Present
I roughly cough like I’ve swallowed a bunch of razor blades.
My eyes are shut tight, and I’m unable to ignore the fire clawing up my throat. Water, I need water. Struggling to open my eyes, they sting as the light hits my retinas. What the fuck is wrong with me? I give up trying, burying my head under the pillow to fall asleep again.
Attempt number two—this time I take it slow.
As my eyes open, the bright light burns once again. It’s the fucking sun. I pull the sheet above my head to block out the light. Something feels off against my skin.
I pull the sheet tighter against me. What the hell is it? It’s wet and sticky. My eyes are still closed, but I can feel it against my torso. I place my hand down searching for this odd thing annoying me, scraping my palm against my body until I find it toward my ribcage. Clutching it in my hands, I bring it to my eyes.
It’s a condom.
Fuck!
Startled by the discovery, I sit up unwillingly staring at this piece of rubber, a result of my pain. I fucked up big time! What the fuck have I done?
“Nice of you to wake up.”
The sound of a voice makes me jump. I’m not alone.
“What are you doing here?”
“I’m guessing you don’t remember any of last night?”
I strain my brain trying to remember what happened. I drank so much—I mean a lot. The entire bottle of whiskey and even raided the hotel room mini-fridge.
Inside the hotel lobby, I saw Victoria and dragged her to my suite. I remember the shrill in her voice as she unbuttoned my shirt and ran her hands along my chest. She mumbled words like ‘finally I get a piece of you’ and other dirty shit, but then it became a blur and I think, well, hope, I blacked out.
I rub my face, wishing this away. “What did I do?”
“What do you think you did?”
“Please tell me I didn’t?”
This could affect my business. Victoria will have something to hold over my head for the rest of my life. How could I have been so unbelievably stupid?
“And why would you want me to tell you that you didn’t?”
“Because… because…” I can’t say her name. It’s still too raw. I told her I was done, but was I really done, or is this some mini-break? I don’t know the right answer, but I know enough that I don’t want to jeopardize anything in the future because I was drunk and fucked up, and I mean big fucking time.
“Just tell me, okay?”
“No, you didn’t,” Kate assures me. “I stopped it.”
“You stopped it?” I ask, shocked and confused by her comment.
“Yes. I knew you would regret this, so drastic times called for drastic measures.”
“What did you do?”
The worry creeps in, but I’m also relieved nothing happened. It was my fucking lucky day all right, whatever it was that saved me.
“I called Eric.”
“You did what?”
“I called Eric. He met me, and we got access to your suite. Victoria was all over you, and, well, she told us to piss off, but we said no. If it meant we had to sit here and watch, then so be it.”
“And then?”
“She said fine and to watch, I s’pose trying to call our bluff, so we did. You even said to me I was free to join in if I wanted, but Eric wasn’t allowed.”
I bury my face into my hands. “I’m so sorry, Kate.”
“Apology accepted,” she states, awkwardly. “Well, she got annoyed and realized we weren’t going anywhere, so she yelled at us, then finally got her stuff and left.”
“And the condom with the…” Slightly uncomfortable, I don’t want to say the word in front of her, but I think all sense of professionalism flew out the door kicking and screaming last night. “The… um, you know what’s inside?”
“Oh, that’s just coconut juice. Eric thought you needed a lesson. Go ahead, smell it.”
“I’ll take your word for it.”
As I sit there, I let out a big sigh that Kate saved the day once again. I couldn’t help but feel self-conscious of the fact I was shirtless as she sat across from me. She must have sensed it as well, throwing my Yankees T-shirt over, which I gladly put on.
“Kate, I could’ve fucked up big time,” I say, barely above a whisper.
“Yes, you could have. I knew you would regret this, and Charlie would never in this lifetime forgive you for it despite you two not being together.”
“But who’s to say she didn’t fuck Julian in the past week or even last night?” The words leaving my mouth are enough to allow the rage inside me to boil over once again.
“Because she wouldn’t. Both of you need to learn the meaning of trust because without it, how can you give yourself completely to another person?”
“There’s nothing left to give. I’m heading back to London tonight and staying put. Any New York work can be handled by you or even Peters. Yeah, send him over to handle the press of the new office.”
“Is this how you’re going to leave it?”
“There’s no other option, she made that clear.”
“There always is, you just don’t want to open your eyes,” she tells me, rather rudely.
Maybe that’s the case, but I’m sick of being in this love triangle. All I ever wanted is her. Alone. No one else. When it comes to us, there’s always someone else involved.
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore. Thank you for stopping me last night, but this topic is off-limits, you understand?”
“Yes, sir.” She stands and walks away, defeated.
I was harsh and know she has good intentions. But I need solitude.
Fuck, I’ll do anything to erase all this mess right now.
***
“Hold still, Lex!”
I stand on this podium-looking thing in the middle of Adriana’s guest bedroom. She places pins along the hemline, circling both legs. This is the last thing I want to do after battling a hangover all day.
“Okay, done. Not bad, big bro.”
“I feel like a penguin. Why do the suits have these tail things?”
“Because it’s a classic tuxedo, you doofus.”
As I glance around the room, the three matching dresses catch my attention. The wedding is just over a month away, and there’s no way of avoiding it no matter how much I kick and scream. I thought of several excuses to back out of attending, but I owe this to Adriana plus, I’d never hear the end of it from my mother.
Yet the cold, harsh reality is that I’ll have to see her, and I will have to walk down the aisle with her. Staying true to wedding traditions, I’ll probably have to dance with her. A whole lot of touching with someone I can’t have.
“I know what you’re thinking. You’ll have to see her in a little over a month, have to walk down the aisle with her, dance with her.”
Lifting my head, I gaze at my sister with an incredulous stare. “Seriously, Adriana, what the hell?”
“I know, right?” She nods her head, resting her hands on her lap. “It appears as I’m getting older, I am becoming more psychic. Either that or you’re easy to read.”
Adriana packs up her pins and places them in her sewing kit. Sitting on the floor cross-legged, she looks me in the face. I know the look, so I decide to avoid it by walking behind the screen and changing back into my jeans.
“Look, Lex, if I have to rearrange partners and stuff, I can.”
“No, Adriana, this is your wedding. Don’t change anything,” I almost demand, the masochistic side of me wanting to smell Charlotte’s scent as she walks beside me. “We are adults and can behave for a few hours.”
“Like six hours, Lex.”
“What! Your wedding goes for six hours?”
“Well, eight if you include the ceremony.”
This is why I don’t do weddings. I hate all this shit, and it’s just for show, anyway. You don’t need to spend ridiculous amounts of money and invite hundreds of people to show how much you love each other. Fuck, eight hours of pretending to smile. I recall my own wedding to Samantha years ago, it was the same old bullshit and for what? America has the highest divorce-rate statistics. I’ve got one under my belt and am about to go for round two.
“Listen, I’ve got a flight to catch. I better go.”
“To London?”
“Yeah.” Slipping my hands into my pockets, my gaze shifts toward the floor. “So, look, I won’t see you until the wedding.”
“You’re not coming back to New York?”
“No, Adriana. Please don’t ask. Not now,” I beg, not allowing her to get another word in. I wave goodbye and head out of the guest room only to be greeted by a nervous Elijah in the hallway.
Blinking rapidly, he scratches the back of his neck unable to look my way. I don’t know what his problem is, but I have no time to ask questions, or I’ll miss my flight back home.
“I was just leaving, Elijah.”
“Listen, Lex… I, um… well, there’s um—”
“What?” Frustrated, I push him aside until I stop dead in my tracks.
She’s here in the living room.
“Sorry,” he mumbles. “I tried to warn you.”
I shoot him back an annoyed look. He could’ve warned me if he wasn’t babbling like a schoolgirl.
Charlotte is standing by the door, avoiding my heavy stare. With my heart racing a million miles per second, I can’t ignore how different she looks.
She’s wearing low cut jeans, a gray hoodie with ‘Girls Do It Better’ printed on the front, and her Converse. Her hair is tied back in a rough ponytail, but it isn’t her clothes or even her hair that catches my attention—it’s her face. The color of her skin is pale, almost dull without her usual rosy cheeks. Compared to when I saw her yesterday, she looks extremely tired with dark circles around her eyes, and they also appear swollen. She’s been crying, and I ache just to reach out and touch her, caress her face and take away the pain she’s living, but I’m the one who said it was over.
I can’t go back on my words, can I?
But she’s my wife. To have and to hold till death us do part.
I swallow hard, riddled by hurt as the memory of her sitting across from Julian and caressing his face last night at the restaurant comes swinging back like a giant wrecking ball.
“Oh, hey, Charlie. I thought you were coming after eight?” Adriana asks, nervously.
“Sorry, Adriana, I have something on tonight. I hope you don’t mind… I need to do this fitting now.”
With her gaze fixating on Adriana, ignoring my presence in the room, my anger begins to boil beneath the surface. She has something on tonight after eight.
What? Like a date?
Or an all-night fucking session with Julian?
My mind is going crazy. The guilt I feel when I see her eyes has turned into rage.
I have to leave before the rage and hurt turn into something not even I can control, and I do something else I’ll regret for the rest of my life.
Turning around, I kiss my sister on the cheek and silently wave to Elijah standing on the other side. With heavy steps, I walk toward the door, placing my hand on the doorknob as Charlotte stands only inches away.
Unwillingly, my lips part, the scent of her perfume is lingering in the air between us making it impossible for me to breathe. I can’t fall for this again and get tangled up in this mess of what we have become. So, with desperation, I quickly turn to the door and exit the apartment, shutting it behind me.
I half-expected her to follow.
Beg me to talk to her.
But I also know how deep her pain goes. Much like me, but we’re both hurting for different reasons. And with my heart chained down unable to fight any longer, I quickly leave the building and hail a cab straight to the airport.
Back home and as far away from her as possible.
