Pen
The force of Xeno’s passion lifts me off my feet as he grasps the back of my thighs and smashes his lips against mine. There’s no tenderness as his fingers curl roughly around the back of my neck and he forces his tongue into my willing mouth. There’s no warmth as he crushes my body between his and the wall. He isn’t gentle when he grasps my breast in his rough palm and squeezes.
This is fire.
This is pain.
This is a suffocating kind of anguish.
This is a combustible explosion.
This is a stripping of every bad fucking decision, of every cruel word, every act of hate and replacing it with something infinitely more dangerous for our hearts.
It’s a crushing, crashing, bruising pain.
It’s the breaking apart of what we had as kids and reforming it into something new.
It’s overwhelming.
I’ve never been kissed, touched, so… so desperately.
He’s wild. Unhinged. Raw.
This is the true Xeno.
And I understand why he held back. Why he was so afraid to let himself love me.
Because this right here is the real beating heart of a man who’s finally let go of his restraint. Who’s given in to his true emotions, and it’s clear he’s suffering for it.
I don’t think he could stop himself even if he wanted to.
And I don’t want him to. As selfish as that sounds, I don’t want him to stop.
If this is who he truly is, then I must love that part too. I won’t pick and choose. I have to accept him for who he is now, no matter how bitter the taste of leaving those boys behind leaves in my mouth. He was right when he accused me of seeing them all as they once were. They aren’t those boys anymore, and I have to accept who they are now and not mourn a past I can’t change.
Maybe I should be afraid. Maybe this is the worst thing that could happen between us. Or maybe this is exactly what we’ve needed to happen to finally break down that last wall keeping us apart, crash it to the fucking ground and crush it until it’s nothing but dust.
We’ve been building up to this moment for years. This is a culmination of all the fervent glances, the heated arguments, the raucous laughter, the flirtatious jokes, the angry glares, the dances, the hate, the pain, the friendship, the love.
This is us.
This is me and Xeno.
This is everything.
His kiss robs me of my breath.
His grip bruises.
His hands fly over my body, grasping and squeezing in his insatiable need to fulfil the deep cavernous hole in his heart. He rips my t-shirt up over my head, removing my bra with ease, and leaving my tits bare before him. Xeno’s chest heaves as he takes me in. The hunger in his gaze has me gasping, and when he ducks his head and sucks my nipple into his mouth, I writhe in his arms.
“Fucking beautiful,” he utters against my skin, his voice guttural.
Kissing across my chest, he draws my other nipple between his teeth, sucking in some of the plump flesh surrounding it, and bites me hard enough to leave little indents of his teeth. I let out a shriek of sudden pain before he soothes the bite with the gentle caress of his lips. Then he fucking licks me, and the heat between my legs combusts, causing my body to soak it with wetness until my knickers are drenched with lust.
Sliding his hot tongue and mouth across the globes of my flushed breasts, Xeno kisses and licks up the center of my chest and neck before finding my lips once more and kissing me deeply.
This kiss comes from a desperate man who’s searching for redemption, seeking atonement. What’s happening between us now goes beyond his need for me to forgive him. This is so much more than that, and I know, without a doubt, that I’m the only woman strong enough to weather his dangerous expression of love.
“Tiny, Tiny, Tiny,” he laments, and the sound of my nickname on his lips has my heart swelling as his cock thrusts against my core through the joggers I’m wearing, dragging out an illicit moan from my bruised lips. Every part of my body lights up beneath his touch. I’m on fire.
My clit pulses, my nipples tighten, my pussy floods with more heat.
I come alive beneath his touch. Every part of me is sensitive to him.
I ache. I burn. I yearn.
His touch is painful, yet pleasurable.
His kiss is suffocating, yet freeing.
Xeno’s fingers slide into my hair as he grasps me to him, as though he’s afraid that I’m not real, that I’m just a phantom and I’ll slip through his fingers if he doesn’t hold on tightly enough.
“I’m here. I’m here,” I reassure him, clutching him tighter.
My legs tighten around his waist. My fingers dig into his flesh as I grasp at him. His heart is pounding out of control beneath my palms. It feels like a ticking bomb. Turbulent. Dangerous. Fragile. So very, very fragile.
“Xeno,” I mutter against his mouth, my nails digging into his too hot skin as he takes and takes and takes.
But he can’t hear me.
He’s lost in his emotions, and I have a feeling if I break him out of this, it will hurt him in a way I don’t yet understand. So when he pushes on my thighs, urging my legs to drop to the floor, I follow his lead. I return every kiss, every bruising grip, every desperate, hungry moan.
Because I’m not afraid.
I want this. I want him.
Every dark part. All of it.
“Tiny… I need, I need…”
He can barely get the words out. It’s as though touching me, kissing me, is the only thing keeping him sane. As though fucking me, sinking inside of me, getting release, is the difference between him losing his mind and keeping it intact.
That thought makes me reckless.
So when he twists me around and shoves me against the wall, his hot, hungry mouth sucking on my neck, his hand cupping my throat as his thumb presses against the thumping pulse in my neck, I moan with lust and arch my spine.
When his free hand skates over my stomach and slides beneath the waistband of my jogging pants, I beg him to touch me.
When his fingers find my drenched core, and slide between my swollen pussy lips, I widen my stance, and rock my hips, encouraging him.
When he twists and pinches my nipples, sending lightning bolts to my clit, I scream at the agony and growing ecstasy.
When he enters me with two thick fingers and a deep, hungry growl escapes his throat, I push my joggers and knickers down, kicking them away, and bare my arse to him.
“I want you,” I say, my voice thready, needy.
“Fuck!” he exclaims, before biting down on my shoulder.
He removes his fingers, yanks me by my hips whilst simultaneously pushing between my shoulder blades so that I’m bent over at an angle, then drops down behind me and buries his face in my pussy.
He fucks me with his tongue, his saliva mixing with the heat of my dripping cunt.
I’m so fucking wet.
So turned on.
I grind against his face, rocking my hips in a rolling wave as he tongues me expertly. The noises he makes as he eats me out are nothing short of erotic, and the slippery, wet sound of his licks and his kisses make my legs shake uncontrollably. I feel his thick thumb slide into my entrance as he flicks my clit with his tongue. The intrusion is welcomed, my internal walls squeeze his thumb tightly. When his plump lips suck on my clit, stars blur my vision.
“I’m going to come. Fuck, Xeno!” I scream.
A powerful orgasm bursts out from my core and forces my spine to arch unnaturally. I scramble at the wall, trying to keep myself from collapsing, but I don’t get time to come down from the billowing storm of my orgasm before Xeno stands, flips me around and pushes me back against the wall hard enough for the air to burst out of my lungs.
Blinking back the blurred vision from the most powerful orgasm I’ve ever experienced, Xeno rips off his boxer shorts, kicking them away before he smashes his lips against mine and grips me by the arse, hauling me back up in his arms. I taste myself on his lips and it’s so fucking dirty that when I feel his cock sliding between my folds, his thick head slick with my wetness, I groan with need. Fuck.
“Condom,” I manage to blurt out. Common sense breaking this moment of passion and preventing us from doing something stupid.
“Fuck!” The mention of a condom seems to snap Xeno out of his passionate haze and he pulls back enough to stare at me with panicked, lust-crazed eyes.
Given the circumstances, I don’t have a condom on me, and I’ve no idea whether the Freed brothers would have need of them anymore, let alone know where some may be kept in this huge house. “I don’t have anything,” I manage to articulate, my words breathy beneath the dying embers of my orgasm.
“Wait,” he says suddenly, planting a rough kiss against my lips before striding across the room to where his discarded trousers are lying. I watch him as he pulls a wallet free from the pocket, trembling at the frantic, desperate way he snatches at the leather. I’ve never seen him so on edge.
Never.
When he pulls out a silver foil packet, drops his wallet and stalks back towards me, I let out a breath of anxiety, not because I’m afraid of him, but because I’m afraid for him. Everything about this is so intense, and he seems almost pained by it.
I can’t explain it, all I know is that I want him as badly as he wants me. He’s so fucking beautiful. My core aches at the sight of his beautiful erect cock bobbing between his legs as he strides towards me.
So fucking male.
So. Damn. Sexy.
So… damaged. Knowing that, seeing it, hurts, and all I want to do is heal him somehow.
When he reaches me, a hungry smile glides across his face and a heart-stuttering darkness glints in his eyes that speaks of hidden needs I’ve yet to discover. I mean, the Breakers own a sex club, so it’s not too much of a stretch that they may have grown up to be sexually liberated men.
Despite my heart skipping a beat, and goosebumps covering my skin, I’m not afraid. Just like the still, silence of night, there’s something alluring about the unknown, the unseen. I’ve never been afraid of the dark. There’s something so peaceful about it, at least to me.
“Look at me,” he snarls dangerously, and I snap my gaze up.
There are no stars in Xeno’s eyes like I might find in Zayn’s. There isn’t the kind of deep understanding that I see in York’s or even an overwhelming protectiveness that would be present in Dax’s. No, Xeno’s gaze is just a gateway to everything hidden inside, and just like Alice in Wonderland, I willingly fall right into his depths.
Without taking his eyes off of me, Xeno rips the foil with his teeth and pulls the condom free.
I follow his hands, watching him as he rolls the latex over his beautiful cock. When Xeno grasps my hips once more, and he slides his cock teasingly between my folds, I place my hands on his shoulders and let him lift me up, crossing my legs over his firm arse.
“Tiny…” he laments, the sound coming from a place deep within. It’s vulnerable in a way that would break my heart if I let it.
Grasping his head in my hands, I kiss him with every last ounce of love I hold inside. I kiss him with forgiveness, with hope, with a fierce protectiveness. I kiss him knowing that his love might not be the most straightforward, but it’s just as worthy as the others. I can no more live without him than I can the rest of my Breakers.
“Xeno, don’t hold back,” I demand, the roughness and emotion in my voice calling to the darkest parts within him. “I want all of you, even the parts you’re afraid to share.”
He lets out a strangled cry before entering me with one hard thrust, sending a scream of agony and ecstasy ripping out of my throat. His eyes widen as my nails dig into his skin, drawing blood. We’re panting, both of us shocked momentarily by the significance of this moment.
It’s… powerful.
There’s no other word to describe it.
Xeno locks his gaze with mine and the darkness within his eyes glint with those familiar shards of green, still sharp enough to cut. “I love you, Tiny.”
Then he lets go.
Xeno fucks me.
He uses the wall to keep me upright as he slams his cock into me. Not once does he stop kissing me and every swipe of his tongue, every press of his lips is an apology. But I don’t want an apology, because this is everything I’ve always wanted, and I love every last knee-shaking, core-trembling, pussy-creaming moment of it.
What’s happening between us is a basic need. A joining of two people who’ve lost themselves in the frenetic need to fuck. To lay waste to everything that was painful between them and replace it with something else.
Something fulfilling.
Something life-affirming.
Something edged in delicious pain.
This is love wrapped up in abandon. This is our three-year absence brought into stark existence.
Our kisses turn into desperate gulps of air as my head falls to his shoulder and my arse cheeks slam against the top of his thighs. He spears me with every thrust of his hips, hitting deep inside. I cup the back of his neck with one hand, holding on whilst my fingers slide over the taut tendons of his shoulders. Pressing openmouthed kisses against his skin, I soothe away the scratches I’ve inflicted. With my other hand I reach between us and palm the slickness of his chest. I can feel how his heart hammers against his rib cage so strongly that I fear it’s going to give out if he doesn’t find his release soon.
“Xeno,” I say breathlessly, pressing my lips against the crook of his neck, tasting him on my tongue.
He grows thicker in response, and my body reacts to the telltale sign of his imminent release by clamping around him tighter. My internal muscles squeeze him like a fist as the tendrils of an orgasm build and swirl inside us both. My lips slide up his neck, my tongue glides across his jaw before I swallow down his cries with my lips.
I’m so full of him.
My pussy is full of his cock, my mouth is full of his groans, and my heart is full of his love. My heart isn’t afraid of the danger, it’s brave enough for the both of us and it welcomes the onslaught of emotions, absorbs them, holds them close and keeps them safe.
“I love you, Xeno.”
And with those words, I throw back my head and scream, my orgasm drawing out Xeno’s until he’s coming so hard that his hips buck in quick, short thrusts, his seed spilling deep inside.
I go boneless, the roaring thump of my pulse lost beneath our frantic breaths.
Xeno’s knees buckle and he reaches for the wall behind me, collapsing to the floor, bringing me down with him. We hold onto one another for long minutes, neither of us able to move, let alone speak.
Eventually, as the heat of my skin begins to cool and our breaths even out, I pull back, cupping Xeno’s face in my hands. His hair is lying in damp curls against his head. His eyes are wide with shock and his lips are as puffy and as swollen as my own. He seems lost somehow, almost in a trance like state, and that scares me.
“Xeno, where are you right now? Come back to me,” I say gently, pushing his hair back off his face and pressing a tender kiss against his forehead. He moans at my gentleness, with every kiss, as I gently pull myself off his cock, which is still hard despite his orgasm. He slides out of me, my release wet against my thighs and his. Adjusting myself in his lap, I smooth my hands over his shoulders, gently touching the marks I’ve made.
“I hurt you,” I say apologetically.
“No,” he shakes his head, capturing my gaze with his. “You didn’t.”
He brings his hands up, his fingers sliding over my cheeks as his eyes rove over every inch of my face. He presses a delicate kiss against my parted lips, sensually sweeping his tongue into my mouth. I try to deepen the kiss, but he pulls back and the pain I see in his eyes is like a hammer to my heart.
“Don’t do that. Don’t you dare regret this,” I warn.
He strokes my skin, his fingers slipping lower as they run over my damp neck, across my collarbone and between my breasts. He rests his palm over my heart, feeling it thump. I know what he’s thinking, feeling, as his fingers caress my skin, because I feel it too.
“I don’t regret this. I will never regret this. Fuck, Tiny…”
“What, Xeno? What is it?” I ask, brushing a sweet kiss to the tip of his nose.
“All this time I was so fucking afraid.”
“Afraid?”
“Of feeling. Of letting myself feel.”
“Are you still afraid?” I ask, smoothing my hand over his hair and swiping at the bead of sweat that slides down his cheek.
“More than ever,” he breathes out.
My face must drop at his honesty because he smiles then. A genuine, warm smile that takes my breath away. “Come with me,” he says softly, holding out his hand.
I take it and he leads me out of the gym, snatching up his t-shirt as we pass it by. When we reach the hallway, he stops and takes care of the condom before dropping to his knees before me and wiping at my damp thighs with his t-shirt. He’s gentle, reverent, a far cry from the absolute wildness of our coming together. For some reason that makes my throat tighten with tears.
When he stands, he notices them glistening on my lashes. “You’re not afraid,” he says, gently taking my hand once again.
“You’re wrong. I’m afraid of everything. I’m afraid of David, of Jeb. I’m afraid of what The Masks will do now. I’m afraid for my sister. I’m afraid what will happen to the men I love. I’m afraid that tomorrow I’ll wake up and this will all be a dream, that you’ll go back to hating me again.”
“I meant you’re not afraid of showing how you feel. It’s your greatest strength, Tiny, and one I envy. Everything else you’re afraid of is understandable, but I swear to you we will make this right. I will never go back to hating you. Never,” he says vehemently. “Come on, come with me.”
I follow him silently back upstairs, lost to my own thoughts as he guides me past the room I was sleeping in, and pushes open another door along the hallway. It opens out into a huge bathroom. A roll top bath sits in the center of the room. He kisses my knuckles then lets my hand go and busies himself turning on the taps, adding bubble bath to the rising water.
Xeno swirls the water with his fingertips, making the bubbles grow in size. I watch as the muscles of his shoulders and arms tense and flex, my gaze lingering on the tattoo on his forearm before lowering down the curve of his back and focusing on the tight muscles of his arse and legs. A tribal print tattoo wraps around both thighs, a thick black line darkening the skin.
“Tiny…?” My eyes snap up as he catches me staring and I give him a small smile. “It shouldn’t be too hot.” He offers me his hand and I take it, stepping into the bath and sliding beneath the water. It’s the perfect temperature and despite myself, I let out a sigh, my muscles instantly relaxing.
“Aren’t you getting in?” I ask him as he stares down at me.
He shakes his head. “No. I’ve got something I need to do.”
“Where are you going?”
He leans over and presses a lingering kiss against my forehead, then pulls back and walks away.
“Xeno, wait!” I say, sitting up, the water sloshing over the lip of the bath. He stops at the door and gives me the most beautiful, heartfelt smile.
“Just relax, okay. I’m not going anywhere.”
“I have no regrets, Xeno. None. Hear me?”
“I hear you, and now that you’re mine, I don’t plan on having any either,” he replies softly, then shuts the door behind him with a gentle click.
