THE STORM STOPPED RIGHT AFTER dawn.
After securing the rest of Kaethe’s belongings that survived while exposed to the elements, we set off on the back of my wolf. The ride was tense and grueling. There was no time for breaks and Kaethe spent the entire time rigid, barely leaning back against me.
How had the most perfect evening ended like that? I had finally gotten to see her, touch her soft skin, and feast on her delicious body. Kaethe kissed me first. It was such a shock I couldn’t even register what was happening. Once I did, something inside me had snapped. Her mouth had been so sweet, her moans even sweeter.
Mother of the Mountain her breasts? Large and round, they filled my hands like they were made just for me. Her flushed skin, her curves, her wide hips, and best of all that little cunt hidden beneath a dusting of dark hair. Kae had been so, so wet for me. Her pussy had been silky and juicy and when she came on my face—
I have to swallow down my growl and will my body not to react. I doubt she’d welcome my hard cock now. Kaethe came to me shy and unsure and I watched her blossom in front of my eyes. Confident and in control of herself, all because she saw the truth in my gaze. She finally saw everything that I was dying to say and wanted me to use my body to express it.
But then she said she was saving herself for someone. Not me. That had been a punch to the stomach. She wanted me to fuck her, she was so aroused and willing it was like a gift from the Mother. But I couldn’t take that from her. It’s bad enough that one day she’ll find herself in the arms of another. I wouldn’t be able to survive if she regretted anything between us.
Even though it looks like she does now. I should’ve never mentioned the word mate. It shut her down and made her realize what she almost gave to me at the height of lust. If she hadn’t scrambled off of me so fast I would’ve told her that while it’s every orc’s dream to find their mate, it’s no longer mine.
That I’ll gladly forsake my bond in order to have her.
Now, I fear last night ruined whatever closeness Kaethe and I had. I miss her being in my arms, I miss her smile, and the way she rolls her eyes when I don’t understand a joke of hers. I miss her and she’s not even a foot away from me.
It’s late afternoon when we cross back into the village. A few people greet us as we return and I lead Kaethe back to our house to unload the supplies. She sits further up on the saddle, removing her warmth from me completely.
I want to tear down this wall of ice between us but I don’t know how. Nothing will change the fact that I’m not her mate, not who she’s saving herself for. I’d have asked her to forsake her own bond to stay with me but she pulled away.
There’s a part of me that is grateful I at least got one taste. Got to hear her call my name as she dripped down my chin. It’s more than I ever hoped for. I’d never regret what we did, but if I could go back and change this distance from forming between us I would in a second.
My icewolf has barely stopped moving when Kaethe scrambles off the saddle. She unties her bag carrying the containers of mint root and slings it across her body. Her face is so beautiful in the golden sun. Her brown eyes look away from me, cold and distant. Seeing that is like a knife to my heart.
Before I can ask if she’s okay she turns away and crunches through the snow murmuring something about getting the roots to Lady Myren at once. I’m not letting her avoid me that easily.
“Kaethe!” I call and she freezes, her shoulders hunching.
“We need to talk about what happened in the tent,” I say, crossing my arms over my chest. Kaethe’s eyes widen for a second and then I watch with horror as she shakes herself and plasters a smile on her face. Not her real smile filled with warmth and shyness, this one is hard and forced.
“There’s nothing to talk about, in fact I think we should just forget it ever happened.”
My feet feel unsteady on the ground. “I don’t want to forget it happened, Kae.”
“Look, we aren’t the first two people to ever get carried away. It’s mainly my fault. I mean…I kissed you.” Her cheeks grow pink, the only genuine thing about her expression. “We can be casual about this. Nothing has to change.”
“Everything has changed,” I reply. This wall she’s erected between us is ten feet high. She’s shut me out, I can physically feel it.
“No it hasn’t. Finding your mate is important to you, that type of devotion is important to me too. It’s obvious we’re not mates.” The statement makes my stomach turn, but she’s right. She’s Kaehte, not my mate, and she’s mine nonetheless. “I can’t do something casual knowing that we’re both waiting for someone else.”
Her voice is sad, that fake smile slipping and my hands itch to grab her. To crush her to my chest and confess everything. That wouldn’t be fair to her, what good would those declarations do when there is a very lucky male out there who will get to have her. Who will bind his soul to hers and see her in his dreams and every thought just like I do.
No matter how much I wish I was that lucky male, I am not. Kaethe deserves more than that.
“I should go,” she says quietly. I can only nod as I watch her disappear down the street. I look up towards the house and can’t bear to go inside, her scent covers everything. The knowledge that it will fade one day makes my stomach sour. Turning towards town, I walk to try and clear my head.
The first frost is approaching and everyone is preparing. I’m proud of how much this village has grown over the last decade. This is a safe haven my father always envisioned. It will lose something when Kaethe leaves. I’ve always loved the summers, they felt a reward for surviving a harsh winter. Now I wish this one never comes because it will take Kaethe with it.
I don’t realize how far I’ve wandered until I’m standing outside of the butcher’s. The healthy wailings of a baby can be heard from outside and my heart squeezes. My mind immediately pictures Kaethe, swollen with my child. She would be so rosy and gorgeous that my chest tightens at the image. It’s so vivid in my mind it’s as if I’ve already seen it.
The front door to the butcher’s flies open and Pardak comes lumbering down the stairs. His yellow eyes connect with mine and he gives a surprised smile. He’s a few years younger than me, never trained as a soldier, meaning his tusks aren’t as pronounced.
“Bazur, what brings you here? We have some frostelk meat I can have wrapped up for you. Jessica wanted to make sure Kaethe had enough provisions before the frost hit.” I nod at him and try to ignore the crowded feeling in my throat.
“Kaethe has received many gifts. She’s set for several winters.”
“She deserves it,” Pardak says and I nod my head. Kaethe does.
“How is your mate and child?” I ask. Mate, the word tastes different now.
“Wonderful. My Jessica glows with happiness, she was meant to be a mother. My son looks like me, but he has his mother’s personality. Both of them are a gift I don’t deserve.”
“The Mother of the Mountain is generous.”
“She is, she brought Kaethe to us.” Kaethe, Kaethe, Kaethe. Her name rings in my head. I look at Pardak so in love and fulfilled. My chest yawns open, the longing there so strong.
“How long have you and Jessica been mated?”
Pardak cups his chin and lowers his brows in thought. “Well, she came to live with my family five years ago, but I didn’t realize she was my mate until a few months after that.”
My blood freezes, a sharp ringing sounding in my ear.
“You mean…it wasn’t instant? I thought mating bonds happened mere moments after meeting?”
Pardak chuckles softly and shakes his head. “Between orcs, yes. Humans don’t have mating bonds like we do. There’s no primal urge that drives them to mate and claim. It’s something softer and it can take longer to form.”
I feel the ground shift beneath my feet as I take in his words.
“Bazur are you okay?” Pardak asks, concern lacing his voice.
“What does it feel like? How did you know Jessica was your mate?”
Pardak looks wary but answers me anyway. “I didn’t notice much at first. If anything she annoyed me because she was so fragile. I felt like I had to protect her and that irritated me. Soon I realized that I wanted to keep her safe, above all else.
“We were arguing one day over something small and she just kissed me. It was a shock to my system and then I realized how ignorant I’d been to the truth. If I concentrated I could feel the bond between us. I realized it had always been there from the start.” He smiles softly. “It’s not this overwhelming claiming fever, it’s something more delicate and precious. Just like the human female I’m bonded to.”
My mind is racing, my hands are sweating and trembling as I try to process what he’s saying. “Then you were mates from that point forward? The mating frenzy went into effect?” I ask.
“Mother, no. Then I had to convince her to fall in love with me. I had to show her that I was worthy of her. It was only then when I explained to her what I felt, she told me she felt it too. Each day the bond grows a little deeper between us.” Pardak’s eyes sparkle as they meet mine.
My head is spinning. Pardak asks me if I’m okay again but I mumble a thank you and turn to leave. I’m not okay, I’m so far from okay. Have I been ignorant to what was right in front of me? Have I ruined everything without even realizing?
I stumble back to my house in a daze. This news has changed everything and instead of feeling unsettled I feel…hopeful. A quiet joy lights up my chest at the possibility that I’ve been so incredibly wrong.
It’s late by the time I arrive back home.
There’s a bowl of cold stew sitting out for me and my heart warms at the gesture. The second floor is dark and as I climb up the stairs I can see Kaethe’s sleeping form underneath the blankets.
Stripping down to my undershirt and pants, I slide into bed beside her and take a deep breath. Pardak’s words float back to me. That if I concentrated on it I could feel the bond between us. I shut my eyes and let my mind clear, focusing on my heart, my body, my soul. Everything that I am is filled with Kaethe, her face imprinted on every part of me.
Even as I try to center myself I can’t stop myself from recalling her smiles, her smell, her moans of pleasure as I licked her cunt. How perfect she is, how much I want to protect her from harm. How I will give anything to get rid of this separation—
There in the dark I feel it. It’s a tiny thing, just like her, but it’s there. I can see it in my mind, a shining, glowing string that’s tying my soul to the one next to me. Exhilaration flows through me, this new knowledge overwhelms my senses.
Kaethe is mine. Mine.
She always has been. Every moment with her replays in my head. From me finding her in my hunting net, to riding on my icewolf together, to me giving her my cloak so she would be warm. Walks to Lady Myren’s, eating stew together, and falling asleep holding hands. Her jokes, her smiles, her body, her face, everything is right there and I can feel it, taste it, and my body screams at me to claim her.
It’s why I said those words to her in my language. It was my soul trying to push me towards her, my heart realizing the truth before I did. She is my most precious one, my only one.
And I get to keep her, I get to have her…if I can convince her I deserve her. My Kae needs to know that I’ll do anything to prove myself worthy of her. There is no one else for either of us. I am the only male who gets to claim her. She’s mine.
I know exactly what I need to do.
Silently, I slip from the bed and make my way downstairs. My body hates being so far away from her but this is worth it. I grab some parchment and a pen, not even bothering with a coat and head towards where we keep our messenger ravens. There are consequences for what I am about to do, but I don’t care.
Kaethe is more than worth the risk.
