Several minutes had passed since my alarm went off, but I was still in bed, thinking about last night, when I heard a soft knock on my door.
“Caleb?” I called out, alarmed.
“Can I come in?” I heard him mumble behind the door.
“No!” I sat up in bed quickly, thinking of my morning breath and rat’s-nest hair. “Can you give me two minutes?”
I didn’t wait for his reply but darted to the bathroom, brushing my teeth and hair hurriedly. I paused when I saw my reflection in the mirror. Something was different about me. My cheeks had color in them, and my eyes were brighter.
“Red?”
Letting out a loud breath, I opened the door. Caleb was standing there, smiling, his eyes lighting up when he saw me. Even with bed-rumpled hair and a sleep line imprinted on his left cheek, he looked gorgeous. Butterflies swirled in my stomach at the sight of him.
“Do you sleep naked? Is that why you needed two minutes?”
I blushed but retorted, “Wouldn’t you like to know?”
His eyes twinkled and easily expressed what he was thinking.
“Can I come in?”
He raised his arms, and I noticed he was carrying a tray of food. There were a plate of deformed pancakes, butter and syrup on the side, a bowl of cut-up strawberries, a steaming cup of green tea, and a glass of orange juice. And a rose was lying on the side.
My eyes flicked up to his when he cleared his throat. I realized I had been staring at the tray for a while, with my heart floating giddily around my ribs.
“I made you pancakes since we didn’t make them last night,” he explained.
Was he blushing?
“But I’m sorry I kind of messed them up a bit.”
He looked so adorable, so sweet. I had an inexplicable urge to kiss him and to scream my heart out, but I held it all in.
“Come in,” I choked out.
He looked at me knowingly and smiled. “Breathe, Red. It will pass.”
He’d never been in my room before, not since I moved in. I gazed around me, wondering what he thought of it now that I had settled in. Like the rest of his place, it was designed in a modern industrial style, with light-gray concrete walls, gorgeous exposed beams on the tall ceiling, and hardwood floors. The huge bed dominated the room, the dark-blue duvet haphazardly thrown on the floor when I rushed to the bathroom. My books were neatly stacked on the nightstand, my backpack on the floor. A wide window encompassed the whole wall to my right, with a round, white table with curved legs and two high-backed chairs tucked beside it. The room had always seemed spacious, but as I watched him walk to the sitting area, it suddenly felt small.
He set the tray on the table. “Come on, let’s eat.” He waved me over. When he drew back the curtains, sunlight rushed in, and the view of the city below made everything perfect.
No, I realized, Caleb made it perfect. Even if we were in a windowless basement, his presence would make it better.
It would be so easy to give in to him, to let myself fall for him, but what would happen when he got tired of me? Where would I be?
These emotions I felt for him were getting stronger and made me feel I was on unstable ground. That made me weary, defensive. But most of all, it made me feel vulnerable. I took a step back.
“Caleb, I don’t have time to sit down and eat. My bus leaves in an hour.”
“I’m driving you to school from now on.”
“You can’t do that.”
“Yes, I can.”
I glared at him. “No, you can’t.”
“I can and I will,” he countered stubbornly.
I placed my hands on my hips. “Why are you bossing me around?”
He let out a sigh. “Can’t we just eat in peace? I made these for you. I really, really worked hard because…I wanted to make you smile this morning.”
I felt myself softening. He hated cooking, but he’d done it for me. He motioned to the chair he’d pulled out. When I was seated, he positioned the other chair so that we were sitting beside each other.
“Where did you get the rose?” My mouth wanted to twitch into a smile so I bit my lip.
He looked at me from beneath his lashes. “I snatched one in the lobby downstairs. They won’t miss it.”
I nodded pensively, biting my lip harder. “Thank you for the pancakes.”
“You’re very welcome.”
He motioned to the tray of food nervously.
Since the pancakes were pretty much cut in different sizes, I grabbed my fork, stabbed a piece, and put it in my mouth. I chewed slowly.
CRUNCH.
“Um,” I mumbled, trying to politely spit out the pieces of eggshell.
Caleb hung his head, handing me a napkin.
“I’m sorry, Red. I’ve never cooked pancakes before. Just wanted to make some for you.” There was a mix of mortification and sadness in his voice.
Ah, dammit all to hell and back.
Grabbing his face, I planted a kiss on his lips. We both froze.
One, one thousand. Two, one thousand. Three, one thousand…
I tried to pull away, but his big hands held my face, keeping me still. Then his lips began to move.
His kiss wasn’t as I remembered it.
It was better.
Soft lips, gentle bites, tease, tease, tease.
“You taste so good. Better,” he corrected. His voice was deep and husky. “Are you my girlfriend now, Red?”
His hands still held my face so that I was exposed and vulnerable to his gaze. I looked away.
“No,” I replied.
His hands fell away. “What, then?” he demanded.
Panic was climbing fast in my chest. I felt suffocated. Why couldn’t he leave it alone?
He wanted too much. Too fast.
“Nothing,” I told him, leaning away. “We’re friends.”
“I’m not your friend. Friends don’t want each other like I want you.” His tone was hard, confrontational.
I stood up, stepping out of reach. “I’m not ready to discuss this.”
“Fine,” he barked, rising. “If that’s the way you want it, but I don’t want you kissing anyone but me.”
His tone was commanding and possessive. I didn’t like it at all.
“Hey, buddy, listen up!” I snapped, drilling a finger into his chest. “Just because I kissed you last night doesn’t mean you can tell me what to do!” His chest was rock hard. “Do it again, I dare you, and I’m out.”
His teeth were clenched, his jaw hard.
“This!” I exploded, gesturing between us. “This is what happens with kissing. It complicates things!”
“No,” he said sadly, scrubbing his face with his hand. “It doesn’t. Exclusivity. Is it too much to ask? Are you with someone else? Is that why?”
It was faint, but I detected hurt in his voice. My anger faded.
“No, Caleb.” I looked him in the eye so he could see my honesty. “I’m not with someone else. But I’m not with you either.”
“Yes, you are,” he insisted.
“No, I’m not.”
“What do you call what happened last night, then?” he challenged.
I kept my mouth shut.
“I kissed you. And,” he added, “you kissed me back.”
I gritted my teeth.
“You kissed me just a couple minutes ago,” he pointed out. “Do you need a reminder?”
His tone wasn’t playful anymore. It was serious and territorial.
“I am not your property,” I informed him, balling my fists.
He was in front of me in a flash. Close, oh, so close. “You drive me crazy,” he whispered roughly.
His breath fanned my face. “Crazy,” he repeated before he lowered his head. He kissed my bottom lip lightly, biting and pulling at it until I gasped.
I closed my eyes, wanting more. I could feel myself leaning closer to him, wanting to pull him to me, wishing he would—and then he did. Pleasure and desire flowed through my system as he continued to kiss me.
“What do you want, Red?” he murmured.
His tongue traced the seam of my lips, and a moan escaped from my throat.
“The way you kiss me tells me you want me. And not just as friends.”
Torn, I pushed away from him. He was too much. I turned away, ready to walk out. He grabbed my arm firmly, then let go as I faced him again.
“Please, don’t run away,” he said softly. “I don’t think I can be your friend. If you just want to be friends, then I want nothing from you.”
My heart was beating too loud, too fast.
His eyes blazed. “I want too much from you to just be your friend.”
All or nothing? It was an ultimatum. Panic was budding in my chest again.
I don’t want to lose you yet, Caleb.
“Don’t ask this of me. You want too much. It’s all so fast,” I blurted out.
He closed his eyes, lowering his head and gripping the back of his neck with both his hands as he sat on the chair.
“I’m sorry. You’re right,” he said softly. When he looked up, his eyes were solemn. “I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I know I’m handling it all wrong, but I can’t seem to stop. I just want it all with you. Everything. And I’m clueless how…” he finished helplessly, his hands falling to his lap.
My heart felt heavy. Why did I feel like I wanted to gather him in my arms and take away his pain?
I was falling, falling…and there was no safety net. He was asking me to risk everything.
I swallowed. “Can we take it slow?”
He took a deep breath, nodding. “Let’s do that. How about you get ready, and I’ll drive us both to school?” He smiled adorably. “If that’s okay?”
I sighed. “Okay.”
I realized he’d gotten what he wanted in the end.
