Present
Today is officially known as birthday-hangover day.
I have been sitting on my couch for the last three hours watching a show about embarrassing bodies. I’m not really watching it, it’s more of a living coma, but every so often something awfully horrendous will come on the screen and I’ll be glued to it.
I stare at my phone screen a million times, the same old texts come through from Eric, Nikki, and Adriana, but it isn’t what or who I’m waiting for.
Mustering the courage to text him, I thank him for bringing me home in my intoxicated state. It wasn’t my finest moment, and lately, there have been too many humiliating moments, all with one thing in common—alcohol.
There’s a strange feeling I can’t quite put my finger on, the fact that he was here, in my home. Of course, I don’t recall anything, and Coco isn’t giving anything away either.
The last thing I remember is getting up on stage and singing to P!nk. I created this terrible habit of using alcohol to avoid reality, and once again, I’m paying the price.
The more I think about last night, the more my head throbs in pain. Not only was the whole party a surprise, I had to deal with both Julian and Lex being there, fucking Lex in the restroom, arguing with Lex in the restroom, dealing with an angry Julian who just upped and left, then the emotions of the gift that Lex gave me which is still sitting heavy on my chest.
Reaching for the pendant, I play with it between my fingers, wondering if I have pushed him away. I recall, once upon a time, being in his exact same position. Praying and wishing he’d leave her just like he’s begging me now. The humiliation of being the person on the side isn’t something that can easily be ignored. It stays with you for almost a lifetime.
His desperation ran deep, begging me to talk to him. If only it were that easy, if only I could bare my entire soul to him without the aftermath of my emotions driving me to a dark place I refuse to return to.
My phone buzzes beside me, startling a relaxed Coco.
Nikki: Rocky is dragging me to the Yankees game tonight. Since your so-called ‘friend’ organized this, you better be at my place at six on the dot.
Six o’clock on the dot, and I’m knocking on the door dressed in my jeans, hoodie, and Converse. The door opens, and an excited Will wraps his small arms around my waist, hugging me real tight. He talks a mile a minute and all I hear are the words ‘Yankees,’ ‘shark project,’ and ‘rocky road ice cream.’ I have no idea how all three of those are linked, but I have a whole night to figure it out.
“Great, Charlie is here. Come on, woman. Let’s go.” Rocky shoves us out the door impatiently.
Stepping out onto the pavement, my breathing becomes rapid and shallow. My pulse is pounding within my temples, nervous to face Lex again. I have this unwelcoming feeling I said or did something wrong last night. And once again, the only person who can answer that is him.
The black SUV pulls up beside the curb. Rocky jumps in first, much to Nikki’s disapproval, ignoring the ‘ladies first’ rule. Will climbs into the back with Nikki, leaving me to sit beside Lex. As soon as our eyes meet, something pulls me in a different direction. With a welcoming smile, my shoulders relax, releasing the nervous tension I have been carrying.
“Hi.” He grins, keeping his hands to himself for once.
He’s dressed casually in a pair of jeans, white sneakers, and tee. On his head, he’s wearing a Yankees cap. I didn’t know he’s a fan, but it doesn’t surprise me either. Lex has always been athletic and loved all types of sports.
“Hi, yourself.”
“Hey, aren’t you the guy we ran into at the park? Charlie’s friend?” Will questions behind us.
“Yes, you’re right,” Lex answers politely. “Nice to see you again. Excited about the game, buddy?”
“I am,” Rocky roars at the front, twisting the cap on a Budweiser he brought with him.
Everyone laughs, and at times, Will acts more mature than his dad. We talk baseball all the way there, each opinion varying, and the conversation becoming more passionate the closer we get to the stadium.
“Since when did you take an interest in sports? You hated all that.” Lex raises his brow, curious.
“Since I was forced to attend every game in college, thanks to Miss Stalker over here.”
“There’s nothing hotter than watching your man play sports,” Nikki quips.
“Mom, what does that mean?”
Rocky laughs, attempting to answer Will. “It means your dad totally rocked the field, and that’s why Mommy married me.”
“Oh, I thought it was because she got knocked-up,” he blurts.
“Will!” the three of us yell, in shock.
“What?” Will lifts his hands, shrugging his shoulders. “Remember that time you and Mommy were fighting because that pretty lady in the coffee shop that used to go to college with you gave you a piece of paper with her phone number? When you were fighting, I heard Mommy say that if she weren’t knocked-up, you wouldn’t have gotten married. What does knocked-up mean, anyway?”
Lex and I glance at each other wondering how Nikki and Rocky are going to worm their way out of this one.
“You see, Mommy and Daddy were incredibly angry at each other that day and said some mean things. Afterward, we talked and apologized to each other,” Nikki says, trying keep her smile pleasant. “I’m sorry you heard that because it was a very silly fight.”
Will nods like he understands. “But that doesn’t explain the knocked-up part?”
“Look, we’re here,” Lex announces, pointing to the stadium.
“Oh, wow,” Will exclaims, his face flat against the window. “Lex, will you sit next to me during the game? I want to practice my commentating just like Daddy does.”
“Sure thing, buddy.”
Rocky mouths a ‘thank you’ to Lex, and typical Nikki says nothing.
The stadium is packed and, of course, Lex made sure we weren’t sitting in the regular section, securing us box seats. I sit between Nikki and Will. Rocky is already talking Lex’s ear off about stats, but Lex doesn’t seem to mind so much. In fact, he actually seems to enjoy it.
We order a ton of food—hot dogs, fries, and nachos—and did I mention that was just for Rocky? Will is also enjoying the game, jumping in his seat at every chance he gets and asking Lex a ton of questions like where he grew up, his favorite color, his favorite team. Even Nikki looks like she’s having fun, although her kind of fun is pointing out the hot players. We giggle, and straight away, Rocky knows we’re talking about the men.
“He ain’t got nothing on me,” he yells out every so often.
Sometime during the seventh inning, Rocky takes Will to the bathroom and Nikki joins them, leaving Lex and me alone. I’m determined not to be the so-called cold bitch I have apparently become, welcoming an amicable conversation.
“So…” we both say at the same time, followed by a laugh.
“I’m sorry for last night,” I interject, desperate to get things off my chest. “I was drunk, and I don’t recall much. But from what I remember, I said some things to hurt you that I shouldn’t have.”
His expression remains fixed, but upon looking closely, his eyes bear a sign of relief. For the last few hours, he hasn’t pushed me with his words or controlled me in ways only he knows how. The Lex I have grown accustomed to the past few weeks isn’t the man sitting beside me. Something changed overnight to bring back the old Alex I used to know and love.
“Charlotte, I get it. I honestly do. I hurt you in more ways than I can imagine. I don’t know how to make things right anymore. I don’t know what you want.”
“Everything about us has always been unconventional. We never had a chance to be friends without getting emotions involved. That’s what I want.”
“Just to be friends?” he asks, a slight hurt registering in his eyes.
“No, I want it to start that way. I can’t promise you anything, I can’t promise what the future holds, but I just want to get to know you again. I understand if you don’t want that.”
“Actually, that sounds like a really good idea. So, no more late-night visits to my office?” he teases.
“Mmm… I don’t think that’s the best idea right now.” I smile, not wanting to create an unwarranted argument between us. “It seems to create friction between us.”
“Yes, it seems we do get along better when I’m not fucking you on your desk.”
I curl my lips, letting out a small laugh. “Yes, it seems that way.”
The three of them return, and it isn’t long before Lex whisks Rocky away to meet some sports commentators and other big shots in the corporate box. Nikki and I sit there as Will moves a few rows down to wait for the players to come around so they can sign his hat.
“I know I need to talk, Nikki. Long story short, for now, I told him we need a fresh start. We need to learn how to be friends.”
“Agreed. I mean, yeah, I get that the sex is hot, and I don’t want to admit that he’s one hot muthafucker even though he makes my blood boil, but if this is what you want, Charlie, then you need to start with the basics. This isn’t high school anymore, you’re both adults,” she points out, keeping her expression cool. “So, start off with the important questions like how many women has he slept with since he left you?”
I turn to face her—sure she has a pitchfork in hand. “Firstly, that’s not an important question. Do you think I have some sort of death wish? And besides, what if he asks me?”
“Then, you tell him.”
“Does that include blow jobs?”
“I’ve never been so technical. I guess so.”
“So, what’s your magic number?”
“Let’s see. There was the guy I lost my virginity to, then I dated him for a year in high school. He cheated on me, so I fucked his best friend. Crude, I know. Then a few guys before I met Rocky. I think six, total.”
“And Rocky?”
“Manwhore Rocky? He can’t even remember… I think he stopped counting after thirty.”
I laugh. “Well, he may have been like that before, but damn girl, you got your man whipped.”
“I do know how to keep him entertained.” She wiggles her brows.
The men return with Rocky talking Nikki’s head off about the sports crew he met and something about having lunch with them on Monday. Walking back to us slowly, Will looks tired with his excitement wearing off.
“You guys take the SUV home. If Lex doesn’t mind, I’d like to take him out.”
Lex glances at me, tipping his head to the side, surprised. We say our goodbyes, and I ask Lex if he wants to take a walk through Rockefeller Center.
We take a cab there, talking quietly about the game until we reach our destination.
Lex finds us a bench to sit on near where some performers are playing music. A small crowd gathers, families happily strolling around, and the tourists are snapping anything and everything in sight.
“I love it here,” I say, watching the crowds around us. “When I first came to the city, I’d sit here for hours and just watch the people walk by. There’s something calming about it.”
“I remember once, I think I was twelve or something, Mom and Dad brought us here and we went ice skating. Adriana had the biggest fall… she needed stitches on her head it was that bad. There was blood all over the ice. I can’t help but remember that every time I’m here.”
“How often do you come to New York?”
“At least once every three months. It depends on work, of course. I’ve never actually been here for pleasure…” He pauses, then laughs.
“I’d argue that.”
“Such a dirty mind, Miss Mason,” he teases, averting his eyes back to people walking past us.
“How are your mom and dad? Do they still live in Carmel?”
“They spend the summers there, but most of the time they are on the road. Instead of settling down at the hospital, Dad travels all over the world helping people who don’t have the means for medical treatment.”
Of the conversations we used to have, the Alex I knew was passionate about being a doctor. He shared similar qualities with his father, often talking about the intensity of practicing medicine and how it changed him in ways he never imagined possible.
“That could have been you,” I remind him, gently. “What made you finally quit?”
Shifting on the bench, he places his hands inside the pocket of his jeans, watching a couple in front of us kiss while taking a selfie. My question, raw yet with purpose, pushes the boundary between us. I need to get to know him again because unanswered questions allow my mind to go rampant.
“It was after I found out about Samantha, and the fact that she lied about the baby. I came back from looking for you, and everyone told me to leave you alone, let you live your life the way you deserved. I argued, of course, but in the end I listened, thinking they were right.” Closing his eyes momentarily, he pinches the bridge of his nose before opening them wide again. “I couldn’t help people, not in the frame of mind I was in. I confronted my grandfather first. He was happy to hand over the reins of his business. I agreed to go back and study, initially only taking on a small portion of work.”
“Then what happened?” I ask, trying to process everything.
“I tripled our profits, and the company grew. He was pleased and wanted to hand the rest over to me. I said no, I wanted to focus solely on the part that was mine. My father stopped talking to me then. Eventually, I was doing so well due to not having a life and working twenty-four seven. My grandfather passed away a year later, and the company was left to me.”
I’m unable to find the right words to say. So many things hadn’t changed, yet so many things were completely different.
“And you’re wealthy. It all paid off,” I say, admiring his tenacity.
“I was unstoppable,” he breathes, almost as if it’s a curse. “The money, the power, the control… I lived and breathed it, but there’s no denying I was lonely.”
“But Lex, look at you…” I turn to face him, tucking my knee under my leg, “… you can have any woman you want. Why didn’t you settle down and find someone?”
Cocking his head, he glances at me with a smirk. “That’s where you’re wrong. I can’t have any woman I want. Otherwise, we wouldn’t be sitting here as just friends.”
I remain silent, pondering his last comment, trying to figure out a way to answer without pushing him away.
“I just need time.”
“I’m trying to understand, Charlotte. Believe me.”
“I know you are.” I bow my head, playing with a loose thread on my jeans. “And I thank you for giving me that.”
A cool breeze sweeps past us. Letting out a shudder, Lex warns me he’s about to place his arm around me to keep me warm. Good friends would do just that. I laugh at his pathetic excuse but allow him to do it anyway, enjoying how nice it feels.
“So, anything exciting this week?”
“Exciting, no. Busy, yes…” he hesitates, but I’m unsure why. “I’m flying back to London on Monday. I’ll be there for two weeks, then back here to work on the opening of the new office.”
It makes sense now. The last time he told me he was going to London I acted like a spoiled brat and ran off on him.
“Are you angry with me?”
“No. I’m sorry I behaved like a petulant child the last time you had to leave. I completely understand your work commitments. There’s always email, texting, Facebook, Skype, and tweeting. I’m sure we can find ways to talk to each other.”
He chuckles, shaking his head. “I don’t have time for social media.”
“Well, then, we can stick to good old-fashioned texting.”
“Sounds good.”
I don’t want to end the night, but it’s late, and I’m exhausted after last night. The crowds slowly disperse leaving us almost alone to admire the beautiful sight in front of us. The skyscrapers are lit up, and I’ve never felt so much at home, here, in this big city.
But maybe it isn’t the city.
Maybe it’s the person beside me.
“Where do you stay when you’re here?”
“The Waldorf, my home away from home. When the head chef knows exactly what you eat, you know you have it good.”
“Or a lot of money,” I add.
“Yes, that, too. Are you free tomorrow for lunch?”
This night is going so well, and I don’t want to ruin it. I can lie, but what kind of friendship am I trying to build based on lies and deceit? It’s now or never.
“I don’t want to fight, Lex,” I tread cautiously. “But I’m having brunch with Samantha.”
“Samantha. Right.” His expression tightens, the sudden crossing of arms a dead giveaway he isn’t pleased. “Can I ask why?”
“Business. Confidential matters. Legal… if you can read between the lines.”
“Right.”
“But I’m free tomorrow night?”
With a promising smile, he drops his hands back into his pockets. “Sounds perfect.”
“It’s a date. No, sorry, that’s the wrong term to use… a friendly catch-up involving something delicious to eat.”
Unable to disguise a mischievous grin spreading all over his beautiful face, he drops his head, letting out a small laugh. I can tell he wants to say something until it finally clicks, and my laughter consumes me.
“Okay, I know. I walked right into that one.” I smack my forehead, shaking my head, embarrassed. “Nice to see I’m not the only one with the dirty mind, Mr. Edwards.”
We stand and walk to the street lined with cabs. I don’t want to say goodbye, but I have to, learning to restrain myself. If we are going to be friends, I have to obey my own rules.
Rule number one—avoid all physical contact.
“Thank you, Charlotte. For tonight.” He leans in and kisses my cheek softly.
Every part of me wants to grab him, take him back to my place and make sweet love to him. But this ‘friends’ business, it’s imperative to what our future holds.
I can no longer deny that having him back in my life doesn’t make me happy.
And that becomes part of a bigger problem.
My happiness has become attached to him, to us. Again.
