Liliana
Aria called me thirty minutes after my call with Romero, trying to talk me out of my plan to marry Benito. But she was already fighting with Luca because of me. I wouldn’t allow her to really put her marriage at risk for my own selfish reasons. I would marry Benito and try to make the best out of it.
The next few weeks passed in a blur of wedding dress shopping with Valentina, choosing flowers and the menu, calling important guests to invite them personally. I only saw Benito on two occasions and there wasn’t time for more than a few exchanged words and a kiss on the cheek. That and the fact that I was too busy to be worried, I almost managed to forget that I was actually preparing my wedding to a man I could hardly stand. But reality set in on the day of Father’s wedding to Maria. He hadn’t talked to me since I’d told him I wasn’t a virgin, except on the few occasions when we had to pretend for Benito or other people.
While Gianna and Matteo would arrive later to attend my wedding only, Aria and Luca were also invited to Father’s feast of course, and that meant Romero was with them. I’d hoped he’d decide to stay in New York, not because I didn’t want to see him but because I was scared of facing him, of being confronted with what I was losing.
Luckily, they were all coming directly to church because their plane arrived so late; that meant there was a chance of me being able to avoid an encounter with Romero.
I sat in the front row, Benito beside me. He didn’t touch me in any way, thank God, because it would have been improper before our marriage, but every time Aria or Gianna looked my way I felt like I was doing something indecent by sitting next to a man I didn’t even want to marry.
I wasn’t sure where Romero was sitting. Since he wasn’t family, probably somewhere in the back of the church. After the service we headed toward the hotel where the wedding celebration would take place. I managed to get through dinner without seeing Romero, but later into the evening when I was dancing with Benito I spotted him at the other end of the room. He was watching me. Suddenly the other dancers around me faded into the background. Shame washed over me. I wanted to push Benito away. I wanted to cross the room and fling myself at Romero, wanted to tell him that I needed him. I had to look away. When the song ended, I excused myself and quickly left the dance floor. I hurried toward the exit. I needed to get away from this for a moment before I lost it.
Once the door closed after me and I found myself in the hallway of the hotel, I could breathe easier. I didn’t stop though. I didn’t want to come across guests returning from the bathroom or heading in that direction. I wanted to be alone.
I turned two corners before I stopped and leaned against the wall, my chest heaving. In two days we’d be celebrating my wedding. Panic flooded me. I squeezed my eyes shut.
Soft footfalls made me turn and my gaze fell on Romero. He stood a few feet from me, watching me with an expression that felt like a stab to the heart. Despite everything I’d gone through and despite my best intention to mute my feelings for him, they seemed louder than ever. Romero looked irresistible in his dark suite.
“What are you doing here?” I whispered.
“I hated seeing you with him. It’s wrong and you know it.”
I did. Every fiber in my being fought Benito’s closeness, but I couldn’t tell Romero that.
He took a step closer to me, his dark eyes burning into my own.
“We shouldn’t be here alone,” I said feebly, but I wasn’t trying to leave. I didn’t want to.
He took another step closer, every move so lithe and graceful, and yet dangerous. I wanted to fly into his arms. I wanted to do more than that. I stayed where I was. Romero bridged the remaining distance between us and braced one arm above my head, his gaze hungry and possessive.
“Do you want me to leave?”
Say ‘Yes’. If Father found us here, he’d kill Romero on the spot, and as distracted as Romero was at the moment, my father might actually succeed.
I released a shuddering breath. Romero bent down and kissed me, and then I was lost. I raked my hands through his hair and down his back. He kissed me harder. His hands cupped my butt and then he lifted me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist, so the skirt of my cocktail dress rode up but I didn’t care. Romero’s erection was hot against my opening despite the fabric of my panties and of his pants between us. I ground myself against him desperately. I was already so aroused. I’d missed this. I’d missed him.
I knew someone might come down this corridor and find us, but I couldn’t stop. Romero pressed me against the wall and held me with only one arm. His other hand cupped my breast through my dress, making me moan into his mouth and my nipples harden. Romero groaned. He thrust against me, rubbing his erection against my panty-clad heat.
“I need you,” I gasped against his mouth. Romero stroked his palm down my side, then slipped it between my legs and pushed a finger under the fabric of my panties. He found me wet and aching. I shivered at the feel of his touch.
“Fuck. You are so wet, Lily.” He pushed a finger into me and I arched off the wall with a gasp. Only he had that effect one me.
He removed his finger again and opened his zipper. My core tightened with anticipation and need. I heard the rip of a condom package and then his tip pressed against my opening and he started to slide into me. My walls yielded to his hot length until he’d sheathed himself completely in me. We peered into each other’s eyes. This felt so right. Why did it have to feel so right?
“You feel so fucking good, Lily. And so fucking tight, good God.”
Our lips found each other again. It had been too long. Romero thrust into me, driving me higher up against the wall. I moaned when he hit a spot deep inside of me. “We have to be quiet,” he murmured in a low voice, then his mouth swallowed my next sound. I wrapped my arms even tighter around his neck. It felt like we were one, inseparable.
I dug my heels into his butt, driving him deeper into me. Pleasure surged through me and I came apart. Romero kept pounding into me until his own orgasm hit him. We clung to each other, still united. I kissed the side of his neck. His familiar scent flooded my nose and I closed my eyes. I wanted to stay like this forever.
Distant sound of laughter dragged me back into the realm of reality. Romero pulled out of me. I loosened my hold on him and let my legs slide down until my feet hit the ground. I couldn’t even look up at him as I straightened my skirt. Romero threw the condom into a nearby bin before he returned to me. Neither of us said anything. From the corner of my eye, I saw him reaching for my cheek. I backed away. Bracing myself, I lifted my gaze. “This was a mistake,” I whispered.
Shock crossed Romero’s face, then it became emotionless. “A mistake.”
“I’m going to marry Benito soon. We can’t do this again.”
Romero gave a terse nod, then he turned on his heel and walked off. I had to resist the urge to run after him. I waited a couple more minutes before I headed toward the restroom. I needed to clean up before I returned to the party or people would realize something had happened. To my relief, there was no one in the restroom when I stepped in. I checked my reflection. My hair was all over the place and my make-up needed touching up. Sweat trickled down my back. But worse than that was the telltale prickling in my eyes. I couldn’t cry now. That would ruin everything. I took a few deep breaths through my nose before I started to redo my make-up. When I left the restroom twenty minutes later, I looked like nothing had happened, but my insides were twisting. I’d thought I’d made peace with my marriage to Benito, had hoped my feelings for Romero had lessened, but now I realized that was far from being true.
The moment I stepped onto the dance floor, Luca was there and asked me for a dance. I knew he wanted more than that. He steered us toward a part of the dance floor where there weren’t as many dancers before he started to talk quietly. “You are still going through with this marriage? You and Romero were gone for a while.”
“Yes. I will marry Benito, don’t worry,” I said tiredly. I couldn’t even blame Luca for being so insensitive. He’d invited me into his home and taken care of me, and I’d paid him back by making one of soldiers break his oath.
“You don’t have to stay married for him forever,” Luca said casually.
“Father would never agree to a divorce.” Father would kill me before that ever happened.
“There are other ways out of a marriage than divorce. Sometimes people die.”
“He’s not that old.”
Luca cocked an eyebrow. “Sometimes people die anyway.”
Was he really suggesting that I should kill Benito? “Why can’t he die before my wedding?”
“That would look suspicious. Wait a few months. The time will pass quickly, trust me.”
I wanted to believe him but months sharing a bed with Benito, of having him inside of me like Romero had just been sounded like hell.
“Romero won’t want me anymore then.”
Luca remained silent. He knew it to be true. Why would Romero still want me after I’d spent months sleeping with another guy? I was already disgusted by the thought, how much worse would it be for him? “There are good men in the Outfit too. You’ll find new happiness. You’re doing the right thing by marrying Benito. You’re preventing war and you’re protecting Romero from himself. That’s a brave thing to do.”
I nodded, but I wanted to cry. Luca and I returned to our table. Aria tried to talk to me again but she gave up when I barely said anything. I needed to survive this day somehow and then my wedding, and the months thereafter, and then maybe I’d get another chance at happiness. I searched the room until my eyes settled on Romero. He was pointedly not looking at me. I loved him, loved him so much it hurt. I knew there would be no happiness for me without him.
***
Aria and Gianna helped me with my dress. It was white of course, with a veil that trailed after me. I wore my hair open because Benito had wanted me to.
“You look beautiful,” Aria said from behind me.
I checked my reflection but I could only see the look of utter despair in my eyes. I’d need the veil to hide if from the world. Gianna and Aria didn’t know about my last conversation with Father, and it was better that way. If they knew how much he’d scared me, they’d take me away despite the risk for their own lives.
“This is crap,” Gianna muttered. She touched my shoulder. “Lily get the hell away from here. Let us help you. What’s the use of being married to the Capo and the Consigliere of the Famiglia if we can’t force them to start a war for our little sister? You’re going to be miserable.”
“Luca said I could get rid of Benito in a few months when it won’t look suspicious anymore.”
Gianna snorted. “Oh sure, and what until then? My God, could Luca be any more of a jerk?”
Aria didn’t say anything, which was a sign in itself. She usually always tried to defend Luca.
“Are you and Luca still fighting?” I asked.
She shrugged. “I wouldn’t call it fighting. We’re basically ignoring each other. He’s angry at me for keeping you and Romero a secret from him, and I’m mad at him for making you marry Brasci.”
“He isn’t making me, Aria. Father is. Luca’s acting like a Capo should. I’m not his responsibility but the Famiglia is.”
“Good God, Romero has really rubbed off on you. Please tell me you don’t really believe what you just said,” Gianna said.
“I won’t have you all risk everything for me.”
Gianna touched her forehead in exasperation. “We want to risk it for you. But you have to let us.”
Even if I said ‘yes’ now, what could they do? Both Luca and Matteo wouldn’t help us, not when they were surrounded by Outfit soldiers. This would be suicide. And Romero? He would do it without hesitation and get himself killed. Father’s words flash in my mind again. No, I had to go through with this. It was the only option.
Someone knocked and a moment later Maria poked her head in. She was one of my bridesmaids, even though we still weren’t talking much. “You need to come out now.”
She disappeared before I had time to say something.
“I can’t believe Father is married to her,” Gianna said. “I don’t like her but I still feel sorry for her. Father is a bastard.”
I barely listened. My vision was turning gray. Fear filled my bloodstream, made me want to bolt. But I held my head high and lowered my veil over my face. “We should go now.”
“Lily,” Aria began but I didn’t give her the time to finish whatever she wanted to say. I hurried toward the door and opened it, startled to find Father right in front of it. I hadn’t expected him to wait for me here. I knew he’d lead me to the altar but fathers usually waited in the ante-room. Maybe he’d worried I’d run off in the last minute.
“There you are. Hurry,” he said. He slanted a hard look at Gianna when she and Aria walked by but didn’t say anything. He held out his arm for me. An image of him with Maria popped into my head and I wanted to throw up. I put my hand on his forearm and let him lead me toward the main part of the church, even though every fiber of my being wanted to get away from him. Inside the church music was already playing. Before we entered, Father leaned down to me. “You better convince Benito you’re a virgin or he’ll beat you to death, and if he doesn’t I will.” He didn’t wait for my reply. We went through the double doors and every pair of eyes turned toward us.
My feet felt like lead as I walked toward the altar. Benito waited for me at the end of it, a proud grin on his face, as if he could finally present his catch to everyone. Despite the risk, my eyes searched the crowd until they settled on Romero. He leaned against the wall on the right, an unreadable expression on his face. I tried to catch his gaze, even though it would have made this walk even harder but Romero didn’t even glance my way. He was completely focused on Aria, playing the part as her bodyguard.
I returned my attention to the front, hoping no one had noticed the detour my gaze had taken.
In the spot where my mother should have been was Maria, hunched shoulders, pale skin, sad eyes; maybe she thought nobody was looking because this was the first time she hadn’t put on a brave face. This was a taste of what I would look like soon enough. I peered up at Father. He on the other hand seemed rejuvenated, as if the marriage to a barely twenty-year old had allowed him to drop a few of his own years. Didn’t he miss Mother at all? She should have been at his side for my wedding. My eyes sought Romero again. I couldn’t seem to stop. And Romero should have been the one waiting at the altar for me. We reached the end of the aisle and Father handed me over to Benito. Old-man fingers curled around my hand, sweaty and too firm. Father lifted my veil and for a moment I was worried my disgust and unhappiness were plain as day but from the look on Benito’s face, he didn’t seem to notice or care. I didn’t listen to the priest as he started his sermon. It took everything I had to stop myself from peering over my shoulder, seeking out Romero one more time.
While the priest and the gathered guests waited for my ‘I do’, I considered saying ‘no’ for a brief moment. This was my last chance, the last exit before I was forever stuck on a highway to unhappiness, or at least until I figured out a way to get rid of my husband. Was I even capable of something like that? I couldn’t even smash a fly when it bothered me.
Just say ‘no’. I wondered how people would react if I refused to marry Benito?
Benito would be furious, and so would Father. But my sisters and Romero, they would understand, would probably fight everyone else to protect me. Benito cleared his throat beside me and I realized how long I’d been saying nothing. I quickly said what everyone expected even when the words tasted like acid. “Yes, I do.”
“You may kiss the bride.”
Benito grasped my waist. I stiffened but I didn’t push him away. His rough lips pressed against mine. I could taste cigars. I pulled my head away and turned to our guests with a forced smile. Benito shot me a disapproving look but I ignored him. If he knew how much restraint it had taken not to shove him away, he wouldn’t be mad at me for ending our kiss a bit too soon.
Taking my hand, he steered me down the aisle. My eyes darted toward Romero but he was gone. I searched the entire church, not finding him. He probably hated me now that he’d seen me kiss Benito and didn’t want anything to do with me. Would I ever see him again?
Romero
I should have never come to Chicago. Watching Lily stride down the aisle toward Benito, I felt like someone was squashing my heart under a boot. I wanted nothing more than to stick my knife into Benito’s eye very slowly, see the light leave him, hear his last labored breath. I wanted to skin him alive, wanted to give him more pain than any man had ever endured.
I forced my eyes away from Lily and focused on Aria as I was supposed to do. She looked back at me and gave me an understanding smile. I didn’t react. I shut off my emotions like I’d learned to do in the first few years after my initiation when seeing people get killed or tortured still bothered me.
“You may kiss the bride.”
My eyes shot toward the front of the church where Benito fucking Brasci had put his hands on Lily’s waist and was practically dragging her toward his body. I saw red. I wanted to kill him. I pushed away from the wall, turned around and walked out of the church. I didn’t run like I wanted. I moved slowly, as if nothing was wrong. Fuck, what a fucking lie. Everything was wrong. The woman that was supposed to be mine had just married some old bastard.
I headed straight toward our rental car. I’d wait there until it was time to drive to Brasci’s mansion for the feast.
***
Luca hardly left my fucking side at the wedding party. He probably worried I was going to lose my shit on everyone. He wasn’t wrong. Every time I glanced toward Lily and Benito, something snapped in my brain. I couldn’t stop imagining pulling my gun and putting a bullet in Benito’s head, and then one in Scuderi’s head for good measure. If I was lucky, they wouldn’t stop me quick enough.
Aria came toward me after dinner. I wasn’t sure if I could take her pity, but I wasn’t going to send her away. She was only trying to be kind. “You don’t have to stay, you know? Luca is here for my protection. This must be hard for you. Why don’t you go ahead and find yourself a hotel? I’m sure you don’t want to spend the night under the same roof with Benito.”
Tonight. So far I’d managed not to think about the wedding night too much. “No. I’m fine. I can handle this.”
Aria hesitated as if she wanted to say more but then she headed back to Luca.
When the party drew to an end, I could feel myself getting more and more agitated. And then what I’d been dreading happened. Benito and Lily rose from their chairs to head to the master bedroom for their first night together. A crowd followed them, cheering and making suggestions of what should happen tonight. My pulse quickened and my fingers longed to reach beneath my vest.
I trailed after them, though I knew it was the last thing I should do. I had always prided myself on my control but I could feel it trickling through my fingers.
I knew I’d said to Lily that I would accept her marriage. She had told me she didn’t want me. As a soldier of the New York Famiglia it was my duty to put them first. Wanting Lily could mean war. No, it would lead to fucking war. Dante Cavallaro was a calculating man but his soldiers had been waiting for a chance to tear into us again. I’d seen it in many of their eyes today. Things between us had gone steeply downhill in the past few years. The honeymoon phase of our union had waned off quickly after Luca’s and Aria’s wedding, and now this was a marriage of convenience, a marriage both the Famiglia and the Outfit wanted out of. The smallest infraction would be enough to blow up everything.
Without realizing it I’d followed the other guests into the lobby. I spotted Lily’s dark blond locks at the top of the steps, next to Benito’s bald head, and a crowd of other men around them. And then my feet started moving, my hand going for my gun, my temples pounding with anger. I had to push through the crowd, and ignored the mumbles of protest. I couldn’t let that fucker Benito have her. Lily was mine, and would always be mine. If that meant a fucking war, then so be it. I’d spend until the end of my days hunting Russians, and Taiwanese and Outfit bastards if that meant I could keep her.
I sped up and then Luca was suddenly in front of me. I ground to a halt, breathing hard. I had half a mind to punch him, but I fought the urge. If I made a scene surrounded by so many people, I could screw up everything. Luca grabbed me by the shoulder and steered me into an empty corridor. He pushed me against the wall, making my ears ring, then he released me.
“Goddammit!” He snarled and gripped my shoulder again. “She’s not yours. She’s a married woman now.”
“She never wanted any of this,” I said harshly and shook Luca’s hand off. “It should have been me next to her at the altar.”
“But it wasn’t. It’s too late Romero. This is Chicago. We won’t start a fucking war because you can’t keep it in your pants.”
I got straight into his face. “This is much more than that and you know it.”
“I don’t care, Romero. You watched Liliana walk down that aisle and now you have to accept the consequences. She did her duty and so should you. Go to your room and get some sleep. Don’t do anything stupid.”
Luca was Capo. It was his job to look out for the best of the Famiglia, but right then I wanted to kill him. I’d never wanted to kill my Capo. “Yes, Boss.”
Luca grabbed my arm. “I mean it. This is a direct order. I won’t have war over this. I’ve warned you about how this would end a long time ago, but you didn’t listen.”
“I won’t do anything,” I gritted out. Even I wasn’t sure if it was the truth, or if I was lying. I hadn’t made up my mind yet.
