A little later, I head to the shower, needing to wash off the feel of rough, clammy hands.
I look at myself in the mirror, gasping aloud at the sight. My jaw is already starting to mottle purple with a bruise, my bottom lip is swollen where it’s split, and there’s dried blood all down the left side of my face. Jax checked the wound, luckily it’s not deep enough to need stitches. I can see small marks littered across my chest where he ripped my dress open.
A sob catches my throat, and I have to lean my hands on the counter to steady myself, taking deep gasping breaths of air.
“Please, can I help you, Pretty Girl?” I hear Loki’s deep voice behind me, and looking up, I see his reflection in the mirror, his brow wrinkled and his gaze pained.
I nod then turn around, feeling fresh tears sting my eyes at being brought so low in front of him. I’m so sick of crying.
He walks towards me, then gently peels my torn dress down, leaving it to pool on the tiles at my feet. His eyes take in my torn bra and missing knickers, a growl sounding in his throat when he sees the red welt on my hip where they were ripped off. I see him catalogue every bruise or cut on me, like he’s making a list of my hurts so that he can return them tenfold to my abuser.
His eyes come back up to mine, and there is rage in the emerald depths, along with a guilt so strong, it cracks my heart further and takes my breath away. I take a step towards him, my arm outstretched, wanting to give him comfort. He looks away, but not before I see the glisten of tears.
I run my fingers through his silky auburn hair, and for a moment, get lost in its texture, realising just how much I’ve missed it.
“Loki, look at me.” I gently tug so that his eyes meet mine. “Hey. This isn’t your fault.” I look deep into the myriad of greens, willing him to believe me.
He swallows hard, and I can see his Adam’s apple bobbing with the movement.
“If I hadn’t…” he begins, closing his eyes briefly before opening them and looking at me. “If we hadn’t iced you out. If we’d taken better care of you…” I’m shaking my head and interrupting before he’s even finished.
“Loki, no. By the same token, if I hadn’t run away, judged you so harshly, without thinking it through…”
“You needed time,” he replies firmly, then softer, almost a whisper, “you broke my heart that night, Lilly.” And the anguish in his gaze shreds my soul in half.
“I broke my own too,” I say quietly back, more tears beginning to track down my face. “I’m so sorry, Loki.”
“I’m sorry too,” he gently responds, wiping my tears with the pads of his thumbs.
I close my eyes, but rather than Loki’s gentle touch, it’s Robert’s painful one. My eyes snap back open as I jerk back with a gasp, breaking contact with Loki.
“Shit, did I hurt you?” Loki asks frantically, his eyes searching my face, fresh guilt in them.
I shake my head. “Every time I close my eyes, I see him. Feel his touch. I can’t make it stop,” I choke out, my voice thick.
“What can I do, baby?” Loki asks, looking helpless and angry, all at the same time as he stands with his fists clenched at his sides like he’s scared to touch me.
“Replace his hands with yours,” I beg, my eyes pleading with him. “Chase his touch away, Loki, please.”
I know this is probably so unhealthy, but as I think about it, I know that it’s what I need.
“Lilly…I’m…I’m not sure that’s such a good idea,” he says hesitantly, but I can see lust starting to replace some of the helplessness in his eyes. I can see his primal need to mark me as his own. To reestablish our bond.
I undo what’s left of my bra, letting it fall to the ground as I step up to him, reaching out for his hand then placing it on my bare breast.
“Please, Loki. I need you.” And those words seem to be his undoing as he squeezes the globe, a gasp escaping me as he pulls me in for a searingly hot kiss.
It’s a kiss full of pain, heartache, and longing. We both groan as our tongues meet, and we taste each other again for the first time in two weeks. I feel the sharpness of my split lip, and taste copper as it reopens but I don’t care. I need Loki, need his lips on mine more than my next breath.
I can feel the memories try to creep in, try to taint this, so I pull him closer, undoing his jeans and pushing them down his hips.
I palm his beautiful cock, relishing in the silky soft feel of it as I start to pump slowly up and down, adding the twist of my wrist that I know drives him wild.
“God, Lilly,” he rasps, breaking our kiss. “You keep doing that, and I won’t last long.”
I feel a surge of satisfaction at his words. There’s power in giving someone pleasure. In bringing a man such as Loki to his knees with your touch.
He starts to slowly back us up to the counter, kissing me senseless the whole way.
“Fuck, Lilly, I missed you,” he says in between kisses.
I kiss him deeper, like I’m trying to forge our beings into one. His vanilla scent surrounds me, and I feel such a sense of relief at being safe in his arms again that the darkness is chased away a little.
“Loki, please…” I moan, needing more. I need all of him.
He grabs me under my thighs, lifting me up onto the countertop. The cold marble surface makes me gasp as it touches my fevered skin. I take the opportunity to pull his t-shirt up and over his head, dropping it to the tiled floor.
My eyes devour his nakedness, like I’m starving and he’s my feast. My hands reacquaint themselves with the hard planes of his chest, my gaze following their movement, then I pull his nipple bar, making him groan long and low.
Reaching in between my legs, I open a drawer beneath me, and pull out a condom packet, tearing it open and taking the rubber out. My right hand goes between us, grasping his hard cock and rolling the condom on, then lining him up with my already soaked entrance.
He pauses just outside of me, and I look up to see worry etched on his face.
“Are you sure, Pretty Girl?” he asks me, and I know he’s ready to stop if I say so.
“Yes,” I assure him softly. “I need you to chase his touch away, Loki.”
He begins to slowly push in, his pierced tip pressing into me, sending delicious shivers rolling through me. His serious eyes are locked onto mine, searching my gaze for any sign of hesitation.
We both groan, my head falling backwards and eyes heavenward as he bottoms out, fully seated to the hilt and my inner channel clamps around him, remembering the feel of him.
“I’d almost forgotten how your pussy fits like a fucking glove, Pretty Girl,” Loki rasps huskily.
He starts to withdraw, slowly kissing and nibbling my exposed neck, sending tingles of pleasure shooting all over my body.
“Loki…” I groan. “You feel so good.”
He pauses, his tip just inside of me, teasing me. He threads his fingers through my hair, guiding my head back so that I am once again looking at him. For a split second, other rough hands are pulling my hair painfully.
I blink and see intense emerald eyes staring at me, full of want and need and something so much deeper.
“You’re ours, Lilly. You’re ours forever, and there’s no way we’re letting you go.”
He holds my gaze as he thrusts hard, our pelvises slapping together. My eyes roll as I gasp at the exquisite sensations lighting up my body.
I didn’t realise how much I’d missed his closeness, his touch and taste. It’s like I’ve been dormant these past two weeks, and Loki, he’s bringing me back to life. Every touch lights me up, every thrust filling me with colour.
“Fucking hell, Lilly. No one has ever felt as good as you,” he moans out, before bringing his lips to mine and kissing me hard, matching the movement of his tongue with that of his undulating hips.
He’s grinding into my clit every time he’s fully inside me, one hand gripping my hip, the other still tangled in my hair. I’d say that I’d forgotten how much of an amazing lover he was, but I’d be lying. He knows just the right spot to hit until you’re weeping with the need for release.
“Lilly, baby, I need you to come all over my dick,” he says against my lips as his hand leaves my hip and captures one of mine, sliding both our hands between us.
Using my fingers and his own, he starts to rub circles around my clit, applying just the right amount of pressure to make my hips buck wildly, both seeking and trying to hide from the contact.
“Loki! Oh my God, Loki, I’m gonna come!” I scream, just before I feel my liquid release shoot out of me, coating his dick.
“That’s it. Such a good fucking girl,” Loki praises as my pussy walls convulse around his hard cock, which is still pounding in and out of me.
Suddenly, he pulls out, and I cry out loud as he drops to his knees, starting to lick and suck me like I’m his favourite dessert. He’s relentless, circling his tongue around my overly sensitive clit as I squirm. His hands clamp down hard on my hips to hold me still, licking me in long strokes, from my opening to my clit, swirling his tongue when he gets to the bundle of nerves.
“I fucking love how your tongue feels on my clit, Loki,” I gasp out, and he groans at the dirty talk.
My hands come to his head, gripping his hair and tugging, making him growl. I open my eyes and see that Jax is standing in the doorway, his blue eyes like the deepest part of a flame.
My mouth drops open, and I can’t suppress the moan at the look of desire on his face. He steps in, closing the door softly behind him.
Loki pauses, looking over his shoulder, and then turns back with a wicked grin.
“Come and help me take care of our girl, Jax,” he orders, then settles his head back in between my thighs.
Jax walks over, and I can see his hard on tenting his black sweats. He’s not dropped eye contact with me, and there’s so much swirling in his gaze I can’t even begin to unpack it. Guilt, regret, lust and a love that would burn down the world are just a few emotions that flit through their depths.
“Jax…” I murmur when he reaches me. “Please, Jax.” I’m panting, my body shaking with the pleasure that Loki’s tongue is giving me.
His hands grip my face gently as he leans in.
“I’ll always take care of you, Baby Girl,” he whispers, taking my mouth in a hot kiss, showing me that I’ve not lost him either.
A sob sounds in my throat, a mixture of relief and terror at what could have been, what could have happened tonight. What life would have been like if I’d lost them for good. I revel in the scratch of his short beard on my chin, showing me that he’s really here. I’ve missed him so fucking much.
He breaks our kiss, looking deep into my eyes once more before he too drops down onto his knees. He spreads my legs wider, throwing one over his left shoulder. Loki copies him, throwing my other leg over his right shoulder until I’m stretched open completely to them.
Jax starts to kiss up my inner thigh, nipping and sucking along the way. Seconds later, Loki does the same with the other thigh, and I begin to shake with breathless anticipation, my head thrown back, eyes closed.
When they reach the apex of my thighs, one of them blows on my bare dripping pussy. The cool air feels incredible against my inner heat, and I sigh, only to moan seconds later as a tongue licks up my open slit. A second tongue is quick to follow until I can’t tell them apart.
I look down to see blond and red hair mixing, both their tongues working me into a frenzy. I moan at the sight of these guys on their knees for me, my hands reaching down to grasp their hair in tight fists.
One tongue enters me, curling upwards and licking my inner wall, whilst the other begins slow teasing circles around my clit. They switch over, meeting in the middle, and the idea of their tongues touching has me screaming my release as I tug at blond and auburn locks.
They don’t relent, prolonging my orgasm until I’m a fucking twitching, whimpering mess. I can feel my whole body tingling, and all painful terror filled thoughts from earlier have fled my mind, leaving me languid and sated.
Loki’s the first to sit back on his heels, a satisfied look on his face. His lips and chin are glistening with my juices. He gets up, leaning over to give me a kiss on the lips, and I moan at the taste of myself in his mouth.
“Get your dick out of my face,” Jax grumbles, and I giggle.
“I’ve missed your laugh so much, Pretty Girl,” Loki whispers seriously against my lips. “So fucking much.”
We stay together, lips and foreheads pressed until I hear the shower turn on. I look up and see a gloriously, now naked Jax holding his hand out to me. I swallow at the sight of him.
How could I have forgotten how beautiful he is?
Loki helps me climb down, my legs still shaking from that orgasm.
Jax grabs my hand when I reach him, pulling me into his embrace and holding me tight. I nuzzle into the crook of his neck, breathing him in. I’m instantly calmer, my body and mind knowing that I’m safe, that nothing can hurt me whilst I’m in his arms.
“I’m so sorry, Jax,” I say softly into his neck. “I’m so sorry for running away. For judging you.”
Fresh tears sting my eyes, tears that have nothing to do with what happened in the library, and everything to do with almost losing these guys.
“I was wrong, Jax. So wrong, and I shouldn’t have run. When I came through the door tonight,” his arms tighten around me, “and I saw you standing there, I knew instinctively that you would keep me safe. That nothing could hurt me, as long as I was with you. All of you,” I add, opening my eyes and looking into Loki’s emerald ones as he makes his way over to us, stepping into the shower.
Leaning back, I look up into Jax’s face. My arms are still wrapped around him, and I meet those piercing eyes of his. The blue is swirling and churning with a myriad of intense emotions. I reach out to cup his bearded cheek.
“Jax, you are my home, where I belong and where I’m safe. The thought of losing you, any of you…I’m not sure I would survive it.”
His hands tighten where they’re now resting on my hips. I can see him swallowing, and when he talks, his voice is thick with emotion.
“You’re ours, Lilly,” he says simply. I feel a warmth at my back when Loki steps up to me, his hands coming to my waist.
“We’re right here, and we’re not going anywhere. None of us,” Loki says into my ear, his voice serious. “Lilly, we need you. We need your light to temper our darkness and make us believe we’re worthy. That we’re not completely bad. That we’re not just monsters.”
“Loki…” I reach a hand back around his neck and pull him closer. “You’ve done bad things, do bad things because you have to. And I don’t care if you’re monsters, as long as you’re my monsters.”
“We’re yours,” Jax rumbles out, fingers pressing hard into my soft flesh.
“You’re ours,” Loki purrs behind me. I can feel them both hard again, pressed into my stomach and lower back. “Let’s clean you up,” he says softly, placing a gentle kiss on my shoulder.
I need these guys, and no matter what they’ve done or what they’ll do, they’re good guys.
Who of us isn’t a little bit of a monster too?
We gently untangle ourselves, then Loki and Jax wash me so tenderly, so reverently, that fresh tears spring to my eyes. They wrap me up in a huge, fluffy towel, shepherding me out of the bathroom, where we see Ash and Kai sitting on the sofa, who look up as we exit.
Ash gets up and walks towards us, then stops short in front of me. He looks torn, torment churning in his grey eyes. Before he can say a word, I step forward and wrap my arms around his waist, nuzzling my nose into his neck and taking a deep breath in.
His spicy ginger scent floods my senses as he hesitates for a beat, then wraps his own arms tightly around me. I can hear his heart pounding in his chest, and his body is shaking all over.
“I’m so sorry, Ash,” I whisper, feeling him stiffen in my arms. “I was wrong that night, and I just got scared and ran. But I shouldn’t have.” I can feel more tears stinging my eyes again. Crying is all I seem to do tonight.
He pulls back to look into my eyes, his own full of a thousand emotions.
“This life is so fucked up, Lilly, it’s not safe, and now we’ve dragged you into it too,” he replies. He looks desolate and full of guilt, his jaw tight. “We should have stayed away from you. We shouldn’t have gotten involved in the first place.” He hangs his head, and my heart stutters.
Does he regret being with me?
Taking a deep breath, he looks back up at me. One hand cups the side of my face, his thumb gently caressing my cheek.
“I’m sorry, Princess,” he murmurs, leaning down and pressing his lips to mine in a bittersweet kiss before stepping out of my arms, turning his back on me, and walking away.
I feel sick and numb, my heart so sore I’m surprised it’s still beating. I hear Loki, Jax, and Kai in the background arguing, but all I can do is watch as Ash walks out the door.
A sob escapes me, my hand covering my lips when Kai steps in front of me, his hands capturing my face.
“Hey, Lilly, he just needs time,” he says gently, and I look into his eyes. “He’s hurting and feels like he’s failed you tonight.”
“Kai, I’ve lost him.” My voice is small and lost. Fresh tears track down my cheeks, which Kai brushes away with his thumbs.
“Not forever,” he says back, pulling me into his embrace, holding me whilst I gently cry into his chest, my tears wetting his t-shirt. His hands are soothing down my back, and his lips place gentle kisses on my head until a wave of exhaustion washes over me.
The events of tonight have wrung me out until I feel like a damp rag. Boneless, and like there’s no more tears left.
He must feel my body droop because he scoops me up and carries me upstairs, taking me to Loki’s room. I hear the others come in as Kai carefully sets me on my feet, removing my towel and picking me up again, then lying me down in Loki’s bed.
He tenderly kisses my forehead before straightening up. I crack my eyes open a slit to see Loki and Jax climb in naked on either side of me, the bed dipping with their weight.
“Sleep now, Pretty Girl,” Loki mumbles, pulling me close to him, my back to his chest. “It’ll all be okay.”
Before I can utter a word of protest, darkness overtakes me, and I fall into a blissful, dreamless sleep.
