Cole: Chapter 20

“The number you have reached has a voice mailbox that has been filled. Please try your call again later.”

I hung up my cell phone and placed it on the edge of the bathroom counter. I stared at my eyes as they started to redden; as the bags beneath them bulged with tears I had been unable to shed for weeks. I cried myself absolutely stupid when Cole first dumped me. I called Bridget every night and cried myself to sleep with her on the phone, listening to her coo in my ear as she told me how I deserved better. How I needed better. How I’d find better in my life eventually.

“So much for that pipe dream,” I murmured to myself.

Bridget came around the corner and leaned against the bathroom doorway. “Talking to yourself again, I hear.”

I drew in a deep breath. “I suppose I do that a lot lately, yeah.”

She snickered. “Lately? You’ve been doing it at least for the past three months.”

I shook my head. “You really don’t have to keep staying, you know. I promise, I’ve got this under control.”

Her eyes fell to my belly. “While I’m sure you believe that, I’m not letting my godson out of my sight anytime soon. You’re stuck with me, Molly. Especially now that I have a few promising leads on other places we can rent.”

I studied myself in the mirror before my own gaze fell to my protruding stomach. I’d been carrying this silent weight around for so long, and now that I was staring down the barrel of my third trimester, it hurt even more that Cole wouldn’t return my calls. That he wouldn’t text me back or even check his damn voice messages that I had left him over the last few months.

That is, until his voice mailbox filled to capacity.

“You’re still thinking about him, aren’t you?” Bridget asked.

I swallowed hard. “More than I’d like to, yeah.”

She walked over to me and settled her cheek on my shoulder. “You have nothing to feel guilty for, Molly. He’s the one that dumped you. He’s the one not picking up the phone. He’s the one not returning your phone calls and messages. It’s on him that he doesn’t know about his son.”

I massaged my stomach softly. “He’ll hate me for not having a father.”

Bridget giggled and lifted her head, her eyes catching mine in the mirror. “Take it from someone who never spent more than two hours in a room with her father: your son will do nothing but respect you. Will you have your moments? Of course. Every mother does with their child, especially as they get older. But at no point in time growing up did I ever resent my mother for working two jobs, or not always having the energy to run around, or even missing breakfast a time or two.”

Then, my eyes watered. “Really?”

She nodded, massaging my shoulders. “Yes, really. I’ve never resented my mother for what she had to do to keep us afloat, and your son won’t resent you, either. Especially not with Auntie Bridget around.”

I blinked away the tears. “I even went to the dog park a few times, you know. With Max. To see if he was there.”

“I know you did, beautiful.”

“And I haven’t seen him around town anywhere. I mean, he was everywhere at one point, and now he’s nowhere. How the fuck does that even happen?”

She kissed my cheek. “Santa Cruz is a massive place with a lot of people, and you haven’t been doing much other than working and hanging out here with me. It doesn’t shock me that you haven’t run into him anywhere, especially at the dog park.”

I sniffled. “He’s actively avoiding me, isn’t he?”

She paused for a while before she spoke. “This world is going to be hard enough without dwelling on what could have been. I can give you answers until I’m blue in the face, but those answers won’t do you any good until you can move on from him, Molly.”

I rolled my eyes. “I know, I know. It’s just hard when I close my eyes and still feel him there, you know?”

“You really fell for him, didn’t you?”

My lower lip quivered, but I chewed on it to get it to stop. “Yeah, Bridget. I really did.”

She wrapped her arms around my thickening waist. “Why don’t you and I go out for a nice, juicy burger and a milkshake at that place you love so much, hmmm?”

I blinked. “The place with those chocolate mint shakes?”

“That’s the one.”

I whipped around as my stomach growled out with a need for food. “Do you mind driving? My hips are a bit sore.”

She smiled brightly, taking my hand in hers. “Girl, I’ll drive your happy ass anywhere. Come on, let’s go stuff our faces and then come back for a movie marathon.”

I gasped as she led me out of the bathroom. “Can we do a Harry Potter marathon this time!? We only got through movie three the last time we tried.”

“Then, we can pick up on four.”

“Hell, yeah!”

As my best friend—and godmother to my son—led me out of the apartment, I thought back on what I had accomplished over the past few months. I managed to work long enough to receive my winter holiday bonus before I put in my two weeks, I paid off the rest of my education debt I owed, and I took every test and got every certification I needed in order to be licensed to teach English as a second language. It was a far cry from my wild dreams of owning my own vineyard one day, but it would prove to be lucrative in a hub like Santa Cruz where English Language teachers were in high demand.

And every day, I put in at least two applications to full-time and part-time jobs I thought I’d be qualified to do.

My only hope was that I had a job waiting for me by the time my son was born.

“So, talk me through your ideal job for right now,” Bridget said as we walked out to her car.

I opened the door and fell down into the seat. “Well, if I could work from home that would be outstanding. But everywhere I’ve put in applications seems to prioritize teaching English as a second language in person rather than online.”

Bridget quickly slipped behind the driver’s wheel beside me. “All right, so what are your options? What all have you come across?”

“Here’s the thing: there’s more money to be made in-person doing this stuff, but there’s more demand for being able to take classes online. I’ve spoken with people that make a couple hundred bucks a week teaching online, and I’ve met people that make a full-on, full-time income teaching online. I think it all depends on the hours I’m willing to work and how much time I’m willing to invest in finding students.”

She drove us toward the diner. “What kind of hours are people working that make a full-time living working from home and doing this?”

I sighed. “They’re running on other country’s schedules, essentially. They’re up sometimes at three or four in the morning teaching individuals and online classes until around nine, and then their schedules pick back up in the evening around six or so and sometimes they’ll work until damn near midnight.”

She whistled lowly. “That’s a hell of a schedule.”

I snickered. “Yeah, and not very sustainable. At least, it won’t be as Bryson starts to grow up.”

She smiled. “Bryson. I like that name.”

I rubbed my belly softly. “Bryson James. It’s a good, strong name.”

“That it is. Oh! Remind me while we’re eating to show you the list I’ve complied of places that have gotten back to me with availability. We can’t stay in that apartment, so I’ve found everything from massive studio apartments to townhomes to three-bedroom condos to a couple of houses that are willing to rent to us.”

“Sounds good to me.”

“A couple of them are still a bit cramped, so they’re at the bottom of the list. But damn it, Molly, you should see one of these townhomes. It’s a nice corner one, so there’s only one connected neighbor, and the damned thing has almost eighteen-hundred square feet to it. Can you believe that? The thing is as big as a fucking house, and it’s right in the heart of Santa Cruz!”

I nodded mindlessly. “Sounds nice.”

I listened to her rattle off about everything from which place would have the best nursery all the way down to what colors she felt the nursery should include. But the entire time she talked, I couldn’t help but think of the fact that these were conversations I needed to be having with Cole. Not her.

Did I really fall for someone exactly like my father?

“—oh, and the house will have a lovely fenced-in backyard for Rue. That’s why the house is at the top of my list. It’s definitely more expensive, but the owners are willing to work with us and—Molly?”

“Hmmm?”

Bridget shook my knee softly. “You there?”

I drew in a quick breath and turned to face her. “Sorry, just running down some stuff in my head. What were you saying?”

Her eyes grew somber. “Let’s just get this out there, okay?”

I furrowed my brow. “Okay…?”

“Let’s just rip the band-aid off and get it over with.”

I shook my head. “I’m not following.”

She took my hand. “I know you bought that beautiful Australian shepherd in order to continue going down to the dog park after you quit your nannying gig and no longer had their dog to take down there.”

I snickered. “Whatever.”

“No, not ‘whatever.’ This is serious, Molly. This goes beyond you wanting to inform him of what’s going on. This is you actively wanting to get him back.”

I slammed out of the car. “All right, I’ve had enough conversation for one day.”

But she gripped my shirt and yanked me back down into the seat.

“Hey!” I exclaimed as the car rocked on its chassis. “I just bought this thing a few days ago. Can we not rip it just yet?”

I felt her glare against the profile of my face, though. “You can deny it all you want, but I know you fell in love with the man. But I’m telling you, Molly, it’s not going to be worth it to chase a man down that doesn’t—”

I whipped my head toward her, hardening my gaze. “That doesn’t what, Bridget? Love me? Want me? Enjoy me? Doesn’t stick by me?”

She nodded. “Yes, all of those things, and a hell of a lot more.”

“Well, you don’t know him like I did.”

“You didn’t know him, either, as much as you want to believe that.”

I closed my eyes and drew in a sobering breath. “Yes, I fell in love with Cole. No, I don’t know much about him. But that doesn’t negate how I feel. Something happened. I know you’re tired of hearing about it, but I really do believe an outside force caused him to pivot so drastically. We were in sync. We were on the same page. And then he just… what? Breaks up with me? Disappears into the wind? Just like that?”

“Yeah, and for all you know what he was hiding was a wife and kids.”

Her words hurt, but I knew she could possibly be right. “I know, I know.”

She squeezed my knee. “I don’t want to hurt you. But if telling you the cold, hard truth is what finally gets you to move on and focus on the baby rather than the pathetic excuse for a man that helped you create said baby, then I’m all for it.”

I slowly looked over at her as a tear streaked my cheek. “He’s not coming back, is he?”

She cupped my cheek, brushing the tear away with her thumb. “No, honey. He’s not.”

I nuzzled against her palm before I drew in one last deep breath. “Let’s just get our food to go. I haven’t taken Rue out lately or anything, and I don’t really feel like being around people right now.”

“Do you want me to go to the park with you?”

I leaned back and closed my eyes. “No. I just need to be alone with my thoughts for a little bit.”

“Will you promise me something, then?”

I lobbed my head over in her direction. “Of course. Anything.”

She tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “Promise me that when you come back from wherever you’re going to take Rue, that we can take our first step and figure out where we want to move at the end of the month. Because we need to choose a place and hire someone to help us move before you get to a point where you’re too exhausted to do anything.”

I smiled softly. “You have my word that by the end of the day, we’ll know where we are going to sign a lease.”

“Good. Good, good. All right, I’ll take you home so you can do whatever it is you need to do with Rue, and when you get back, I’ll have the food from the diner ready and waiting. Sound like a plan?”

I slowly let my eyes face forward as my last shred of fleeting hope to find Cole diminished. “Sounds like a plan to me.”