit-disturbed kid with her.’ Brooks clears his throat before continuing, ‘I assumed that was why she left. She ran out of town without a goodbye or an explanation. Not even a damn note. She was just gone. I never heard from her again. Until a month ago when I saw her battered and bloody in that broken shell of a house.’
‘What the fuck are you talking about?’ I growl and push myself off of the floor so quickly that I nearly fall back on my ass. I need to put some space between us. Betrayal makes an ugly, unwanted appearance as I narrow my eyes and tighten my jaw.
‘I thought it was just a coincidence! Maybe even the second chance that I always wanted. But she’s not the same as she used to be. She wouldn’t let me help her.’ He follows me. My face scrunches up as I reel back at his words.
There’s no fucking way. Is there? Mom met none of my friends because she was never around or sober enough to. So how would she have known that I knew Brooks? Fuck.
‘She told me something before she called your brother tonight.’
‘She fucking called him? She brought them both here?’
I see red. My knuckles burn with the urge to throw them into the wall behind me. But I suck in a sharp breath and clench my fists at my sides instead.
‘She left me twenty-four years ago because she was pregnant with another son. With my son.’
His words paralyze me. They blow through my mind and rattle against the sides of my skull. They make my head throb to the point that my eyes water from the pain beating behind them.
‘But . . .’ I blubber. ‘Braden and I . . . we’re the same age,’ is the only coherent string of words that I can wrangle together.
‘You’re six months older than him, Tyler.’
‘Is this some sick fucking joke?’ I hiss before clenching my fists and throwing one straight through the living room drywall, unable to hold myself back any longer. ‘Fuck!’
The sound vibrates through the room as broken pieces fall to the floor, covering the wood in a thick layer of dust and leaving the beam that I punched exposed as I grunt in pain. I don’t have time to feel a blimp of regret or guilt about the mess before I’m shaking my busted, bloody hand in the air to help ease some of the pain.
‘Do you really think that I would joke about this? I’ve known you for years—treated you like a son without knowing that you’ve been my blood the entire time. That’s the sick joke!’
The force behind his shouted words smacks me in the face and brings me back down to earth. Brooks has always been a father figure to me—teaching me more about the world than I would have been able to learn from any book or movie and disciplining me when I let my anger and hatred for the world get out of control. This all feels like some sort of heartless joke. Lord knows I deserve to feel this knife twisting in my gut. But there’s also a tiny shard of hope flickering in the anger and betrayal that this is real. That I wasn’t always alone as I thought I was.
‘I don’t know what to say,’ I sputter, and I mean it.
‘She knew you deserved better than her, Tyler. I think that’s why she told me after all these years. In her fucked up way, she loves you enough to let you be happy without her. She trusted me to take care of you.’
I shake my head at him and slam my open palms into my forehead before sliding them behind my head. ‘She didn’t just willingly give me up. She wouldn’t do that to me.’ I hate that I don’t know if I’m trying to convince him or myself. I feel a hand squeeze my shoulder tightly, grabbing my attention as I steal a quick glance in his direction.
‘She didn’t give you up. She’s letting you start over.’
‘What if I didn’t want to start over? Huh? Why does she get to make that decision for me? It’s not fair!’
‘She had her chance, Tyler. You can’t force someone to change who doesn’t want to change.’
‘But she’s my mom.’ I can hear my heart being thrown through a grinder by the crack in my whimpered words.
‘Maybe she’ll find her way back to you when she’s ready. She’ll always be your mom. But right now, she’s no good for you. You know that.’
He’s right. I know he is. But that doesn’t make it any easier. ‘What now? What are we supposed to do now?’ I ask as I push myself away from the wall and wipe a hand down my wet face.
‘I have no fucking clue,’ he laughs. There’s only a fleck of humour in the rough sound. ‘I guess we take it one day at a time.’
‘Does Braden know?’
He nods his head. ‘Yes. He has an awful habit of eavesdropping.’ A loud rumble sounds outside, followed by the slam of a car door.
My eyebrow cocks as I stare at Brooks, silently asking him if he’s expecting anyone when the front door is swung open with enough force for the door handle to dig into the wall behind it.
‘Tyler?’
A weight lifts from my chest as soon as I see Gracie come running into the room. My sweatshirt covers most of her body and her messy hair hangs out of the ponytail flopping against her back. She’s jumping into my arms without a second thought to the watchful eyes around us and I grab her thighs with ease, holding her in place. I close my eyes and press my forehead to hers, letting her familiar scent calm me down.
She smells like home.
‘I was so worried,’ she whispers, warm breath hitting my lips as she uses her thighs to squeeze my waist.
‘I told you I would be okay.’
‘Braden told me everything.’ Her words are soft as she runs her hands through my hair. I meet Braden’s eyes over Gracie’s shoulder and roll my eyes when his fingers form a V around his mouth before he flicks his tongue between them. His childish behaviour makes it hard to be upset with him for telling Gracie, but lord knows that I probably wouldn’t have been able to do it on my own. It’s hard to stay mad at that fucker, that’s for sure.
Gracie slides back down a few seconds later before wrapping herself around my arm and eyeing up the other two men. ‘So, what now?’ A choir of mixed laughter floats around the room as we all shake our heads at the beautiful blonde.
One day at a time, baby. One day at a time.
