In the weeks following after Tommaso’s death, Bibiana blossomed to new life. She seemed to thrive in the solitude of her home. I wished I could handle loneliness as well. Dante was busier than ever. He wanted to make sure that the rest of his men were behind him one-hundred percent. That didn’t leave much time for me, except for the nights he woke me with caresses and kisses. Since I’d asked him to make love to me after Antonio’s death, he’d allowed more closeness during sex, had often held me in his arms, but I had a feeling he still preferred to be behind me as it allowed him to keep his distance.
I spent my days either working in the casino, or with Bibiana or Ines, who’d become a stronger presence in my life as my pregnancy progressed. Today Bibiana, Ines and I had agreed to go shopping together. Of course baby clothing was the number one item on our agenda for the day.
When we walked into our first baby store, Ines asked the question I knew she’d been dying to ask for hours. “So how’s Dante dealing with the pregnancy?”
“He’s not dealing at all,” I said casually. I didn’t want Ines to know how much it bothered me that he hadn’t asked me about our baby directly once. He always inquired how I was and was increasingly more careful when we slept together, but he never put the word baby in his mouth. He hadn’t even asked if it was a boy or girl yet. “Most of the time he pretends there is no pregnancy.”
Ines eyed my protruding stomach. It still wasn’t too obvious when I wore a loose-fitting blouse as I was only twenty-six weeks along but of course Dante saw it all the time. “He’s being impossible. Do you want me to talk to him?”
“God, no,” I said quickly, then sent Ines an apologetic smile. “But thank you. Dante would be furious if you interfered.”
“You’re probably right. I still don’t like it. Sometimes I don’t understand men. Why can’t they admit when they messed up?”
I shrugged. It was something I’d wondered so often, but it never got me far. Bibiana held up a cute onesie with ‘Lock up your boys, my Dad owns a gun’ written across the front. “Not that anyone needs the reminder, but why not? You should get something like this.” She grinned, then sobered. “Is something wrong?”
I wasn’t sure. There was a strange twinge in my lower abdomen. Maybe my little baby was lying in an awkward position and pressing down on my kidneys. “I’m fine,” I said. I picked up the same onesie. “I don’t even know if it’s a girl.”
“I really hope it is, then our girls can play together.” Bibiana was only eighteen weeks along but she had already asked the doc about the gender. She’d been relieved when she found out it was a girl because she worried a boy might remind her too much of Tommaso.
“I want to be surprised.” That wasn’t true. I was curious. I’d been from the moment I’d found out I was pregnant, but I wanted Dante at my side when the doctor told me the sex of our baby. I wasn’t sure that was ever going to happen though.
“I don’t know how you do it. I’m way too curious,” Bibiana said.
Ines nodded. “That, and Pietro desperately wanted to know if he was getting a heir. I guess with twins we really had the perfect result for both of us.” She laughed, then quieted when she saw my face. “Did my parents bother you? I know my father is eager for Dante to have a son that can become Capo in the future. Don’t let them pressure you.”
“I don’t see them very often,” I said. “But of course they asked me about the gender. Your father didn’t seem very happy when I told him I didn’t want to know.”
“Men. I’m really surprised Dante isn’t more interested in finding out if he’ll have an heir soon. But he’s always been laid back about these things. Many men would have found a way to produce an heir elsewhere if their wife was infertile, but Dante never blamed Carla. He stood by her even when our father urged him to find a mistress to impregnate.”
“That’s horrible,” I said. There was still an odd pressure in my lower abdomen, but it seemed to get better now that we weren’t walking so much anymore.
“It is. Father suggested Dante and Carla could bring up the child as their own, but Dante refused to do it.”
“Maybe because he worried it was him who didn’t deliver,” Bibiana said quietly. I shrugged. I didn’t want to talk about this in public. Dante wouldn’t be happy if he found out. Of course, now we knew that it must have been Carla who was infertile, even if Dante and I hadn’t talked about it again since our major fight.
“So what do you say?” Bibi asked with a bright smile, still holding up that onesie with the cute quote.
I nodded with a resigned smile. “Okay. I’ll get it. Even if I’m having a boy, maybe next time it’ll be a girl, so it’s not like I’m wasting money.”
Ines touched my belly lightly. “I can’t wait. Nothing’s better than the scent of a newborn and those tiny toes and fingers.”
“True,” I said as I peered into the stroller where Ines’ little girl was sleeping deeply.
Bibi and I both bought the onesies. Then we said goodbye to Ines who headed back to her car with her own bodyguard, while Taft trailed after me and Bibi as we walked back to the Mercedes. He pretended he wasn’t there. For which I was grateful. When I was married to Antonio, I often went out of the house on my own, but that was a thing of the past now.
Taft drove us back to my house. Bibi and I wanted to spend the rest of the afternoon together, browsing books with baby names and eating the delicious Italian almond cake Zita had baked this morning.
The slight discomfort in my belly I’d felt all day increased as we walked up the few steps to the front door and entered my home. Taft excused himself quietly and would probably return to the guardhouse now that he was no longer needed. It was quiet in the house, except for the distant rumble of male voices. Dante was probably still in a meeting.
“Come on. Let’s take our purchases upstairs. I want to show you the lamp I bought for the nursery,” I told Bibiana.
I put my foot on the first step and froze. A sharp pain shot through my belly. I dropped the bags I’d been carrying and clutched my stomach immediately as my other hand shot out to hold onto the banister. Something warm trickled down my legs. I looked down my body in horror. My beige pants were quickly turning darker. Did my water just break? It was too soon. Way too soon. It didn’t seem like enough water, but what did I know?
Bibiana let out a shocked cry. I was too stunned to utter a word. “Valentina? Talk to me.”
“It’s too soon,” I said quietly. Fourteen weeks too soon. I began shaking as I clutched my belly.
“You’re bleeding,” Bibiana whispered. She was right. My pants had a light red tinge. My vision swam.
“We need an ambulance,” Bibiana said. Then she shook her head. “We need to call Dante.”
My legs started shaking and I had to lean against the wall or risk falling. Dante was in an important meeting. And I wasn’t even sure if he wanted this child. He probably still thought I’d cheated on him to conceive. “No, Dante is busy.”
Bibi gave me an incredulous look. “The hell he is. Help! Help!” she started screaming.
I was busy staying on my feet, so I didn’t try to stop her. The door to Dante’s office was ripped open and Dante charged out, gun in hand. My father and Rocco Scuderi were behind him, their own weapons drawn. Dante’s fiery eyes settled on me, and the fury slid off his face and was replaced by worry.
“Valentina?” Dante said as he rushed toward me, already putting his gun back in his holster. “What’s happening?”
“It’s nothing. I didn’t want to disturb your meeting.”
Dante wrapped an arm around my back as my legs gave away. His gaze traveled down my wet pants. I’d never seen that look on his face. Was he really worried about me? I gasped as pain sliced through me again. My father appeared in front of me. “Valentina?”
“We need to get her to a hospital,” Bibiana said sharply.
Dante nodded and lifted me up.
“Your shirt. You’re getting it dirty.”
Dante held me even tighter and carried me outside. At once, Taft and Enzo stormed in our direction. “I want you to make up the front,” Dante ordered. The calm efficiency was replaced by something urgent in his voice. They nodded before they rushed off. My father held open the passenger door of the Mercedes and Dante gently sat me down.
“I’ll get your mother,” Father said as he touched my cheek. “We’ll be in the hospital soon.”
He closed the door, and the moment Dante slipped behind the steering wheel, he revved up the engine and we shot out of the garage and down the driveway. The car with Enzo and Taft waited at the front but shot onto the street when we’d almost reached them.
Dante drove well over the speed limit. Every bump in the street made me wince. The pain wasn’t as strong anymore, now there was only a dull ache, but what if that was a bad sign? “We should have put a towel on the seat. I’m getting it wet,” I said.
Dante glanced my way. “I don’t give a fuck about the seat, or the car, or anything right now. You are all that matters.” He reached out and took my hand, which was resting on my belly. “We’re almost there. Are you in pain?”
“It’s not as bad as before,” I whispered. Then because I just couldn’t let it drop. “It is your baby, Dante. I never cheated and I won’t.”
Dante sucked in his breath. “Is that the reason for this?”
“You think my water broke because I was upset with you?”
“I don’t know.” There was something close to despair on his face. “I’m a fucking bastard, Val. If you lose this child…” He shook his head and focused back on the windshield as we pulled up in front of the hospital entrance. The car with our guards was already there, and so were a doctor and a nurse with a stretcher. Dante jumped out of the car and jogged around the hood to help them get me out of the car. Once I’d lain down on the stretcher, I was rolled into the hospital. Dante never left my side. And he only let go of my hand when he got in the way of the doctors and nurses.
***
After hours of ultrasounds, blood work and all kinds of other checkups, I was finally rolled into a room. I was tired and scared, though not as badly as before. Dante settled on the edge of the mattress and brushed a few strands of hair from my face. My eyelids were heavy but I didn’t want to sleep. Dante had talked to the doctors, as I didn’t feel like my brain could follow their explanations right now. “What did they say?” I asked.
“He said you had a preterm rupture of membranes. That’s why you lost some of your amniotic fluid.”
“What does it mean? Do they have to deliver our baby early?” Fear felt like a vice around my throat. It would be too soon. What if I lost our child?
Dante settled himself against the pillow and pulled me against his chest. “No, they don’t. It didn’t rupture completely, but of course there’s a higher risk of an infection now, which is why you’ll have to take antibiotics for a while. You didn’t go into labor, so that’s a plus. They hope to delay the birth until week thirty at least. You’ll have to stay in bed as much as possible and aren’t allowed to exert yourself in any way.”
“Okay,” I whispered. “I just want our baby to be safe.”
“It’ll be. We won’t let anything happen to her,” Dante said in his calm, soothing voice.
I startled. “Her?”
Dante nodded. “I asked the doctor. They could see it when they did the ultrasound. It’s a girl.”
I wanted to be happy, and I was. I would love our child no matter if it was a girl or a boy, but I knew what was expected of me. I licked my dry lips, searching Dante’s eyes. “Are you angry because it isn’t a boy? I know you need an heir. Your father—”
Dante cupped my cheek, stopping me from saying more. “I’m happy. I don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl. And my father will eventually see reason.”
He sounded honest, but I knew the realities of mob life, and the need for a Made Men to have a boy who could follow in his steps, be inducted into the mafia and guarantee the success of the Outfit. A man needed a son to be fully respected by his fellow Made Men. “You don’t have to sugarcoat things for me, Dante. I know how things work in our world.”
Dante pulled back a few inches, eyebrows raised. “I’m not sugarcoating anything. I told you the truth. I’m happy that we’re having a daughter. I’ll be happy about every child we have. I’m not going to lie, many people in the Outfit will see it as something less desirable. They will only really congratulate me once you’re pregnant with a boy, but I don’t care about them. You’re still young, and we have time. We’ll have more children and maybe there’ll be a boy among them. But for now let’s be happy about our daughter.”
“Are you happy?” I asked, already getting teary again. That was the one thing I hated most about being pregnant; my loss of self control when it came to my emotions, especially my tears. “Since I told you I was pregnant you never once asked about the baby. You pretended it wasn’t there. You made me feel horrible for something that should have been cause for joy. Why did you change your mind? Because I almost lost our baby?”
“I didn’t change my mind. I’ve been happy about your pregnancy for a while now.”
I gave him a doubtful look. “That’s not what I saw.”
“I’m good at hiding my thoughts and emotions,” Dante said regretfully. “But I shouldn’t have done it in this case. You are right, I ruined your first pregnancy for you. All because I was too proud to admit I’d been wrong.”
I waited patiently for him to say more. I wasn’t ready to accept his unspoken apology yet.
Dante rested his palm lightly on my stomach. “You were right during our fight after you told me about your pregnancy. I never wanted Carla to see a doctor about her inability to conceive because I didn’t want to find out it was me who was infertile. I’m a proud man, Val. Too proud, and somehow I had convinced myself that I couldn’t become Capo if I found out I was incapable of getting my wife with child. I would have been half a man.”
“No, you wouldn’t. But I understand where you’re coming from. But if that’s the case, then why weren’t you elated when I told you I was pregnant with your child. After all, that meant you weren’t infertile. Shouldn’t you have been proud?”
Dante’s smile was solemn. “Yes, I suppose I should have.” He paused and I gave him the time he needed to figure out his next words. I had a feeling he’d share something very personal with me. “But when you told me about your pregnancy, it almost felt like an attack on Carla’s memory, as if you were blaming Carla for her inability to give me children by getting pregnant so quickly.”
“I never wanted to attack your wife,” I said horrified. “I know you loved her more than anything. I knew it before we married, and you never let me forget it in all the time we’ve been together.” The last part came out more accusatory than intended.
“I know,” Dante said, his cool blue eyes tracing my face. “I treated you badly. You did nothing to deserve it. When you gave yourself to me for the first time, I should have held you afterward. It would have been the decent, the honorable thing to do. Instead I left. I didn’t want to allow myself to be close to you. I’d allowed myself to love once and after I had to watch Carla die a slow horrible death, I’d sworn to myself that I wouldn’t let a woman into my life again.”
I nodded slowly. “I’m sorry for what happened to Carla. I’m sorry you had to watch her die.”
Dante’s eyes were distant. He wasn’t crying. I didn’t think he’d ever allow himself to do so in front of anyone, but there was a deep sadness in his eyes that tore at me. “I killed her.”
I jerked in his embrace, my eyes wide. “You did what? But I thought she died from cancer.”
“She would have, yes. The doctors said there was nothing they could do for her. She was home, drugged up most days so she wasn’t in too much pain, but even the morphine eventually didn’t help anymore. She asked me to help her, to free her from the horror that her life had become. She didn’t want to spend more weeks bound to her bed, unable to get out and wrecked by pain.” He paused, and I was openly crying, even if he couldn’t. I pressed my hand against his chest, trying to show him that it was okay, that I understood. “She wanted me to shoot her because she thought it would be easier for me, less personal. I couldn’t do it. Not like that. Not the same way I dealt with traitors and scum that wasn’t even worth the dirt under her feet. I injected her insulin and she fell asleep in my arms and never woke up again.”
“I didn’t know. I was always told that she died because her organs failed in the end.”
His eyes settled on me, dark and haunted. He brushed his thumb under my eyes, wiping away my tears. “That’s what I wanted. I never told anyone.”
I shivered against him, too overwhelmed to say anything. I buried my face in his neck, seeking his warmth and scent. His hand rubbed gentle circles on my stomach. “If I’d known, I wouldn’t have pushed you so much.”
“Val, you didn’t push me. When I married you I made a vow to take care of you and try to be a good husband, and I don’t take my vows lightly. I’m a man of honor, and yet I didn’t fulfill the promises I made to you.”
“Why did you ever agree to marry if you knew how hard it would be for you?”
“My father wanted me to marry, and I knew I was starting to look weak because I couldn’t move on from Carla, so I did what I thought would be best for my claim to power. You seemed like the perfect choice.”
The way he said it made it sound as if I wasn’t but I didn’t interrupt him.
“I thought you’d be reluctant to allow closeness so shortly after your first husband died.”
The mentioning of Antonio tightened my throat but I swallowed past it. “I would have if we’d been in love, or had had anything resembling a real marriage.”
“I’m not blaming you for wanting something real after how Antonio used you. Which makes it even worse that you married another man who used you for his own purposes.” He let out a low breath.
“So when you decided to marry me, you never intended to sleep with me?”
Dante laughed darkly. “I’m not that honorable. No, I thought I’d consummate our marriage and then sleep with you whenever I felt like it, without any kind of emotional attachment.”
“Then why didn’t you sleep with me on our wedding night or in the days after?”
“I wanted to. When I brought you into my bedroom on our wedding night, I wanted nothing more than to rip your gown off and bury myself in you. I was angry. I wanted to fuck you until I got that anger out of my system, but then you stepped out of the bathroom in that modest silk nightgown looking every bit the lady, and my wife, you were, and you had that fucking hopeful and insecure look in your eyes, and I knew I couldn’t use you like that.”
My lips parted in surprise. “Did you suspect that I had never slept with a man?”
Dante shook his head. “No. I could tell you were unpracticed in your advances and attempts at seducing me but I guessed your first husband had been dominant in the bedroom and didn’t let you take the incentive, although it didn’t match up with my assessment of Antonio.”
“Was I that bad at trying to seduce you?” I asked with a small, embarrassed laugh. It felt incredible talking to Dante like this, so openly, and being in his arms without him trying to pull back was even better.
Dante’s lips curled into a wry smile. “I’m a man who prides himself on his self-control. Believe me, most men wouldn’t have been able to resist your charm. To be honest, when I found out I would be your first I had an even harder time holding back. It’s probably a male thing, but I wanted to put my claim on you.”
“That sounds very animalistic.”
“It is. Before I married you, I didn’t want an inexperienced bride, but once I knew the truth about you, I had a hard time thinking about anything else than making you mine.” Dante’s eyes darted to my round belly where his hand was still resting. “And the knowledge that you’re carrying my baby makes me proud, though it really isn’t something that should cause that notion in me. After all, it’s not a great achievement to impregnate your wife.”
I shook my head with a smile that slowly died on my lips as my eyes sought out Dante’s. “I love this. I love talking to you like a real husband and wife. Please don’t pull back from me again. I can’t go back to being lonely.”
Dante cupped my cheek. “I won’t. Today was the wakeup call I needed. I’ll try to be the best husband I can possibly be, which probably is still much less than you deserve. I’m not an emotional man, and I hate public displays of affection, but I won’t go back to ignoring you. That I can promise.”
I kissed him. “Thank you.”
We lay in silence beside each other until I felt our daughter move. I quickly shifted Dante’s hand so he could feel it too. He stilled.
“Do you feel her moving?”
Dante nodded. He didn’t say anything but I knew this it wasn’t because he was unaffected by what was happening. Smiling, I put my head back down on shoulder.
“When can I return home?”
“Tomorrow. They want to keep you over night.”
“Okay.” I wasn’t really happy about this. I worried about being separated from Dante for that long; not because I was clingy or couldn’t be alone; no, I was worried that despite his promise, Dante would find reasons to retreat from me once more if we weren’t together so shortly after we’d come to an understanding.
“I’ll stay with you. I won’t let you alone in this place,” he said as if he knew about my worries, and my heart swelled with gratefulness. “And I already told Leo that he would have to handle the casino alone for a while.”
“You don’t want me to work anymore?”
“The doctor said you need to stay in bed as much as possible, so you won’t be able to work. Once our child is born and you’re feeling well enough, we can still talk about finding you a new job.”
“That’s reasonable,” I said, then pulled back and kissed him again. Now that he let me, I wanted to do it over and over again. Soon my breathing quickened but Dante drew back with a small shake of his head. “We shouldn’t. You need rest.”
“Did the doctor say something about sex?”
“Because of the rupture sex is too risky. It could lead to an infection or cause the rupture to widen.”
“So we can’t have sex for three months if I’m going full-term?”
“Yes. That’s right.”
I knew some men started using mistresses when their wives got pregnant. I didn’t think Dante was the type, but it still worried me. And it wasn’t as if I didn’t enjoy sex. Three months, and possibly longer, without any kind of relief sounded like a challenge.
Dante smoothed out the furrows between my brows. “What are you thinking?”
“Will you be okay with it?”
“You mean with no sex?” he asked with a hint of amusement. “Yes. As I said self-control isn’t my problem.”
“I hope you have enough for both of us.”
Dante kissed a spot below my ear. “I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. I always want you, Valentina. You drive me insane with want, but I won’t do anything that could endanger our child.”
“I know. Me neither.” I smiled. “I still can’t believe that we’ll have a little girl soon. When we’re back home tomorrow, I’ll have to show you something I bought today.” I couldn’t wait to see his face when he saw the onesie. I hated that something as horrible as a rupture of membranes had finally brought us closer together, but I was glad it had. Now we could look forward to the birth of our daughter together.
***
Dante kept his arm around my waist as he led me into our house, though I was perfectly capable of walking on my own. I felt good. Maybe the medication was helping. Or maybe our little girl had decided she liked it in my belly now that her parents had figured things out. Of course I knew I had to be careful. I couldn’t risk going into labor in the next couple of weeks. Our girl still had quite some growing to do.
Dante was about to lead me into the living room, but I shook my head. “I really want to take a shower.” Instead of guiding me toward the staircase, he picked me up and began carrying me upstairs. I was tall and it couldn’t have been easy for Dante to manage the stairs with my added weight. When he set me down at the top, I said, “You don’t need to carry me. You won’t always be around when I need to take the stairs.”
“I don’t want you to use the stairs, Valentina,” he said, his voice not brooking an argument. “If I’m not around to carry you, then you’ll call for one of the guards.”
I could tell that he wouldn’t budge on the subject and I was glad that he was trying to take care of me. “Okay. I promise.”
As we stepped into our bedroom, I saw that someone, probably Gaby, had carried up the bags with my purchases and set them down on the chair in front of my vanity. With a smile, I walked toward it and pulled out the onesie I’d bought yesterday before things had taken a turn for the worse. I held it up for Dante to see. “So what do you say?” My voice brimmed with excitement. I almost felt bad for feeling so exuberant after what had happened yesterday and what could still happen to our baby girl, but I was too hopeful to let worries overshadow my other emotions. Dante raised one eyebrow. “I doubt anyone will need the reminder.”
I laughed. “That’s what Bibi said. But it’s cute, don’t you think?”
His arm snuck around my waist. “It is. I thought you didn’t know if it was a girl or a boy?”
“I didn’t, but Bibi wanted to buy matching onesies. She was really hoping for a girl, so her daughter and ours could be best friends. She’ll be beside herself with excitement when I tell her.” I paused. “Have you told your parents that it’s a girl yet?”
Dante frowned slightly. “I talked to my mother last night after you fell asleep. She’s excited for us.”
“But your father isn’t?”
“He didn’t contact me yet. He’s probably trying the silent treatment as a way to show me his displeasure.”
“Really? It’s not like it was our choice to have a daughter. And I hate this fixation on boys anyway. A girl is worthy too.”
“You don’t have to convince me,” Dante said. “But boys are seen as something that strengthen the Outfit while girls only mean a weak link the men need to protect. It’s the way it’s always been. I can’t see it changing any time soon.”
“Do you know if there’s ever been a woman inducted into any of the Familias in North America and beyond?”
Dante smiled wryly. “That would be news to me. And it won’t happen. I wouldn’t want my daughter to be part of the Outfit. I want her safe and protected. I don’t want blood on her hands and death in her dreams.”
“But you want that for our future son?” I asked softly. Dante brushed a strand of hair back from my shoulders. “It’s the way things are, Val. I will protect all of our children for as long as I can, but eventually our son, at least, will have to brave the dangers of our world. But he’ll be strong.”
“My father always treated my brother Orazio with brutal harshness and your own father tortured you to toughen you up. Sometimes I don’t want a son because I worry that he’ll have to suffer through the same things.” I didn’t think I could stand back and watch Dante treat our son like that. Even my mother had protected Orazio occasionally when Papà had been too strict. Not that he’d ever abused Orazio as Fiore had done with Dante.
“I will have to be stricter with our son, but I won’t be like my father, I swear.”
I nodded. I believed him.
I could tell that I was starting to tire already, although I’d hardly done anything. “I should grab a shower now. I’m supposed to lie down again soon.”
Dante followed me into the bathroom, his eyes on me as I stepped out of my shoes. I reached for the zipper in the back of my dress but Dante beat me to it. His thumb traced the bumps of my spine as he pulled the zipper down, and I could feel it all the way down to my toes. The dress pooled at my feet. Now there were only my tights. Dante eased them down my legs, then let his gaze slowly travel up my body as he knelt before me. I wanted nothing more than to fall in his arms and feel him inside me.
Licking my lips, I whispered. “This is going to be hard.” Dante straightened, his expression confirming my words. “Take a shower. I’ll wait here in case you feel faint.”
“You could shower with me,” I said.
Dante looked hesitant, then he nodded. He got out of his clothes and when he turned to me I could see he was already half erect.
“I thought you have self-control,” I teased.
Dante steered me toward the shower, steadying me. “I have, or my fingers would already be delving into your wet heat.”
He turned the shower on, letting the warm water rain down on us before he closed the shower stall and turned to face me, hands on my hips. “How do you know I’m wet?” I asked in a challenging tone.
Dante picked up the sponge and rubbed it lightly over my breasts and stomach. Then he leaned close until his mouth was against my ear. “Because I could see it when I knelt before you. You were wet for me.”
I was. I didn’t think I’d ever wanted him as much as I wanted him now that we weren’t allowed to sleep with each other. We washed each other with the sponge, occasionally kissing and our breathing was coming faster with every passing moment. Dante’s erection was hard and red. “Do you want me to blow you?” I whispered as I was pressed up against Dante. He groaned as my fingers curled around his shaft, but then his hand stilled my motions and he pulled my hand away from his hard-on. “No,” he rasped. He didn’t sound very convincing. “I’m fine.”
He turned me around so my back was pressed against his chest and his erection was sandwiched between his stomach and my back. His arms came around my belly, palms pressed against my skin and he kissed my neck lightly. “I think we should get out. You need to lie down.”
I didn’t protest. All the naked kissing was making it more difficult to suppress my desire for him. Dante helped me dry myself and he looked almost relieved when I was finally dressed in comfortable satin pajamas and stretched out on our bed. Dante and I would have to deal with our desires in the next few weeks. Our baby was more important than anything else.
Dante cradled me in his arms as his fingers raked through my hair. “Thank you for never giving up on me, Val.”
“I knew my stubbornness would come in handy one day,” I said with a small laugh.
***
Six weeks later the doctors decided to perform a C-section. It was still eight weeks too early but the risk of an infection had become too great. Dante didn’t budge from my side as they cut open my belly. His presence, his steady gaze, the utter control and strength he emanated helped me tremendously. With Dante at my side, I knew nothing would go wrong. As if by the sheer power of his will he could make things turn out okay. Dante could make you believe that he was in control of the situation even when he wasn’t.
He held my hand throughout the C-section and when the first cry sounded, he sought out my eyes before we both turned toward our daughter, wrinkled and smeared as the nurse presented her to us. I let go of Dante’s hand. “Go to our daughter. Go.” He seemed reluctant to leave my side but after he’d brushed a kiss against my forehead, he straightened and headed toward the end of the operating table. Dante didn’t even twitch at the amount of blood, but I hadn’t expected him to. If the nurses and doctors were surprised by his calm, they hid it, or maybe they believed the rumors about Dante: that he was a high-ranking mafia boss. Of course, nobody would ever confirm these suspicions. After a few moments, the nurse handed him our daughter, wrapped in a blanket. She looked tiny in Dante’s arm as he peered down at her with the softest expression I’d ever seen. There was something fierce there too, and it replaced the gentleness when he glanced up to find the nurses and doctors watching him. I knew our daughter would be safe.
Dante’s eyes spoke of protectiveness, of pure determination to destroy anything and anyone that meant her harm. Turning his gaze away from the hospital staff, Dante approached me with our daughter and lowered himself to the chair beside my head so he could show me our little girl. I knew the doctor would have to take her away soon. She’d have to spend some time in the incubator before she could come home with us. “She’s so beautiful,” I whispered. I didn’t even care that the doctors were busy stitching me back together, or that Dante and I weren’t alone.
“She is, just like you,” Dante said quietly. I ran a finger over her cheek. She blinked at me with her glassy eyes. Her hair was blond like Dante’s, albeit still matted. She was tiny and I wanted nothing more than to protect her.
“Anna,” I said, for the first time calling her by the name Dante and I had chosen only days before. “Your dad will always love you and keep you safe.”
Dante kissed Anna’s, then my forehead. “You and Anna, both.”
I searched his eyes and the tears I’d successfully held back up till that point finally found their way out.
