opened the door to my suite and Eli caught sight of Helen walking around the kitchenette in a tiny pair of shorts and a tank top, he tripped over his own oversize feet and nearly landed on his face.
Helen allowed him some dignity by pretending she hadn’t seen him lose bodily function over her.
“Well, hello, Zadie’s cute family.” Elena strutted out of her room in leggings and a sports bra. Eli’s swallow was audible, poor guy.
My mom hugged them both, cooed over their hair and clothes, and got all the dirt while Eli studied his feet as carefully as he could.
“Did you have a good time on Main Street?” Helen asked.
Mom pressed her hands together under her chin. “Oh yes, we definitely did. Well…Eli was bored to tears with all the shopping I did, but he survived. And you’ll never believe who we ran into.”
My stomach dropped. Oh crap. She was going to say it. Why hadn’t I anticipated this?
Elena pursed her lips. “Hmmm…I don’t think I can guess. You’ll have to tell us.”
“Zadie’s boyfriend. Oh-em-gee, he’s so cute.” Oh god, she said it.
Both Helen and Elena hit me with accusatory stares, then they checked in with each other to ensure neither knew.
“Wow,” Helen said with all kinds of false cheer. “No fair. Zadie hides him from us.”
Oh, I was in for it when my family left.
Elena folded her arms. “Right? It’s almost like we don’t even know he exists.”
Mom hugged me around my shoulders. “Oh my gosh, I know it’s new, but if you haven’t seen them together, you have to. Amir treats my girlie like the queen she is. He was all precious with her, pulling out her chair, holding her hand everywhere we went, and, oh, the way he looked at her. It gave me goose bumps.”
Amir had been far too good at pretending to be a devoted boyfriend. As much as I wanted to believe he had it in him to really be that way if he wanted, the truth was, he’d probably seen a romance movie once and absorbed the traits. I was leaning toward deciding he was a sociopath.
“Amir?” Elena turned to Helen with a pinched brow. “Isn’t that the guy who—”
Helen nodded. “Yep.”
They both looked at me again. I hoped my expression was pleading. They could grill me all they wanted when my family was gone, I just needed them to play along for a few minutes.
Elena whipped me with a narrowed gaze. “Helen had a crush on Amir in high school.”
Mom covered her mouth. “Am I talking out of turn? Did you guys not know Zadie’s dating him?”
“It’s new,” I murmured.
Because she was a cool, cool girl, Helen waved off my mother’s worries. “No, I knew. Zadie ran it by me before anything happened. My crush is ancient history, and it definitely wasn’t reciprocated. But Zadie’s so sweet and careful about my feelings, she doesn’t bring him around the suite, so we don’t get to see them together.”
Elena crossed to me and hooked her arm around my neck. “You’ll have to bring your man by for inspection. It’s one thing for Mom to approve. It’s a whole other for your friends to give him the stamp.”
“Helen has a boyfriend,” I blurted. “His name is Theo, and she wants to tell you all about him.”
My mom was a little bit of a golden retriever—easily distracted and sought out happiness to rub herself all over. And since she and Max were basically still newlyweds, she couldn’t get enough of other people’s love stories. Therefore, her attention shifted to Helen and away from me. While she bombarded Helen with questions about Theo, Elena hissed at me, motioning for me to join her by the sink in the kitchenette.
“Don’t even think about leaving this suite until you spill, girlie.” Elena tapped my nose. “I hope the ass you’re tapping is worth the third degree you’re about to get.”
“Vulgar,” I whispered.
Her mouth twitched with amusement. “Tramp,” she whispered back.
I gasped. “Am I…am I a tramp now? That’s kind of cool.”
She snickered. “By the way, your stepbro knows we can see him staring, right? Like, does he think he’s under an invisibility cloak?”
Poor Eli was hovering by the door, studying Helen from his vantage point. When his eyes swept to Elena, she casually looked away, as if she had no idea he was being a creeper.
“He’s young.” And he would keel over and die if he heard me say that.
“I know.” She shrugged. “It’s cute, which is why I won’t call him out for it. I’m just saying, he could use some lessons in subtlety.”
“He’ll get it one day. I like that he’s not smooth and cool yet.”
“Yeah,” she tapped her chin with her perfectly manicured fingernail, “you’re right. There’s charm in innocence since it’s so rare these days. I mean, I thought my sweet little roommate, Zadie Marie, was the picture of innocence, but look at you now, hooking up with criminals.”
“My middle name isn’t Marie.”
Elena’s straight white teeth bit into her bottom lip. “That’s the only correction you’re making?”
I shook my head. “Can this wait until my mom leaves? I’ll explain.”
She picked up a piece of my hair, rubbing it between her fingers. “Fine. But don’t use this time to come up with a bullshit story. I’ll be disappointed in you.”
With that heavy warning in my head, I joined my mom and Helen, drawing Eli into the conversation as much as he was willing. All too soon, it was time for them to head back home. I made promises to visit as soon as my head was above water with school, and my mom said they’d come back next month if I couldn’t find the time. She hugged me tighter than usual, and Eli did too. Today had been a break for us all. They were going back to the reality of a sick husband and father, and I was staying here, with my stalker and my captor…and two roommates who were about to demand answers.
In the doorway, my mom squeezed my hand. “First thing Monday, I’ll make calls about Drew. He’s not going to get to you, baby.”
I nodded. “Thank you. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
“Absolutely not. You don’t ever have to apologize to me. You’re my kid. You don’t get that as your mom, it’ll always be my job to take care of you, no matter how old you get. I know you have Amir now, but it’s still my job, one I love having.”
Another hug from her, and a promise to give Max my love, then she and Eli were gone.
Elena and Helen were waiting for me. I perched on the love seat beside Elena, not really sure what I was going to say.
“I’m not really dating Amir,” I started, and the stark relief in Helen’s exhale sent shock waves of guilt down my spine.
“What does that mean? Because, unless your mom’s delusional and you were just playing along, she saw you and Amir together today,” Elena said.
I licked my parched lips, but it did no good. My mouth was desert dry. “You know how I got that poem?” The girls nodded. “Well, I’ve gotten a few, and this isn’t the first time someone has sent me poetry.”
I told them the whole, sordid story of Drew. Besides Amir, they were the first people I’d shared my stalking trauma with, and I found it was somewhat freeing to spill it all out. I’d been so incredibly isolated during Drew’s year of terror, both by his design and my choice, that once I was finally away from him, it had taken me a long time to realize I didn’t have to be alone. A lot of the time, I was still convincing myself of that.
“Holy fuck.” Helen launched at me, hugging my neck fiercely. “I’m so sorry, baby girl.”
Elena piled on top, nuzzling into my chest. “Tell me his name. My father knows people. We’ll ruin this bastard.”
“Oh my gosh, I love you guys, but I can’t breathe.” I pretended to cough and choke, but truthfully, I liked our kitten pile.
Helen squeezed onto the love seat with us, me between them. “Okay, so I understand why the poems freaked you out, even if they’re not from Drew. But why Amir? What the hell does he have to do with any of this?”
Sighing, I pushed my clammy palms down my thighs. “That night, when he and I were here alone—”
“When he held you at gunpoint,” Helen added.
I turned to her. “He put the gun away. Well…he put it on the coffee table. He never pointed it at me.”
“Semantics,” Elena dismissed dryly.
“Right. I’m not saying what he did was right. I’m only explaining that we had a lot of time to talk, so we did, and somewhere along the line, I told him about Drew. He…wasn’t happy about that happening to me and made a promise that if Drew ever bothered me again, he’d protect me.”
“You’re kidding.” Helen shoved at my leg. “You went to Amir for protection?”
“Sort of, yeah. We made a deal that I cook for him and his housemates every night and he watches out for me.”
That was the very sanitized version of our deal. I feared if I told them I was Amir’s pet, they’d lock me away and try to deprogram me. But I was entirely of sound mind. I’d known exactly what I was doing when I’d accompanied Elliott to the party that night…I just hadn’t predicted how it would work out.
Helen snarled. “Okay, I hate everything about that. You’re like his servant or something?”
Elena got out her phone. “One text to my dad, and he’ll ruin Amir right after he brings down Drew. Just say the word.”
“I’m fine, I promise. His housemates are really nice, and half the time, Amir isn’t the worst.”
Elena arched a brow. “And the other half? Is he the devil himself?”
“No. He’s…what you’d expect, I guess. Dark and angry.”
Helen shot up straight. “Has he hurt you? Do I need to pay him a visit with my bat? I will fuck him up.”
“No.” I shook my head hard. This was the exact opposite of what I wanted happening. “Please don’t. I swear, he hasn’t hurt me. He can be a real a-hole, but he hasn’t touched me like that.”
Helen settled slightly, but her body was still taut, like she was ready to grab her bat and beat the living hell out of Amir if I gave her a single hint it was what I wanted.
Elena kicked her feet out, resting them on the coffee table, her ankles crossed. “That doesn’t really explain why your mom thinks Amir’s your boyfriend.”
My sigh was heavy. This was a little trickier to explain without alarming them. The last thing I wanted to tell them was the way Amir had gone bananas seeing me in Eli’s arms. That sounded like a lot more than a deal, even in my own head.
“We happened to run into him and he just told my mom we were together. So, now she thinks that, and I’m okay with it because it gives her peace of mind.”
“Your mother has peace of mind that you’re with Amir?” Helen snorted. “That’s so fucking funny. He’s not even a drug dealer with a heart of gold. He’s just a drug dealer.”
“He’s not just a drug dealer. He’s in his junior year in the business school and wicked smart.” I wanted to kick myself for jumping to his defense, but there it was.
“You’re kidding me.” Elena leaned around me to speak to Helen. “Did you know he goes here?”
Helen threw up her hands. “Absolutely no clue. Then again, the only time I dealt with him was when I was picking up product, handing him money, or being threatened. You know, when he told me he’d burn down my trailer with my mom and sister inside if I didn’t pay him the money he owed me, that kind of fun stuff. So, forgive me if I don’t see his other facets. My opinion of him is skewed from the times he threatened to kill my family and made me believe he meant every word of it.”
My heart twisted painfully in my chest. I wouldn’t debate whether he meant it or not. It wasn’t my place to defend Amir. Even if it was, I couldn’t say with any certainty he wouldn’t have followed through on those threats.
“I know. He’s not a good guy. He’d tell you that himself.” I wrapped a loose thread from the hem of my T-shirt around my finger. “I guess that’s why I feel certain he’d defend me against Drew. I…maybe I’m being stupid and I’ll regret going to him, but it is what it is now. I promised him a semester, so I’m going to give it to him.”
Elena patted my knee. “You made your choice, I’ll respect it, but, babe, if you want out, tell me. I’m not kidding about my dad. You might believe Amir’s scary, but he’s got nothing on Gil Sanderson. He will make Amir’s ancestors regret ever existing.”
Goose bumps pricked my skin. “I believe you, El.” And it scared me to even contemplate someone coming after Amir like that, even if he deserved it. Even if he’d done terrible, unforgivable things.
“You’re not going to fall for him.” Helen wasn’t asking a question, she was demanding a promise. I really hadn’t wanted to lie to either of them. Stretching the truth was one thing, but out and out lying? No, that wasn’t me. But I was in a corner I saw no way out of—a corner Helen had backed me into.
So, I lied.
“I won’t fall for him. Don’t worry, Hells.”
But maybe it wasn’t a lie. I wouldn’t fall for him now because I already had. Four months ago, when he’d tucked me in his lap, listened to me, and swept me away in all he was.
For the first time, I felt no dread when I climbed the steps to Amir’s house. Nerves had replaced my usual reluctance. I didn’t know how Amir would treat me today now that he didn’t have my family as an audience, but I hoped we wouldn’t go back to the way things were before.
It was eleven thirty when I opened the door with the key Amir had given me last week. I was a little early, but I expected the boys to be up and at least lounging around, having a lazy Sunday. Instead, I was greeted by silence.
I didn’t know what to do. Were they even here? I trailed through the downstairs, not finding a single soul or any sign of life. The three of them weren’t exactly the neatest, often leaving plates on the counter, but there was none of that.
With a sigh, I ventured upstairs, keeping my steps light just in case they were actually still asleep. Marco’s door was first, but it was sealed up tight. I didn’t dare try to peek in. Julien’s room came next, and his door was partway open. I stuck my head in, and my cheeks instantly burned bright. He was splayed on his back in the center of his bed, wearing only a pair of black briefs. I squeezed my eyes shut. The last thing I needed in my head was the vision of the ridges of his V disappearing into the low band of his underwear, even though it was now a little too late.
I hurried to the end of the hall. Amir’s door was closed, but I decided to take a chance and slowly pushed it open. I got halfway when it creaked and I regretted every decision I’d ever made in my life. In the dimly lit room, the form on the bed stirred. I didn’t know what to do. If I pulled the door closed, it might squeak again. If I left it open, he’d know I’d been there.
“Zadie.”
My forehead hit the door. “Hi.”
“Are you going to stand at my door forever or come in?” Amir’s voice was low and gritty with sleep. “Get in here, mama.”
I entered his room, closing the door behind me, and warily approached his bed. He was on his back, one arm slung over his forehead. When I was close, his other arm shot out, grabbed the back of my legs, and drew me close until my knees hit the side of the mattress.
“Zadie,” he croaked, “whatcha doin’ here?”
“It’s almost noon,” I whispered. “You told me to come.”
He grunted, trailing his fingers up and down the back of my thigh and under my skirt. His blankets covered him from the waist down, and on top, he was wearing a button-up shirt.
“Did you sleep in your clothes?” I asked.
With a groan, he felt his chest, then let his arm flop. “Yeah, fuck. I came home and crashed.” His eyes fluttered open, focusing on me standing above him. “Whoa. I like that.”
“What?”
“Your pretty face being the first thing I see when I open my eyes. Fucking nice.”
He threw back the blankets and sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the mattress. I tried to back up, but he caught my hips and kept me close, pressing his face into my stomach. At first, I just stood there in shock. When he rubbed his face back and forth, I brought my hand up, gingerly combing through his short hair. His moan was soft, but filled with bliss, so I continued, each of my strokes more sure.
We stayed like that for several long minutes. My hands in his hair, his face pressed against my belly, arm circling below my butt, the barest hint of sweetness filtering through the air. His breath warmed my skin beneath my T-shirt, but I shivered anyway.
“Need to go take a shower.” He gave my butt a squeeze. “You wanna make me breakfast?”
“Yeah.” I scratched his nape, drawing another moan from deep in his chest. “I’ll make you something. Go.”
He planted a kiss just below my belly button then rose to his feet. I took a step back, watching as he unbuttoned his wrinkled shirt, revealing his lean, golden torso dappled with dark hair. He tossed it on the bed and shot me a smirk before striding across the room and closing himself in the bathroom.
My hand shot to my chest, covering my fluttering heart. How did he do that to me? Without a single word, he made me feel more for him than I had for any other man. It didn’t make sense, but I was helpless, and I had been since the beginning.
Well, I couldn’t stand there pining over him forever. The fact was, no matter what my feelings were, I was still his little pet, and I had a job to do. I’d strip his bed, throw his linens in the laundry, make breakfast for the boys, then remake his bed.
Throwing myself into action, I picked up the shirt he’d tossed aside, catching a whiff of the sweetness I’d smelled earlier. That was strange.
I brought the material near the collar to my nose, taking a deep inhale, and nearly choked. That was not a good smell. Not at all. Cloying florals and irritating spices clung to the inside of my nose, making my stomach churn. I threw the shirt down on the bed, disgusted.
Why would that scent be on Amir’s shirt?
Morbid curiosity got the better of me. Climbing onto the bed, I lowered my face to the sheets. There was nothing on the far side, but where Amir had lain when I walked in, there was more of the same overly sweet scent.
Oh. Oh no.
Ripping the sheets from the corners of the mattress, I coughed so hard, I nearly gagged. There was no denying Amir’s clothes and sheets were covered in cheap perfume. He’d been out last night, and I guessed I now knew what he had done for at least part of it.
Thoroughly put in my place, I pushed away the feelings that couldn’t be dealt with right now and carried the load of sheets out of Amir’s room like a good little pet.
That was all I was. A toy. A pet. Something to own. I really, really had to remember that.
