Warm water soothes the stinging soreness between my legs while the cogs in my brain turn, dissecting my memories of Alex again. I’m searching for any explanation, any hint why we never had sex, even though I remember at least three separate occasions when he fucked my mouth.
Why do that but fail to go the distance? The second Nash thrust in, I knew no one had never touched me that way. I overheard enough first-time stories in high school to have an idea of how that goes down. Some girls complained about pain, others said it didn’t hurt a thing, some cursed their selfish boyfriends while others gushed about their caring ones.
The girls’ changing room was a goldmine of information about first love, first breakups, and first sex.
I’ve seen movies. I’ve read books. I even had the talk with Mom, so I had the basic idea… but none of it explains why Alex never fucked me.
He happily made me gag on his cock, so why not shove it elsewhere? Why not take my virginity?
Were we working our way up to sex or was he not interested in it? Was it my age? Lack of experience?
Maybe my looks…
Come to think about it, I don’t remember him ever undressing me. Not even to come over my boobs. There are a few scars on my body that I can’t hide with concealer. Like the one marking my thigh; it’s ragged, raised, long, hard to conceal. Almost impossible.
I hug my knees and prop my forehead there.
Frustration squeezes my throat and a block of ice settles in the pit of my stomach.
Forgetting sucks.
A knock on my bedroom door makes my ears perk up. Nash left five hours ago and said he won’t be back until tomorrow evening, so it’s—
“Hailey!” Chloe’s voice reaches my ears, accompanied by a rattle of the door handle. “Hailey wake up!” she repeats, her voice much clearer.
I didn’t lock the door after Nash left.
“I’m in the bath,” I yell, snatching a towel off the rail. “What’s wrong?”
“Have you seen Jensen since the party?” She shoves past me, scanning the room like she thinks I’m hiding him under the bed. “No one’s seen him.”
“I left early, remember? Did he not come back with you?”
“No, I came back with Rachel. Jensen was… busy with some girl.” She plops down on my bed.
My cheeks flare because there are still red stains on the mattress cover, hidden beneath the comforter.
“Do you know which girl? Maybe he’s still with her?”
She shakes her head, eyes narrowed, before she jumps to her feet. “I’ll keep looking. I’ll see you later.”
“I’ll help, just let me get dressed.”
An hour later, we’re in the cafeteria, catching breakfast before they stop serving at eleven. Thank God it’s not nine like during the week or most of us would go hungry until lunch.
We knocked on every door in the girls’ dorm, but no one had seen Jensen. Chloe’s making rounds from one table to the next while Levi knocks on the boys’ doors.
“How can you eat right now?” Chloe asks, sliding into a seat beside me, her hair a wild mess. “My stomach’s stuck to my spine. I’m sick just smelling that sandwich.” She scrunches her nose at my BLT.
I drop the half-eaten sandwich, settling for my coffee. “Any luck?”
“No. A few people said they saw him at the party.”
“Don’t worry,” Rachel says, stuffing her mouth with cherry tomatoes. “I’m sure he’s fine. He was all over that girl—Maya, is it?—on Friday. They’re probably having fun somewhere.”
Chloe shakes her head, eyeing something on the other side of the cafeteria. “Maya’s right there. They left together, but she says she didn’t spend the night with him.”
“Maybe he had an emergency at home and left in a hurry?” I suggest, shifting in my seat, my pussy still aching.
“He would’ve told or texted someone, but not even the dean knows where he is. I called the emergency number, and all she had was I’m sure he’ll come back soon. I don’t get why she hasn’t called the police yet. Someone should be looking for him!”
The cafeteria door opens and Levi comes back, strolling toward us.
“Anything?” Chloe asks, her spine straightening, hopeful eyes tracing Levi’s every step until he takes a seat.
“Yeah, a few guys said they saw Jensen yesterday and Gary spoke to him on the phone.”
“What time was that? Where is he? Did he leave—”
“Whoa, calm down, sis,” Levi chuckles. “Gary says Jensen went to town. My guess is he’s on a bender. He’ll come back tonight or tomorrow morning.”
Chloe crosses her arms, pouting. “I don’t buy it. He’d call! Besides, his car’s in the parking lot.”
“Maybe his phone died,” I say, bracing for another dose of Chloe’s glaring. “Maybe he took a taxi?”
“Exactly,” Levi agrees. “He’s either getting drunk, or with some hot babe in a motel. There’s nothing more you can do, Chloe. I’m sure the dean will call the police if he doesn’t show up tomorrow.”
“It’s already been over twenty-four hours! What if he’s lost in the woods?”
“Why would he be in the woods?” Rachel asks, her eyebrows merging into a line. “He went to town, Chloe.”
“You don’t know that! When we were in high school, he jogged every morning. Maybe he started again and got lost? I can’t sit here and do nothing!” She rises to her feet, determination consuming her face. “I’ll go look for him.”
“Look where?” Levi snaps, his patience wearing thin. “Listen, I know you two are good friends, but the forest is huge, sis. You’ll get lost and we’ll have two missing people.”
“I have to try,” she whispers, eyes filling with tears.
I watch, dumbstruck, as she turns on her heel, marching toward the exit.
A woman on a mission… a senseless woman on a mission.
“Chloe, wait!” I call after her, the good Samaritan in me rearing its head. She stops mid-step, turning to face me. “If he doesn’t show up for class tomorrow, I’ll go with you, okay? Just give it another day.”
“Yeah, we’ll all go tomorrow,” Rachel interjects, glancing between us. “It’s still the weekend, so he might be out partying. If he’s not back by morning, we’ll all look.”
A big, grateful smile graces Chloe’s lips. I doubt she was looking forward to a lonely trek through the woods and Levi’s right, Chloe’s not equipped to venture in there without getting lost.
I’m no expert, either, but at least I have some experience after my years of camping with Dad.
Taking a few timid steps, Chloe comes back and sits beside me, throwing her arms around my neck.
The hug should make me feel good. After all, I’m helping a friend, but this idea is stupid and I can already hear Nash’s clipped tone telling me I’m reckless, irresponsible, and that I need to be smarter.
Oh well, he’s not due back until tomorrow evening. We’ll be back by then, if Jensen isn’t already, and what the eyes don’t see…
