Lex stands and is handed the microphone. Standing in front of everyone, confident and demanding with his presence, all eyes fixate on him, including my own.
From the moment I laid eyes on him at the church, to our short walk down the aisle, then our brief encounter at the park while taking photographs, I take every opportunity possible to stare at his handsome face.
Lex has always been beautiful in a masculine way, but today, I have no words to describe how seeing him makes me feel. His presence, even though he’s cautious with his actions around me, still dominates me but in a way I yearn to be owned by only him. Dressed in his black tux, a crisp white shirt with a bowtie to complement his outfit, my thoughts wander off to places they shouldn’t wander off to inside a church.
I feel unholy and ready to be thrown to the gates of hell for thinking about him in a sexual way.
But now, standing in front of everyone, I block out all the noise and listen to only him, desperate for his words.
“They say love is a noble act of self-giving, offering trust, faith, and loyalty…”
Throughout his entire speech, I clutch at my pendant. My stomach flutters as his emotions speak loudly through the words he voices. He raises his glass, and everyone cheers. Adriana stands, embracing him with a tear sliding down her cheek. I memorize his words, every single thing he said.
He said…
It was a challenging road.
But well worth the journey.
And to love like there’s no tomorrow.
Live like today is the end.
The MC announces the final speech for the night as Elijah takes to the stage. Sitting here, I’m unable to focus until unknowingly, I tilt my head to catch a glimpse of Lex.
Emerald eyes shine back at me, blanketing me with all its warmth and love.
And just like that, I know it will be okay.
“First of all, I want to thank you for attending this very special day of ours. Each one of you in this room holds a special place in our hearts, and it has brought us joy to be able to share this with you. I want to take a moment to thank my mother. Momma, you have sacrificed so much for me, and you gave me the strength to follow my dreams. Your love and support will forever be the reason why I am the man I am today. To my poppa, I know you are looking down on us, and as we take a moment to look up at you, just know that I love you and can feel your presence with us. You didn’t miss out, Poppa… you’re right here.” Elijah’s voice slightly quivers, Adriana beside me is drowning in tears.
I pass her the napkin, grabbing my own to dab the corner of my eyes.
“To Andrew and Emily, you have done nothing but welcome me into your home and your family since the first time I met you. You have been with me through my darkest moments, given me the ray of hope that I needed. And now you have given me the greatest gift, the pleasure of marrying your daughter. I promise to spend my life making your daughter the happiest woman alive, but only if you promise to stop nagging about grandkids for a few years.”
Laughter fills the room, both Dr. Edwards and Emily beaming with pride as they listen on.
“To my newly crowned brother-in-law, Lex, I just want to say that I never had any siblings growing up, but had I been given that gift, I’d have wished for someone like you. You are the strongest, most determined person I know. Without knowing it, you have touched so many peoples’ lives and have never let me down. In fact, the only reason why I’m standing here today cancer-free is because of you.”
I wipe the tear which falls down my cheek, the emotions of the entire day too much to hold back.
“To my beautiful wife, Adriana, my best friend and the future mother of our children, you have shown me how to love, shown me how to better myself, and most importantly, you’re my reason for taking each breath. I love you, Adriana. A toast to the wonderful journey we are about to embark upon.”
He lowers his face to meet hers and kisses the tears falling down her cheeks before kissing her on the lips. The applause in the room echoes as everyone cheers the amazing couple.
Lost in my own thoughts, I hadn’t noticed the music filtering throughout the room as Elijah extends his hand like the true gentleman he is and asks Adriana to join him in their first dance as a wedded couple.
With a smile gracing her entire face, she stands and follows him to the dance floor. Like two perfect souls, they sway their bodies to the soft sound as the band sings ‘Unchained Melody.’
It’s their song, and in their perfect moment, I watch in awe as these two people have finally become one, and I was there from the beginning. Memories of them meeting for the first time at our local football game, the way Adriana would talk endlessly about him, and the way he looked at her, not like your normal high school boy. It truly was love at first sight. It’s like a happy ending to a movie you spent a lifetime watching, and so I sit back and watch, willingly holding back more tears wanting to escape.
As the song almost reaches the end, the inevitable is near, and that feeling which buries itself in the pit of my stomach has tangled itself into a large knot riddled with nerves.
The MC finally announces the wedding party is to join the bride and groom as Bryan Adam’s ‘Everything I Do, I Do It For You’ begins to play.
I can do this.
I have to do this.
Lex is by my side almost immediately. Placing my hand into his, it shoots through me again, that wild jolt of electricity which reminds me why it has always been him. But this time I don’t flinch, my body craves it so very much.
I follow him to the dance floor as he stops in the middle beside the other couples. Placing his arms around my waist, he brings me close to him as my hands wrap around his neck just like I did at prom.
Our eyes meet, gazes locked like nothing around us exists, just him and me in this moment. His emerald eyes are sparkling as I study his face, every single angle, focusing on his beautiful lips which I desperately want to kiss.
Unsure if I should speak first, my nerves are overshadowed my ability to string together a coherent sentence. What do I say? That I want him more than life itself. Should I start by saying that? His words linger in my head, and so I dance and place my trust in him.
“Lex,” I murmur, his name rolling off my tongue so effortlessly.
“Charlotte, please, let me say what I need to say first.”
I stare into his eyes, my movement stilling, so he has my full attention.
“For the past month, I have been aimlessly walking around wondering why I was being punished. Wondering exactly what I did wrong to be dealt so much pain. I thought I had reached low points in my life before, but they were nothing in comparison to what I’ve been feeling…
“A few nights ago, I sat alone in a dangerous part of Brazil. I was drunk, and the local folk were ready to rob me. I didn’t care that I was close to being beaten up. They watched me, tequila in hand like a time bomb waiting to go off. It hurt so much what you had said to me, and I replayed the words over and over again in my head. Those words constantly echoed through my mind, and I question what exactly made me hurt the most… the fact that it was his or the fact that I wouldn’t be in your life? I wanted to hurt him, Charlotte, more than you can ever imagine. I had things planned that I’m ashamed to admit. I was there ready to make that happen, but then I looked up, and I saw it, the light that shines so bright on the statue of Jesus Christ.”
He chokes on his words, bowing his head in shame as I wait in anticipation.
“Just when I thought I’d lost hope, there was this little girl a few feet away from me, her angelic voice carried in the bustle surrounding us. She spoke in her native tongue, but I understood, she asked her dad why the Christ the Redeemer was shining so bright it was hurting her eyes. I rushed to her side and asked her if she could see it, too. She nodded, and I knew it wasn’t just me. Her name was Carla. It was a sign, a big fucking sign. It was at that moment I knew I missed you, that my life is nothing without you. I was no longer angry at him, but angry with myself for hurting you. You’re the one having to deal with this alone, and I hated myself for making you think you had no other choice. I love you, Charlotte Olivia Mason. My life will only be complete with you in it.”
My heart has been tugged every which way, and I have to finally say the words because I need him just as much as he needs me. “The baby—”
“This baby, Charlotte, is a part of you. Anything that’s a part of you can’t possibly be wrong. It just means that he or she will have another person who will love them more than they can ever imagine.”
I pull him into me, hugging him tightly, clutching onto him for dear life. He’s willing to be with me no matter what. This man loves me for everything I am, for every mistake I have ever made. I give myself a few seconds to take it all in—the enormity of love and selflessness enveloping me, and I want to return just that, give him hope, happiness, and the love he deserves.
Lex Edwards deserves the world, and I must give him that and everything beyond.
No more lies.
No more hiding the pain.
The truth needs to be told.
“Lex… this is your baby.”
With his hands dropping to his sides, he steps back with an incredulous stare. In silence, he searches my face until his eyes become glassy, and a small smile plays on his lips.
“M-My baby?” he stammers.
“I doubted myself when I knew the truth. I lied, Lex. There’s so much behind why I felt like I needed to lie, and I’m so sorry I hurt you, that I caused you so much pain, and I want my chance to tell you everything, Lex. Everything I’ve been holding back since the day it all fell apart eight years ago, but for now, for right now, I need to kiss you. I just… I just need you so much in my life… I need you, Lex. Forever.”
Without any hesitation, my body is flush with his, our lips only inches apart. His warm breath lingers in the air between us. I close my eyes, waiting in anticipation to feel his lips against mine, but it’s his finger grazing my aching lips, tracing my bottom lip with a perpetuating touch.
My chest is rising and falling at a fast pace, my entire body shivering at the simple touch of his finger against my lips. His mouth lingers on my bottom lip, and what only is seconds but passes like hours, the anticipation mounts until he gently sucks on my lip.
Savoring this moment, everything which weighs heavily on my shoulders slowly begins to lift as his kiss spreads throughout me, shining a light on every part of me which has been encased in darkness.
He is mine, and I am his.
And together, we have started something beautiful growing inside of me.
“My baby?” he asks again.
“Yes, Lex… this baby is ours.”
This time, with an elated emotion driving him, he kisses me deeper, lifting me slightly as I let out a small squeal. An eruption of clapping and whistling sounds around us. We pause, pulling apart and turn to look around us. The whole room is giving us a standing ovation, and as my face begins to blush from his family and the many strangers watching on, I turn to look at Lex. His face is beaming with pride, eyes sparkling underneath the dance-floor light. I draw him closer to me, his nose touching mine before he spins me around like a lovesick fool.
We dance, never letting go of each other. There’s no other place I want to be besides right here. That is until Emily cuts in asking for a quick dance with her son. Slightly relieved because I have to pee, it serves me right for drinking four mocktails during dinner.
I quickly duck off to the bathroom which proves a little difficult in the dress, but I make it with moments to spare. As I stand there checking my makeup, Erin, one of the bridesmaids, walks in, and I can’t help but smirk, silly bitch for trying to get her claws into Lex earlier during the day.
“So, you and Lex, huh?”
“Yes, Lex and me.”
“You never mentioned it when I spoke about him earlier. I thought he was screwing that blonde chick… Victoria… something or other.”
“Oh my God, you’re joking? I didn’t know that. Maybe I should break up with him?” I answer, sarcastically.
“Maybe you should… I know a lot of ladies who’d be interested in him.”
“Clearly, sarcasm wasn’t your major, but you should try picking up a dictionary some time. It might help you understand when it’s being used.”
I fix a strand of my hair and get the hell out of the bathroom, high-fiving myself for my great comeback.
The rest of the night goes off without a hitch. Several times I was pulled into conversation with people when I just wanted to be with Lex. I dragged him everywhere with me and thank God he didn’t want to leave my side, though he proved distracting when he’d whisper things in my ear.
“Can we go now?” he begged, tugging on my earlobe with his teeth.
“This is your sister’s wedding. Your only sister. Now suck it up like the hot piece of ass… sorry, gentleman that you are.”
“Suck what up?” His hands move slowly past my ribcage, brushing my breast slightly.
“You’re evil, you know that, right?”
“Oh, Mrs. Edwards… what will I do with you?” he teases with a devilish grin.
Mrs. Edwards. Mrs. Edwards—the name is like music to my ears.
“Did you want the X-rated answer or G-rated?”
He leans in, resting his hand on my shoulder. His breath, warm and soft, lingers against my skin “X… always X.”
Just as I’m about to whisper a string of dirty things I want to do with him, Emily and Andrew are standing beside us, interrupting the soon-to-be pornographic banter. Dr. Edwards clears his throat as Lex turns around abruptly.
“Oh, Charlie… I’m so sorry about everything.” Emily sniffles as the tears escape her perfectly made face. Dr. Edwards hands her another tissue, somewhat unimpressed with her emotional outbursts throughout the night. I let go of Lex, throwing my hands around Emily to embrace her. This isn’t just about us. There are other people entwined in our past, ones I thought wouldn’t be so happy with our reunion.
“I’m sorry as well for disrespecting you. You’ve only ever treated me like your daughter.”
We pull apart as she moves a lock of hair away from my face with a gentle smile. “You were in love, and nothing should ever stand in the way of that.”
“Maybe you should tell her the news, you know, cheer the old lady up,” Lex says with an amusing grin.
“News?” Emily’s eyes dart back and forth between Lex and me. “And for the record, I’m not that old, Alexander.”
“We kinda got married… well, eloped a month ago.”
Emily draws her hand to her chest, shocked.
Dr. Edwards seems rather complacent.
“Well, I guess congratulations are in order,” she chokes, again almost in tears.
“That’s not all… you’re going to be a grandmother.”
Her eyes become soft, filling with an inner glow while pulling both of us into an embrace.
“I’m really going to be a grandmother?”
“Yes, Mom… a little baby to spoil.”
I let go of her as she strokes my cheek. She looks at Lex, cupping his face even though he towers over her.
“My baby boy is going to be a daddy.” She starts crying again.
Dr. Edwards continues to stand here watching without saying a word. Of course, he knows of the baby, helping me get the DNA results and proving Lex is the father. It had taken a lot of strength to ask him, pushing aside the shame of being with two men. But nevertheless, in the end, it worked out, and I don’t regret reaching out to him.
Emily let go of Lex and performed her motherly duty, fixing his suit which crumpled slightly in their embrace.
“Son… I’m sorry,” Dr. Edwards utters, bowing his head.
“Sorry for what, Dad?”
“For not seeing how you felt about each other. For forcing you both apart.” His tone is soft and apologetic. Never have I seen him this vulnerable.
Emily places her arm around him, aware this is him letting go of his guilt. Sometimes these moments present themselves, and there’s this uncertainty of how one should behave. It’s awkward but letting go of this burden, these dark secrets, to these people, it is somewhat therapeutic.
“Dad…” Lex says, placing his hand on his shoulder. “I think I can safely say for both of us that we needed to do a lot of growing up. We can’t sit here and regret our past actions anymore. We have a baby to bring into this world, and it needs someone to call ‘Grandpa’ who has a gray hair here or there.”
In a sudden motion, Dr. Edwards pulls Lex into a tight hug. Lex lifts an eyebrow as his mouth slackens, and I gather his dad rarely shows affection toward him. Emily, of course, begins to cry. That was the onset to my own display of emotions—damn pregnancy hormones.
“Wait… I don’t have any gray hairs?” Dr. Edwards chuckles, pulling away slightly.
Lex laughs. “Sure, Dad.”
The MC announces it’s time for the bouquet to be thrown. The single ladies wait in a bunch on the dance floor. A few are pushing each other for front position, causing me to break out into a fit of hysterics as Eric and Erin begin arguing. Eric isn’t shy to throw himself amongst a bunch of hungry women for the sake of the bouquet.
After Eric catches wind of Erin wanting Lex, he has a vendetta against her. He’s been calling her a hick-town hoe all night and giving her dirty stares from across the dance floor.
Adriana stands at the front and, after two fake attempts, throws the bouquet. It lands perfectly in the arms of Kate. With a look of shock, I walk over to her while laughing.
“I’m glad it was you.”
“Oh, dear Lord, marriage? Please, I’m still trying to work my way up to platinum hoochie, and besides, I don’t even have anyone on the radar.”
“Well, now that Charlie’s off the table, you are my backup,” Eric reminds her. “Remember, you said if we aren’t married by forty, we’ll marry each other and have blissful sex with other people, but I expect you to cook for me every night, and… what was I supposed to do again?”
“Buy a toolbox and learn how to fix stuff around the apartment,” Kate tells him.
Eric cringes. “Oh, that’s right, but can I get a blinged-out tool belt like the one I sent to you from the Tools-R-Us catalog?”
“Eric, that catalog was full of dildos and God knows what the other shit was called.”
“Oh, did you buy the one with the gold sparkles?”
“Yes… and the pink one, too. Well, it was a two-for-one sale.” Kate laughs.
“Oh, I’ve missed you guys!” I pull them both into an embrace, happy that even though my life will soon be overwhelmed with a baby, Eric and Kate have found one another.
“Stupid hick-town whore stood on my Gucci loafers,” Eric complains, pulling away.
“I thought she was a hoe?”
“She upgraded to whore when I caught her mauling that redhead dude in the corner.”
“Isn’t that her cousin?” I ask.
Eric and Kate laugh in unison. “Ohhh, naaassty…”
“Well, stupid hick-town whore had her eyes on my husband.”
“Husband?” Eric gasps, his eyes widening. “Charlie, are you telling porksies?”
“Eric, it’s porkies,” Kate corrects him.
“No, I’m not telling porkies which, by the way, have you suddenly turned into a British gay man? We got married,” I tell him.
“Shut the front door… but not the back. Back Door Betty is back in style. Wait, my God, are you kidding me? When? How?” Eric spurts a million questions before turning to Kate. “And why didn’t you tell me if you knew?”
“Because it’s not my business to tell. I’m no big-mouth Betty.”
“Guys, seriously, who cares?” I say, trying to ease the conversation away from Kate not divulging any information to Eric. “Point is… hick-town hoe needs to hoe on out and stop eyeing my husband.”
I feel his arms wrap around my waist, the graze of his lips against my neck. “Who had their eyes on your man?”
Kate and Eric stare at us with stupid shit-eating grins on their faces. They hold onto each other just watching both of us. It’s borderline creepy.
“Erin, the wedding whore,” I tell him, not ashamed by my colorful choice of words. “Also known as Elijah’s cousin.”
“Oh, her… yeah, I’ve met her.”
“When you say met, do you mean fucked?”
“Charlie!” Eric covers his mouth in shock before turning to face Lex with a serious expression. “Well, did you?”
“I’m not even going to dignify that with a response.”
I squeeze him tight, very happy with his answer.
Eric is quick to pipe up. “I bet her ferret is like a wizard’s sleeve. I’m sure I heard it whistle when she walked.”
We all break into laughter, even Lex who’s no longer immune to Eric’s verbal diarrhea.
It’s close to midnight when the music finally stops, and Adriana and Elijah prepare to say their goodbyes. I pull Lex aside. It’s now or never.
“Lex… I need to do this now.”
“Do what?” he asks, concerned.
“I need to tell you… show you… I need to finally let this go.”
He doesn’t ask another question, nodding his head before Adriana and Elijah make their rounds and say goodbye. After lots of hugs, a few tears, and well wishes, we both slip out of the hall and hop into my car Rocky had driven to the reception hall.
It’s late, but I need to set this free. I want to wake up tomorrow and start a fresh new life with him. I tell him I will drive even though he argues with me being pregnant and tired, but I know where I’m going. I can never forget.
Twenty minutes later, we stand at the gates. Lex looks at me confused, but he doesn’t ask questions.
I walk toward the small gap in the fence and move the fence slightly so we can squeeze through. Most people would be terrified being here, but it’s one of the only places where I feel at peace, the solitude that I constantly crave. I haven’t been back here since last year, the guilt sweeping in as the realization becomes apparent.
Somehow, I had let time pass by, but perhaps, in hindsight, it was a good thing. I needed to heal and also process Lex coming back into my life.
Outside, in the freezing air, it’s pitch black with only the slight hint of the moon. I follow the path—every step, every turn is memorized. In the corner near the sleepy willow tree, I continue walking until I see it just before me.
It sits there, the stone looking slightly worn. I place my hand on it and kneel on the ground, wiping away the snow covering the name.
Althea Olivia Mason
In Loving Memory
“Lex, I want you to meet my grandmother because without her, life wouldn’t have gone on. She held my hand through my darkest times even when her own demons were battling against her. In the end, I lost her, but I need to tell you now why I was so afraid to fall in love with you again. Why, from the moment I saw you in the restaurant, I tried to deny any feelings I still had for you. Why I pushed you away, why I lied to you that day in the hospital.”
“It all started during the summer break, exactly sixty days since the last time I had seen you…”
