Liliana
Sometimes it felt like I had to prove myself to Father every day. He waited for me to mess up like Gianna had, but I wasn’t sure how that was even possible; he never let me out of sight. Unless I started something with one of my ancient bodyguards, there was no way I could sully my honor. But Father hadn’t forgiven Gianna yet, which was why I hadn’t seen her in almost two years. She was forbidden from coming to Chicago, and I wasn’t allowed to visit New York. If it wasn’t for Aria’s sneakiness, I wouldn’t even have been able to talk to Gianna on the phone.
Sometimes even I felt anger toward Gianna because her escape had turned my life into hell. Maybe Father would have been less strict if Gianna had played by the rules. And then there were moments when I admired her for her daring. There wasn’t a night when I didn’t dream of freedom. I didn’t really want to run but I wished I could carve myself out more freedom in my life. Freedom to date, freedom to fall in love and be with that person.
I didn’t even remember how it felt to be in love. Just like Gianna, I hadn’t seen Romero in almost two years. What I’d felt for him back then, hadn’t been love, not even close. It had been admiration and fascination, I knew that now. But there had been nobody else either. Of course, it was hard to meet someone to fall in love with if you went to an all-girls school and weren’t allowed to go anywhere alone.
The sound of glass shattering downstairs tore me from my thoughts. I jumped off my bed and opened my door. “Mother?” I called. She’d been gone all morning. There was no answer but I could hear someone moving in the kitchen.
I crept out of my room and down the stairs. “Mother?” I tried again when I’d almost reached the door to the kitchen. Still no answer. I pushed the door open and stepped inside. A wine bottle lay broken on the floor, red wine spilled around it. Mother was kneeling beside it, her cream-colored skirt slowly soaking up the liquid, but she didn’t seem to notice. She was staring down at a shard in her palm as if it held the answer to all her questions. I’d never seen her like that. I walked toward her. “Mom?” I almost never called her that, but it felt like the right choice at the moment.
She looked up, her blue eyes unfocused and teary. “Oh, you are home?”
‘Where else would I be?’ I wanted to ask, but instead I touched her shoulder and said, “What’s the matter? Are you alright?”
She stared down at the broken piece of glass in her hand again, then dropped it to the floor. I helped her to her feet. She wasn’t steady on her legs and I could smell alcohol on her breath. It was still early for her to start drinking, and she wasn’t really much of a drinker at all.
“I was at the doctor’s.”
I froze. “Are you sick? What’s wrong?”
“Lung cancer,” she said with a small shrug. “Stage three.”
“But you never smoked! How is that even possible?”
“It can happen,” she said. “I’ll have to start chemotherapy soon.”
I wrapped my arms around her, feeling helpless and small under the weight of that news. “Does Father know?”
“I couldn’t reach him. He didn’t answer his phone.”
Of course not. Why should he answer a call from his wife? He was probably with one of his mistresses. “We need to tell Aria and Gianna. They need to know.”
Mother gripped my arm. “No,” she said firmly. “It’ll ruin their Christmas. I don’t want them to know yet. There’s no reason to worry them. I haven’t spoken to Gianna in a long time anyway, and Aria has enough on her plate as the wife of a Capo.”
“But Mom, they’d want to know.”
“Promise me you won’t tell them,” she demanded.
I nodded slowly. What else could I do?
***
Two hours later I heard Father come home and another thirty minutes later, Mother’s light steps came upstairs and then the door to the master bedroom closed. She’d been alone. Was Father still downstairs? I left my room and went to his office on the first floor. After a moment of hesitation, I knocked. I needed to talk to him.
Our Christmas party would be in two weeks and now that Mother was sick, Gianna should be invited. She and Mother should get the chance to spend some time together and reconcile.
“Come in,” Father said.
I opened the door and poked my head in, half expecting to see him devastated and crying, but he was bent over some papers, working. I walked in, confused. “Has Mother talked to you?” Maybe she hadn’t told him about her cancer.
He looked up. “Yes, she did. She’ll be starting treatment with the best doctor in Chicago next week.”
“Oh, okay.” I paused, hoping for something else from Father but he watched me without a hint of emotion on his face. “I was thinking that Mother needs the support of her family now more than ever. Of her whole family.”
Father raised his eyebrows. “And?”
“I think we should invite Gianna to our Christmas party. She and Mother haven’t seen each other in a long time. I’m sure Mother would be very happy to see Gianna again.”
Father’s face darkened. “I won’t have that whore in my house. Maybe Matteo has forgiven her and even married her despite her transgressions but I’m not that kind.”
No, kind definitely wasn’t a word I’d use for my father. “But Mother needs every bit of support she can get.”
“No, and that’s my last word,” he growled. “And your mother doesn’t want people to know about her sickness. They’d only start to wonder if we invited Gianna. We’ll act as if nothing is wrong. You won’t even tell your sisters or anyone else, do you understand?”
I nodded. But how could I keep that kind of secret from everyone?
***
The house was decorated beautifully for our Christmas party. Everything was perfect. The scent of roast beef and truffled mashed potatoes carried through the rooms, but I couldn’t enjoy it. Mother had spent yesterday and the majority of this morning throwing up because of her treatment. With several layers of make-up, you couldn’t tell how pale she was but I knew. Only Father and I knew. Even Fabi didn’t have a clue.
Aria and Luca arrived only minutes before the other guests. They stayed in a hotel anyway, so it wasn’t too hard to keep Mother’s state from them. Aria smiled brightly when she saw me and hugged me. “God, Lily. You look so beautiful.”
I smiled tightly. I’d been so excited when I’d found the silver dress a few weeks ago because it made me feel grown-up and accentuated my curves in just the right way, but today my excitement over something like a piece of clothing felt ridiculous.
Aria pulled away and searched my face. “Is everything okay?”
I nodded quickly and turned my attention to Luca who’d waited patiently behind my sister for his turn. He gave me a quick hug. It still felt strange to have him greet me that way. “Father is still in his office and Mother is in the kitchen,” I explained. At least I hoped Mother wasn’t in the bathroom, throwing up again.
Luca walked past me and my gaze landed on Romero who’d been hidden behind Luca’s massive frame. My eyes widened at the sight of him. I hadn’t expected him to come. Last year Luca had come alone with Aria. After all, he was more than capable to protect her.
“Hello,” I said casually, sounding way more composed than I felt. I hadn’t quite gotten over my crush on Romero but I realized with relief that I wasn’t a quivering mess around him anymore. The last few months and weeks had changed me.
Romero
Luca had business to conduct with Scuderi and Dante Cavallaro; that was the only reason why I’d come to Chicago with them at all. And now as I stood in the doorway to the Scuderi mansion, staring at Liliana, I wondered if I shouldn’t have come up with an excuse. The last time I’d seen Lily she’d been a girl, and while she still wasn’t a woman, she’d grown a lot. She was fucking stunning. It was difficult not to look at her. It was easy to forget that there were still a few months until she’d be of age, easy to forget that she was way out of my league.
She tilted her head in greeting and stepped back. Where had the blushing, flirting girl gone? I had to admit I was sad that she wasn’t giving me her flirty smile, though it had always bothered me in the past.
I followed Luca and Aria into the house. I could hear Lily’s steps close behind me, could smell her flowery perfume and even see her slender frame from the corner of my eye. It took a lot of restraint not to glimpse over my shoulder to get another good look at her.
I spent the next couple of hours watching her discreetly as I pretended to be busy guarding Aria, not that I had much to do anyway. But the more I watched Lily, the more I realized that something was wrong. Whenever she thought nobody was paying attention to her, she seemed to deflate, her smile falling, her shoulders slumping. She was a good actress when she gave it her full attention but her few moments of inattentiveness were enough for me. Over the years as a bodyguard, I’d learned to be aware of even the smallest signs.
When she left the living room and didn’t come back, worry overcame me. But she wasn’t my responsibility. Aria was. I glanced at Luca’s wife. She was deep in conversation with her mother and Valentina Cavallaro. I excused myself. She’d be safe here. Luca was just across the room in what looked like an argument with Dante and Scuderi.
Once I found myself in the lobby, I hesitated. I wasn’t sure where Liliana had gone and I could hardly search the entire house for her. If someone found me, they might think I was spying for Luca. A sound from the corridor to my right attracted my attention and after having made sure that I was alone, I followed it until I caught sight of Liliana. She leaned against the wall, her head was thrown back, her eyes closed. I could tell she was trying to keep it together, and yet even like that, she was a sight to behold. Fucking gorgeous. One day a man would be very luck to be married to her.
The idea didn’t sit well with me but I didn’t linger on my strange reaction. I walked toward her, making sure to make my steps audible so she knew she wasn’t alone anymore. She tensed, her eyes fluttering open but when she spotted me, she relaxed again and turned away. I wasn’t sure what to make from her reaction to my presence. I stopped a couple of steps from her. My gaze traveled over her long, lean legs, then I quickly moved on to her face. “Liliana, are you okay? You’ve been gone for a long time.”
“Why do you insist on calling me Liliana when everyone always calls me Lily?” She opened her eyes again and smiled bitterly. She had fucking amazing blue eyes. “Did my sister tell you to watch me?” she asked accusingly.
As if I needed someone to tell me. It had been almost impossible to keep my eyes off Liliana tonight. “No, she didn’t,” I said simply.
Her blue eyes held confusion, then she turned her face to the side, leaving me to stare at her profile. Her chin wobbled but she swallowed and her expression evened out. “Don’t you need to watch Aria?”
“Luca is there,” I said. I moved a bit closer, too close. Lily’s perfume wafted into my nose, made me want to bury my face in her hair. God, I was losing my freaking mind. “I can tell that something is wrong. Why don’t you tell me?”
Lily narrowed her eyes. “Why? I’m not your responsibility. And last time we saw each other you didn’t seem to like me very much.”
Was she still mad at me for stopping her from kissing me at her birthday more than two years ago? “Maybe I can help you,” I said instead.
She sighed, her shoulders slumping a bit more. With that expression of weariness, she looked older somehow, like a grown woman, and I had to remind myself of my promise and oath again. Her eyes brimmed with tears when she peered up at me but they didn’t fall.
“Hey,” I said softly. I wanted to touch her, brush her hair away from her. Fuck. I wanted much more than that, but I stayed where I was. I couldn’t go around touching a daughter of the Outfit’s Consigliere. I shouldn’t even have been alone with her.
“You can’t tell anyone,” she said.
I hesitated. Luca was my Capo. There were certain things I couldn’t keep from him. “You know I can’t promise you that without knowing what you’re going to tell me.” And then I wondered if maybe she was pregnant, if maybe someone had broken her heart, and the idea made me furious. I wasn’t supposed to want her, I shouldn’t want her, and yet…
“I know, but it’s not about the Outfit or the Famiglia. It’s…” She lowered her gaze and swallowed. “God, I’m not supposed to tell anyone. And I hate it. I hate that we’re keeping up the charade when things are falling apart.”
I waited patiently, giving her the time she obviously needed.
Her shoulders began to shake but she still didn’t cry. I wasn’t sure how she did it. “My mother has cancer.”
That wasn’t what I’d expected. Although, now that I thought about it, her mother had looked pale despite the thick layer of make-up on her face.
I touched Lily’s bare shoulder and tried to ignore how good it felt, how smooth her skin was. “I’m sorry. Why don’t you talk to Aria about it? I thought you and her talk about everything.”
“Gianna and Aria talk about everything. I’m the little sister, the fifth wheel.” She sounded bitter. “Sorry.” She released a long breath, obviously trying to get a grip on her emotions. “Father forbid me from telling anyone, even Aria, and here I am telling you.”
“I won’t tell anyone,” I promised before I could really think it through. What was I doing promising that kind of thing to Lily? Luca and the Famiglia were my priority. I had to consider the consequences if the wife of the Consigliere was sick. Would that weaken him and the Outfit? Luca might think so. And not just that, I was supposed to protect Aria. Wasn’t it my job to tell her that her mother was sick? That was the problem if you started to think with your dick. Then things always got messed up.
Lily tilted her head to the side with a curious expression. “You won’t?”
I leaned against the wall beside her, wondering how I was going to get me out of that corner. “But don’t you think you should tell your sister? It’s her mother. She deserves to know the truth.”
“I know, don’t you think I know that?” she whispered desperately. “I want to tell her. I feel so guilty for keeping it a secret. Why do you think I’m hiding in the hallway?”
“Then tell her.”
“Father would be furious if he found out. He’s been on edge for a long time. Sometimes I think it takes only the smallest incident and he’ll put a bullet through my head.”
She sounded fucking scared of her own father. And the bastard was scary. I took her hand. “Has he done anything to you? I’m sure Luca could figure out a way to keep you safe.” What the fuck was I talking? Scuderi would convince Dante to start a war if Luca took his youngest daughter away from him. You never got involved in other people’s family problems. That was one of the most important rules in our world.
“Father wouldn’t allow it,” she said matter-of-factly. She really wasn’t the kid I’d first met. This world took away your innocence far too soon. “And he didn’t do anything, but he’d be furious if I went against his direct orders.”
“You know your sister, she’d never tell anyone.”
“Then she’d have to bear the secret and she wouldn’t even be able to talk to Mother about it. Why is everything such a mess? Why can’t I have a normal family?”
“We can’t choose our family.”
“And in my case, not even my future husband,” she said. Then she shook her head. “I don’t know why I said it. This isn’t what I should be worried about now.” She looked down at my hand, which was still holding hers. I released her. If Scuderi or one of his men walked in on us, Scuderi would have a new reason to lose his shit.
“You know what? I will tell her,” Lily said suddenly. She straightened and gave me a grateful smile. “You are right. Aria deserves to know the truth.” Now that she didn’t lean against the wall anymore, we were even closer. I should have taken a step back and kept my distance, but instead my eyes were drawn to her lips.
Lily surprised me by walking away. “Thank you for your help.” I watched her turn the corner and then she was gone.
Liliana
My heart hammered in my chest, not only because I’d been alone with Romero and had barely managed to leave without kissing him, but because I was determined to go against Father’s orders. Maybe Romero had said the truth and he wouldn’t tell my sister and Luca about my mother, but really why should he keep a secret for me? We weren’t a couple, we weren’t even friends. We were nothing to each other. The thought buried itself like a heavy weight in my stomach.
It was better if I told Aria now. She’d find out eventually, and I wanted it to be from me. I found her in the living room, a plate with prosciutto in her hand. She was talking to Valentina. I walked toward them and Valentina noticed me first. There was a flicker of pity in her green eyes before she smiled at me. Did she know?
Of course, she did. Father probably had told his boss Dante right away, and Dante had told his wife. Had Father told other people as well? People he thought more deserving of the truth than his own family? “Hi Val,” I said. “Can I steal Aria from you for a moment? I have to talk to her.”
Aria gave me a questioning look but Valentina nodded merely. I linked arms with my sister and casually strolled through the room with her. I didn’t want Father or Mother to get suspicious. I caught Romero’s gaze across the room. He stood beside Luca and Dante but was looking my way. He gave me a small encouraging nod and somehow that small gesture made me feel better. In the last two years I’d convinced myself that the thing with Romero was nothing but a silly crush but now I wasn’t so sure anymore.
“Lily, what’s going on? You’ve been acting very odd all evening,” Aria whispered as we headed toward the lobby.
“I’m going to tell you in a moment. I want us to be alone.”
Aria’s face clouded with worry. “Has anything happened? Do you need help?”
I led her upstairs and into my room. When the door had closed behind us, I released Aria and sank down on my bed. Aria sat down beside me.
“It’s Mother,” I said in a whisper. “She’s got lung cancer.” Maybe I should have broken it to her in a less direct manner, but it wouldn’t have made the news less horrible.
Aria stared at me wide eyes, then she slumped against the wall, releasing a harsh breath. “Oh God. I thought she looked exhausted but I blamed it on another fight with Father.”
“They’re still fighting and it’s making everything worse.”
Aria wrapped her arm around me and for a moment we held each other in silence. “Why hasn’t she told me herself?”
“Father doesn’t want anyone to know. He actually forbid me from telling you.”
Aria pulled back. “He forbid you?”
“He wants to keep up appearances. I think he’s embarrassed by Mother’s sickness.” I hesitated. “That’s why I didn’t tell you right away. I didn’t know what to do, but I talked to Romero and he convinced me to tell you.”
Aria searched my face. “Romero, hm?”
I shrugged. “Will you tell Gianna when you’re back in New York?”
“Of course,” Aria said. “I hate that she can’t be here.” She sighed. “I want to talk to Mother about it. She needs our support but how can we give it to her if we’re not supposed to know?”
I didn’t know. “I hate how Father’s acting. He’s so cold toward her. You’re so lucky Aria that you have a husband who cares about you.”
“I know. One day you’ll have that too.”
I really hoped she’d be right. Life with someone like my father would be a hell I couldn’t survive.
***
Every day, Mother faded a bit more. Sometimes it felt like all I had to do was look away for a moment and her skin had already become a scarier shade of grey and she’d lost even more weight. Even her beautiful hair was gone completely. It was impossible to keep her sickness a secret anymore. Everyone knew. When other people were around Father played the doting and worried husband but at home when we were alone he could barely stand Mother’s presence as if he worried that she was infectious. It fell on me to support her while I tried get through my last year in school. Aria, Gianna and I talked on the phone almost every day. Without them I couldn’t have survived. And at night when I lay in the dark and couldn’t sleep from worry and fear, I remembered the way Romero had looked at me at our Christmas party, as if he saw me for the very first time, really saw me as a woman and not just a stupid child. The look in his brown eyes made me feel warmer even if it was only a memory.
A soft knock made me sit up. “Yes?” I asked quietly. ‘Please don’t let Mother be throwing up again’. I wanted one night without the acid smell in my nose. I felt bad for the thought. How could I think something like that?
The door opened and Fabi poked his head through the gap before he slipped in. His dark hair was dishevelled and he was in his pajamas. I hadn’t drawn the curtains so I could tell that he’d cried but I didn’t mention it. Fabi had turned twelve several months ago and was too proud to admit his feelings to anyone, even me.
“Are you asleep?”
“Do I look like I’ve been sleeping?” I asked teasingly.
He shook his head, then he put his hands in the pockets of his pajama pants. He was too old to come into bed with me because he was scared of something. Father would have ripped Fabi’s head off if he’d found him with tears on his face in my room. Weakness wasn’t something Father tolerated in his son, or anyone really.
“Do you want to watch a movie?” I scooted to the side. “I can’t sleep anyway.”
“You’ve got only girl movies,” he said as if I was asking a huge favor of him but he headed toward my DVD shelf and picked something. Then he sat down beside me with his back against my headboard. The movie started and we watched in silence for a long time.
“Do you think Mom is going to die?” Fabi asked suddenly, his gaze fixed on the screen.
“No,” I said with all the conviction I didn’t feel.
***
My eighteenth birthday was today, but there would be no party. Mother was too sick. There was no room in our house for celebrations or happiness. Father was hardly home anymore, always gone on business, and recently Fabi had started to accompany him. And so I was left alone with Mother. Of course there was a nurse and our maid, but they weren’t family. Mother didn’t want them around and so I was the one sitting at her bed after school, reading to her, trying to pretend that her room didn’t smell of death and hopelessness. Aria and Gianna had called in the morning to wish me a happy birthday. I knew they’d wanted to visit, but Father had forbidden it. Not even for my birthday he could be nice.
I put the book down that I’d read to Mother. She was asleep. The noise of her respiratory aid, a click and rattling, filled the room. I stood, needing to walk around a bit. My legs and back were stiff from sitting all day.
I walked toward the window and peered out. Life was happening everywhere around me. My phone buzzed in my pocket, startling me from my thoughts. I took it out and found an unknown number on my screen. I pressed it against my ear. “Hello?” I whispered as I walked out into the corridor as not to disturb my mother, even though noises hardly woke her anymore.
“Hello Liliana.”
I froze. “Romero?” I couldn’t believe he’d called me, and then a horrible idea struck me, and the only explanation for his call. “God, did something happen to my sisters?”
“No, no. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. I wanted to wish you a happy birthday.” His voice was smooth and warm and deep, and it soothed me like honey did with a sore throat.
“Oh,” I said. I braced myself against the wall as my pulse slowed again. “Thank you. Did my sister tell you it was my birthday?” I smiled lightly. I could imagine Aria doing that, hoping to cheer me up. She hadn’t talked to me about it but I was fairly sure she knew that I still liked Romero after all this time.
“She didn’t have to. I know your birthday.”
I didn’t say anything, didn’t know what to say. He remembered my birthday?
“Do you have birthday plans?”
“No. I’ll stay at home and take care of my mother,” I said tiredly. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d slept through the night. If Mother didn’t wake me because she threw up or was in pain, then I lay awake staring into nothingness.
Romero was silent on the other end, then in an even gentler voice he said. “Things will get better. I know things look hopeless right now but they won’t always be like this.”
“You’ve seen a lot of death in your life. How can you stand it?”
“It’s different if it’s someone you care for who’s dying, or if it’s business-related.” He had to be careful what he said on the phone, so I regretted having brought it up, but hearing his voice felt too good. “My Father died when I was fourteen. We weren’t as close as I’d wanted us to be but his death was the only one that really got me so far.”
“Mother and I aren’t as close as many of my friends are with their mothers, and now that she’s dying I regret it.”
“There’s still time. Maybe more than you think.”
I wanted him to be right but deep down I knew it was only a matter of weeks before Mother would lose her battle. “Thanks, Romero,” I said softly. I wanted to see his face, wanted to smell his comforting scent.
“Do something that’ll make you happy today, even it’s only something small.”
“This is making me happy,” I admitted.
“That’s good,” he said. Silence followed.
“I need to go now.” Suddenly my admittance embarrassed me. When would I stop putting myself out there? I wasn’t someone who was good at hiding her emotions and I hated it.
“Goodbye,” Romero said.
I ended the call without another word, then stared at my phone for a long time. Was I reading too much into Romero’s call? Maybe he wanted to be polite and call the sister of his boss’s wife on her eighteenth birthday to gain some bonus points. But Romero didn’t seem to be the type for that. Then why had he called? Had it something to do with the way he’d looked at me at our Christmas party? Was he starting to like me as much as I liked him?
***
Two weeks after my birthday, Mother’s health deteriorated even further. Her skin was papery and cold, her eyes glazed from the painkillers. My grip on her was loose, scared of hurting her. She looked so breakable. Deep down I knew it wouldn’t be much longer. I wanted to believe a miracle would happen, but I wasn’t a small kid anymore. I knew better. Sometimes I wished I were still that naïve girl I used to be.
“Aria?” Mother said in a wispy voice.
I jerked up in my chair and leaned closer. “No, it’s me Liliana.”
Mother’s eyes focused on me and she smiled softly. It looked horribly sad on her worn out face. She’d been so beautiful and proud once, and now she was only a shell of that woman.
“My sweet Lily,” she said.
I pressed my lips together. Mother had never been the overly affectionate type. She’d hugged us and read bedtime stories to us and generally tried to be the best mother she knew how to be, but she’d almost never called us nicknames. “Yes, I’m here.” At least until Father tried to send me away again. If it was up to him Mother would be locked away from everyone she loved, only cared for by the nurses he’d hired until she finally passed away. I tried to tell myself it was because he wanted to protect her, to let a proud woman be remembered as she used to be and not only for her sickness, but I had a feeling that wasn’t his main incentive. Sometimes I wondered if he was embarrassed by her.
“Where are your sisters? And Fabi?” She peered over my head as if she expected to see them there.
I lowered my gaze to her chin, not able to look into her eyes. “Fabi is busy with school.” That was a blatant lie. Father made sure Fabi was busy with God-only-knew-what, so he didn’t spend too much time with our mother. As if Father worried her sickness would rub off on Fabi if he got too close. “Aria and Gianna will be here soon. They can’t wait to see you again.”
“Did your Father call them?” Mother asked.
I didn’t want to lie to her again. But how could I tell her that Father didn’t want them to come visit our dying Mother, that they wouldn’t even have known she was close to dying if I hadn’t called them. I filled her glass with water and held it up to her lips. “You need to drink.”
Mother took a small sip but then she turned her head away. “I’m not thirsty.”
My heart broke as I sat the glass back down on her nightstand. I searched for something to talk to my mother about, but the thing I really wanted to tell her about, my crush on Romero, was something I couldn’t trust her with. “Do you need anything? I could get you some soup.”
She gave a small shake of her head. She was watching me with a strange expression and I was starting to feel uncomfortable. I wasn’t even sure why. There was such a look of forlornness and longing in her gaze that it spoke to a dark place deep inside of me. “God, I don’t even remember how it is to be young and carefree anymore.”
Carefree? I hadn’t felt carefree for a very long time.
“There’s so much I wanted to do, so many dreams I had. Everything seemed possible.” Her voice got stronger as if the memory drew energy from somewhere deep inside of her body.
“You have a beautiful house and many friends and children who love you,” I said but even as I did I knew it was the wrong thing to say, and I hated this feeling of always doing the wrong thing, of not being able to help.
“I do,” she said with a sad little smile. Slowly it faded. “Friends who don’t visit.”
I couldn’t deny it and I wasn’t even sure if Father was why they stayed away or if they’d really never cared about my mother in the first place. I opened my mouth to say something, another lie I’d feel guilty for later, but Mother kept talking. “A house that was paid for with blood money.”
Mother had never admitted that Father was doing horrible things for our money and I’d never gotten the impression that she cared much either. Money and luxury were the only things Father had always given freely to her and us. I held my breath, half-curious and half-terrified of what she would say next. Did she regret having had kids? Were we a disappointment for her?
She patted my hand. “And you kids…I should have protected you better. I was always too weak to stand up for you.”
“You did everything you could. Father would have never listened to you anyway.”
“No, he wouldn’t have,” she whispered. “But I could have tried harder. There are so many things I regret.”
I couldn’t deny it. I’d often wished that she would have stood up for us, especially for Gianna, when Father had lost it again. But there was no use in making her feel bad for something that couldn’t be changed.
“You only have this one life, Lily. Make the best of it. I wish I had done it and now it’s too late. I don’t want you to end like me, to look back at a life full of missed opportunities and lost dreams. Don’t let life pass you by. You are braver than me, brave enough to fight for your happiness.”
I swallowed, stunned by her passionate speech. “What do you mean?”
“Before I married your father, I was in love with a young man who worked in my father’s restaurant. He was sweet and charming. He wasn’t part of our world.”
I glanced toward the door, worried Father would overhear us. As if that could happen. As if he would actually set foot into this room. “Did you love him?”
“Maybe. But love is something that develops with time and we never got the chance. I could have loved him very much, I’m sure of it. We kissed behind the dumpsters once. It was cold outside and it smelled of garbage, but it was the most romantic moment of my life.” A sweet smile was on her face, an expression I’d never seen on my mother before.
Pity squeezed my heart tight. Had Father never done anything romantic for her? “What about Father?”
“Your Father…” she trailed off. She took a few shuddering breaths. Even with the help of the oxygen tank, she was struggling to breathe. “He doesn’t have time for romance. He never had.”
But he had time for whores behind my mother’s back. Even I knew about them, and I was usually the last person who got wind of these kinds of things. I’d never heard him say a kind word to Mother. I’d always assumed he could only show affection behind closed doors but now I realized he probably never did. The only nice thing he ever did was to buy her expensive jewelry.
“Don’t get me wrong, I respect your father.”
“But you don’t love him,” I finished. I’d always been sure Mother loved Father, even when he didn’t return the feeling, but finding out that there was nothing between them somehow felt like a punch in the stomach. Aria and Gianna had made the best of their arranged marriages but now I realized that many weren’t as lucky and never loved or even tolerated their husbands. Most women in our world were trapped in a loveless marriage with a cheating and sometimes even violent man.
She sighed, her eyes sliding shut, her skin becoming even paler than before. “I always told myself there was still time to do the things I love, to be happy, and now? Now it’s too late.”
Would those words always feel like a punch every time she voiced them? “No,” I said shakily. “It’s not. Don’t give up.”
She looked at me with a sad smile. “It won’t be much longer. For me there’s nothing but regret. But you have your whole life ahead of you, Liliana. Promise me you’ll live it to the fullest. Try to be happy.”
I swallowed hard. All my life my mother had told me to accept my fate, to be a good girl, to be dutiful. “I want to marry for love.”
“You should,” she whispered.
“Father won’t allow it. He’ll find someone for me, won’t he?”
“Aria and Gianna made good matches. You don’t have to marry for tactical reasons. You should be free to fall in love and marry that special boy.”
An image of Romero popped into my head, and a swarm of butterflies filled my stomach.
“I remember that look,” Mother said softly. “There is someone, hm?”
I blushed. “It’s silly. He isn’t even interested in me.”
“How could he not be? You’re beautiful and intelligent and come from a good family. He’d be crazy not to fall for you.”
I’d never talked to Mother like this, and I felt incredibly sad that it had taken cancer for us to be this close. I wished she’d been that kind of mother before, and then I felt guilty for thinking something like that. “He’s not someone Father would approve of,” I said eventually. And that was a huge understatement. “He’s just a soldier.”
“Oh,” Mother whispered. She had trouble keeping her eyes open. “Don’t let anyone stop you from achieving happiness.” The last few words were barely audible as Mother slowly drifted off to sleep. I slipped my hand out from beneath hers and stood. Her breathing was labored, raspy and flat. I could almost imagine how it would stop any second. I backed out of the room but didn’t close the door. I wanted to make sure I would hear it if Mother called for help.
I headed toward the staircase where I almost bumped into Father. “Mother, will be happy to see you,” I said. “But she’s just fallen asleep, so you will have to wait a bit.”
He loosened his tie. “I wasn’t going to your mother. I have a few more meetings scheduled.”
“Oh, right.” That’s why he smelled like a perfume shop and why his suit was wrinkled. He’d spent the morning with one of his whores and was probably on his way to the next. “But she’d love to see you later.”
Father narrowed his eyes. “Did you call your sister? Luca called me this morning to tell me he and Aria were on their way to Chicago to visit your mother.”
“They have a right to say goodbye.”
“Do you really think they want to see your mother like this? Your mother was once a proud woman, if she were still in her right mind, she wouldn’t want anyone to see her in this pitiful state.”
Anger bubbled up. “You’re embarrassed by her, that’s all!”
He raised a finger in warning. “Careful. Don’t take that tone with me. I know you’re under a lot of pressure but my patience is running thin at the moment.”
I pressed my lips together. “Are Aria and Luca still coming, or did you forbid them from visiting?” I didn’t mention that Gianna would be visiting as well. He’d find out soon enough and then Luca would hopefully be there to calm him down.
“They’ll be here in the afternoon. That’ll give Luca and Dante the chance to discuss business.”
That’s what he worried about? Business? His wife was dying and he didn’t give a shit. I nodded and left without another word. Half an hour later I watched my father leave the house again. There had been a time when I’d looked up to him. When I’d seen him in his black suites and thought he was the most important person in the world. But that hadn’t lasted long. The first time he raised his hand against Mother, I knew he wasn’t the man I thought he was.
***
Aria, Gianna, and Luca arrived two hours later. Matteo had stayed in New York. Not only because Luca needed someone he trusted there, but because Gianna’s encounter with Father would be explosive anyway. If Matteo was there as well, someone would die.
Aria and Gianna hugged me tightly in greeting. “How are you?” Aria asked.
I shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s hard to see Mother so weak.”
“And Father acting like a jerk isn’t helping,” Gianna muttered.
Luca gave me a small nod. “I’ll wait in the kitchen. I still have a few phone calls to make.”
I had a feeling he only wanted to give us time alone with our mother and I was grateful for that. I almost asked him about Romero but then I stopped myself.
I led my sisters upstairs. When we stepped into Mother’s bedroom, shock flashed across their faces. Even I, who kept her company every day, was shocked every morning when I saw how broken she looked, and the smell was horrible as well. The nurses cleaned the floor and furniture with disinfectant twice a day but the stench of decay and urine still covered everything. It even seemed to cling to my clothes and skin, and clogged my nose when I couldn’t sleep at night.
Mother was awake, but it took a moment before recognition shone in her eyes. Then she smiled, and for a moment, despite the tubes disappearing in her nose, she didn’t look like death had already marked her as his. Aria immediately walked toward the bed and hugged Mother carefully. Gianna was tense beside me. She and Mother hadn’t seen each other in a while, and they hadn’t exactly parted on good terms. When Aria stepped back, Mother’s gaze settled on Gianna and she started crying. “Oh Gianna,” she whispered. Gianna rushed toward our mother and embraced her as well. It almost broke my heart that this reunion had such a horrible reason. I wished we’d come together like this long before today. I pulled two more chairs toward the bed and put them next to the one I’d spent countless hours in. We all sat down and Mother looked at peace for the first time in a while. I let Aria and Gianna talk and listened. Gianna leaned over to me when Aria told Mother about a new exhibition in New York. “Where’s Fabi? Shouldn’t he be home?”
“Father always has someone pick him up from school and then I don’t see Fabi until dinner.”
“Is he inducting Fabi already? Fabi’s way too young for that bullshit.”
“I don’t know. It’s difficult to talk to Fabi about it. He doesn’t tell me everything like he used to. He’s changed a lot since Mother got sick. Sometimes I don’t recognize him.”
“The mob changes them all. It sucks the good out of them,” Gianna murmured.
“Look at Matteo and Luca, and Romero they aren’t all bad.”
Gianna sighed. “They aren’t good either. Far from it. With Fabi, I know how he used to be before the rottenness wormed its way into him, but with Luca and Matteo I always only knew them as Made Men, so it’s different.” Gianna narrowed her eyes in contemplation. “Are you still crushing on Romero? Shouldn’t you have moved on to a new target by now?”
I flushed, but didn’t reply. Luckily, Aria involved Gianna in the conversation and I could relax again.
***
Gianna, Aria and I fell asleep in our chairs. Two hours later we were woken by Father’s sharp voice. “What is she doing here?”
I sat up, taking a few seconds to get my bearings. Father stood in the doorway and was glaring daggers at Gianna. He still hadn’t forgiven her for what she’d done. He’d probably take his wrath into the grave with him.
“I’m not here to see you, believe me,” Gianna muttered.
Aria rose from her chair and went over to Father to give him a quick hug. Usually his mood always brightened when she was around but he didn’t even look at her.
“I don’t want you in my house,” he said to Gianna.
I spotted Fabi a couple of steps behind him, obviously unsure how to react. I knew he’d missed Gianna very much and had always been eager to talk to her on the phone, but Father’s influence on him had grown in the last few months and it was clear that my little brother wasn’t sure which side to choose.
I stood, chancing a worried look at Mother. She was still out from her meds. I didn’t want her to witness this. “Please, let’s discuss this outside,” I whispered.
Father turned on his heel and stepped out into the corridor without a single glance at Mother. The rest of us followed. Gianna didn’t give Fabi a chance to make up his mind, she hugged him and after a moment he hugged her back. Father glowered at my brother. I couldn’t believe he wasn’t able to let his stupid pride take a backseat for once. Mother needed us in her last days, but he didn’t give a damn. He didn’t even wait for me to close the door before he went off again.
“I forbade you from stepping foot into this house,” he snarled.
I slid the door shut and leaned against it. My legs felt shaky.
“It’s also Mother’s house and she asked to see me,” Gianna said. It was true. I’d lost count of the many times Mother had asked about Gianna.
“I paid for this house and my word is law.”
“Don’t you have any respect for the wishes of your dying wife?” Gianna hissed.
I was pretty sure Father would have hit Gianna, even though she was Matteo’s wife, but Luca came upstairs in that moment. It didn’t stop Father from saying more nasty things and Gianna from firing right back at him. I couldn’t take it anymore. I rushed past them. Their fighting followed me down the corridor and even downstairs I could still hear their shouting. I stormed into the kitchen, threw the door shut and leaned against it before I buried my face in my hands. The tears I’d been fighting for so long, pressed against my eyeballs. I couldn’t hold them back.
A noise made me look up. Romero stood at the kitchen counter and was watching me over his coffee cup. I cringed in embarrassment and quickly tried to wipe my cheeks clean. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t know someone was in here.” I didn’t even know Romero was here at all, but I shouldn’t have been surprised. Since Matteo had stayed in New York, Luca needed someone who could keep an eye on my sisters when he was busy.
“This is your home,” he said simply. His eyes were kind and understanding. I had to look away or I’d really start bawling, snot and sobs and all, and that was the last thing I wanted.
“It used to be,” I whispered. I knew I needed to keep my mouth shut but the words kept coming. “But now it feels like I’m trapped. There’s nothing good. Anywhere I look there is just darkness, just sickness, and hate and fear.” I fell silent, shocked by my outburst.
Romero set down his coffee. “When was the last time you left the house?”
I didn’t even know. I shrugged.
“Let’s take a walk. We can get a coffee. It’s really warm outside.”
Euphoria burst through the dark cloud that had been my emotions in the last few weeks. “Are you sure that’s okay?”
“I’ll check with Luca but I don’t see why it should be a problem. Just a sec.”
I stepped aside so he could walk by. His delicious aftershave entered my nose as he passed me and I wanted to press my nose into his shirt to find solace in his scent. My eyes followed him, traced his broad shoulders and narrow hips. Mother’s words shot through my mind again. Maybe happiness wasn’t as far away as I thought.
Romero
I shouldn’t even consider being alone with Lily, not now, not ever. Not when I couldn’t stop noticing how grown up she looked. She wasn’t the little girl I’d first met. She was a woman in marriageable age now, but she was out of my league. At least by her father’s standard. I was one of the best fighters in New York, only Luca and Matteo were as good with the knife or the gun, and I wasn’t exactly penniless, but I definitely wasn’t mob royalty and couldn’t afford a penthouse like Luca’s. I wasn’t even sure why the fuck I was thinking about those kinds of things now. I wasn’t going to ask for Lily’s hand, not now, not ever, and at this time there were more important things to take care of.
I climbed the stairs, following the sound of arguing. Gianna and her father were at it again and Luca seemed to try to keep them from ripping their heads off. Only problem was that he looked like he was close to losing his own shit. I walked toward them and Luca gave me an exasperated look. Scuderi was a pain in the ass, and Luca wasn’t the most patient person on this planet. A bad combination. He came toward me. “I’m going to lose my fucking mind if Gianna and her old man don’t stop fighting.”
“Lily is taking it badly. She’s had to witness her mother’s deterioration for months now. I want to take her out for a walk and a coffee to take her mind off things.”
Luca scanned my face with an expression I didn’t like one bit. “Sure, but I really don’t need any more problems. Things between New York and Chicago are already shaky.”
“I won’t do anything that’ll hurt our relationship to Chicago.”
Luca nodded but he didn’t look convinced. He glanced back to Scuderi and his two daughters. “I better get back. Be back before dinner, then Scuderi doesn’t have to know Liliana ever left the house. The bastard hardly pays attention to anything, least of all that girl.”
I turned on my heel, leaving Luca to his shitty task of mediating between Scuderi and Gianna. Lily sat at the kitchen table when I entered the room but quickly rose, a hopeful expression on her pretty face. Pretty? What the fuck, Romero? I couldn’t start thinking like that when I was around her. Lines easily got blurry, and Luca was right. We didn’t need any more shit on our plate.
“So? Can we go out?” Lily asked with that same hopeful smile on her face.
I stopped more than an arm-length away. “Yes, but we need to get back before dinner.”
That left a little more than two hours.
A hint of disappointment flickered in her eyes but it was gone quickly. “Then let’s go.”
We stepped out of the house and Lily stopped on the sidewalk and tilted her head up with a blissful expression. Sunrays cast her face in a soft glow. “This feels so good,” she said softly.
I know so many things that feel even better.
How would her face look in the throes of passion? It was something I’d probably never find out. I didn’t say anything, only watched her as she soaked in the sun.
She blinked up at me with an embarrassed smile. “Sorry. I’m wasting time. We were supposed to have coffee and not stand on the sidewalk all day.”
“This is about you. If you’d rather stay here and enjoy the sun, we can do that too. I don’t mind.” Not one fucking bit. Watching Lily was something I could do all day.
She shook her head. Her blonde hair settled in soft waves on her shoulders and I had to stop myself from reaching out and letting a strand of it glide through my fingers. For some reason I didn’t know, I held out my arm for her. She hooked her arm through mine without hesitation, a grin twisting her lips as she peered up at me. Damn it. I led her down the street. “Do you know a nice café? I’ve been in Chicago plenty of times in the last few years but I’m not that familiar with the culinary scene.”
“Just a ten minute walk away is a small café with fantastic coffee and delicious cupcakes. We could go there. I usually only order everything to-go but we could sit down, if you want?” There were many things I wanted, most of them involved Lily naked in my bed.
“That sounds good. Lead the way.”
“You know what I like about you? You are so easy-going and relaxed. You seem like the guy next door. Nice and kind.”
“Lily, I’m a Made Man. Don’t make me into a hero that I’m not. I’m not kind or nice.”
“You are to me,” she said lightly. Her blue eyes were far too trusting. She didn’t know the things I’d been thinking about her, most of them hadn’t been nice. I wanted to do so many dirty things to her, she wouldn’t even understand half of them, and that was why I needed to keep my distance. Maybe she looked grown-up, but she was still too young, too innocent.
I only smiled. “I’m trying.”
“You’re doing good,” she said teasingly. The sadness and hopelessness were gone from her face for the moment, and that was all the encouragement I needed.
Liliana
Romero smirked. “Thanks.” I could have kissed him then. He looked so handsome and sexy.
“You’re very welcome,” I said. We strolled down the street toward the small café that looked like it belonged in a cobblestone street in Paris and not in Chicago. It was strange walking with a man who wasn’t twice my age like my father’s bodyguards. Only when we stopped at the counter did Romero release my arm, but until then we’d walked close like lovers. How would it feel if it were the truth? If he wasn’t just trying to distract me from my sick mother, if we were really a couple?
“Everything okay?” Romero asked in a low voice.
I had been staring. I quickly turned my attention to the girl behind the counter who was waiting for our order. “A cappuccino and a Red Velvet Cupcake,” I said distractedly. It was my standard order and my mind was too frazzled to check the blackboard for the daily specials.
“The same for me,” Romero said and took his wallet out to pay for us both.
“You didn’t have to pay for me,” I whispered when we walked toward a free table near the window.
Romero raised one dark eyebrow. “A woman never pays when she’s with me.”
“Oh?” I said curiously. Romero looked like he already regretted his comment but it was too late. He’d piqued my curiosity. “How many girlfriends have you had?”
It was a very personal question.
Romero chuckled. “That’s not something I’m going to tell you.”
“That means many,” I said with a laugh. The server brought our order, giving Romero time to compose himself. The moment she was out of earshot I said, “I know how things are with our men. You have a lot of women.”
“So you know all of us?” Romero asked. He leaned back in his chair like he didn’t have a care in the world.
I took a sip from my cappuccino. “Women talk and from what I hear most Made Men don’t say no to the whorehouses of the Outfit. For most of them it’s some kind of hobby to have as many women as possible.”
“Many men do, but not all of them.”
“So you are the exception?” I asked doubtfully. I wanted it to be true, but I was realistic.
Romero took a bite from his cupcake, obviously considering what to tell me. “I’ve had wild days when I was younger, eighteen or nineteen maybe.”
“And now? Do you have a girlfriend? A fiancée?” I’d always put the thought out of my mind but the way Romero had talked it was a valid option. I sipped at my coffee, glad for the feel of the cup in my hands. It gave me something to focus on.
Romero shook his head with an unreadable look on his face. “No, I’ve had girlfriends in the last few years but it’s difficult to have a steady relationship if work always comes first. I’m a soldier. The Famiglia will always be my top priority. Most women can’t bear it.”
“Most women don’t get asked if they want this life or not. What about an arranged marriage?”
“I don’t like the idea of someone telling me who I should marry.”
“So your family never tried to set you up with someone?”
Romero grinned. I could have jumped over the table and crawled onto his lap. “Of course they have. We’re Italian, it’s in our bloodstream to meddle with our children’s lives.”
“But you never liked any of the girls they suggested?”
“I liked some of them well enough but either they weren’t interested in me or I couldn’t see myself spending the rest of my life with them.”
“And nobody ever tried to force you into marriage?”
“How would they force me?”
I nodded. Yes, how? He was a Made Man, not a stupid girl. “You’re right. You can make your own decisions.”
Romero set down his cup. “Luca could ask me to marry for political reasons. I probably wouldn’t refuse him.”
“But he wouldn’t do that,” I said.
“Maybe you’ll get to choose for yourself as well. You might meet the perfect guy soon and he might be worthy in your father’s eyes.”
The perfect guy sat in front of me. It stung that Romero suggested I’d find someone else. Didn’t he realize I had feelings for him? I didn’t want to find some guy my father would approve of. I wanted the man in front of me.
After that, we talked about random things, nothing of importance, and far too soon we had to make our way back to my home. This time we didn’t link arms. I tried not to be disappointed, but it was hard. When we stepped into the entrance hall of the house, I could feel the weight of the lingering sadness return to my shoulders.
Romero lightly touched my arm. My eyes traced his strong jaw with the hint of dark stubble, his worried browns eyes, his prominent cheekbones. And then I did what I’d promised myself not to do again but right in this moment, in this cold, hopeless house he was the light and I was the moth. I pushed to my toes and kissed him. The touch was the briefest contact, hardly there but it made me long for more. Romero grasped my arms and pushed me away. “Liliana, don’t.”
I untangled myself from his hold and left without another word. Mother had said I should take risks for my happiness, and I was doing just that.
Romero
I stormed into the kitchen. I needed another coffee. The door smashed shut behind me with too much force. I wanted to tear something into tiny pieces. My lips still tingled from that ridiculous kiss. You couldn’t even really call it that. It had been over too quick. Because I’d acted like the dutiful soldier I was supposed to be. Fuck it.
I made myself a coffee and emptied it in one gulp, then put the cup down with a loud clang.
The door to the kitchen swung open and Luca leaned in the doorway with a questioning look on his face. “You realize this isn’t your home, right? I don’t think Scuderi appreciates you destroying his expensive marble counter.” The corners of his mouth twitched in an almost smile.
I relaxed against the kitchen island. “I don’t think Scuderi even knows where his kitchen is. Where is he anyway? It’s suspiciously quiet in the house. I thought he and Gianna would never stop fighting.”
Luca’s expression darkened. “They would still be at it, but Scuderi left for a meeting, which I’ll have to do soon as well. Dante and I are going to discuss the Russians tonight at some Italian restaurant he loves.”
“I assume I’ll stay here to keep an eye on the women,” I said tightly. The idea of being around Lily all evening worried me.
Luca came up to me. “Do I have to worry what went on between you and Liliana while you were gone for coffee? Do I even want to know?”
I glared. “Nothing happened, Luca. You know me, I’m a good soldier.”
“You are also a guy with a dick and Liliana is a gorgeous girl who’s been flirting with you for years. Sometimes that can lead to unfortunate accidents.”
I released a long breath.
“Fuck,” Luca muttered. “I was joking. Don’t tell me there’s really something been going on.”
“Liliana kissed me but you could hardly call it that. Our lips barely touched and I pushed her away, so you have nothing to worry about.”
“Oh, but I have to worry considering the look of regret on your face when you said that your lips barely touched. You want her.”
“Yes, I want her,” I muttered, starting to get annoyed by his interrogation. Luca used to be the guy who couldn’t keep it in his pants and now he was acting all high and mighty. “But I’m not going to act on it. I can control myself. I’d never do anything to hurt the Famiglia.”
Luca clapped my shoulder. “I know that. And if you’re ever at risk of following your dick instead of your brain, just remember that Liliana is going through a lot. She’s probably only looking for a distraction. She’s vulnerable and young. I know you won’t allow her to ruin her life.”
That was a guilt trip if I’d ever seen one. I nodded, because the words waiting on the tip of my tongue were too harsh for my Capo.
Aria walked into the kitchen in that moment, but she stopped when she saw us. “Am I interrupting anything?” She glanced between Luca and me. “I thought we should start dinner. Father gave our maid the day off because he doesn’t want anyone in the house right now. That means we have to cook.”
“Let’s order pizza,” Luca said. He walked toward his wife and pulled her against him before kissing the top of her head. In the first few years of working for Luca, I’d have bet everything that he wasn’t capable of that kind of affection.
“Did your conversation have something to do with Lily?” Aria asked casually as she rifled through several flyers from pizza delivery services.
I didn’t say anything, and Luca shrugged. “Why do you ask?” he said.
Aria shook her head. “I’m not blind. Lily has been acting odd ever since she returned from her walk with Romero.” She fixed me with a warning stare. “I don’t want her alone with you.”
Luca’s eyebrows shot up. I knew I had to look pretty shocked too.
“Don’t give me that look. You know I like you Romero, but Lily has been going through so much recently and when it comes to you her brain stops working. I don’t want to have to worry about her.”
“So now you’re protecting her virtue?” I asked sarcastically.
“Hey,” Luca said sharply. “Don’t take that tone with her.”
Aria shook her head. “No, it’s okay. I’m not protecting her virtue. I just don’t want her to get hurt. You have younger sisters, don’t you want to keep them safe?”
“I do,” I said. “And I would never do anything that’ll hurt Lily. But I respect your wish. I won’t be alone with Lily from now on.” With a curt nod in Luca’s direction, I headed out of the kitchen. Aria’s words didn’t sit well with me. Luca had trusted me with her, though he was a possessive bastard, but Aria didn’t trust me with her sister. Of course, truth was I’d never been remotely interested in Aria. I wasn’t blind. She was beautiful, and definitely sexy, but I’d never fantasized about her, and not just because I knew Luca would cut my dick off if I made a move. Lily was a different matter. I’d imagined her naked body beneath me more than once and when I was close to her I wanted to press her against the wall and have my fucking way with her. That was a major problem. Maybe it was for the best that Aria’s orders were now another barrier between Lily and me.
