Pen
I snap my head around to find a man I don’t recognise walking into the room. He’s older than us both by at least ten years, maybe more. He’s good looking in a clean-cut way and is wearing a grey suit as though he’s just come home from the office. I watch as he runs his hand through his dark hair as his serious, penetrating, green eyes stare back at me.
“My name is Pen.”
“Apologies, Pen,” Mr. Suited-and-booted replies with a tight smile.
“Who the fuck are you anyway?” I snap, backing away. My arse hits the back of the sofa once again, but that’s not what makes my knees give way, it’s the fact that Grim has just climbed up the stairs and stepped onto the floor behind him. “You!” I accuse, jabbing my finger at her.
She heaves out a sigh, lights up a cigarette and blows out a steady stream of smoke before strolling over to the table and taking a seat. “Sit down, Pen, before you fall the fuck down. This isn’t what you think.”
“Isn’t what I think?” I shout, vibrating with betrayal. “You’re in on this! It wasn’t Jeb and David, or even Malik-fucking-Brov that I should’ve been afraid of all this time. It was you. Him,” I rage pointing at Xeno who is glaring at Grim.
“What the fuck are you doing here? I asked for time to explain,” Xeno exclaims, his jaw gritting in anger.
“Looks like you’re doing a shit job at it,” she replies, with a shrug.
“What did you need time to explain? Because it seems pretty fucking clear to me. You both betrayed me, and now I’m being sold off to this motherfucker?” I shout, jabbing my finger at the stranger whilst glaring at Xeno.
Said motherfucker, Mr. Suited-and-booted, raises his eyebrows and glances at Grim who shakes her head. “That is not what’s going on. Despite his royal fuck-up, Xeno saved your arse tonight. If it wasn’t for him and this motherfucker you’d be waking up in The Collector’s castle as his new possession, with no fucking hope of ever escaping that place. Fortunately for you, Beast shot the bastard.”
My mouth drops open as I stare at Grim. “What? He saved my arse…” All the blood drains from my face as another kind of panic slides like poison into my veins, taking over that thought and blurring it with another. “Beast shot The Collector?”
“Yep. Bullet between the motherfucking eyes. Jeb’s face was a fucking picture, given most of Brov’s brains were splattered across him.” Grim chuckles darkly.
“Wait—” I sway on my feet, my fingers curling into the back of the sofa to keep me steady. “Malik Brov is dead?”
“That’s right. Dead as a fucking doornail. The cunt should never have tried to fuck with me,” Grim says.
“Oh, God….”
Grim pulls on her cigarette, and for a second I’m mesmerised by the glowing red tip. “What, Pen?”
“What do you mean, what?” I blurt out. “A man’s dead. A dangerous man. Before, when Dax jumped to my defense in the cage you said that Malik was the leader of a Polish crime family. You said there would be repercussions after Dax threatened his life that night… What’s going to happen now that Beast has fucking killed him?”
Grim shrugs, like it’s no big deal. “Malik started this war by trying to take you when you weren’t for fucking sale. He’s lucky Beast took him out quickly. Usually he isn’t so kind.”
“Damn right she’s not for fucking sale. Just because you gave Jeb information in exchange for Pen working at Tales it doesn’t mean to say that she’s your fucking property either. She’s ours. She belongs with the Breakers,” Xeno warns possessively.
He steps towards me, but I hold my hands out, shaking my head as I try to get my head around everything I’ve been told. Grim said Xeno saved my arse. So he wasn’t lying when he said he was protecting me? “Don’t. I need to think.”
“Pen’s my employee, arsehole, and as far as I’m concerned, the only person she belongs to is herself. Correct me if I’m wrong, but until very recently you didn’t even want her, right?” Grim takes a deep draw on her cigarette, challenging Xeno with her stare. I watch as her chest expands, drawing the cancerous smoke into her lungs before she blows it out again in his direction.
Xeno grits his teeth, a muscle ticking beneath the stubble that shadows his jaw. “You don’t know a fucking thing about our relationship, so stay the fuck out of it.”
“Or what?” she taunts.
Mr. Suited-and-booted places a hand on Grim’s shoulder and squeezes. “Enough, Grim—”
“No,” she shakes him off. “I’m not done,” Grim retorts, and whilst I appreciate her sticking up for me. I don’t need her too. It’s not her place.
“Yeah, you are,” Xeno says before I’m able to. “Your relationship with Beast is private. It has fuck all to do with anyone else, so unless Pen wants your advice or your opinion, I’d respectfully ask that you keep it to your goddamn self!”
Grim holds Xeno’s stare for a moment before leaning back in her chair and smiling slowly in that assessing way of hers. “Fine,” she concedes, and the tension in the room dials down a notch. At that moment I wonder whether her provoking Xeno was to get him to open up rather than piss him off. Either way, I’m not sure it matters, because he’s both pissed off and saying things that surprise me.
“So what happens now?” I ask, rubbing at my temple as a headache forms.
“Right now, The Collector’s body and what remains of his head, are currently being dissolved in acid,” Grim says, as though this is a normal, everyday occurrence for her. It probably is.
“Jesus Christ,” I mutter, feeling nauseous.
“Look, Pen. Malik made a huge error trying to take you. I had to send a message. No one tries to fuck me over, ever. Besides, I like you. There’s no fucking way I would’ve let that creep get his hands on you. Employee or otherwise.”
“Fuck—” It’s about all I can manage to say right now.
“Fuck indeed,” the mysterious stranger, Mr. Suited-and-booted, says. I glance at him, frowning, but I’m too desperate to know what went on to question who the fuck he is, why he’s here or even where here is, right now.
“How did you know Malik was coming for me? Did that bastard Jeb make a deal with him after all?”
“Jeb might be a prick, but he’s not a fool. He wouldn’t double-cross Grim and have the audacity to sit in her club and expect to live. Though that fucker Malik sure as hell had some balls thinking he could take you just like that. That we’d let him,” Xeno bites out.
“I still don’t understand how you knew?” I say, frowning. Xeno eyes Mr. Suited-and-booted and they exchange looks. Xeno tips his chin up, almost imperceptibly, as though giving this man permission to talk. It strikes me as odd, but I don’t question it.
“One of my men intercepted some correspondence between Malik Brov and another criminal we’ve been watching—” Mr. Suited-and-booted remarks casually, like he’s talking about the weather. “Xeno was with me when I got the intel. We were able to inform Grim just in time and get a plan in place. It was with Jeb’s approval that Xeno be the one to get you to safety.”
“Intercepted? Wait… What do you mean by that? Who are you exactly?”
“We’ll get to that in a minute,” Grim says, waving her hand as though that piece of information is insignificant.
I let that go for now because I’m equally confused about the fact that Jeb agreed to Xeno getting me to safety. Why? It makes no sense. The man couldn’t give two shits about me. “What do you mean with Jeb’s approval?”
Grim draws in another nicotine cloud of smoke then blows it out before answering. “Well, retrospective agreement anyway… We dealt with the threat and informed Jeb after the fact. He’s lucky Beast didn’t shoot him, too. He didn’t because we need Jeb for this plan to work,” Grim continues.
“What?” I shake my head, confused. The lingering effects of the drug still blurring my ability to think straight.
“We found out that Malik had planted one of his men at the club for the sole purpose of stealing you out right from under our fucking nose,” Grim continues. “This thief came into my club with a new crew. Most likely Malik paid them off to keep quiet that this man wasn’t actually one of theirs. Needless to say, those fuckers are going to have a long and torturous weekend ahead of them.”
“What happened to the man who—”
“Dead,” Xeno says coldly. He flicks his gaze away when I stare at him open-mouthed, that infuriating muscle still ticking in his jaw.
“Yes, Xeno dealt with the little prick then took his place. Jeb didn’t really have much choice but to agree that it was the best course of action given he wants to keep me sweet. Besides, he’s currently holed up in a suite in my hotel in Mayfair getting the best pussy money can buy.”
I laugh at that statement for two reasons. One he fucking hates pussy, and two why would Jeb want to keep anyone sweet besides himself? “Keep you sweet?”
“Yes. Jeb wants information that I have, and he knows if he were to double-cross me or disagree with anything I choose to do, then frankly, he’d be dead at worst or without information at best. Of course, Jeb has plans to take over Tales, but he doesn’t know I’m aware of that. When the time comes, that prick will die too. Xeno here played the part of the thief to save your arse from a life of sexual servitude.”
“You were playing a part?” I parrot back.
“Yes,” he replies, watching me closely to see how I react.
Grim shakes her head, scowling at Xeno. “But he fucked up.”
“Fucked up how?” I ask, looking between them. Xeno’s face darkens. Then I remember what Xeno said earlier before Grim and the stranger arrived. “You danced with me…” My voice trails off as realisation dawns on me.
“The second Malik saw you together in the cage he knew he’d been found out and attempted to leave. Fortunately for all of us, he didn’t get very far,” Grim explains.
Xeno grits his jaw. “It was an error in judgement. A mistake I won’t make again.”
“Dancing with me was an error in judgement, a mistake…?” I whisper. My chest heaves as his words strike me again, stabbing my skin just like that motherfucking needle. Before I know what I’m doing, I spin on my feet and walk away.
“Smooth, fucking smooth,” I hear Grim say behind me.
“Shut the fuck up!” Xeno retorts. “Pen, wait!”
Tears fill my eyes, and I blink them back as I push open the door to the bedroom. Two steps inside the room, I turn around and try to shut the door, but Xeno forces his way through.
“That’s not what I meant,” he says.
“Get out!” I swipe at my eyes, forcing the familiar feeling of unworthiness away. One minute he’s professing his love, the next he’s saying that dancing with me was a mistake. I don’t know what to believe. My head is fucking spinning and my heart, I’m not sure it even knows how to beat anymore.
Xeno shuts the door behind him, locking it. On the other side, Grim slams her fist against the wood. “Pen, give us the word, and we’ll break this door down.”
“Fuck off, Grim!” Xeno shouts over his shoulder. “Just give us some privacy. If we’re not back in a couple of minutes, you’re welcome to break the fucking door down.”
“You scream if you need us, Pen,” Grim says, and I can hear her footsteps as she walks away. The fact that she concedes to Xeno’s request is telling. What’s going on?
Xeno presses his back against the door, leaning his head against the wood as he studies me from beneath hooded eyes, as though looking at me is difficult. I raise my chin, drawing strength from deep inside. If I can go through what I have, then I sure as fuck can look him in the eyes when he breaks my heart again.
“I wasn’t lying when I said it was an error in judgement dancing with you last night, because it was. Dancing with you last night was a mistake. I shouldn’t have done it.”
“Well, that makes me feel a whole lot better. Thanks for that…” A huge part of me wants to look away, but even though tears pool in my eyes and I hate the weakness I’m showing him, I don’t. For a while we stand in silence, facing off against each other. His gaze feels like a too hot sun on a midsummer’s day. It burns my skin as he drinks me in, as he quenches his thirst.
“That doesn’t mean that I didn’t want to,” he says eventually, heaving out a sigh. “In that moment I didn’t think past my own needs and desires. I didn’t think beyond my need to finally fucking dance with you. Just you and me. Just us. Like I’ve always wanted. For once, I was selfish.”
I meet his gaze and see the honesty in them. He means every word he just said, and it stings, because in denying himself he’s caused so much unnecessary hurt. “Then why have you always held back? Why keep away all this time? You claim you love me—”
“I don’t claim. I do. So fucking much—”
“And yet it’s as though that love is a curse. I don’t understand you, Xeno.” The truth is, I’m not sure I ever have. He’s always been an enigma, a mystery. There’s something fundamentally different about him, something that I’ve never been able to put my finger on. Only letting me in so far. Keeping me at arm’s length. Denying what he wants, what I want, what we all wanted and for what?
He barks out a laugh at that. “Try living in my shoes. It ain’t easy being that man.”
“What man?”
“The man who has to make all the hard decisions. I can’t afford to make a mistake. I can’t afford to indulge myself like the others do. They can, and have, made mistakes because there is always someone else who can clean up after them. Me.” He pushes off the door, unlocking it. “You gave me your truth, Pen, now it’s time you finally hear mine, ours. Will you hear me out?” Pulling open the door, he waits.
And honestly, what choice do I have?
