It’s Christmas Eve, and this year we are fortunate enough to celebrate with our family as well as with friends. Rocky, Nikki, and Will flew in early and are staying with us. I couldn’t have been happier. I missed Will so much. He has grown so tall and is at that age where hugs are awkward according to him. He has matured beyond his years, but deep down inside, he’s still that little boy who captured my heart many moons ago.
Kate and Emma also fly over but chose to stay with Eric. What the three of them get up to is beyond me. They are deemed the three musketeers, with their shenanigans always the talk of the town. Rocky whines like a left-out schoolgirl every time they go out, and, eventually, Nikki gives in. Hours later, the four of them will plaster their buffoonery all over Facebook, the visit to the Playboy Mansion being the best one yet.
Somehow, I always get stuck with the shitty stick. I stand there in the kitchen, preparing dinner for everyone, including Dad and Debbie, who have driven down to spend time with Amelia. My mom’s traveling across Europe with my sister, a much-needed bonding session I suggested after my mother came clean about her past. I still remember the night it happened, a month ago when she came to visit us.
“Tell me, Mom, what did your dark angel do to you that has made you so bitter about love?”
She placed her hand over her heart, and with her other, she reached out to me for support. “He came into town one day. He was beautiful like a knight in shining armor. I was seventeen, I knew nothing about love, but I knew enough to know that my heart only wanted him.”
Her eyes scanned my face, waiting for judgment. “He promised me things… the world, and I allowed him to take me in the woods that night. He promised he would love me and be gentle, he always promised he would, but that night he hurt me, took my innocence on the dirty, cold floor. I begged him to stop. I told him if he loved me, he wouldn’t hurt me. He didn’t listen… he took me, then left me there, crying, and I never saw him again.”
I was shocked at the revelation. It all made sense why she warned me of this creature. Her dark angel, the big bad wolf, had robbed her of her innocence.
“Mi corazon… Please don’t hate me…”
“Mom,” I reassured her, squeezing her hand tight. “I don’t hate you.”
“Melanie…” she trailed off.
What about my sister? I watched my mom’s eyes as the secret lay within, and it was there written all over her face.
“It was too late. He left me and implanted his seed. How could I ever forget him?” Her voice now trembling.
Daddy, my heart bled for him. He loved Melanie so much.
“Does Dad know?” My voice was high-pitched, the air not flowing quickly enough.
“He knew that this man had a hold of me. Deep down inside, I know he does, but he always loved Melanie the same as you.”
“Go to her, Mom, go release the demon that has ravaged you. You’ve been carrying this burden for too long. Set it free, and I promise you he won’t haunt you anymore.”
She nodded, smiling before caressing my cheek. “I was wrong, Corazon. He’s not your dark angel.”
I let out a small laugh “Oh, he is, Mom, the only difference is he knows who’s got him by the balls if he ever pulled a stunt like that.”
Amid her tears, she let out a laugh and began the journey to setting her demons free.
I’m knee-deep, or should I say fist-deep in turkey and cranberries when I hear a noise beside me. I look up and find Adriana standing by the kitchen bench. I muster up a smile, and lean over to hug her tight, careful not to smear anything on her beautiful white dress.
“I didn’t think you would come,” I murmured.
She smiles, it still pains her, but it’s a smile. “Someone has to help you out in the kitchen because the lazy-ass crowd in the living room is playing Twister.”
“Again?”
“It’s down to Rocky and Eric.”
“This never ends well—” I am interrupted as Rocky yells out, “Dude, your fucking dick is in my face!”
Adriana laughs. It’s the first laugh I have heard since Elijah passed away. She has the most beautiful smile, and what right does God have taking away the one thing that brings it out?
Not now, Charlie, be strong for Adriana.
“I’m glad you’re here. We’ll get through this. As a family, I promise you that.”
“I know, Charlie. Elijah told me we would.”
We hug each other again before carrying the starters into the living room. As I suspected, Rocky and Eric’s position put gay porn to shame. I burst out laughing as the spinner requests Eric to move his left foot, which causes him to collapse onto Rocky’s face.
“Fuck, Eric! You did that on purpose,” Rocky yells, pushing Eric off him.
The entire room bursts into laughter, ending the Twister game.
Emily suggests we sing some Christmas carols to celebrate, and Lex asks Amelia if she wants to play with him. She nods and holds his hand as he places her on the piano stool. Andy wants in on the action, and monkey crawls his way over, begging Lex to lift him. He does with ease. If anyone has a piece of Lex’s heart, it’s Andy.
“Any requests?” Emily asks.
“Yeah, I have one…” Adriana speaks up.
A hush falls over the room.
Andrew automatically moves to Adriana placing his arm around her.
“I’m okay, Dad. Elijah is here, I can feel him.”
Adriana looks at Lex. He knows his sister well enough and turns around and starts playing. She starts singing as she moves her way over to Andy.
Silent night, holy night
All is calm, all is bright
‘Round yon virgin Mother and Child
Holy infant so tender and mild
Sleep in heavenly peace
Sleep in heavenly peace
I can’t help it as a tear slides down my face. Eric and Emma move my way and link their arms with mine.
We continue to sing until the clock strikes midnight. We make our way throughout the room, hugging each other and wishing everyone a Merry Christmas. As I reach Lex and a sleepy Amelia, I whisper in his ear for him to follow me down the hall. He hands Amelia over to Kate who takes her with open arms, and I watch as Lex’s face lights up. The dirty bastard probably thinks I’m going to give him a hand job or something.
“Close your eyes,” I request, excitedly.
“Will you be naked when I open them?” He shuts his eyes.
“Yeah, sure… with my dad here, you psychopath. Okay… you can open them.”
I watch his reaction as he stands in our guest room, admiring the shiny new drum set which sits in the middle of the floor.
“Are you kidding me? I always wanted a drum set!” He has the biggest smile on his face, running over to the seat and settling himself in. He grabs the sticks and does a beat, much to my surprise since he doesn’t play. This man is a fucking musical prodigy.
“I know… I remember, Alex.”
His eyes met mine, and I’m surprised he doesn’t recoil when I call him that.
“You called me Alex,” he whispers.
“There’s a huge part of me that still sees him in you. If you look close enough, he’s still there.”
“Charlotte, I… don’t know what to say to that.”
“You do, but you don’t have to say it.”
“You miss him?” I can hear the trepidation in his voice like a lost little boy finding his way home.
“I don’t need to miss him. I’ve been staring at him for the past two years.”
It’s hard to explain what I see, almost like a burden has been lifted from his shoulders.
He finds himself again.
He finds his true identity.
“Thank you, baby, I love it, and I love you.” He stands and walks back over to me, leaning in to kiss my lips.
“You want your present now?” he asks enthusiastically.
I nod. He pulls a long black velvet box out of his pocket. Lex has a massive thing for jewelry, so I’m not surprised that he spoils me again. I carefully open the box, but much to my shock, I find a pregnancy stick sitting inside.
“What’s this?” I ask, barely able to get my words out.
“You’re pregnant.”
The words don’t register. I’m what?
“Read my lips, Charlotte. You’re pregnant.”
I’m astounded. The test is new, so I haven’t actually done one. How on earth would he think I’m pregnant?
“I know you so well, Charlotte. I’ve studied every inch of your body over the years. The slightest change, and I can see it. You’re pregnant. I promise you with all of me that you are carrying another baby inside of you.”
Without a word, I pull him to our nearest bathroom and close the door behind us. I’m not late, at least I don’t think I am. I’m not nauseous. Nothing at all has changed.
I pee on the stick as he watches me with an amused look on his face. I carefully place it on the countertop and wait. “Are you sure about this?” I ask, nervous.
“Never been so sure about anything in my life.”
It’s time. I walk over with nerves of steel and open my eyes, the two blue lines staring me in the face.
“Holy shit, I’m pregnant!” I jump into his arms as he swings me around. “This is the best Christmas present ever!” With the biggest grin on his face, he kisses me deeply, and I wrap my arms around his neck.
“Can we tell everyone tonight, please?” he begs.
I nod. That’s what family is for, to celebrate the good times and to hold your hand at the worst. Sometimes it’s the family we are born into, and sometimes it is the family we make for ourselves. I’m lucky enough to have both, and I thank the Lord every day that I’m blessed with such a gift.
We make our way back outside where everyone stands around the tree. Before we make the announcement, Lex wants to show off his outside Christmas decorations. He has become Clark Griswold with an unhealthy obsession of having the best lights on the street. Everyone makes their way outside as we stand on the lawn while Lex flips the switch.
The whole house illuminates as everyone gushes like watching fireworks on the 4th of July.
It’s breathtaking.
There’s something about Christmas lights that brings out the inner child in each of us. The lights are shining so bright, the warmth rushing over me, the spirit alive as we all admire the work that Lex has done. I turn to look at Lex carrying Amelia in one arm and Andy in the other. Both of them are wide awake, enjoying the spectacle and babbling in baby talk as they point to the moving reindeers that Lex installed on our roof.
He turns to look my way and mouths the words ‘I love you.’ I mouth the words back, then rest my head against his arm.
Amelia tugs on my sleeve. “Momma, looky,” she babbles, turning my face to look at the lights.
Adriana comes up beside me and holds onto me tightly. Her smile is gracious as she focuses on the house, then moves her eyes to the stars above.
I don’t know how I spotted it, but there on the ground in front of me lays a white feather. I reach down and pick it up handing it to Adriana. She leans across to Andy and hands it to him.
“See, Andy, I told you Daddy was here.”
There are angels all around us. Sometimes we can see them and other times we can’t. If you look carefully, all around us there are clues. There are some that are placed on this earth as a gift from God, and there are some that are around to protect us from harm and evil.
And then there is mine, my dark angel.
He does everything my mother said he will do, and one other thing she doesn’t know he’s capable of—he loves me. He gave me not just one, but two angels of our very own.
They say there is a light at the end of every tunnel, but they never tell you how long the tunnel is. Sometimes, we stand looking into the dark with the hint of light peeking its way through, and sometimes, we stand looking into the tunnel with only darkness surrounding us.
Things happen for a reason, good or bad. We never truly understand why, instead, we live in a world of regret, focusing on what can never be changed—the past. Sometimes when we are lost in our current happiness, it dawns on us that without mistakes, without regret, we wouldn’t be where we are today.
Once upon a time, I was afraid of the dark. I lived a life trapped in my mistakes. I questioned why I was forced to look into the darkness. Now here I stand, strong, with an understanding that all I have endured made me who I am today. It made me understand the strength and power of love. It made me understand that life may hand you bananas, but sometimes you just need to beat the odds and somehow figure out how to make lemonade.
There will always be darkness in the world we live in, but how we survive is measured by the love that surrounds us. I know that no matter what happened in the past, what will happen in the future, there is and will only ever be one man who has my heart, one man whose love has no bounds.
Alexander Matthew Edwards.
My husband, my soul mate, my forever.
