Pen
An hour later, after I’ve finished my performance, Grim looks up at me from behind her desk, a determined look on her face. “I’m going to tell Beast as soon as we’re alone,” she confesses.
“Good. You shouldn’t make such an important decision on your own,” I say gently, leaning over and folding my hand over hers. I’ve changed out of my performance outfit and am nursing a Malibu and coke.
“Yeah, I know…” Her voice trails off as she picks at the skin around her nail.
“What?”
“This was never the plan, Pen. I never wanted to bring up a child in this environment, and yet…”
“Yet?”
“Yet now that our baby is growing inside of me, I can’t… I don’t want to…” her voice cracks and she swallows hard, gritting her teeth.
“Then don’t, Grim. Keep the baby.”
Leaning back in her seat, Grim covers her face for a moment. Her shoulders start shaking and muffled sobs leak out from behind her fingers. Seeing someone so together, so strong, break apart like this kills me. There’s a softer side to Grim, and it just proves that no matter how strong anyone appears to be on the outside, we’re all just covering up our own heartbreak and insecurities on the inside.
“Grim, it’ll be okay…” I get up to give her a hug, but she holds her hand up, swiping at her face and ruining the newly applied mascara she’d just put on.
“No, don’t. It’ll just make me worse. I won’t be able to stop if you hug me,” she sniffles, dabbing at her eyes with the sleeve of her top.
“It’s okay to cry, Grim. It’s probably got a lot to do with the hormones too.”
“No, it’s not okay. Not for me. I can’t afford to be seen as weak. I can’t afford to have any vulnerabilities. It’s bad enough loving Beast, but a child…? If I keep this baby, then it will be targeted, just like Lena has been for you. Just like my sister would be if anyone knew of her existence. Women like me can’t have children or a family and run a successful, illegal business. This changes everything, Pen.”
“So you’re not going to keep the baby?”
“The honest answer is that I don’t know. Fuck, I could really do with a stiff drink right now.”
“How far along are you? Have you seen a doctor yet?”
“A doctor?” she replies incredulously. “Fuck, I only took the pregnancy test this morning, so I’m not that far yet. I haven’t had a proper doctor for years.”
“Don’t you ever get sick?”
“Rarely, and if I do need a doctor for something, Joey normally sorts me out. Most prescription drugs can be bought on the black market.”
“That quack? You need a proper doctor, Grim, not some dude who knows nothing about women and pregnancy.”
“I know, you’re right, but it’s not as simple as that for me. I trust very few people, Pen.”
“What about Hudson? He’s got kids, why not ask him?”
“He’ll want me to keep the baby….”
“You don’t want the baby?”
Tears well in Grim’s eyes, and she looks down at her hand resting on her stomach. “I love Beast. Fuck, I love that brute so fucking much. How can I even consider killing a part of him, a part of me? I’m a horrible fucking person.”
“You’re scared, Grim. Your fears are warranted. I understand that for a woman in your position this isn’t a decision you can make lightly. I understand this all too well, you know I do. There is no judgement from me. Whatever you decide, I’m here for you.”
“If this was you, Pen, what would you do?”
“Do you want my honest opinion?” I ask her.
“Yes.”
“I would keep the baby. No questions.”
“And what about the fact this baby would be a target for the rest of its life because of what its mother chooses to do for a living, and the enemies her father has made over the years?”
“Grim, when we first met, this club was filled with dozens of crews. Every single one of them respected you and Beast enough not to start a war.”
“Because I have armed men watching their every move…”
“Out of respect,” I counter.
“Yet, Malik Brov—”
“Was the exception to the rule.”
“Jeb? Santiago?”
“Will be taken care of before you’re even showing, right?”
“Right.”
“So my point is, you have more allies than enemies, and the enemies you do have can be dealt with…”
Grim regards me for a moment. “But what if I’m just not cut out to be a mother? What then?”
“Are you serious? Look at what you’ve done for me. My sister is safe because of you. Not to mention the fact that you looked out for me. You made a deal with Jeb to save my arse, you gave me this job,” I remind her.
“You’re good for business,” she retorts, determined to prove what a horrible person she is and how unfit a mother she would be. “Don’t pretend I’m a good person, Pen.”
“Rubbish. If you were a bad person, you would’ve allowed Malik to buy me that first time he tried. You didn’t. You looked out for me, and from what I’ve heard you looked out for Asia too. You’ll make an exceptional mother. I know it,” I say fiercely.
“Who’ll make an exceptional mother?”
Grim’s eyes widen, her face draining of colour as Beast steps into the room swiftly followed by Dax, who’s come to pick me up tonight. “Beast….” Her gaze flicks from me to Beast and back again.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper.
“Wait, what are you saying here?” Beast asks, his gaze dropping to Grim’s hand that’s still resting protectively over her stomach. She doesn’t respond right away, she simply stares at him whilst he stares back, this long, silent conversation going on between them.
“Grim?” he questions, his voice low, wary.
“We’re having a baby,” she says, holding Beast’s gaze as his eyes snap up.
Behind Beast, Dax’s mouth drops open. “Fuck me,” he mutters, glancing my way. I shake my head, willing him to keep his opinion to himself. Grim has a short temper at the best of times, but fueled by hormones and panic, she could be very dangerous to anyone who pisses her off.
“Grim, did you just say… baby?” Beast kind of stumbles sideways, shock rendering him speechless for a moment.
Dax reaches for him and Beast leans into his hold, completely oblivious to the fact that Dax has his arm wrapped around his waist. It would be comical if this wasn’t such a touching moment. I can’t imagine such a fierce, powerful man like Beast ever needing anyone to hold him upright before.
“It’s alright, mate,” Dax says, giving me a look. I know what he’s thinking, because I’m thinking it too. This is a private moment, and we’ve no business being here.
“I should go,” I say, standing.
“No, wait,” Grim says, stopping me in my tracks, before focusing back on Beast.
“This is what you were discussing earlier when you chucked me out?” he questions, a look of hurt crossing his face.
“I… I was going to tell you after we closed tonight…”
Beast stares at Grim for a long moment, and I swear I don’t breathe the entire time. Then he kind of shakes himself and a surprised laugh breaks free from his lips. “I’m going to be a dad!” he exclaims. The joy on his face is undeniable as he strides towards Grim and hauls her into his arms, enveloping her in a tight hug. “Babe, you don’t know how happy I am. This is fucking unreal! I’m going to be a motherfucking father!”
“You are,” Grim replies, her shock and fear replaced with a moment of pure joy as they both just laugh and hug each other, allowing themselves happiness in the moment. It’s beautiful to watch. That kind of joy is hard to find given the environment they both live in.
Dax steps up beside me, his arm circling my waist. “We should go,” he whispers into my ear before releasing me.
“Yeah, we should,” I reply, sliding my hand into his.
As we reach the door, Grim calls out, “Wait!” Stepping free from Beast’s hold, she says “Don’t forget your wages.” Opening the top drawer in her desk she pulls out a small manilla envelope, holding it out to me.
“Thank you,” I say, taking it from her.
“No, thank you. You were incredible tonight, and not just the routine you performed. I appreciate everything,” she says softly.
“You ever need a friend, you call me,” I reply, offering her the hand of friendship that she extended to me the first night we met.
She nods. “Speak soon?”
“Yeah, of course.”
“So, Grim’s pregnant?” Dax asks after we say goodnight to everyone, and head out into the carpark to wait for Clancy.
“Yeah, but you need to keep this quiet,” I reply under my breath, flicking my gaze to Clancy who’s striding towards us, a huge grin on her face. “Grim doesn’t need anyone knowing the news just yet. It’s not our business.”
“Fair enough.”
“Hey, so I’m gonna head to Chastity’s Nightclub. River’s already there, and Lola said she wanted to come along too,” Clancy says, her eyes lighting up with mischief.
“It’s already two in the morning. Shouldn’t you be heading back to the Academy? I can give you a lift,” Dax offers.
Clancy laughs. “Sleep is for the weak. Besides, I’m on a promise.” She turns to glance over her shoulder at Lola who gives her a wave and a sexy smile. “Lola’s driving us.”
Dax pushes off from the Bentley and opens the door for me. “Have a good one.”
“Will do!” Clancy replies, leaning in to give me a hug before skipping off towards Lola. I watch them pull away before I climb into the Bentley.
“So, do you wanna go clubbing?” Dax asks me, a smile pulling up his lips.
“Not even a little bit,” I reply with a shake of my head. “Let’s go home.”
Dax pulls out his mobile phone from his jacket pocket. “Sure thing. I just need to text the guys to let them know I’m dropping you back off at the Academy,” he says a little distractedly as he frowns at his phone.
“Oh, I meant… seeing as it’s a Saturday night, I thought maybe we could go back to your place—”
“Fuck!” Dax exclaims, cutting my sentence short as he presses play on a message and lifts it to his ear. The expression on his face changes as the seconds tick by.
“What is it?”
He passes me the phone and puts the car in drive. “Buckle up, Kid. Something’s going down at Rocks. We gotta go!”
The car’s back wheels spins and as he releases the handbrake we fly forward. “Dax, what’s happening?” I ask, alarmed by his panic and the multitude of voicemail messages on his phone, not to mention text messages.
“There’s been a retaliation to the fight Zayn had with that guy from Dante’s Crew. Shit’s going down.”
“Oh fuck!”
“I had my motherfucking phone on silent, Kid! I’m a stupid fucking idiot!” he exclaims, taking risks as he drives recklessly through the streets of London. It’s a miracle we don’t get pulled over by the police.
“It’s not your fault this happened.”
“It is my fault. I should’ve put Frederico down years ago.”
“You tried,” I say, recalling the night Frederico beat the shit out of Dax, using two of his crew members to hold him down because he was too pussy to fight him one-on-one.
“Well tonight we’re ending that cunt once and for all,” Dax promises, pulling into a side street not far from Rocks in record time. He turns to me, handing me the car keys, then pulls out a revolver from the glove compartment. Popping the magazine, he checks the bullets before clicking it back into place, then presses a hard kiss against my lips.
“Come back to me,” I demand.
He nods, getting out of the car. “Lock the door. Do not open it for anyone except us. If I’m not back with the guys in ten minutes, I want you to get the fuck out of here and wait at our place. The key to the flat is on that bunch,” he says, then slams the door and rushes off before I can even respond.
Fifteen minutes pass and I’m still waiting for his return. I know he said ten minutes. I know I’m disobeying him, but fuck, I can’t seem to move my damn arse. The street is like a graveyard with no one around, and a feeling of disquiet travels down my spine. I consider calling Beast or Grim, but given everything that’s gone down tonight, I decide against it. My Breakers will be okay. They have to be.
“Fuck, where are you?” I whisper, looking for the millionth time in the rearview mirror, but this time instead of being greeted with an empty street, I notice four familiar figures running towards me. Unclipping my seatbelt, I open the car door, a mixture of relief and fear flooding every fibre of my body.
“TINY!” Xeno roars, just as an arm slides around my waist and something cold and sharp presses against my throat.
“Hello, Penelope, long time no see,” a familiar voice says.
