came along, action had been taken. Pi Sig was on the verge of losing their charter. The leadership had stepped down and left the frat. And Deacon had been voted out by his brothers. Since Theo lived in the house, he gave us the latest updates as soon as they happened. And that was only what was going on inside the frat. The university hadn’t come down with a decision yet, but there was a chance all the guys involved would be expelled.
As a private university with very famous and powerful alumni, Savage U really didn’t like scandal. Pi Sig had already been on thin ice because of the cheating scandal several members had been involved in last semester. Hopefully this would be the straw that plunged them into icy water.
Despite all the things going right, nothing was truly right. My high had dissipated, leaving room for my ache for Amir to return. It didn’t help that I’d seen him twice this week. He’d been studying in the student union once, a frown pulling his entire face down. Maybe he’d sensed me watching, or maybe it had been a coincidence, but he’d raised his head and found me immediately across the room.
The second our eyes had clashed, my knees had nearly collapsed. The longing, the bitter sadness, the desperate pining, came rushing back, and I had to hold on to a chair to stop myself from crawling to him and begging him to take me back.
The next time I saw him, he’d been walking with Julien and Marco. That time, he’d been laughing. And maybe seeing him happy and living his life was worse than the scowl in the dining hall. It seemed like he’d moved on like we’d never happened.
That wasn’t really fair, since I’d laughed and smiled and had happy moments. They just…didn’t reach all the way into my soul like the ones I’d had when we were together. There would never be anything like dancing in the rain and making frantic, sweet love in the back of his truck. Nothing.
My friends decided to take me out. And since I’d spent way too much time hiding in my room, I agreed. Even if I held out hope that Amir and I might find our way back to one another a year from now, I couldn’t put a pause on my life for that tiny inkling. Plus, I was tired of moping.
Elena got me dressed in skinny jeans and a low-cut black top, then Helen applied red to my lips. By the time we got to the bar, I had something like a strut going on. It was nothing compared to Elena’s, but it was something.
That all came to a halt when I saw pretty, slutty-sheet Vanessa exiting the bar as the three of us were about to enter. Her shoulder smacked against mine, hard enough for it not to have been an accident.
In the past, I would have let it go. But I had become the Zadie who stood up for herself. I wasn’t going to be pushed around by Vanessa or anyone else.
“Hey!” I rubbed my shoulder and crinkled my nose. “That wasn’t necessary.”
She stopped, cocked her hip, and gave me a slow once-over. “I’m surprised to see you here. Shouldn’t you be supporting your man?” She snapped her fingers. “Oh, that’s right. You haven’t been around for a couple weeks. Amir finally came to his senses and dumped your dumpy ass.”
I let her insult slide, though Helen and Elena bristled on either side of me. “What do you mean? Supporting him how?”
She rolled her eyes. “The fight tonight. Wow, you really are out of the loop.” She smirked at the girls she was with, who were equally pretty, flat stomached, and scantily clad. “I guess I’ll be seeing myself right back into Amir’s loop. You know how he gets after a fight.”
Vanessa winked, and if a wink could be evil, hers was. Helen yanked me away from the entrance so I didn’t have to watch Van and her girl gang walk away.
“Are you okay?” Helen asked.
When she asked, I took a quick survey of myself and found I was definitely not okay.
“He’s fighting,” I breathed.
Helen’s jaw tightened. “My friend, Gabe, used to fight for Reno back in high school. They’re no holds barred. People get legit hurt at those things. What is Amir thinking?”
Despite the warm evening, my teeth started to chatter. “He likes it. The violence, he likes it. He’s never going to stop.” I swiveled to Elena. “Can you drive me to the fight? I need to see it. If I see it, see him like that, I’ll be able to let go. I’ll remember who he is and what he’s not willing to give up. Please?”
Helen and Elena exchanged a glance over my head, then El focused on me.
“Okay. But as soon as you see him, we’re leaving, coming back to this bar, and getting hammered. Then it’s done. No more Amir. He was never worth it, but seeing the sad he’s put you through, he’s yesterday’s trash.”
The warehouse was at capacity. Hordes of sweaty, bloodthirsty men were crammed together, waiting for the next gladiators to take the center stage.
The three of us stood between two sets of bleachers, surveying the area. My heart was in my throat, pounding to a panicked rhythm. I didn’t know why I was so worried. Amir had proven again and again he had no trouble handling himself.
Nevertheless, as I stood between my friends, I was worried. Really, really worried, and I couldn’t even say why.
“Promise me we’ll never have to come here again.” Elena kicked the dirty floor with her sparkly heel. “I think I have hepatitis.”
Helen was taut and on guard, scanning the crowd. “We’re going to stay right here. No sitting down, no talking to anyone. As soon as the fight is over, we’re leaving. If I sense we need to leave before that, neither of you is going to protest. Got it?”
Elena and I bobbed our heads. Helen had ten times the street smarts than either of us and more experience with crowds like this. If she wasn’t comfortable here, I had to ask myself why the hell I thought it would be a good idea to drag my two friends along.
Before I could dive deep into my very unwise decision, the next fight was announced. Vasquez versus Ishkov. Amir was fighting Grizzled again.
As the crowd roared, I closed my eyes and leaned into Helen. She curled her arms around me, letting me hide for a moment. I wouldn’t be able to hide for long. I was here to see. My eyes had to be fully open so I could move on.
When the bell rang, I opened my eyes again, slowly turning back to the ring. There he was. This violent stranger I couldn’t seem to stop loving. The man in the ring with him, Ishkov, seemed to have grown three sizes and become even more grizzled. Yet, he was light on his feet, dancing circles around Amir, landing testing jabs on his middle.
I gagged on the bile rising in my throat when Ishkov landed a solid right hook against Amir’s jaw. The way his head whipped to the side made my entire body sway in the same direction. My eyes rolled to the side, to the crowd that couldn’t get enough of this, then they landed on Julien, who was sitting on the other side of the room beside Marco, staring back at me. He gave one hard shake of his head and mouthed, “Go.”
He might as well have punched me in the gut. Julien didn’t even want me in the same warehouse as Amir. I’d lost them all. That wasn’t a surprise, but it was finally solidifying in my mind.
“I’m sorry,” I mouthed.
He shook his head again. “Go.”
Helen hissed. Elena made a strangled sound. My attention snapped back to the ring, where Amir was pummeling Ishkov. He was going after him like he hated him, slamming his taped fists into the man over and over. Ishkov barely budged, dodging and guarding, but not showing any signs of pain.
It wasn’t the brutality of the hits, but Amir’s dead-eyed determination that nearly sent me to my knees. I didn’t recognize him, but maybe that was a defense mechanism. How could I love a man who turned off everything except his desire to hurt and win? But I did. I did love this man, and I’d known who he was when I fell.
A sob ripped through me, and it might as well have been the entire universe tearing. Blood flew from Ishkov’s face, splattering on the ground. My broken heart sprayed a matching pattern.
We were over. We were really through.
Elena took me in her arms, murmuring unintelligible words of comfort. I clung to her, hiding my face, but needing to stay until the bitter end.
“Oh shit,” Helen hissed. “Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.”
I had to see. I had to know. My eyes flew open, but what I saw was worse than I’d been braced for. Ishkov had recovered and was coming after Amir with a renewed strength. He landed blow after blow, his fists slamming into Amir’s body like a cannonball.
It was a horror show, one I couldn’t turn off. The body I loved, that had been over me, under me, inside me, all around me, was being beaten and bloodied. I couldn’t process what I was seeing, only that Amir was losing, and he was losing badly.
A solid punch to his head sent Amir spinning around until he was facing in our direction. His eyes rolled around in his head for a beat before he focused, and when he did, he was staring right at me. The look of absolute devastation that appeared on his face sent a shock wave down my spine. He was yelling, screaming, “No, no, no, no, no!” I couldn’t hear him, but there was no mistaking what he was saying.
I took one step, reaching out for him even though I was way too far away to touch him. He raised his arm to reach back, and that was when Ishkov came at him, slamming his fist into Amir’s jaw, severing our fraught connection.
Helen grabbed me around the waist, pulling me close to her side. “We have to go. Something’s going down here. We need to leave.”
I remembered my promise, that I would leave when she said, but my feet still dragged as she and Elena got us out of there, bundled into Elena’s car. I realized I was rocking myself as we sped away from the warehouse district, back to our pristine, brightly lit campus.
“Did you get bad vibes?” Elena asked as she pressed the accelerator, defying the speed limit.
“Yeah. I was checking out the crowd, the dudes who were frothing at the mouth when Amir started losing, and it dinged that part of my brain—the caveman part that reacts lightning fast to danger. I don’t know, but my gut was telling me we needed to get out.” Helen twisted in the front seat to check on me in the back. “Are you okay?”
I shook my head, pressing my lips together to stop from crying. “No.”
Helen sighed, reaching back to take my hand. “You want to go back to the suite, eat mozzarella sticks, and watch a shitty movie?”
“Yes, please,” I whispered.
Amir had been losing. But Reno wouldn’t let him get really hurt, would he?
God, I hoped not. Amir had to be Reno’s exception. The one person he cared for. Even if we never spoke again, I couldn’t bear the possibility that Amir wouldn’t walk away from that fight.
So, I convinced myself nothing was wrong. Everything was all right. I was fine. He’d be fine. All of it was fine.
