HADYN
The sound of high heels clicking in the hallway outside my office makes every muscle in my body tense.
Vanya’s coming.
She called to arrange a meeting with me early this morning.
‘I have to tell you something,’ she said.
That was the moment alarm bells started ringing in my head and a terrible premonition descended on me.
I’ve been dreading this moment ever since I got to work.
The door cracks open.
When she blows in and stands in front of my desk, I know that whatever comes out of her mouth is going to hurt.
She’s wearing a black top that hangs off one shoulder and skin-tight leather pants. Her hair lays flat against her head and her earrings are two spiky diamond-shaped drops. Black eyeliner slashes around her eyes and her plump lips are pure, blood red.
I understand her so well that I know how she’s feeling just by the clothes she chose to wear. This woman has me in a chokehold and she has no idea.
I rise slowly and slip a hand into my pocket. “Hi.”
“Hi.” She lifts her chin a centimeter higher and sashays into the room. It’s her model walk. Her hips are swaying and her eyes are focused on a point on the wall.
All I want to do is grab her and hold her to me. Ask if she’s okay. Ask how she’s coping.
But I don’t.
What is there to say?
My mind trips back to the conversation with Hugh in the hospital yesterday.
“How is she, Hugh?”
“Didn’t the doctor tell you anything?”
I shake my head. “He had an emergency and rushed away before I could ask any questions. What happened to the baby?”
Hugh glances down. “I’m sorry.”
I stumble back. “She lost the baby?”
Hugh pauses for a moment, as if he’s turning something over in his mind.
Then he glances up. “Miscarriages are common. They’re much likelier in the first trimester.”
Grief swells in me. “I need to see her.”
Hugh stops me with an extended hand. “Vanya asked to be alone. Don’t worry. I’ll be there for her. She won’t be by herself.”
“Are you okay now?” I ask, needing to hear her say it. I’ve been up all night worrying about her, waiting to see her for myself.
“I’m fine,” she says.
Her eyes are clear today. No one looking at her would think that she had been sobbing her heart out in a hospital room yesterday.
The moment I heard Vanya’s heart-wrenching cries, I knew that we’d lost Project Vegas. Hugh confirmed it and I had to slip away into a bathroom and shed tears of my own.
The future I’d dreamed of, the life I wanted to live, it’s all circling down the drain. I never knew how much I wanted to be a father until the opportunity was taken away.
My eyes drop to the folder in Vanya’s hand. It looks exactly like the one she carried with her the day we found out about Project Vegas. Back then, I was with Will at the race track. My father sent him to drag me back into the family business.
Now, weeks later, I’m sitting in the company office, staring across my desk at the woman I adore.
There’s nothing I can do to stop what’s coming.
“Vanya,” I croak, a fresh swell of emotions welling in me, “about the baby—”
“This isn’t about Project Vegas, Hadyn. This is about me.”
My eyes lift to hers. Strong. Impenetrable. She’s perfected the art of acting like she doesn’t hurt.
When will she get tired of it? When will she let someone in?
Will that guy ever be me?
Vanya sets the folder on the desk gently, tenderly. As if it’s not a bomb that’s about to detonate my entire world. “These are divorce papers.”
Boom.
The first bomb goes off.
Vanya keeps her chin tucked to her chest. “Sign them, Hadyn.”
Boom.
How much more damage can a heart take? I bend over my desk, press a palm to the cool surface and let the words scrape out of the back of my throat. They hit the air with an edge. “Is this really what you want?”
My skin feels too tight. Everything is starting to blur.
She squares her shoulders. “We shouldn’t base our futures off of one mistake we made in Vegas. It’s time to be realistic.”
“Realistic?” I straighten. “Loving you is unrealistic?”
She doesn’t flinch. Her makeup is flawless. She won’t ever let me see the cracks. “Things have gotten… complicated. But they don’t have to be.”
“Look, Van,” I round the desk, “I know that you’re hurting. After what we lost…” I choke up again. “Let’s not make any decisions right now, okay? Let’s think about it.”
“I have thought about it.” She steps back. Her eyes are cold. Her tone is even icier. “I want you to feel free to go back to your old life and I’ll go back to mine. We’ll have to interact in the future of course…”
Of course we will. Max and Dawn’s wedding is coming soon. And we have the same circle of friends.
“I want us to be on pleasant terms, Hadyn. But I don’t want to keep relying on you.” She pauses and seems to choose her words with care. “I think it’s time we both move on and leave Vegas behind.”
My heart shatters.
Leave Project Vegas behind?
Just like that?
Did she not care at all? Is this who she really is?
She stares at me, those beautiful eyes firm and unblinking.
Damn.
“Vanya,” I take her hand in mine, “don’t do this. At times like these, we should be leaning on each other more. Don’t push me away.”
Her hard expression vanishes for a second, replaced with a wounded look that makes me want to wrap her in my arms and never let go. But it only lasts for a second and then the fire is back.
She drops her hands and folds them across her chest. “Please don’t make this harder than it has to be.”
My heart is bleeding at her feet.
I watch her walk away and a desperation I can’t explain coils up in me. Running to Vanya, I step in front of her.
“Was there not one time, not once, that you trusted me?” I stare intently into her eyes.
“No,” she says firmly.
Slowly, I let my fingers slip away from her.
Vanya leaves. The click of her heels gets softer and softer until I can’t hear it anymore. My new reality sets in with a thud.
Just like that, the two best things in my life are gone and there’s nothing I can do about it.
It’s Tuesday. And I now officially hate Tuesdays a little more than I hate Mondays.
Tuesdays were the days Vanya took off every ten a.m., no matter what was on her schedule, and went to the spa. She’d always return with a fresh manicure and a big smile.
The mere memory of her smile is enough to send a striking pain through my system.
I wonder if she’s settling back into her normal life without me. I wonder if the relief that she insists I’m supposed to feel, this ‘freedom’ that she’s so obsessed with returning to me, will come.
Because it hasn’t shown its stupid face since she handed me divorce papers for the second time.
I put in a full day at the office even though I’d rather be anywhere but here. Just because Vanya stormed into my life, threw a glitter bomb at it and then left me in a wreck doesn’t mean I’ll walk away from my responsibilities.
At least I learned that much from the sucker-punch she gave me.
Dad’s still recovering, but he’s taken back the reigns of the main operation. I’m working with Dawn and Stinton Auto to expand our influence in the NASCAR arena.
I’m finally putting what I love together with a business that belongs to me. It should leave me feeling energized and full of purpose. But without Vanya, I’m more directionless than a broken compass.
Isn’t that a hell of a joke?
My bank account’s full.
I’ve got my house back.
The world is at my fingertips and yet it all means nothing.
I wait at the office until it’s late at night and everyone’s gone home before I drive myself to the race track. The parking lot is supposed to be empty, but it’s not.
I groan softly when I see Max’s vintage convertible, along with Darrel and Alistair’s BMWs.
This is an ambush.
I start my car, intending to back away, but the door bursts open. Despite his giant shoulders and long legs, Max smoothly gets inside my car.
The two back doors open.
Alistair and Darrel climb in too.
Alistair slaps my shoulder. “Doing midnight laps, Mulliez?”
I raise a hand. “Take my cash, but you’re going to have to kill me if you want the car.”
“So this is how you’ve managed to avoid us for so long,” Max mumbles. “You crawl out to the race track at ungodly hours like a vampire with a need for speed.”
“Does your fiancée know what a nagging bastard you are?” I snarl out.
Max scowls at me.
Darrel leans forward. “Don’t take that to heart, Stinton. He’s deflecting because he feels cornered. This is a very classic response to unwanted confrontation.”
“Thanks, Dr. Phil.” I point at Darrel. “Now stuff it.”
“This is why I said we should just tie him up,” Alistair grumbles. “He talks too much.”
I give him a dirty look. “Who invited him?”
“Do you think I’d miss a chance to see your stinking face, Mulliez?” Alistair declares.
“Kenya sent him,” Darrel says flatly.
Alistair sinks back into his chair and sulks. “Kenya sent me.”
I’d laugh if I wasn’t so numb. After Vanya sashayed her way out of my office, my entire world collapsed into itself. I haven’t had the inclination to drink, eat or sleep. The only thing that gets me out of my head is racing and if I could do that every day without feeling guilty about leaving my work behind, I would.
“Well, you saw me. Now get out of my car.”
“I don’t know.” Max pats the chair. “It’s kind of comfortable.”
I sigh heavily. “What do you want?”
“To talk.” Max stares straight ahead.
“With a side of judgmental scowling?”
He folds his arms over his chest. “I told you not to screw it up, Hadyn.”
“I didn’t. She’s the one who wanted out.”
“And you’re the one who looks like he hasn’t slept a wink in days,” Max says.
“I’m working,” I defend myself.
“Yet another reason to be concerned. The people who care about you are worried. Will called me.” Max frowns.
“What does he want now? I’ve been doing everything I should.”
“He called,” Max interrupts me, “because you’re working without rest. He says you don’t stop for lunch. You barely drink water. And you’re not sleeping. It’s starting to scare clients.”
“Well, I’m sorry. I’ll be sure to touch up my makeup before I close another deal with ESPN.” Maybe I should pack up and establish another race track a thousand miles from these guys. That’s the only way I’ll escape their meddling.
“It’s okay to spiral. Vanya was the best thing that ever happened to you.” Max shrugs. “And you can’t find a replacement for that.”
“Turbo engines are the best things that ever happened to me. Onion rings. Grilled cheese burgers. But Vanya?” My nostrils flare. “Vanya destroyed me. She cannon-balled me in the gut. So excuse me if I don’t welcome your kumbaya session with smiles and gratitude.”
“He’s angry,” Alistair observes.
“No, I’m pissed.” I flash him a dark look in the rearview mirror.
“Do you understand why?” Darrel asks quietly.
“Why what?”
“Why she left you.”
I turn in my chair. “Because she doesn’t love me. Because nothing I did was enough for her.” I ball my fingers into fists. “I put my heart out for her to stomp on it. You think I’m doing that again? Hell no.”
“Nobody said you had to do it again,” Alistair points out.
“Then what the hell is this little intervention?” I coil my hands in a circle to indicate the three of them.
“We’re trying to get the truth into your thick skull,” Max says.
“The truth about what?”
“How pathetic you are.”
I break out into bitter laughter. “Thanks. Great pep talk, guys.” I reach for the door handle. “You can have the car.”
“Each day you screw around and avoid her is time wasted,” Max says. “What the hell are you doing, Hadyn?”
“I’m doing exactly what she wanted!” I yell. I know I sound unhinged, but I can’t stop the words. I’m like a soda bottle shaken to its limits, erupting at the slightest provocation. “I’m giving her the damn space she so desperately craves. I’m keeping my distance. I’m moving on without her. But you know what the hell I’ve found? There is no future without Vanya in it. And that freaking pisses me off. Why does she get to take over my life like this? Why does she get to barge in and waltz out when she damn near pleases? I’ve tried and tried to tell that woman in every language I know that I love her, but she refuses to believe me. We lost something precious and instead of running to me, she slams the door in my face.”
“So that’s it?” Max insists. “That’s the end for you?”
“What the hell do you want from me?” I explode.
Darrel places a calming hand on my shoulder. “Hadyn, Vanya isn’t doing too well right now either.”
I whip around. “What?”
“Sunny mentioned that she’s barely leaving her house these days. She canceled all her modeling work. The cookbook she was supposed to release is stalled too.”
The hell? I thought Vanya would return to her perfect life once she kicked me out of it. The only reason I’ve been holding myself together is because I thought doing what she wanted would be better for her.
“Do you want your old life back? The one where you could party and sleep around and answer to no one but yourself?” Darrel blinks steadily.
I find his gaze in the rearview mirror. “Does it look like I’m partying and sleeping around right now?”
“Answer the question,” Alistair grumbles.
I sink further into my chair. The dashboard lights up in the night. I stare at it until the neon green turns blurry. “I don’t want anyone else. I love Vanya so much it scares me. I’ve never cared about anything and anyone before her. It was all meaningless. But then we got married and she got pregnant. Suddenly I had someone to protect. Suddenly, I had a purpose outside of myself. It didn’t matter if I was good enough or not. It only mattered that I was there.”
“Do you only care about her because of the baby?” Max asks.
I could punch him in the face for that. “Of course not.”
“Do you want to spend the rest of your life never seeing her again?”
The suggestion makes me physically ill.
Max looks me dead in the eyes. “If the answer is no, then what the hell are you doing here sulking when you should be fighting for her?”
