Dinner is loud and rowdy and Lulu fits in perfectly. I love having her here, I love having Poppy asleep in our room. I want this all the time and I’m hoping that this might be the first step toward making that happen.
Once the table is clear and the plates loaded into the dishwasher, I wave goodbye to my family, take Lulu’s hand and pull her into our rooms. I don’t really know what she wants to talk about, but whatever it is, I doubt it will make any difference to the way I feel about her and Poppy.
“You go check on Princess and I’ll get drinks. You want wine or coffee?”
“Just a little wine, I’ve already had a couple of glasses.”
I nod and head for the kitchen as she disappears into the bedroom to check on Poppy.
“She okay?” I ask when she comes back sit on the couch beside me.
“Fast asleep.”
“So what is it you wanted to talk about?” Theres no point beating around the bush, I might as well get straight to the point.
Inhaling slowly, she tangles her fingers together in her lap and cautiously lifts her gaze to me.
Shuffling forward until my leg is rested against hers, I push my fingers between hers and take her hand, bracing myself for whatever she’s about to tell me.
“Okay, so this is weirdly harder than I was expecting,” she clears her throat. “When I was in college, I was really close to the RA in my freshman dorm. Her name was Hayley and she was a senior when I was a freshman. She was awesome, she played mother hen to all the new kids who had never lived away from home. She looked after us all, held our hair back if we were sick, offered us a shoulder to cry on when we got dumped. After she graduated, we kept in touch. We’d meet up for dinner a couple of times a month and then when I went to law school, she helped me find an apartment in the city and we ended up being neighbors.”
“Okay,” I nod, confused what this has to do with Poppy.
“She met this great guy, Dane. They moved in together and were engaged and trying for baby. When it wasn’t happening, they went to the doctors and had all kinds of tests and they told her that her eggs weren’t viable and that her womb was inhospitable and basically that she couldn’t have kids.”
She’s not looking at me, her gaze is lowered to her hands that are still trying to fidget despite me holding them.
“Hayley and Dane looked into egg donors and surrogates, but the fees were unbelievable and so she asked me.”
“She asked you what?” I say slowly.
“She asked me to donate my eggs and act as their surrogate.”
I freeze, unable to process what she’s saying.
“She was my best friend and they wanted a baby so much and I just didn’t know how to say no, especially because I knew without my help they’d never get to be parents.”
“So you agreed?”
“I did. They paid for all the medical costs and I went into a clinic and had my eggs harvested and then they used Dane’s sperm to artificially inseminate them and then they we’re implanted back into me.”
“But how? Why?” I stumble over my words, trying to understand how she ended up a single parent.
“The day we found out I was pregnant they were overjoyed; we knew we only had one shot at it working because of the cost and I was just so happy for them. I was giving them the greatest gift in the world.”
Theres a solemn, sad expression on her face that has me tensing, but I don’t say anything and just wait for her to continue her story.
“I was about eight or nine weeks pregnant and we’d been for a scan at the doctor’s office, just to check everything was okay. Dane’s cell rung like three times during the appointment and Hayley was getting really angry with him. It rang again the moment we got back to the car and she snatched it out of his hands, shouting at him that nothing was more important than the appointment and why couldn’t he just turn it off. I was sitting in the backseat of their car, feeling super uncomfortable because they were having an argument right in front of me. Hayley answered his cell and he was trying to grab it off her, and then he just stopped and slumped down into the driver’s seat, like he’d just given up.”
“What happened?” I ask.
“The person on the end of the call was the woman he was having an affair with. Turns out she’d just found out she was pregnant and was pushing him to finally leave Hayley. Apparently they’d been sneaking around almost the whole time Dane and Hayley had been married.”
Closing my eyes, I brace myself for the rest of the story, even though I’ve filled in the blanks myself and I know what she’s about to say.
“They screamed at each other the entire drive home and then Hayley packed her stuff and left the same day. I didn’t see either of them for a month. She came first and told me that they were getting a divorce and that she didn’t want the baby. She said that while they were married she would have been content knowing that half the child’s DNA was Dane’s, but that now she was on her own, the baby had none of her in it and she knew she’d always resent it because of the situation with him cheating on her.”
“That bitch,” I hiss.
“I was shellshocked. She’d begged me to be their surrogate, she’d cried and told me I was her only hope of having a child of her own and then when it came down to it, she just walked away because it didn’t have any or her DNA.”
“And Dane?”
She scoffs lightly. “He never even contacted me himself. I received a letter from his lawyer advising that due to the breakdown in his marriage he no longer wanted to proceed with the pregnancy. They provided me with a list of medical facilities they would pay for me to use to have the pregnancy terminated.”
Her voice breaks and I pull her into me, wrapping my arm around her shoulder and pressing a kiss to her forehead.
“I couldn’t do it. There was a baby growing inside of me and I couldn’t just end their life because the people who were supposed to love it were assholes. So I got a lawyer. Dane, Hayley and I never signed any contracts. It was my best friend and her husband, I never thought we needed to. My lawyer advised Dane that I wouldn’t be terminating, that I intended to have the baby and would keep her. His lawyers returned paperwork for me to sign, agreeing that Dane would wave all parental rights in exchange for me never contacting him about the baby or asking for any kind of child support. By the time I was four months pregnant, I was doing this alone.”
“Jesus, Kitten, I’m so sorry that happened to you.”
“I’m not, it’s how I ended up with Poppy and I don’t regret keeping her. I don’t regret her being here, I never have, not even for a moment. My parents think I should have terminated, they think I’m an idiot, that I ruined my life. Chloe was the only one who supported my decision, she came and stayed with me in Chicago the last month of my pregnancy, she was there when I gave birth and the first month of Poppy’s life. When she had to come home she begged me to come with her, but I wanted to stay in the city, I thought I could do it alone. Only day care was so expensive and everyone I went to look at I hated. The law firm I was working at as in intern were great, they let me work from home, but interns don’t get paid that much and I knew I wasn’t in a position to throw myself into taking the bar with a newborn. Rent and the cost of living was killing me and honestly, I felt like I was drowning. My parents refused to even see Poppy until I told them we were moving and even after meeting her they told me I’d destroyed my future, that I was a fool. Chloe offered me a home, and to take care of Poppy while I worked, she’s been amazing.”
“I’m sorry you had to go through all that alone, Lulu, but I’m not sad it happened. Poppy is amazing and you’re an amazing mom, I love her already and I only met her for the first time this week. If your parents can’t see how precious a gift she is, then they’re the idiots and they don’t deserve to be a part of either of your lives. As far as I can see, everything that happened lead you here, to me, and I’ll be grateful every single day that I have you, both of you.”
Tears fill her eyes and I hate them, I don’t ever want her to be sad, to cry. Dragging her into my lap I hold her in my arms, wiping away the tears with my thumb a moment before I lean down and capture her lips with mine. I don’t devour her; this isn’t about that. In this moment she needs to see how much I want her, how much I need her. That I won’t ever leave her and Poppy, that I won’t discard them.
She kisses me back, her bottom lip trembling as hot, wet tears hit my cheeks. I swallow all of her emotion and channel all of mine through our lips. Telling her she’s mine, that I won’t ever let her down.
Laying her back on the couch we strip each other’s clothes slowly, not frenzied or desperate. “You’re mine now, both of you,” I whisper as I press my dick to her soaked entrance. “I won’t ever let you go, I need you too much.”
It takes me a while to work my dick into her, even though she’s still stretched from how roughly I took her this afternoon. Once I’m seated all the way inside of her, I pull back, our bodies connected, and lock my gaze with hers. “I’m all in, Lulu, sharing a home, a name, a daughter, a life. I want it all with you, only ever you.”
She nods as fresh tears spill down her cheeks. When her arms cling to my neck, I kiss her, making love to her slowly, branding her soul with every movement. I already own her body, now her soul, but I won’t stop until her heart is mine as well.
Her entire body trembles beneath me by the time her third orgasm finds its peak and I allow myself to come, pumping my seed into her and silently claiming her all over again. Minutes, or hours pass as she clings to me, my dick still inside of her, neither or us speaking and I love it. I want her here in our home, in our bed, and tonight has made me feel like I might be one step closer. She trusted me with the fucked up circumstances of Poppy’s birth, but knowing that she should have belonged to someone else doesn’t change things for me. In fact, it’s made things easier. I want both of them, permanently and legally and knowing that her biological dad won’t ever be a problem has only eased that concern. I’m going to be Poppy’s dad in every way she needs, and she’ll never need to think about the person who provided nothing more than a bit of DNA.
“Come on, Kitten, let’s go to bed.”
“I need to go home, I don’t have any clothes here.”
“You do, I had Chloe pack a bag for you and Poppy, she’s not expecting you guys home tonight.”
“Penn,” she sighs.
“Poppy’s happy and asleep, I don’t want to disturb her and I want to sleep with you in our bed. I want to wake up with you.” I know I probably sound pathetic, but it’s the truth and apparently I’m not above begging if it gets me what I want.
“Okay,” she says sleepily.
“Good girl,” I praise, holding her to me as I stand up from the couch, not releasing her, my dick still half way inside of her.
“Penn, she giggles, gripping me tightly, her arms and legs wrapped around me.
I carry her to our room, glancing down at Poppy before pulling back the comforter and lowering her to the mattress. Running back into the living room I grab the monitor and turn off the lights, then I crawl into bed behind my woman and fall asleep naked with her in my arms.
Morning comes too quickly and a pint-sized princess wakes me before my alarm can. Just like the morning before, I throw on some sweats and pick Poppy up out of her crib, cuddling her close and kissing her head before I wake Lulu up and hand her off to her mama, who pulls her under the comforter and holds her tight.
The highchair I bought yesterday is still in the box in the main living room, so I open the door to my apartment and head out, intending to grab it and take it back to my space. Except it’s already open and set up at the big table. My heart just fucking melts that my family so easily thought of and included Poppy. I know Lulu might be more comfortable eating in my apartment, but I want her and Poppy surrounded by all the other people who are important to me. Instead of moving it, I leave it where it is and instead go and grab the bag Chloe packed for the girls from the trunk of my car and bring it into the house. We’re all early risers, even more so with Bonnie having to open the coffee shop four or five times a week, so even though it’s barely six thirty, one by one, doors open and my brothers and sisters start to appear.
“Any news from Huck? I haven’t had a chance to check my cell yet this morning,” I ask Beau.
“He text about 5.00am saying she’d had a tough night, but they’d finally taken her down to delivery and he’d call as soon as the baby was here.”
Nodding, I head back to the door to my rooms and go straight into the bedroom, finding a giggling Poppy sitting in Lulu’s lap in bed. “Morning. We normally all eat together if that’s okay?”
“Oh, err, yeah sure, I need to shower and get dressed,” Lulu says, her cheeks tinged pink, her shoulders tense.
“Let me change Poppy’s diaper and get her dressed while you get ready, although no one will care if you go out there in my shirt and boxers. What does she normally have for breakfast? We got some of that banana oatmeal stuff last night, or I can make her eggs or something.”
“She has oatmeal most days, but she likes eggs or mashed banana and yoghurt.”
“Okay, I can do that. You go take a shower and I’ll sort the princess.”
“Are you sure? I can get her dressed then get myself ready,” Lulu starts to protest.
“No, baby, let me help, that’s what I’m here for.”
She doesn’t look convinced, but I take Poppy from her lap, kissing Lulu quickly before I head into the living room to grab the bag with the diapers in. I’ve never changed one before, but how hard can it be?
Ten minutes later, I’ve realized that it’s definitely harder than it looks. Poppy is finally in a fresh diaper and lying on our bed as I try to coax the squirming baby into clothes. How the fuck does Lulu make this look so effortless?
A soft chuckle has me looking up. Lulu is wrapped in a towel, her hair twisted into a bun on top of her head, laughing at me.
“How do you do this?” I smile.
“Fast,” she shrugs. “I’ll get dressed and take over.”
“No, I can do this,” I say, refocusing on Poppy, moving quicker and managing to get both arms through her onesie. “Yay,” I coo at Poppy, leaning down and blowing a raspberry against her belly before I pull the onesie down and fasten it over her diaper between her legs. The rest of her clothes are a little easier to get on and by the time Lulu is smoothing her hair into a ponytail, Poppy is fully dressed and smiling widely.
“Let’s go eat.”
Keeping Poppy in my arms, I take Lulu’s hand and tow her out of the privacy of our mini apartment and into the main house, that’s filled with the hustle and bustle that comes with lots of people all awake and moving familiarly together.
Lulu tenses, like she’s expecting everyone to stop what they’re doing and stare, but no one takes any notice of us as we make our way to the dining table and I strap Poppy into her chair. “Coffee?”
“Yes please,” she says quietly, taking the seat to the right of Poppy and immediately focusing on her daughter.
Heading for the kitchen where Bay is busy flipping pancakes, I pour two cups of coffee and then ask Bay to make some eggs for Poppy while I grab a banana and some yoghurt. I remembered to put the bowls, cups and spoons we got last night to sterilize, so I grab what I need and make my way back to Lulu and Poppy. Bonnie is sitting beside Lulu, chatting to her, and she smiles at me when I slide into the seat on the other side of Poppy’s chair.
“I asked Bay to make Princess some eggs, but I got her a banana and some yoghurt too.”
“Thanks,” Lulu says, taking the banana from me and starting to peel it.
I hand her the bowl and spoon and she quickly makes a disgusting banana, yoghurt mash, passing it back to me like she expects me to feed our princess. I fucking love it.
“Oh, let me go grab her a bib, else she’ll be wearing more than she eats,” Lulu says, jumping up and heading back to our rooms, returning a minute later.
I settle in to feed Poppy as Bay places down huge platers of eggs, bacon and pancakes in the center of the table.
“Do you want me to take over so you can eat?” she asks me quietly as everyone descends on the food like wild animals.
“No, but can you make me a plate?”
She smiles and nods and I fucking love how domestic and normal this feels. I hope she likes it too. I want this to be their home, and I think she’ll only agree to that if I can make her feel accepted and comfortable.
Beau’s cell rings and we all fall silent, aware that this could be Huck. It’s a video call and Beau places it at the end of the table and clicks answer while we all crowd in to see the screen.
“I have a son,” Huck chokes out, tears freely falling down his face as he spins the screen around to show an exhausted looking Cora, cradling a tiny thing wrapped in a blue blanket.
Theres a chorus of congratulations, until Beau silences us all. “Have you guys decided on a name yet?” he asks.
“Maverick Beau Barnett,” Cora says, lifting her eyes from her new son for a moment to stare at the camera.
Glancing at my big brother, I’m surprised to find tears in his eyes. Most of my life he’s been the strong one, setting an example for us all to live up to, so I’m not at all surprised Huck and Cora decided to use his name as a middle name for their son. He’s going to be just as amazing an uncle as he has been a brother.
“He’s perfect,” Huck whispers reverently, moving closer and zooming in on the infant’s scrunched up face, his eyes tightly shut.
“Congratulations. Mama and baby doing okay?” Beau asks.
“Tired, but happy. Cora wants to sleep in our bed tonight so if the doctor says everything is okay, we’ll be home later. If not, then tomorrow.”
“Okay, you need anything bought to the hospital?”
“Not right now, I’ll let you know.”
“Okay, you take care of them both, we all love you.”
“We love you all too,” Cora and Huck say in unison. “Talk to you later.”
“Bye,” we all call just as the video ends.
“We have a nephew,” Beau says shakily.
“I want one,” Bonnie says loudly.
“What?” Beau answers.
“I want to have a baby.”
Beau doesn’t speak, just stands, lifts Bonnie from her seat and stalks back to their room.
“Twenty bucks says she’s pregnant by the end of the month,” Teddy laughs.
I glance over to Lulu, she’s smiling but there’s a sadness in her eyes that I don’t really understand. My gut tells me she’s reliving Poppy’s birth and the fact that she didn’t have any one to video call to tell them that her precious baby girl was here and safe. I hate that she went through that and I’m even more grateful for Chloe and how much she’s been there to love to support my girl. I just wish I’d met her when she was still pregnant, I would have been the one announcing my daughter’s arrival, and Lulu and Poppy would have known they were loved and supported by my entire family.
Unable to resist, I stand up, move to Lulu’s chair and pick her up, dropping her back down in my lap, my arms banded tightly around her waist. I don’t say anything, I just hold her and I know it was the right thing when she leans back into me.
When we’ve all finished eating, I leave Lulu to clean Poppy up and get her into her baby carrier while I go and take a quick shower and get ready for work. By the time I get back into the living room Teddy is entertaining Poppy, playing peek a boo with her while Lulu chats animatedly to Bay.
“You ready, Kitten?” I ask.
“Yeah, Bay was just telling me he went to school in Chicago.”
“He regaling you with his tales of living it up in the big city?” I smile.
“Just talking about familiar haunts, turns out Lulu worked at a sports bar me and my buddies practically lived at for four years. Shame I hated city living, else I might have met her before you did,” he winks.
Pressing a soft kiss to Lulu’s lips I reach around her and punch Bay in the arm. “Mine, hands off,” I snarl.
Bay’s laugh is loud and amused. “Don’t worry, I’m not gonna start hitting on my new sister.”
“Sister,” Lulu coughs.
“Yep, you and Poppy are family now. I’ll add you to the group chat.”
Her eyes go wide and she looks to me like she’s expecting me to deny it.
“Mine,” I mouth.
I turn away from her as the reality of what was just said sinks in. I’m not gonna lie to her just to shield her from the truth, so it’s better that she starts to get used to the fact that I have nine siblings who all now class her as their sister and Poppy their niece. This is what us Barnetts do.
