Pen
“Thank you for coming, Pen. Please, take a seat,” Madame Tuillard says, pointing at the chair when I enter her office the following morning. She clasps her hands on the desk in front of her and presses her mouth into a hard line. “I understand that you’re aware of what’s going on.”
“Yes.”
She nods tightly, staring at me for a moment as though trying to decide what’s appropriate to say next. I don’t envy her position and, honestly, I’m surprised she agreed to the drugs being delivered here at all. Then again, who am I to judge? We all do crazy things for the ones we love.
“I started this Academy because I love dance. It’s my passion. It’s what drives me. Like most of the students here, dance is my way to escape, to express myself. I was lucky enough to have a fulfilling career.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
“Because when I see dancers as talented as you, I’m excited. There’s something very special about you, Pen. Your audition was the best I’ve ever seen in all my time here. I see a bright future for you…” Her voice trails off and she sighs heavily.
“There’s a but though, right?”
“I fell in love with Duncan before he went to prison. I met him at a nightclub that I’d snuck out to with my best friend. He was the cool kid, dangerous. I was the prim, middle class girl who was wrapped up in cotton wool by her parents and kept on a tight leash. Our attraction was immediate and explosive,” she says almost wistfully.
“…Okay,” I say, feeling more than a little awkward.
“Duncan said that you were friends with the Breakers as kids. Is that right?”
“We grew up together,” I confirm, wondering where this conversation is taking us.
“You must have a very tight bond. Though, admittedly, that only seems apparent of late.”
“We’ve had some issues to work through.”
“I can understand that. When Duncan went to prison, I vowed to myself that I would never let another man hurt me the way he did.”
“Hurt you?”
“Emotionally. He broke my heart. It’s not a story I wish to get into, but I’m not stupid or blind, Pen. I see how you are with them. They hurt you too, didn’t they?”
“Don’t presume to know our relationship,” I retort, feeling prickly.
She smiles softly. “I wouldn’t dare. I guess what I’m saying is I understand the position you’re in. When Duncan came out of prison and turned up on my doorstep, cap in hand, everything came flooding back. All those old emotions of love and lust that I’d felt for him before suddenly came hurtling back. I fought against them. God knows I tried. I didn’t want to love him still…”
“You regret taking him back?”
Madame Tuillard shakes her head. “No, I don’t regret it, but I’ll never quite let him in the way I did before. Six months into our newly formed relationship, Duncan told me about this plan. He asked to use the Academy as a place for the shipment of drugs to be delivered to. Honestly, I felt used. It wasn’t a good moment.”
“But you’re still with him…?”
“Ultimately, I chose to trust in us,” she says with a rueful smile and a shrug of her shoulders.
“Was it the right decision? Trusting him, I mean.”
“I guess only time will tell, but I want you to know that my focus is on the pupils at this academy first and foremost, even if that might not seem that way right now. I haven’t made this decision lightly and honestly, Pen, I feel sick knowing that those drugs will pass through these doors, but I trust Duncan. He’s made some poor choices in his life that I know he regrets. This is him trying to set things straight. To make amends. I have to believe in that, believe in him.”
I nod, not answering because I’m not so sure about D-Neath. Granted, we’ve barely spoken more than a few words to each other, but there’s a vibe about him that makes me wary. I don’t know. Xeno said that he’s proved himself loyal, but I’m reserving judgement for now.
“I don’t mean to be rude, Madame Tuillard, and I apologise if I come across that way, but is there a point to this conversation?” I ask, feeling more and more uncomfortable as the minutes pass. I just want to get back to lessons. It’s been hard enough getting my head around all this shit, and I respect Madame Tuillard for what she’s done in her life, but I just want to get back to some form of normalcy, if only for a little while. She’s the principal of this school, not my friend.
“I always love it when someone starts off a sentence that way, because we all know it’s a prelude to being just that, rude.” She grins then, leaning her elbows on the table and resting her chin on her crossed fingers. “That fight you have will put you in good stead for the challenges you’re going to face in the future, both within a career in dance and in your personal life. I guess I just wanted you to know that we’re in this together. That I see you, and I appreciate what you’re going through right now. You’re gifted, Pen. I would hate for your future to be ruined because you’ve been caught up in this. Just know when it’s time to walk away, okay? That’s my advice, for what it’s worth.”
Ah, there it is. A life lesson wrapped up in a compliment. For some reason that gets my hackles up. Funny how I can take advice from Grim, but not Madame Tuillard. I’m sure that says more about me than the woman sitting before me. “That’s never going to happen.”
“Just think—”
“Look,” I say, holding my hand up and cutting her off. “I don’t like what’s happening any more than you do. I hate it. Do I wish that the Breakers weren’t involved? Absolutely. But they are and that means so am I. I will never walk away from them. I did that once before and it almost destroyed me. I won’t do it again. In fact, I want to be paired back up with Dax. River is a beautiful dancer and a great friend, but he and I just don’t fit. I know that Dax can’t stand Tiffany despite her efforts to fuck him…”
“He dropped you for her,” she points out, hiding a smile at my jealous outburst.
“There was a reason for that. One we’ve fixed.”
“I see,” she nods, then focuses back on her computer screen, clicking a few buttons on her keyboard while I wait for her to mull over my request. “Well, I didn’t agree to Dax’s new partnership anyway. Duncan made that decision based on the troubles between you, not on what was right for the performance. Now that the issues are fixed, I see no reason why you shouldn’t be dancing together. I shall break the news to Tiffany. I know you two don’t get along and frankly it will sound better coming from me.”
I nod. “I appreciate that…”
“You’re welcome.”
Madame Tuillard keeps her gaze fixed on the computer screen, content it would seem to allow the silence to stretch out between us. I sigh heavily. “I apologise if I’ve come across as a bitch. You’ve given me a huge opportunity accepting me here on a scholarship. I’m beyond grateful for that, you’ve no idea just how much.” I say. “Dance is my passion too. It’s what drives me, but those men…? They’re my heart. I won’t turn my back on them.”
When she doesn’t respond, and with nothing left to discuss, I get up and head to the door. As my fingers curl around the door handle, Madame Tuillard clears her throat.
“Pen—”
I turn to face her. “Yes?”
“The production company who will be filming the final show is visiting in a week’s time. They want to film an advert for the end of year show. It will be aired a couple of months before the live televised event. Sebastian and Sasha will be coming up with a routine. I was going to ask Xeno, but he’s already got enough on his plate. I had hoped to bring in an external choreographer, but Luka refused point blank.”
“Luka Petrin, the ballet dancer?”
“Yes. We’re old friends and he owes me a favor. This one was just too big for him to agree to,” she says, refusing to elaborate further. I don’t ask, it’s not my business, but given he disappeared off the face of the Earth after his wife’s death it’s not hard to guess why he’s not helping out.
“Wait, we haven’t even learned the routine yet for this advert. Shouldn’t we get started on rehearsals for it if they’re coming next week?” I ask, wondering how the hell I’ll fit it all in with the rehearsals we’re already doing for the end of year show, dance classes, and working at Tales. Not to mention all the other stuff.
“Oh, no. The advert won’t be filmed until after the Christmas break. The production team is coming in to record you dancing solo.”
“Me?” I ask, pointing a finger at my chest.
“They wanted to put together some social media marketing for the end of year show and asked me to choose my favourite dancer to feature in this teaser. I’d like that dancer to be you.”
“Me?” I repeat, sounding like a broken record.
Madame Tuillard levels her gaze on me. “Yes, you. That’s one of the reasons I asked you here today. Pen, you encompass everything I’m trying to achieve here at the Academy.”
“I do?”
“Why is that so hard to believe? Surely you’re aware of just how much of an incredible dancer you are?” She cocks her head at me and frowns.
“Let’s just say I’ve never really had the support I needed from those closest to me and leave it at that.”
Madame Tuillard nods. “Use that. Use that disappointment and show whoever hurt you that despite it, because of it, you’re the incredible dancer you are today. The track you will be dancing to is Bird Set Free by Sia. Have the routine ready for filming a week from today.”
“You want me to choreograph it?”
“Like I said before, you’re talented, Pen. I trust you to get this right.”
“I’ve got a week?” I ask, my mind immediately going into choreographer mode.
“One week.” Madame Tuillard nods. “I look forward to seeing what you come up with.” And with that, I’m dismissed.
