He wants to be with me?
The little girl in me still can’t understand it. I keep replaying his words in my head, but I’m no closer to comprehending them.
Yes, we’ve become closer than I’ve ever imagined we would in all the years I’ve known Briggs, but still, why would he choose me when he could choose someone else? He could have anyone. Why risk losing your oldest friend? Why risk the possibility that the Hawkeyes might not like that I work for the PR company they hired? And what if it doesn’t work out? Then it was all for nothing.
My brain runs over every thought, every scenario in which this could play out.
Why would he risk it?
I step up into my 4Runner, my gear for the next couple of days already packed and sitting in the back seat.
I need to keep my thoughts on Erika. She has news for me, and based on the information I got from Sam, I have information for her as well.
Once I arrive at our offices, I feel like a live wire of emotions as I trudge through the main office floor, headed for her office.
The door is closed, but this was the meeting time that we loosely discussed.
I knock since her door is usually open. She likes to keep an “open-door” policy and keeps herself available to the staff, although that usually means she struggles to get her work done since the staff takes full advantage of being able to pop in whenever they please.
“Come in,” I hear her say.
I walk in and stop in my tracks to find Derek sitting in one of the chairs opposite her desk and only a few feet from me.
“Oh, I didn’t realize…”
“No, it’s fine,” she says, directing me to take a seat. “We had our meeting scheduled first, but since Derek came by to discuss a few matters, I thought he might as well stay and hear how things are going.”
“Uh, okay,” I tell her, although now I’m not as sure I’m prepared to tell her what I want to in front of Derek, especially after everything he’s done. And I still haven’t told her, despite Penelope, Tessa, and Isla telling me that I should.
“The good news is that my private eye has made contact with the bartender, and he seems happy to be of service to the Hawkeyes…”
“I should stop you there,” I tell her, putting up my hand quickly and with a smile. “I’ve just come from Sam Roberts’s office.”
“Oh?” she asks with intrigue and a smile of her own.
“Sam was contacted by the DEA yesterday, and they’re working on a case already against the club owner. With the information and the corporations of Dixie and the bartender, the DEA has agreed to allow the Hawkeyes to be included in the suit.”
“I had no idea.” A glimmer of excitement is broadcasted across her face.
“It looks like the Hawkeyes will be getting the money that they paid the club owner as well, and they are going to give those funds to the new charity that Briggs is setting up.”
Erika sits back in her chair. “Well, well, the student has become the master.”
I can feel my cheeks warm at her praise.
“I don’t know about that. The funds aren’t a sure thing, and it could take a year for assets to be released or liquidated before the Hawkeyes ever see those funds.”
“Still,” she says, “I’m impressed. You have gone way above the call of duty for this client.”
“She’s something, isn’t she? I told you she would be when you hired her,” Derek says, reaching over his chair and setting his hand on my thigh.
Yuck!
I’m grateful that we are still in the thick of winter, and I’m not in shorts or a dress so that his skin isn’t directly touching mine, but the heat of his hand radiating through my jeans has me ready to smack his hand off my leg and demand he never touches me again.
However, I still want a job here, and I don’t want Erika to think that there may be issues between Derek and me that would lead to one of us being let go. I love this job, and I still want to keep my role here.
“Thank you,” I say as I pretend to readjust in my seat, folding my right leg over my left and just narrowly pulling my leg out of his reach. I tug a strand of hair behind my ear to distract from the motion of my thigh as I do it.
“I guess this means you no longer have to slum it with the jock,” Derek says, ignoring the fact that I just rejected his assumption that I want his hand on me. “I’ll come back with you to your apartment and help you pack.”
I’m just about to tell him, “Not in your goddamn dreams,” when Erika looks over at me.
“That’s right… your contract terms have ended if the Hawkeyes are no longer in need of your services.”
She seems happy with this news, and why shouldn’t she be? We did what we promised them we would do. Briggs is now practically America’s sweetheart, and the club owner is going to be up to his neck in government officials that he won’t have time to go after Briggs anymore.
So why does the idea that Briggs doesn’t need me anymore sting so bad? Especially after what he just admitted to me. Maybe because being his fake girlfriend is something I’m familiar with, I know what to expect, but the idea of being his real girlfriend has me unsure of the unknown. My brother’s reasoning that he’s not equipped to give me the life I want has me less worried that Briggs will underdeliver on my expectations and instead leave me worried that the life I want won’t be something he’ll want to stick around for.
He said he wants me, but at what cost?
A relationship with a lifelong friend?
And what happens if it does all go to hell like Isaac predicts it will? Then what? Do I lose Briggs altogether?
Erika continues. “I think congratulations are in order. I believe I am looking at our new client relations manager,” she says with a grin.
Derek is ginning too. “I knew it would all work out.”
Oh, did you, Derek?
Was that before or after you told my brother in an attempt to get me either fired, in trouble, or worse, hope my fake boyfriend got his ass beat by my brother?
I won’t say it out loud even though he deserves it because that’s not who I am. I know I’ll feel bad if he gets fired because of his jealousy. That could change Erika’s mind about coworkers dating, and I don’t want this to affect others who have been making it work without drama like ours.
Instead, I stand up out of my chair. Something just doesn’t feel right about this, like something is missing. This win doesn’t feel like I thought it would. Mostly because I don’t have the person at home that I would want to run home to and share this news with.
He’s currently traveling on I-5 headed to our families’ homes without me while I stand here discussing a promotion that isn’t worth losing him for.
Whoa. Did I just answer the question I’ve been wrestling with for the last month?
I look down at her from my standing position.
“Erika,” I say, turning and walking around to the back of my chair, grabbing my coat off the back. “I’m eternally grateful for this opportunity. I can’t even describe what an honor it is to be offered such a highly coveted position. However, I have to respectfully decline the offer, and I will turn in my resignation letter next week.”
“What?” Derek says, instantly shooting out of his chair. My eyes abandon Erika’s as I stare back at his outburst. “You’re declining?! You went through all of that for nothing! And you’re quitting?”
“Not for nothing, Derek,” Erika says.
When my eyes travel back to hers again, I see a knowing smile across her lips.
“I am disappointed. We will certainly miss you, but I hope this is the right move for you.”
I nod and smile, sensing that she’d offer it again to me in the future. “Yes. It is. I can’t give him up.”
“I’m envious of whoever gets you next. I’ll call down to HR and let them know that you deserve a one-year stipend package and a sterling reference letter.”
“A year?! Wow, thank you, Erika.”
“You deserve it for what you did for our client. The promotion would have been reimbursement for that, but since you’re not taking it, this should give you enough time to find a place to land.”
My phone starts to ring, and it’s Isaac.
“Shoot, I need to go. Briggs and I are headed home to see our families for a couple of days. His dad is sick, and I want to be by Briggs’s side.”
“What?! Why? You’re not together anymore. You don’t need to go!” Derek shouts, his face scrunching up in confusion.
Erika and I both ignore him.
“Of course. Safe travels. And Autumn, if I can ever be of service to you in the future, please let me know.”
I smile back at her as I turn to leave.
Derek tries to follow me out while Erika calls him back. “Derek, we have more to discuss.”
“Hold on. I’ll be right there,” he tells her with irritation in his voice.
He jogs behind me to catch up. “Autumn, hold on,” he says as he’s directly behind me. His hand reaches around and tugs on my bicep to stop me. “What is going on? It’s over between you two. The project has ended. You’re not his fake girlfriend, so you don’t need to go with him anywhere.”
“That’s the thing, Derek. I’m beginning to realize that there was nothing fake about us at all. You and I are the only thing that’s over, and it was over before it ever really started,” I say, pulling my arm out of his hand. “Move on, Derek. I plan to,” I say over my shoulder.
“He’s just using you, Autumn!” he yells after me in a room full of my coworkers. Jerk. “He’ll get bored. All those assholes do.”
I walk out of my office, a little shaken by his words. Words that he didn’t need to say because they are the ones that have lived rent-free in my mind since this entire thing started, but I have to believe what Briggs told me today in the parking garage. I have to believe what he’s shown me with his late-night texts while he’s on the road, the sexless cuddling where he never pushed for more, and the fact that he’s protected me every chance he’s gotten, just like my brother was always worried he wouldn’t.
I’ve given up what was required to keep the door open for us by closing others; Derek, the promotion… but the last door, I won’t close that one. I can’t close the door on a nearly twenty-five year friendship.
I just won’t.
What I can do is beg and plead with my brother to reconsider. To give Briggs and me a chance to prove to him that he won’t hurt me. And that even if he does, their friendship can survive it and that I’m not made of glass. I won’t break if Briggs drops me, but I can’t miss the chance to find out where this could go if Briggs is willing.
I hop back into my 4Runner and hightail it to Walla Walla. No matter what happens, I still want to be there for him. I still want to be in his life.
