FIFTEEN YEARS OLD
RAFFERTY WAS RIGHT. They turned the school gym into a winter wonderland. There is fake snow covering the edges of the room and the tables are set up with drinks and snacks. Snowflakes of different shapes and sizes hang from the ceiling with about a million strands of string lights. If you didn’t know any better, you would never know this is where the basketball team practices. I have to hand it to the dance committee. They did an amazing job.
“I can’t get over how amazing you look,” Chance says, looping his arm through mine as we walk farther into the room.
My palm smooths down the front of the velvet emerald-colored dress Mollie had helped me pick out. It has a high halter neck with a slit up the leg. I fell in love with it the second Mollie found it. She was so excited to go shopping with me for a dress. She’d made a whole day of it. We went into every store at the mall that sold formal dresses, and then went to three more stores to search for the perfect pair of heels. When I told her I didn’t feel right about her spending so much money on a dress for me, she waved me off.
“You deserve to be spoiled, P,” she told me with a soft smile. It’d been a really long time since I’d seen her that energized. It was nice.
“Thank you,” I tell Chance.
He’s been wonderful tonight. When he told me we wouldn’t be going to dinner with one of the big groups of people, I was relieved. He’s a year older than me and has his license. He picked me up in his father’s fancy Lexus and drove us to a restaurant overlooking the sound. Even though I’d been anxious about this night for the many weeks leading up to it, I found myself really enjoying Chance’s company.
He’s funny in a dorky kind of way and he hasn’t once made me feel bad about being at Hemlock on a scholarship. He asks me questions like he genuinely wants to get to know me and seems interested in what I have to say.
In theory, it should be the perfect night, but still, there’s a twinge in my stomach.
Rafferty has barely talked to me since he asked Hannah to the dance, and I hate how much bigger the rift between us has grown. His blacked-out G-Wagen was delivered two weeks ago, and on the days I go home with them from school, I can see his icy glare in the rearview mirror. He’s never given any indication he wanted to go with me to the dance, but standing under these sparkly lights, I can’t help but wish it were Rafferty at my side and not Chance. Which is so stupid.
Chance has made every effort to be here with me and is clearly interested in me. I shouldn’t be pining over a moody, egotistical douchebag who’s done nothing but play games with my head. And heart.
I need to get over this stupid crush before it causes some real psychiatric damage.
Spotting Paxton across the room, I tug on Chance’s arm. “I’ll be right back. I want to go say hi to Pax.”
“Okay, I’ll get us some punch.”
“Great!” With a quick smile at my date, I weave across the gym toward my best friend.
On top of Rafferty being a righteous prick the past three or four weeks, Pax has also been off. He’s been a little withdrawn and more quiet than normal. I thought it was just me who picked up on it, but I’ve seen Mollie looking at him with concern multiple times. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, and all he tells me is he hasn’t been sleeping well. Which is something I know to be true. On a handful of occasions, he’s shown up in my room when I’ve spent the night and asked if he could sleep with me. He hasn’t said it, but I think he’s having nightmares. He curls up next to me and I hold his hand until he falls asleep.
I just wish he’d talk to me about it. He knows I’m always there to help him.
Pax smiles at me when he sees me approaching, but it doesn’t really reach his eyes. He lets go of Sadie’s hand and wraps his arms around me once I’m close enough. “You look very pretty, P,” he tells me in my ear, making me smile so hard it hurts.
Pulling back a little so I can see him, I hold his cheeks between my hands. I examine his face, hoping I can see the reason for his personality change hidden somewhere. “You do too,” I tell him. “How was dinner?”
He looks at Sadie, who still stands close by in her pretty cream-colored dress. “So good. Sadie’s mom is so talented.”
Like a typical kid unimpressed with their parents, Sadie rolls her eyes. “She has an entire kitchen full of staff. It’s not just her.”
“Well, either way, I hope I get to try it one day.” The only way I’m ever eating there is if the Blackwells want to go. Dad has the palate of a seven-year-old and wouldn’t be caught dead going to a fancy French restaurant in the city. He’d gladly take me to get a burger and fries, which is always a good time. We always eat in his car with the music playing. He gives me a hard time for picking the tomatoes off my burger and I tease him for dipping his fries in his strawberry shake. It’s been that way since I can remember. It’s almost like a tradition. “Okay, I better get back to Chance.” Leaning up on my tiptoes, I kiss Pax’s cheek. “Save me a dance?”
“Always.”
Smiling at the pair, I give them a quick wave before heading back to my date. He’s waiting right where I left him with two cups of dark pink punch in his hands. He looks good in his tux with his matching dark green tie. I had no idea he planned on color-coordinating with my dress. It’s something he did completely on his own.
“Here you go,” he tells me, handing off one of the cups. “No one has spiked the punch bowl yet, but it’s only a matter of time.”
“Okay, great.” I’m not that into drinking. The only time I’ve gotten drunk was at a party Rafferty threw last summer when his parents were out of town. He’d laughed at me the next morning when I was green around the gills.
He clinks his glass against mine and I take a sip. Restlessly, I shift on my heels. Not wanting to stand awkwardly on the outskirts of the room all night, I turn to Chance. “Want to dance? I remember you saying something about being an excellent dance partner.”
For the first time tonight, he looks nervous. “I think I may have oversold my dancing ability,” he says as he sheepishly rubs the back of his neck. “I said that to you before I learned you were on track to becoming a prima ballerina.”
The best chance of that happening is if I get into the boarding school in Massachusetts. I still haven’t heard anything from them regarding my application status. Once I’m there, the dream of Juilliard becomes more of a reality.
Taking his drink from him, I place it on a nearby table before taking his hand in mine. “Come on, this isn’t really dancing. You just have to kind of sway in a circle and try not to step on my toes. You can do that, right?”
“Okay…” he relents, allowing me to pull him with me. “But I make no promises about not stepping on your toes.”
There are lights above us that are shining a blueish color onto the dance floor and another light that casts spinning snowflakes on the ground. They both help to conceal the basketball court beneath our feet.
Showing Chance where to put his hands on my waist, I place mine on his shoulders and slowly set the tempo. He catches on quickly and begins to move in slow graceful circles. It’s nice but being this close to him doesn’t make me feel … anything. My skin doesn’t grow warm from his touch, and there are no butterflies in my stomach.
Closing my eyes, I try to force myself to enjoy it more, to feel something for him. I’ve never kissed a boy, but I wonder if I let him kiss me if I’d feel a spark then. Do I really want to waste my first kiss to test a theory, though? Not really. I guess I’m more of a romantic and want my first kiss to mean something.
Chance is a good guy, but I don’t see how this could go past a friendship. I’m trying to figure out how I’ll have that conversation with him when my eyes crack open and immediately land on a pair of icy blue ones.
Leaning against a wall partially hidden by the long hanging pieces of white and blue tulle, Rafferty stands alone, his redheaded date nowhere to be found. While the rest of the guys are wearing suits and tuxedos, Rafferty wears a white button-down shirt with the top buttons undone and the sleeves rolled up his forearms and a pair of black pants. He hardly put any effort into his wardrobe or his wavy hair, but he still looks better than all of them. He stares at me with his stony mask firmly in place while he brings a silver flask to his lips.
One look at him has my heart rate picking up. The muscle pounds against my rib cage, demanding I feel what Raff does to me. My lips pull in a shadow of a smile in greeting, but it’s only met with a deepening scowl.
Chance, feeling me shifting restlessly against him, moves his hands down to my hips. His fingers are basically touching my butt. It’s a move that doesn’t go unnoticed by Rafferty. If looks could kill, both Chance and I would be dead on this dance floor. There’s murder in those cold blue orbs.
I don’t realize I’m moving until I’ve stepped completely out of Chance’s embrace, and I stand several feet away from him. The blond frowns at me, confused by my sudden retreat. I wish I had an answer for him, but I’m just as lost as he is.
“Are you okay?”
Over his shoulder, I watch as Rafferty ducks through the tulle and weaves through the impressive dessert tables. He doesn’t slow down or look back as he walks through the double doors of the gym.
“Yeah…” I answer, nibbling on my bottom lip. “Yeah, I’m good. I think I just need some air.”
Chance looks around for the exit and reaches out to me to guide me toward it. “I’ll take you outside.”
I step back farther to avoid his outreached hand. “No, it’s okay. I’ll only be a minute.” Turning around, I leave him before he can offer to come with me again. When I get back, I’m going to need to apologize profusely for ditching him like that.
Pushing through the same doors Rafferty had disappeared through, I take off in a run after him. Why are you doing this? I ask myself as the sound of my heels echoes through the empty hallway. It’s a silly and pointless question since I already know the answer.
It would just be better for me if I didn’t.
