Since the moment I first ran into Charlotte at the restaurant, I knew there was more to me leaving than what she was letting on. I never thought I would be standing in the middle of a cemetery in the dead of night.
Unsettled by the surroundings, I remain silent, careful with my footsteps, allowing her to release the burden weighing her poor shoulders down.
I follow her lead to a section of tombstones sitting underneath a large willow tree. She stops and stares quietly before kneeling on the cold ground. Gently, she raises her hand and wipes her palm across the stone, its words now visible as I read them with my own eyes.
It’s her grandmother’s gravesite.
Charlotte shows no sign of being scared. It almost looks like she’s at peace sitting on the cold, dirty ground, not at all affected by her eerie surroundings. As she begins to speak, I kneel beside her and listen to her words, the words I know will finally explain the missing piece of the puzzle.
“Lex, it all started the summer break when I moved to Connecticut, exactly sixty days since the last time I saw you…”
I sat at the dining table, staring at the envelope in front of me. It was thick with the Yale logo stamped on the top left corner.
When I had arrived here two weeks ago, I immediately applied to some community colleges hoping my late admission would be accepted. With the help of Gran, and the fact she was a Yale alumnus and still friends with some of the head faculty, I knew this thick envelope only represented positive things ahead, and her assistance had paid off.
I looked up at the clock, it was a quarter past three. Gran said she wouldn’t be home until three-thirty, so I waited, unable to do this alone.
At exactly three-thirty, she strolled through the kitchen carrying a basket of apples. She was making her famous homemade apple pie, my favorite. She saw me anxiously sitting at the table. Placing her basket down, she put the kettle on the stove. Apparently, tea solved the world’s problems. With a steaming cup of tea placed in front of me and one for her, she finally sat at the table.
“Sweetie, take a sip, please. We knew this day would come. What lies inside this envelope does not define who you are.”
I took her words in—she was right. No matter what happened, I would do what I wanted to do, and that is to study to be a lawyer. I took a sip of my tea and opened the envelope reading the words out loud, ‘Congratulations, Miss Mason.’
Jumping off my seat, I kissed the letter thanking my lucky stars I had been accepted into Yale. Never in my wildest dreams had I ever thought this would happen, and even though I knew Gran had done or said something to the gods of Yale, I welcomed this acceptance exactly as I would have if I had been accepted in the first round.
“Honey, you did it. What a great achievement.”
“I can’t believe I got into Yale. This is… just wow!”
“This is your path. Trust it in all its glory. Big things are going to happen from this, you mark my word.”
She was right, as always, and that night I lay in bed unable to contain the excitement over where my life was choosing to turn.
Yale, I still couldn’t believe it.
It was one in the morning, and sleep evaded me. I was feeling slightly ill, but I kept passing it off as excitement. It was a new chapter of my life, and no matter what, I had to move on. The possibilities were endless, and for a brief moment, I wondered what he was doing. Was he with her? What did it matter anymore? I was going to Yale. Fist-pumping the air, I couldn’t believe my lucky stars. I turned over, falling asleep, dreaming of this new life I was about to embark upon.
The next morning, I sat there quietly staring at the bowl of cereal which looked like a pile of vomit.
“Honey, is everything okay? You look awfully pale today.”
“Yeah, um, sure… just didn’t get much sleep… you know, too excited.”
“Well, eat up, and then let’s take you to Dr. Flannigan, just to make sure everything’s okay?” Worried, she pushed a strand of hair away from my face.
“Gran, I’m fine… now. Just the cereal looks… can you please move it away?”
It was too late, I projectile vomited into the kitchen sink, stupid nerves. Now she would definitely send me to the doctor. What was it with old people and their obsession with visiting the doctor for the tiniest little thing? I knew it was just nerves, that’s all.
“Oh, honey, don’t think you’re getting out of it now.”
An hour later, we sat in the waiting room. Dr. Flannigan, who turned out to be a she, called my name. Gran offered to wait in the waiting room, so I walked in unsure of what exactly I was being tested for.
“Miss Mason.”
“Charlie, please.”
“Charlie. Your grandmother tells me you haven’t been sleeping well, and you’ve been vomiting.”
“Well, the sleeping thing was due to other circumstances, and the vomiting only happened once.”
“Charlie, have you been having unprotected sex?”
“Um, no… I haven’t even been having sex.”
“When was the last time you had intercourse?”
Oh shit, were we really going there?
I didn’t want to drudge up the memory. I closed my eyes for a brief moment, trying to block out the memory of our last time on the cliff top.
“I don’t know… like two months ago.”
“Did you use protection?”
“Uh yeah, I was on the pill back then.”
“Back then?”
“Yes, I stopped sometime after that.”
I didn’t like where this was going. My heart was beating fast, and I wanted nothing more than to stop speaking. I placed my clammy hands on my thighs, rubbing the palms of my hands along my jeans with a slight tremble.
Where was she going with this?
“Charlie, would you mind urinating into the cup?”
Dr. Flannigan placed a cup in front of me. I grabbed hold of it, barely making my way to the restroom just outside her office. The anxiety had consumed me as I struggled to pee. This cannot be happening. Sitting on the toilet, I knew I only had moments before she would check up on me.
I wracked my brain. I was always on the pill back then. No, we didn’t use condoms, but I was on the pill. Teen pregnancy was the hottest topic in high school. I wasn’t stupid. I was always mindful of taking the fucking pill every night before bed, except that one night—the night that I found out about the baby.
Back inside her office, I handed the specimen to her as she dipped a thin cardboard strip into it. I couldn’t look, instead staring at a herpes chart that hung on the wall.
Oh my God, STDs?
I was so fucking stupid.
No, Charlie, don’t do this to yourself.
He said he wasn’t sleeping with her, and you believed him.
God knows how many other people he had slept with. I realized in that moment it was almost like I knew nothing about him. I was so naïve. I would never ever make this mistake again. Just breathe, everything was going to be okay. It had to be okay.
It felt like hours later when she pulled the stick out, her face showing no emotion. She drew her chair back to her table and reached out to a shelf beside her desk and removed some pamphlets, laying them before me.
“Lex, I took a test and it was positive… I was pregnant,” she cries softly.
I sit still, shell-shocked at the revelation. Not only had I left her without saying goodbye, I left her pregnant with my child. Everything made sense now, why she was holding back, why she couldn’t forgive me, recalling the clues she gave me about leaving us. But the baby, what happened to our baby? I close my eyes knowing the next part to this story is probably something I don’t want to hear, something that will bring my mistakes to the surface to be laid out in front of me, a big red marker pointing out where I failed and how I failed Charlie and our baby.
“I didn’t even have a choice on whether or not I wanted it, the bloodwork came back, and I was too far along. It was too late, I had no choice but to keep it, and all I could think about was the fact that I would have to look at this child every day and be reminded of you—that there was no escaping you.
“I thought about finding you, but I was still heartbroken. I had no idea Samantha’s baby wasn’t yours, so in my eyes, you were still the man who betrayed and left me standing alone. The one thing that I did know was that this baby didn’t deserve to be second best. It didn’t need to compete with the other child you were raising. I was broken, Lex, so broken and unable to pull myself out of this depression that was spiraling out of control.”
As she spoke, the pain inside me grew larger, spreading throughout like the deadliest of diseases. But even in my own pain, Charlotte’s is so much worse.
Taking a deep breath, she closes her eyes before opening her mouth to continue, “My grandmother was the only one who knew. We hid this from my dad. I was in a dark place, a very dark place. I struggled to see any light in this situation. What did I know about raising a baby at eighteen? This wasn’t the life I wanted… at least not without you. I cried myself to sleep every night. I barely ate… I barely moved. My grandmother would rock me to sleep on our porch swing. But I was sad… so unbelievably sad that I had failed to see it wasn’t only me who had demons. She was sick… very sick.”
She pauses to retrieve something from her purse. It’s a photograph and looks familiar. Moments later, I realize it is the same as the one hanging on her wall. But this time she didn’t have the blanket covering her stomach, the bulge standing out against her skinny frame. I stare at it, shocked, unable to swallow, the pain intensifying as I study the picture in the dark of the night as we sit here.
My poor Charlotte.
How could I have done this?
But our baby, what happened to the baby?
I prepare myself for what I think she did, the only thing that could have possibly happened. She must have had the baby adopted. Closing my eyes to think, somewhere out there I have an eight-year-old kid. My silence masks the turmoil overcoming me. How the fuck could I have done this to her? Out of all the people in my life, I love her more than life itself. Yet, I pushed her into this nightmare, leaving her scarred forever.
“I remembered the day it all finally came crashing down, the darkest day of my life, and the day I screamed your name hoping that somewhere you would hear me and pull me out into the light.”
I twisted my body, trying to get comfortable. It was no use. I couldn’t lie on my stomach, so I moved to lie on my back. Great, now I had to pee again. I got up and peed for like the hundredth time that morning, then decided it was pointless and walked outside to sit on the porch swing.
It was early morning, and the sun was shining brightly on the porch, the sounds of birds and crickets chirping in the distance. I looked up to the sky, perfectly blue, except for these dark gray clouds coming in from the east. I knew they predicted heavy rain and possible thunderstorms later in the day. I wasn’t surprised Gran wasn’t home as she normally conducted all her errands before seven. If only I could be so productive.
My stomach grumbled slightly, oh food… again. I had no appetite despite what my body told me. I knew at my last appointment that Dr. Flannigan wasn’t pleased with my weigh-in. I had lost weight. I sat there remembering the lecture she gave me.
“Charlie. You’ve lost quite a lot of weight. Is the morning sickness still occurring?” Dr. Flannigan asked.
“Uh… no”
“So, have you been increasing your food intake?”
“Uh… just eating the same.”
“So, what did you eat today for breakfast?”
“Um… I had a glass of water,” I lied. I hadn’t had anything.
“Charlie, we’ve discussed this. It’s not healthy. There are so many risks. I realize this isn’t an ideal situation for you, but this baby needs nutrients which it will get if you eat a well-maintained and balanced diet.”
She handed me another What to Eat When You’re Expecting pamphlet which was lucky because I threw the other one out.
“I’d like to see you in two weeks. I expect to see these scales increase in number. Do you understand?”
“Yes, Dr. Flannigan.”
Her words played heavily on my mind. I angrily got up and walked into the kitchen. Grabbing a bowl of granola, I walked back to the porch swing.
“There, you happy?” I asked the baby.
My body jerked forward as this unfamiliar feeling jabbed my stomach. I placed my hand quickly on the spot it came from, rubbing it slightly until it happened again.
It was the baby.
Unwillingly, I smiled, my first smile since all this unfolded over two months ago. My baby kicked. I placed my hand back on my stomach hoping it would happen again, but nothing. Wow, I never thought the feeling of a baby moving inside you could bring so much joy. I raced inside and grabbed more food, stuffing my face, hoping it would happen again. I waited on the porch for Gran to come home, unable to contain my excitement.
I sat there for two hours wondering where she was. It was unusual for her. It wasn’t long after that a very sullen Annie, our next-door neighbor, walked up the front path. I only had to look at her face to know something was very wrong.
“Annie… is everything okay?” I asked worriedly.
She looked drained, her normally cornflower blue eyes looked gray. Her face was pale, streaks of tears staining her face. “Charlie, your grandmother. She’s in… she’s in the hospital. I’m so sorry, Charlie.”
“I didn’t know she was sick, I had absolutely no idea.” Charlotte’s shoulders fall as she places her palm on the tombstone again. “She had a brain tumor and had found out it was malignant. It was too late for any treatment, and she wanted to die in peace. Annie told me she didn’t want to burden me as I had my own worries and adding this on top would only cause me undue stress. I still remember holding her hand—it was cold, so very cold. She was gone, but I held onto her tight, praying for some miracle. Praying that this was a nightmare I so desperately needed to wake up from.”
Her skin was cold, but I didn’t care. I placed the palm of her hand against my cheek. Her face looked peaceful. Her closed eyes gave me the false hope she was just sleeping like she had being doing a lot of recently. I closed my eyes, savoring the smell of her skin, the lavender scent she always wore, the one that no matter where I was reminded me of her.
This woman had always been this monumental figure in my life, but it wasn’t until the end, until the very end that she became my life. She had become my best friend. This woman was more of a mother to me than my own. She nurtured and loved me unconditionally despite the mistakes I had made.
Why did this have to happen?
Why couldn’t I see the signs she was ill?
The constant tears streamed down my face, the salty liquid falling upon my lips, clouding my vision and falling onto her hands. I kissed them, hoping my touch would bring her back to me. Maybe she needed a reason to live. Yes, that’s it, your great-grandchild.
I climbed into the bed, lying beside her like I had done every so often. Ignoring now how she felt even colder, that her body didn’t radiate that warmth, and that her skin felt clammy. I was hopelessly wishing that I could feel the touch of her hand stroking my hair, the hum of her voice filling the room.
“I felt it today, Gran…” I closed my eyes. I tried imagining her smile as I told her my story, the way her eyes lit up her whole face, the big brown pools of chocolate that replicated mine. “The baby… it kicked. It was unbelievable, my baby kicked.” I sobbed loudly, unable to compress the whimpering sounds that left my mouth. She was gone, really gone. Life couldn’t go on, I needed her.
I called her name, my body shaking, clutching onto her tightly as I shook her body. Screaming, I demanded she come back, that life wasn’t fair. She prayed to God every day—I had witnessed it with my own eyes. How could she be pulled away from this earth, this angel that was a blessing? How could God fail us all? How could he fail me?
Warm arms wrapped around me, whispering words in my ear. I turned around, letting go of her, faced with the hospital staff. I knew what they were doing, so I clutched onto Annie, burying my head into her chest, sobbing so loud that the echoing throughout the room masked the sound of my beautiful grandmother being taken away.
“Charlotte… I’m so sorry,” I whisper.
In my eyes, Charlotte has always been a strong individual. For most people, not having a mother present during their late teens would prove to be difficult. Though, not Charlotte. It didn’t seem to deter her from living life. She loved her dad so much, and not once did I hear her whine about the fact that her mother was living it up in Cuba with some guy half her age. I realize as she tells the story, Charlotte is very capable of hiding her emotions. Even I couldn’t see that she needed a mother, someone who could guide her during this difficult stage of life, someone to smother her emotionally and physically in unconditional love, and she finally got to experience it, only now a little too late.
“They say for every death there’s a grieving process, but when you are put in that position, it’s the loneliest experience. It doesn’t matter how many people are around you, suffering like you are, you only feel your own pain. And the grief, it comes in waves, shattering you, breaking every part of you which is barely holding on.
“I don’t know how long I sat there, staring at the empty bed which was her final resting place, replaying in my mind the events… how I could have stopped this. Of course, I couldn’t, but I let my imagination run away, retracing my steps,” she continues.
Something was wrong, very wrong. The blood was a sure sign. Panicking, I walked to the nurses’ station, the look of horror on their faces as they saw that I was covered in blood. They immediately began paging the doctors, and I was rushed to maternity when the nightmare officially unfolded.
Suddenly, everything went completely silent, like in slow motion, the panicked faces around me scurrying around the room, preparing themselves with gowns, gloves, and masks. Instruments were being wheeled into the room, the doctors discussing amongst themselves as the nurses placed a breathing mask over my face. I could feel my pulse pounding through my body, and an excruciating pain escaped as a gush of warm liquid spread all over my legs. I couldn’t comprehend what was happening.
Was this still a nightmare?
Had I fallen asleep?
“Charlotte, listen to me, you need to push,” the doctor told me.
I was in a blind panic. I didn’t understand what was happening. Another nurse wheeled what looked like an incubator into the room.
It was for a baby.
“Push what?” I shrieked, sucking the air that the mask provided me.
“The baby. Your water has ruptured, and the baby is coming. Charlotte, there is no time, you need to push… now,” his voice raised.
The pressure built up, and unwillingly, I felt the urge to push. I held onto the nurse beside me, following her instructions, taking one last breath before I let out a scream.
“I was diagnosed with an incompetent cervix,” she says, barely a whisper.
“When the baby is forced to be delivered if the water ruptures.” The medical jargon isn’t lost on me, but I know this story can only go one way, and I brace myself for the worse.
She nods silently.
“The bleeding… the water… he was breeched.” She shuffles a little to the left where I hadn’t noticed the smaller tombstone. Wiping away the snow, she leans in and places her hand on it. In the darkness of the night, it confirms what I had just thought, what I had feared.
“He died when I delivered. There were too many complications. He was too small, too fragile to even fight.”
Alexander Mason Edwards
Sleep my baby angel, always and forever in my heart.
“I held him… you know… for a few moments. I saw his tiny face, and I knew he deserved a name, so I named him Alexander, after you. He was small… so very tiny.” She’s sobbing, her shoulders rising and falling beside me.
“It was all too much for him with everything that happened that day. I blamed myself for losing my grandmother and not taking care of myself. I thought I had killed him because I didn’t want him, but I did want him… I was just terrified. The grief was overwhelming, and I called for you, screamed your name, begged you to come and rescue me, but they thought I was crazy. They watched me, even placed me on suicide watch. I wasn’t going to kill myself, but I needed something to take away the pain.”
The psych ward, Bryce’s call. It all makes sense now.
“I couldn’t see anything but darkness. There was no point anymore to life, I’d lost everything. But, Lex… I need you to keep an open mind about what I’m about to tell you, please understand that I had no other choice.”
My head flinches back slightly, confused by what she is asking. Still reeling from all the information and trying to manage the grief and remorse fighting for my attention, I silently wait for her to reveal whatever it is willing an open mind.
“They wanted to place me in the psych ward. Well, they did for a day, but I begged them to call your dad. I knew if anyone understood the grief I was going through, what led to this breakdown, it would be him.”
“My dad knew?” I almost choke, eyes widening as anger begins to seep in.
“He saved me, Lex. He explained my history to the acting doctors and promised to keep me under his care. When I saw him, he asked me to do something, to promise him something. That if he were going to vouch for me, release me from this place, then in return, I needed to go live my life. Study, go to college, and live a long happy life making everyone who loved me proud. I needed to become Charlotte Mason, and I needed to find who she was and to start a life.
“So, I promised him I would. Three days later, I buried my grandmother and our son. My dad had been traveling and because of bad weather, couldn’t make it back in time. It was the second worse day of my life. I promised both of them I would make them proud, that wherever they were, they would always smile down on me. It was the only thing that kept me going. It was the only way I could move on.”
“Charlotte…” I’m at a loss for words, scared to say the wrong thing.
“That afternoon, instead of attending the gathering afterward, I went straight to the tattoo parlor. I knew what I wanted.”
The phoenix.
“The tattoo, the phoenix. It symbolizes rebirth because I had to start a new life, Lex, without you, my grandmother, or the baby. As long as I was alone, I needed a reminder every day that I was still standing here and had a life that needed to be lived. I was given a second chance.” She lets out a small smile through her tears. “The needle… to answer the question that you asked me, it felt like nothing, not compared to what I had been through.”
“I wish you had told me,” I manage to say, guilty for pushing myself back onto her. “I wish I was there with you.”
“No one knew except for Annie. Not even Nikki or Eric know the truth. I kept this to myself, but now you know, Lex, why when I saw you, I was afraid. To have been left by you, to go back to that place that I promised your dad I would never go back to. After what happened in The Hamptons, I ran away trying to control the situation myself. There was no way I would listen to you or anyone, for that matter. That night I was at the restaurant with Julian, I knew he wasn’t the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and it pained me because I wished I did at the time. It would have made life easier. It was always you, Lex… but then you said it was over, and the pregnancy threw everything off. I lied to you because I thought if I hurt you enough, you would leave me alone. I was so scared… that it was déjà vu… this baby… and I knew I couldn’t bear to lose it, so I did what I knew I had to do. I reached out to Dr. Edwards again. He was the only one who knew, and once again, he taught me that no matter what happens, I’m able to control my destiny. I need to fight hard for what I want. I want this baby, our baby, and I want you, Lex.”
As I sit there staring at this tiny tombstone, the little inscription confirming my son lay resting there asleep, I reach out to touch it, my hands shaking as I run my fingers across the words. I close my eyes, ensuring I’m memorizing every letter, the way it feels beneath my fingertips, wanting some desperate connection with this child who was ours.
I repeat my actions, wanting something, a sign, and suddenly, in the cold, harsh night in the middle of this cemetery, a gush of warmth runs through me. I focus on it. It’s undeniable the way it makes my goosebumps disappear, the way I suddenly feel at peace like a hand resting on mine. My eyes spring open only to see Charlotte has hers on the ground, and nothing is surrounding my hand. There is no other way to explain it, and I don’t realize a tear has escaped until the salty liquid falls upon my lips. I’ve never cried. I don’t ever remember crying since I was a kid, but this emotion is overwhelming in ways I can never imagine possible.
Charlotte shuffles closer to me, placing a kiss on the corner of my mouth to wash away the lonesome tear.
“You felt it, too?”
I nod, afraid yet at peace with whatever it was that happened.
“It’s him, he’s done this before, you know, told me he’s okay. He is being taken care of. This is the only reason I was able to live my life. To place trust in God that this little boy lives on, and that although he is not here with us, he’s still loved and is in a happy place.”
I pull her into my arms, holding her close to my chest as we continue to sit on the cold ground. My hands move their way to her stomach where I caress our baby… our second baby. And while it was only moments ago I was grieving for this child I had no idea existed, I hold onto Charlotte tight, almost as if by holding her, I’m protecting this unborn child, praying it will be given the chance its older brother didn’t have.
“Lex… I’m scared…” she cries softly.
I move her hair aside, planting a soft kiss on her neck.
“Don’t be afraid. I’m sorry, Charlotte, more than you can imagine, for everything you went through alone. I can’t even begin to put myself in your shoes, but I understand now. These scars that were all over your heart, your soul, I promise you that I will love you and that no measure of time will change that. I promise to spend the rest of my life mending these scars until they are healed, and no matter what happens… whatever life will throw at us, we will get through this together. Just you and me forever.”
She nestles into my neck, and in this darkness, I have never felt so secure. I have never wanted anything more in my life. We have created this family. This is us, this is our family, all four of us united.
Relaxing my shoulders, I close my eyes with a calm smile. I find the strength within me, and with this strength, I promise to protect my family for as long as I shall live. The world can fall apart around us, but as long as I have Charlotte, nothing else matters.
The world doesn’t matter.
We will forever be one from this day forward.
“Let me get you home,” I whisper, worried she’ll catch a cold.
“I am home, Lex… with you… wherever you are. You are home.”
She turns to face me, planting a soft kiss on my lips like the world has been lifted from her shoulders.
“Well, then, how about I take you to a place that has four walls, a roof, hot shower, warm bed, and something nice to eat?”
“As long as you are there.” She smiles, her eyes staring at me lovingly. “Lead the way.”
I pull her up as we dust the dirt and snow off our clothes. Saying goodbye one more time, we turn our backs, holding hands as we walk down the path to the entrance and get in the car.
We drive back to the inn where many of the guests are staying. Walking Charlotte to her door, she begs me not to leave. I kiss her lips promising I will be back in five minutes after I gather my stuff from my room. I leave her behind and enter my room, surprised to find my suitcase and room completely packed with a note on top.
All your things are packed. I didn’t think you would end up alone tonight. Thank you for everything. Now you go and live your happily ever after.
Love, your sister,
Adriana
I smile at the sentiment. Despite her being annoying, I really couldn’t have asked for a better sister—the only person, no matter what, who knows me better than I sometimes know myself.
Pulling my suitcase, I walk back to Charlotte’s room. I enter softly to hear the sound of water falling. I don’t want to interrupt her, I know it has been a long day, but I do want to hold her.
Stripping off my clothes, I step inside the bathroom filled with steam. I open the glass door to find her standing, her eyes closed under the water. My eyes glide down her body, admiring each curve, imagining my hand touching every inch. Careful not to startle her, I walk in, wrapping my arms around her. She immediately sinks into me, the two of us standing together in silence. Our naked bodies mold into one, and we are perfect.
Charlotte is perfect.
With her head resting against my chest, I rub her back gently.
“I love you…” she murmurs.
“I love you, too.”
Lifting her head, our eyes meet, drawing us closer to each other. Her simple stare anchors my soul, and only Charlotte, my beautiful wife, can command my heart to the beating of her own. I never want our story to end, this here—I want to experience our unique love for the rest of my life. Without it, I serve no purpose. I will wander this earth alone, and I’ve been there, done that.
Nothing, and I mean nothing, will ever tear us apart again.
Caressing my cheek, her breasts fall against my chest making it impossible to control the urges stirring within me. With a weightless gaze, her lopsided grin catches my attention.
“What’s the big grin for?”
“I hope our baby has your eyes. If it’s a girl, every boy will want her, and if it is a boy, every girl will want him. I don’t think you realize how powerful they are. How enchanting… like they cast a spell over you.”
“Well, now you’ve just scared me because I don’t want our daughter trying to be picked up by every player, and I don’t want our son having every hoochie-mama hanging off him.”
“Oh, so it’s all right for you but not for him?”
“Are you calling yourself a hoochie-mama?” I tease.
“Are you calling yourself a player?”
“Checkmate, Mrs. Edwards.” I let out a laugh because even in the darkest times, there is always that one person who will make you see the light, make you laugh again when you think it’s impossible.
I take her mouth, trying my best to ignore the fact that we are standing here naked and wet. That Charlotte is naked and wet. I mean seriously, I’m a guy for Christ’s sake, but I somewhat feel guilty for poking her with my cock this entire time.
“We need to get out… you need to eat.”
“So do you,” she teases.
“Oh, trust me, I know. I have a big appetite in case you haven’t noticed, but for now, I seriously need you to eat. It’s not just about you anymore,” I tell her in a serious tone.
“Yes, I did notice… it almost drilled a hole in me,” she giggles, letting out a small sigh afterward. “And yes, I’m famished.”
We climb out of the shower together, drying ourselves off. Charlotte places her nightie on as I find my boxers. Sitting on the bed, we call room service and order some much-needed food. With my arms wrapped around her while we wait, I kiss the crook of her neck, desperate to taste her skin.
“I can’t believe Adriana and Elijah got married. Today has been so…” she trails off, moaning softly. “You’re distracting me.”
“Uh-huh,” I breathe into her skin. “We have time to kill.”
“Hey, I’m quick but not that quick.”
There’s a knock on the door. With a satisfied grin, Charlotte hops off the bed and places on her robe, leaving me on the bed frustrated. Covering my face, I let out a groan.
A young guy wheels in the food, removing the lids while eyeing Charlotte. I hop off the bed, making a slight growl, taking the bill from him. Not even checking the charges, I sign it and demand he leave.
“Really, Lex?” Charlotte stands at the side of the bed, her hands on her hips. “The guy was like, what, twenty-one at best.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I lie, motioning for her to sit and eat.
She shakes her head with a loose jaw. “Some things never change with you…”
I ignore her comment, reminding her again to eat. The food at the wedding was okay, but there is nothing like a burger and fries after midnight.
“Oh, wow, that tasted so good,” she exclaims, finishing her burger in a heartbeat.
“Have you had much morning sickness?”
“Not really. Not as much as the first time around,” she mentions quietly.
“How far along are you?”
“About seven weeks now, I think.”
We finish eating and brush our teeth before climbing back into bed. It is our second official night together after the night in The Hamptons which was a complete bust. Turning the lamp off beside her, she snuggles into me, only the pale moonlight filters throughout the room.
“What happens when we get back to the city?” she murmurs in my embrace.
“What do you mean?”
“With us?”
“I don’t know, Charlotte. Tell me what you want.”
“We’re married, and I want us to live together.”
“Deal.”
“In my apartment?”
“No deal,” I state, then quick to explain, “Well, temporarily, but we need something bigger.”
“But you live in London.”
“Charlotte, look at me,” I beg. She turns around to face me, her fresh minty breath cooling the air between us. “I can do whatever I want… I own that company. If I need to be based in New York, then I will be in New York. You and I… this is it, baby. No turning back.”
“No turning back… and Lex?” she calls my name again, softly. “You’re still poking me.”
“Then, we need to find a way to stop that from happening.”
I lower my head to meet hers and kiss her lips, her tongue rolling against mine, soft, but the intensity is there. There is no denying I need her, and I try so much to give her the rest she needs, but it’s fucking impossible.
My mind warns me to stop and let her sleep, but I need her so much. I want her to see how much I love her, how much I never stopped loving her.
Our kisses become feverish as she moans into my mouth, her body eager for more. I move away toward her neck, blowing kisses on her warm skin, her head falling deeper into the pillows as she struggles to compose herself.
Making my way down slowly kissing every spot on her chest, she begs me to go lower, and I do, taking my time. I want to savor this moment. I’ve been waiting to be inside her for so long and finally make sweet love to her without our usual restraints.
As I tease her nipples with my tongue, she squirms underneath my body, biting into my shoulder. I’m careful not to lie directly on top of her, reminding myself there is someone else to think about. The thought alone distracts me momentarily, but as if she knows, she pulls my head up to hers as our eyes meet once again.
I know exactly what she wants in this moment.
Never breaking her gaze, I gently slide my cock inside her, her eyes screaming out to me with pleasure. The way I slide in slowly, my cock feels every curve, guiding its way through and finding the place it calls home, then I remain perfectly still, allowing her to catch her breath.
“Lex,” she whispers, out of breath still. “Necesito que te pierdes en mí, tengo que sentir lo mucho que me quieres. Muéstrame lo mucho que me quieres, sólo a mí. I need you to lose yourself in me, I need to feel how much you love me. Show me how much you love me, only me.” Her voice is barely a whisper, but the way she speaks to me, the way the Spanish rolls off her tongue, it’s our intimate way of communicating, just like old times, and she has read my mind.
So, for tonight, we do what both of us crave, what both of us need from each other. We make love until the sun rises in the morning, and it’s in the light of the new day when we fall asleep in each other’s arms, ready for new beginnings.
