I lean on the balcony railing with a whiskey in my hand. Just like the night Roman called with news about Dad’s arrest, my eyes are drawn to King Plaza, visible in the distance from my penthouse the way it was from the hotel. And the same as that night, the lights are on in Roman’s office. My fingers tighten around the cut-crystal glass as the weight of my thoughts presses down on me.
Is any of it worth it? The late nights, the drive to succeed, the constant pursuit of wealth and power. Is this really all there is? My brothers and I may have the best of everything, but does that make it a life worth living?
Ice cubes clink against the glass as I sip the whiskey, closing my eyes so I can focus on the smooth burn as it goes down rather than the hollow that resides in my chest—the one that’s been there since the day I walked away from Delilah.
“Cole?” Jessica’s voice interrupts my thoughts, and I grit my teeth. Giving her a key to my apartment was a mistake, but it was the compromise I made after she threw a tantrum when I refused to let her move in. I’d told her that could wait until after the wedding. A smirk tugs at my lips as I remember the look on her face when I said I was a traditionalist and didn’t believe in living in sin.
She was not happy.
Still, her having a key is almost worse since I can never predict when she’ll make an appearance.
I head back inside to deal with her.
She’s just coming down the hallway from my bedroom, obviously having checked there first. When she sees me with whiskey in hand, a feline smile of satisfaction crosses her face.
She slows her walk, her hips beginning to swing as she slips the straps of her dress off her shoulders. I keep my gaze on her face, completely uninterested in what she’s offering. Not while I still have Delilah’s memory in my head.
Jessica comes to a stop a few feet in front of me, her smile slipping as I raise a brow. “Come on, Cole,” she says, a frustrated whine creeping into her voice. “Don’t be like that. We had some good times before she came along.”
Her dress pools at her feet and she looks up at me with a pout as she runs her fingers over her breasts.
I clench my teeth and look over her shoulder at the black mirror of my massive wall-mounted television. Even as I keep my gaze fixed on the screen, the room almost seems to recede away from me, as if the walls of my apartment are drawing back, the space around me growing bigger and emptier with every breath I take.
My ribs constrict so hard they trap the air in my lungs while my heart hammers an erratic and painful rhythm in my chest. Fuck. I’d think this was a damn panic attack if I didn’t know better. It’s the truth ripping its way into my consciousness. This is it. This is my future. A big empty apartment filled with all the luxuries money can buy and two empty fucking people with empty hearts rattling around inside it.
Because that’s what Jessica and I are. Empty fucking people. We’re the definition of the walking dead. Strutting around with our wealth and our power, pretending to live when we have huge fucking voids in our chests where our hearts are meant to beat.
Me, my brothers, my parents—we’re empty people living in empty houses. I’ve no doubt Jessica’s the same. We’ve grown up knowing nothing but the scramble to get to the top of the pile and then the struggle to stay there, no matter what the cost. We never let ourselves admit the payoff isn’t worth the price, because once we admit that, what the fuck are we left with?
Is that what I want? A replica of my parents’ soulless marriage, raising my children the way I was raised.
I’ve seen firsthand what the alternative is—I’ve felt it. Delilah wasn’t an illusion. She was real, I had her, then I threw her away. Memories of her touch, her laughter, her warmth flood my mind, and I can’t ignore it any longer. When I was with her, she filled every hollow part of me, made me feel whole for the first time in as long as I can remember. She made my life better, and I want to be the man who does that for her. I need to be that man.
I focus on Jessica again. “I can’t do this.” Then I shake my head because that’s not the truth of it. “I won’t do this.”
Something brittle crosses her face. “Don’t be ridiculous.”
I look her straight in the eye. “I don’t want this. And I don’t think you do either.”
She scoffs. “Why wouldn’t I want this? The two of us make perfect sense. I’ve known we’d get married since the first time you fucked me. You’re mine, Cole. You always have been, no matter who else you’ve been with. I’ve just been waiting for the right time for us to make it official.”
“Is that really what you want? A sham of a marriage? A man who doesn’t love you?”
She looks genuinely bewildered. “What does love have to do with anything?”
“You really want to go through life not caring about me and having me not care about you?”
She flicks her hair over her shoulder and shrugs. “That’s the way it is. You know that. My parents have a perfectly successful marriage and so did yours until your dad got careless.”
Got careless? Jesus. I turn away from her. She’s not going to get it. Just like I didn’t for far too long. Maybe you can’t until you experience the alternative.
“Come on, Cole,” she says. “I’m happy to do whatever you want to do once we’re married.” Her arms wrap around me from behind, her breasts pressing against my back. “You know you’d get bored with her anyway. You and me, we’re the same. We know what we want and what we have to do to get it. You get me pregnant, give Dad an heir and a spare to keep him happy, and then you can do what you want, and I can do what I want. You can fuck anyone you choose. Hell, after you get me pregnant, you can track her down and fuck her until she’s out of your system. Just be discreet, for god’s sake, and whatever you do, don’t get her pregnant. The last thing we want is to deal with rumors of a bastard running around.”
She’s managed to insult Delilah and my brother in one go. I pull away from her. “You’re as cold as fucking ice, aren’t you?”
She laughs. “And you’re exactly the same. She was in love with you, and you broke her heart because your business and your money mean more to you than she ever would. So don’t stand there and judge me.”
The truth of her words cuts deep and my jaw clenches.
Jessica doesn’t read the signs. She tips her head down and looks up at me through her lashes. “We’re made for each other, Cole. Now stop messing around and come and make your future wife happy.”
I step closer and bend down to murmur in her ear. “That’s exactly what I plan to do.” Then I turn and leave.
