I SHOULD LEAVE them both alone.
I already know that. I know that they have their own Bond to work out for themselves, but when I leave Nox’s room for my own, there’s a dull fog of dread clouding up my brain. The moment I lie down in my own bed and shut my eyes, all I can see is the haunted look in my brother’s eyes right before they void out.
I can’t sleep like this.
So instead of even trying, I get up and throw on one of the sweatshirts my Bonded left behind in my room that smells like her. She has a good point about the scents calming bonds down. Then I make my way over to Nox’s room. The door is unlocked, it always is, and I don’t bother knocking. His creatures will tell him that I’m coming up and, sure enough, when I make it to the top of the stairs, he’s blinking up at me from the couch.
Oleander is asleep on the bed, alone and looking safe enough.
“You really don’t trust me, do you?”
I glance at him and step over the sleeping pile of shadows by the landing to join him on the couch. The biggest of his shadows, the meanest one now that Oleander has tamed Brutus, lifts his head from Nox’s chest to growl in my direction. It’s always been protective but what happened at dinner has opened up old wounds.
“I’m here for you both. I’m here because, while you might not ever want it, I want to help you. No matter what you need. I said that to you and I meant it.”
He huffs and runs his fingers through his hair, tugging at the ends of it like he’s really trying to tear it from his head. He’s usually better about keeping up the front, acting like the put together professor he’s emulating, and I attempt to take it as a sign of progress that he’s allowing himself to crack a little with our Bond so close to him.
Even asleep, she’s still within touching distance of him, which is a trigger of its own.
“You’re here for her, don’t lie to me. It’s okay. I knew when Gryph brought her back here that you’d fall over yourself for her. A little thing like that who needs all sorts of your help? She’s built to break you, Baba.”
It’s been years since he called me that, and my chest tightens at the sound of it. Baba Yaga, the boogeyman, the old tale of protection I’d given him as a child that he’d held on to for years.
He’s not wrong about Oleander, but he is wrong about himself. I gave him my word that I would stand by him, protect him, provide for him if he couldn’t do it for himself. I swore that I would do everything I could to… fix him.
I know now that I can’t, but I will never leave him behind.
“She was made for you too. You’re not there yet, and that’s okay, but maybe you should stop hating her for things she hasn’t done. Maybe you should think about finding level ground with her.”
He sneers at me. “And how can I do that when she’s in my fucking bed every week? I can’t forget about her for five minutes with my sheets stinking of my Bond.”
I take a deep breath, breathing in her scent on the sweatshirt, and his eyes flick down to the fabric because he can read me like an open book. He always could. We’re two sides of the same coin and always have been.
I cut him off before he can start a new rant all about my weakness for her. It’s nothing new, and I’m not ashamed of it. She’s my Bonded, and she’s proven that she’s more than worthy. I’m the one who needs to prove myself here, not her. “Just leave it. If having her sleep in here isn’t working out, then we can make changes. There’s always another solution. I went with this one because I thought it would be the least… invasive for you. If you have any other ideas, just tell me.”
He snorts and pets at the creature on his chest, scratching behind his ear. He’s not usually affectionate with them around me. I’ve known that he has a better, stronger connection with his creatures, but I’ve never actually seen that affection in action before.
More of Oleander’s influence.
My own bond itches under my skin, August wanting out to be with her, but with all of Nox’s arsenal around us, this isn’t the place for him right now. Brutus might tolerate him but the others won’t. They know a rabid shadow when they see it, and while he might have tamed a little, I don’t trust August fully. I still keep a very tight leash on him, especially when Oleander isn’t awake.
No matter what my bond told her, I can’t take that chance. Not with her.
“Go to bed, brother. You look like shit, and now you’ve seen that your little poisonous Bonded is alive and well, you should get some rest.”
I roll my eyes at his jabs at her, the little barbs that do nothing to me but dig under her skin, exactly the way he wants them to.
I rub a hand over my face and try to stifle the yawn threatening to take over me. “I’ll never sleep well again. Not with the sheer amount of threats we’re facing. The Sanctuary isn’t going to be ready in time.”
Because we both know the biggest of my concerns is getting us all out of the path of the Resistance, to stop them from being able to just pop into our community and pick us off one-by-one. Though I’ve been working on a solution for years, now is the time to move.
He glances at me, stroking a hand down the creature’s back. “You’ll get it done. The problem is going to be convincing people to move into it.”
I might be the monster that everyone thinks I am, because when it comes down to it, I don’t care about whether or not we get the Top Tier families out there. I care about the vulnerable and the poor, those who can’t get themselves out of the Resistance’s path.
I care about my brother and the rest of the Bonded Group.
And, more than anything else, I care about making sure that Silas fucking Davies never lays his sadistic cunt eyes on my Bonded again.
