I stretched my arms over my head as I sat perched on the edge of my bed. The sun hadn’t quite yet risen, and I could still hear the lapping of the waves down the cliff’s base as I closed my eyes and focused my mind. It had been six entire months since we had moved everyone into the clubhouse. It had been six fucking months since we had instilled some of our strictest rules and protocols for the comings and goings of this place.
And not a fucking peep had been heard from anyone.
Both Chops and the Black Ballsack Crew had been completely radio silent. We couldn’t track them in daylight, we had no idea where the hell they were holed up, and none of them had come out to rear their heads. It was as if they knew we were hunkering down and they were biding their time until one of us fucked up and got comfortable.
So for now, we weren’t getting comfortable.
“Anything?” Tanner asked.
I settled my arms at my sides and opened my eyes as I stared at him standing in the doorway. He lounged against the wooden frame with his arms crossed over his chest, his body clad in nothing but boxers.
“You gonna put on some pants? Or are you just happy to see me?” I asked.
Tanner grinned. “I don’t even have half a chub for ya, my dude. Sorry.”
I slapped my hands against my knees and pressed myself upward. “Well, then you and that massive shlong of yours needs to go make some coffee before you take a nap.”
“Awwww, Cole, I didn’t think you cared about my dick so much. Wanna see my latest tattoo?”
I stared him down. “No.”
He stuck his hand down his pants. “You sure? It’s still healing a bit.”
I furrowed my brow. “Brooks gave you permission to go get a tattoo on your dick?”
He clicked his lips. “Dude, it’s not on my fucking dick, you asshole.”
“Then why are you palming your cock while standing in my doorway?”
Porter walked by, yawning. “Because he wants your asshole, Cole. Duh.”
I barked with laughter as I rummaged around for some pajama bottoms, then I slid into them before Tanner and I started into the kitchen. For some of us, we had grown overly comfortable, like fucking Tanner and his lack of clothes all the damn time. But for others? We felt so unfamiliar and so cramped that we couldn’t do anything but keep ourselves preoccupied.
Hence Porter being up at four in the morning when it wasn’t his shift to be the roof-dog lookout.
“Anything to report?” Porter asked as he whipped up some coffee.
Tanner shrugged as he sat down at the kitchen table. “Nothing, as always.”
“Of course,” he murmured.
I ripped open the fridge. “You know they’re just biding their time until they know we’ve dropped our guard, right?”
Porter shrugged. “Maybe we should look like we dropped our guard, then. Maybe that’ll get them to come out of the shadows.”
Brooks’ voice sounded heavily with sleep strung between his words. “Or maybe they’re watching us like we’re trying to watch them and that’s why they won’t come out. Because they know we’re planning to lure them out.”
I pulled out the coffee creamer. “I think we give them too much fucking credit is what I think.”
Surprisingly, no one had a rebuttal for my statement. So, silence fell between the four of us. Porter fixed us all a mug of coffee while I took the liberty of slicing up fruit for us to munch on. Brooks threw some bagels into the toaster and rummaged around for cream cheese, and even Tanner got up to get in on things as he cooked up some eggs at the stove. In less than thirty minutes, we had a four-plate feast fit for the kings and queens of old, so we all bellied up to the table to eat our fill before everyone else followed behind.
And the entire time I ate, I thought about Molly.
I hadn’t spoken with her since our fight. I hadn’t seen her face since I walked away to keep her safe. And yet, it didn’t do anything to help the dreams I had at night. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw those sparkling emerald eyes. Every time I drew in a deep breath to take a moment to myself, her red hair bombarded my mind and reminded me of how soft it felt against my fingertips. At night, when I laid in bed staring up at the ceiling, sometimes I’d swear on my life that I smelled her perfume and felt her warmth trickling up and down my body next to me.
My heart wanted to see her so badly.
But my brain knew this was for the better.
However, it grew harder and harder to resist the urge to simply ride by her place. To check on her or catch a glimpse of her simply to remind myself that she was okay. That she was healthy. That she was breathing, and upright, and the sacrifice my soul had made had worked the way I needed to in order to keep her safe.
It still didn’t stop me from wishing things were different, though.
God, I wanna see her so fucking badly.
“Earth to Cole,” Brooks said.
Something warm and soft brushed against my leg and I reached down. “Morning, Opie.”
Tanner nudged Brooks. “See? You don’t have to tell him when Opie’s up. He’ll know.”
“There’s a good boy,” I whispered as I scratched behind his ear.
“And if Opie’s up,” Porter said as he cleared his throat, “then that means—”
Then, Astrid’s voice sounded as she padded down the hallway. “He was whimpering at the door, Cole. I think he knew you were up.”
I chuckled. “Sorry he woke you up.”
She flopped down into the chair beside Porter. “Ah, no worries. You told me that might happen. I’m just glad you picked me for the puppy cuddles tonight.”
I smirked. “No problem. You can have him for another night, if you’d like.”
Brooks chuckled. “Better not tell the other girls. They might get jealous.”
Astrid pointed. “Could I have that last half-slice of bagel?”
As the guys rummaged around for the scraps to give our hungry Astrid, I fell back into the recesses of my mind again. The guys had no idea how lucky they were to have the ones they loved with them. They had no idea how lucky they were to have established relationships before this fucking lockdown of ours. Every passing day made me question my decision to leave Molly. Every time I saw Porter and Astrid stealing kisses or every time I heard Raven with Brooks giggling late at night or every time I passed by a closet and heard Archer and Josie trying to shush each other while we walked by—like we didn’t know what the hell was happening—it made me miss Molly even more.
And it made me wonder if I had made a huge mistake in walking away.
Nevertheless, it didn’t stop me from avoiding my most frequent hide-out spots. I avoided the bar I always got drinks at, and I avoided all of my usual eating haunts. I avoided my place at all costs, and I avoided going to the dog park even more. Why? Well, part of me didn’t want to risk running into her and putting her back in harm’s way.
But the other part of me wanted nothing more than to scoop her into my arms, drag her back here, and make her mine before holding her at my side until this massive storm passed.
“So, any plans for your day, Cole?” Brooks asked.
His voice pulled me from the recesses of my mind. “Uh, not really. We need a few things from the store, so I’ll make that run this afternoon.”
Astrid bent down and nuzzled Opie. “You should get this little guy out today with you, too. Yes, you should. He should, Opie, shouldn’t he? Uh huh, yes he should. Uh huh, yes, yes, yes he should.”
Porter clicked his tongue. “You know, there’s a dog park not too far away from—”
I interrupted him. “Yeah, I know about it.”
“You going to take him there today? I think he could use the outside time,” Brooks said.
“And so could you,” Astrid said as she pinned me with a look.
So, I caved as I held up my hands. “Fine, yes. I’ll take Opie to the dog park after I do the grocery run.”
Astrid smiled at me. “Good. Very, very good. Isn’t that good, Opie? Yes, Cole’s the best Daddy ever. Yes, he is. Yes, yes, yes, he is.”
I shook my head before I stood up and cleared off the table, and doing that turned into washing the dishes. Which turned into taking stock of the kitchen. Which turned my short list of supplies into a massive grocery haul that had me out the door the second nine o’clock rolled around. The “short shopping trip” took me damn near three hours and almost two fucking van rides, but we had the kitchen completely restocked for the next month in terms of food and drinks and toiletries.
Then, Opie and I hopped into my convertible and headed for the dog park.
My heart clenched as I eased into the parking space. The place reeked of memories of Molly, sitting on that bench over by the children’s playground while she stole glimpses of me, Opie, and Max. I blinked tears away as I called for Opie to jump out, watching him take off toward the opened door of the place where he wanted to be the most. He ran around with the other dogs as I locked my car, making my way toward a bench off in the shadows.
I didn’t want to be seen, heard, or acknowledged.
I simply wanted to let Opie play around until it was time to leave.
“Oh, yeah,” I grunted as I sat down, “there we go. Easy does it.”
Opie barked and rolled around with a quick friend that he had found, and I couldn’t help but notice that the Australian shepherd he played with was absolutely gorgeous. The dog’s coat of pin-straight fur was this beautiful combination of white and auburn, with white patches on all four of his paws and his neck with a white strap streaking right down the slope of its nose.
And with the rest of him being auburn, the sun reflected off his coat of fur and almost gave it a warm, glittering sheen.
However, a sharp whistle that pierced the air caught the attention of both that beautiful dog as well as my Opie. The clapping of hands caused both of the dogs to look around, trying to track down the source of the sound. But the second the Australian shepherd’s owner called out its name, I froze.
“Come on, Rue! Time for some water! Good girl, that’s a good girl. Come on. Come on! I promise, it’ll be quick.”
And as my eyes slowly rose at the sound of her voice, I found Molly perched on a bench at the opposite end of the dog park.
With the most pregnant stomach I’d ever seen on any woman in my entire fucking life.
