“Just let me explain when we get inside. It’s cold as balls out here,” I say to Colt when he finishes his inquisition about what part of ‘stay away from Flynn’s sisters’ I didn’t get.
“Never understood that phrase.” He shakes his head, his sandy blonde hair blowing around in the breeze. “Are your balls cold? Because mine sure as hell aren’t.”
I snort out a laugh and shake my head. “Are these the ponderings that keep you up at night?” Colt’s a good guy, but he can be kind of an oaf sometimes.
“Not exactly,” he says, and starts walking toward the restaurant, which is only a few doors down from where I now know Audrey takes pole dancing classes. I can’t fucking wait to hear more about that.
The restaurant is stuffy and warm when we come in from the cold, and I’m so busy taking off my jacket as the hostess leads us toward the back corner of the restaurant that I don’t notice a table full of my teammates until we’re right in front of them.
“What the hell are you all doing here?” I ask as I slide into the round booth next to my team captain.
“Colt said you needed relationship advice,” Patrick Walsh says.
“Walshy seemed like the natural person to ask,” Colt says when I glare at him. “Given that he’s so happily married, he’s making us all sick with how much he talks about his family.” Walsh just smiles in response. His wife and kids are at every game, even the baby, and I’ve never known another player who is more into his family. So even though it annoys me that he opened his mouth about it, Colt was probably right about including Walsh in this conversation.
I’m about to flippantly ask if McCabe is here to give me relationship advice too. But then I remember he’s my team captain and think better of it.
Impulse control…clearly still a developing skill. But I heard what Audrey said last night, and I’m going to work on being more intentional, both with my words and my actions.
“And everyone else?” I ask instead.
“I’m your fucking Captain, that’s why I’m here,” McCabe says. “I want to make sure that whatever’s going on isn’t going to fuck up your game.”
“Dude, you have a baby at home. Could you just get one sentence out without swearing?” Walsh asks.
McCabe’s legendary scowl crosses his face. “Fucking doubt it.”
We all burst out laughing. Then Zach Reid adds, “I’m here because I’ve been in therapy for, like, a decade, so I’m a pro at dealing with emotions.”
“Alright,” I say. “But I wasn’t planning on broadcasting this situation. Honestly, right now, the fewer people who know about it, the better.”
“You didn’t fucking get someone pregnant, did you?” McCabe asks.
When I pick up my water glass instead of answering right away, all heads swivel toward me. “It’s kind of complicated.”
“Nah,” Colt says. “Either you did, or you didn’t.”
“I did, but—”
“Dude, you’ve only been back in Boston for, like, a month! How is this even possible? Or was this some chick in Colorado?” Zach asks.
From across the table, Walsh eyes me skeptically.
“First of all, she’s not ‘some chick.’ So cut that shit out.” I lift the water glass to my lips and take a sip, hoping that Colt doesn’t lunge across the table and strangle me when I come clean. “There was a girl in college, and we got together right before I was drafted. I headed to Vancouver, and she didn’t find out she was pregnant until after I was gone. I only discovered I’m a dad a few weeks ago.”
“You. Fucking. Asshole.” Each word comes out of Colt’s mouth on an exhaled breath, low and deadly sounding. He’s gripping the edge of the table with both hands, like he might flip it.
“I didn’t know Audrey was pregnant,” I say, holding my hands up in a gesture of surrender, “or I would have been there for her and Graham.”
“Who’s Audrey?” Zach asks.
“Flynn’s little sister,” McCabe says. Jameson isn’t his agent, but he’s been with the team for long enough that they probably played together at one point.
“Jameson Flynn?” Zach sounds worried. Jameson’s got a reputation for ruthlessness, and I’m sure Zach is wondering what the fallout will be for me. When I nod, he asks, “Does he know?”
“He does now. Audrey initially didn’t tell him, or anyone except for her sister, that I was the dad. But she told him, like, a week ago.”
I can tell by the look on Colt’s face that he’s surprised Jameson knows, which means Jameson hasn’t told him. And unless I’m reading too much into it, he looks a bit hurt not to be in the know.
“Why didn’t she tell you?” Walsh asks.
“This is the part where I’m the asshole,” I warn them, and Colt’s eyes narrow. “She tried calling me, and I didn’t call her back. She obviously could have told her brother and had him reach out to me about it, but she was afraid he’d ruin my career if he knew.”
“Yep,” Walsh agrees. “You’re the asshole in that situation. So, how did you find out?”
I describe the scene at the fire a few weeks before.
“So you were watching her that night. It wasn’t just my imagination!” Colt says, and I nod. “How is Audrey taking all this?”
“Well, that’s the part I need advice on. Things between us are…actually really good. But she doesn’t trust me to stick.”
“To stick?” Walsh asks.
“Yeah. She’s worried I’ll leave her, either because Boston won’t sign me again at the end of my contract, or just that I’ll change my mind.”
“There’s not much you can do about the contract except play to the best of your ability and show AJ that you’re the kind of player she wants to keep around,” McCabe says.
“And what kind of player is that?”
“Honest. Hardworking. Dependable.” McCabe doesn’t even have to think before listing these qualities off. “Your talent will continue to develop, but she also wants good men on this team.”
“I can be all of those things.”
“You can be, or you are?” McCabe’s voice is no-nonsense, and I know that everything hinges on my answer.
“I’m honest and hardworking, and I’m working on being dependable.”
He nods, and I assume that means my answer satisfies him. Colt’s still eerily silent.
“So the part you can control,” Walsh says, “is showing Audrey that you’re committed to her and that nothing’s going to change your mind.”
“How do you know, in less than a month, that you’re not going to change your mind?” Colt asks, and he sounds genuinely curious. It makes me wonder if there’s never been anyone he’s felt this way about.
“I’m not really sure how to explain it,” I say, feeling a bit awkward getting all up in my feels with my teammates. But they’re all looking at me like they want to know the answer to this question as well. “When I’m with her and Graham, everything feels right. I was really into her in college, but she hardly gave me the time of day. She had feelings I didn’t know about, and same. It feels like we’ve just picked up right where we left off, only somehow, it’s better. The chemistry is hotter than before, but I also legitimately just like spending time with her.”
I think about coming to her house when she had cramps, and how relaxed I was when we were watching the movie and talking. Sure, it was great when things heated up, but that’s not why I came over, and I was in no way expecting that to happen.
“Sounds legit,” McCabe shrugs. “So what’s the problem?”
“I accidentally told my sister, in front of Audrey, that Audrey was the mother of my child and my future wife.”
“Shiiiiiiiit,” Colt hisses out.
“Yeah, she stormed out of there so fast.”
“What?” McCabe says. “I thought women loved shit like that?”
“We’d sort of agreed we weren’t going to tell my family about Graham yet. And she thinks that my feelings for her are just because everything between us is new and the shine hasn’t worn off. I don’t know how to change her mind.”
“That’s easy,” Colt says. “You just gotta shower her with gifts so she knows you’re always thinking about her.”
“And show up for her whenever she needs you,” McCabe says. “But, like, not so much she thinks you’re a stalker.”
“If she likes you,” Zach says, “she’s going to want to spend time with you. Just don’t smother her.”
Walsh shakes his head. “You guys are idiots.”
“Oh yeah, family man? Then do share all your wisdom,” Colt mocks.
“No two women are alike, so you can’t treat her like she’s anyone else. You need to know what she wants out of a relationship.” Walsh looks at me, pausing until I meet his eyes. “She’s a single mom, and she’s been doing this by herself for years. So either she’s happy on her own, or she wants a partner and hasn’t found the right person yet. Which is it?”
“Ugh…”
“If you don’t even know what she wants, how can you be the person she needs you to be?” he asks me.
“Well, shit,” Colt mutters. “Walshy’s dropping some truth bombs tonight.”
“She wants a partner,” I say more confidently. “Someone who can share the load of parenting. But she also wants to be seen as more than someone’s mom.”
“You mean she wants sex,” McCabe says, his voice certain.
“I think she wants to feel desired,” I clarify.
“Are you making her feel that way?” Colt all but growls.
“I know she’s like a little sister to you, so I’m just going to leave it at: I’m giving her what she needs in that department.”
His jaw ticks as he grinds his teeth together, but he looks away.
“Okay, so the sexual part of the relationship is taken care of,” Walsh says. “So how are you showing up for her in other ways? How are you showing her that you’re dependable—the kind of guy she can build a life with?”
I tell them about volunteering with Graham’s team and taking them out for cookies afterward, coming over when she didn’t feel good, and taking her to the pharmacy when she was sick.
“Oh good.” Walsh rolls his eyes when I’m done. “So you’ve done, like, three nice things for her, when it’s convenient for you, in at least as many weeks? Stellar start, dude.”
“I’ve also been on the road and sick myself in that time.” I don’t mention my mom and the time I’m spending with her because then I’d have to explain that situation, and I don’t want to derail the conversation. I think Walsh can legitimately offer me some good advice when it comes to Audrey.
“When you’re married, you don’t just get to show up when you feel like it. You’re there together every day. And if it’s a good relationship”—Walsh looks at Zach—“no one feels smothered.”
“Could have fooled me,” he mutters as he spins his Rebels cap backward, using both hands to position the bill behind his head.
“Sounds like there’s a story there,” Colt says.
“We’re here to dissect Drew’s love life, not mine,” Zach grumbles. I sense that, unlike Colt, he’s the type of person who likes to keep the details of his private life private.
“Okay, if you yahoos are done talking about how to not have a relationship, maybe we can talk about how to build a good relationship here?”
Everyone stares back at him.
“So,” Walsh continues, “I think half the issue is that you’re too used to pulling women based on your good looks and the fact that you’re a hockey player. You don’t know what it means to actually work for a woman’s attention.”
I look at Walsh, who is not even close to the best-looking guy on the team, but has an insanely hot wife who seems incredibly happy, and beautiful children.
“You need to show her that you’ll be there for her, no matter what,” he continues. “And, if you ask me, the secret to a solid relationship is that you need to complement each other. Whatever she’s lacking or whatever her weaknesses, you gotta make up for those. And same for her. You gotta balance each other out.”
I consider what he’s saying, trying to imagine how I could be that person for Audrey. I think about how hard she’s worked to get where she is, what a wonderful mom she is to Graham, how close she is to her siblings.
“What if she doesn’t have weaknesses?” I ask.
“We all have weaknesses,” Zach says. “And if she isn’t showing you hers, she doesn’t trust you.”
“I think we already established that,” I mutter, as the rest of my teammates say, “Damnnnnn.”
“So there’s your answer, then.” Walsh looks at me like it’s so obvious.
“What’s my answer?”
“Show up for her. Give her reasons to trust you, to reveal her weaknesses so you can make up for them. Be the one to show her what unconditional love looks like.”
